Another day has passed by in a blur. Another day survived. Alone. Yes, maybe like some lost souls out there, I belong to those who barely exist to live. Welcome to my life. A life like anybody else’s. Sometimes tragic. Sometimes happy. Usually alone.
I’m 26-years-old soon to be 27 this end of May. I have been 100% single for more than 2 years now after an almost 6 year relationship with a man that I have loved and in a very hard decision, have let go. I don’t regret it though. That episode of my life has to be put to an end after how many times and years of deceit. Even halfway through the relationship when I first considered letting go, I’ve always thought – is there really someone out there for me that God has already drawn in my destiny?
Now I’m in that kind of dilemma once more. Well honestly, since it has blown into proportions, I’ve actually been depressed deep inside. A lot of times I loathe myself of my appearance, my weight and my economic status. How many times have I actually daydreamed that maybe there’s still hope for me that there is really someone out there bound to understand me, to accept me as me and love me regardless of how ugly I am or how big my waistline is? But as frequent as those silly daydreams go, the self-pity and depression overpowers afterwards.
How many times have I put Lady Gaga’s “Born this Way”, Jessie J’s “Who You Are” and Katy Perry’s “Firework” on repeat just to try to make myself feel better and try to accept the ME…
Tonight as I lie on my bed, under the comfort of a blanket and a giant Nemo stuffed doll, the pain, sorrow and depressions ebbs back once more that I could hardly breathe… I’m so sick and tired of being alone… I just wanna be like most people out there who are loved unconditionally, whole-heartedly….honestly.
I really wanted to be a wife, a mother but as how it’s going right now, I might as well as just be daydreaming once more. HELP.
A TDL Reader