Daily Share – We’re Always Blaming Each Other

TDL_FB-iconMy wife and I are constantly at our throats. I look at it as a 50/50 problem but my wife wants to blame me for all of it. I told her I forgive her for but she looks at me crossed eyed like I am crazy. We have battles about things that happen in the house. The children have moved out and we are empty nesters so it is just the two of us. Something like my glasses have a broken arm when I wake up and I accuse my wife of doing the breaking of the arm, keeping in mind we live alone and the glasses are next to her chair, she goes crazy, screaming she did not do it and does not know who did. How do you handle these arguments?!

Your comments would be appreciated.

A TDL Reader

  • Paul Morales

    Your comments are vague. Blame for what? Forgiveness for what? Just telling us about the glasses doesn’t give us enough information to give proper feedback. Would love just to say turn these arguments into loving discussions, but it seems as though she may just be waiting for an argument, so I can say that you could find out what’s underneath all that anger.

  • Hello, thank you for sharing with us. In my humble opinion, there’s no “blame” in a relationship. We’re always responsible for ourselves, for what comes out of our mouth, for our “stuff”, for all of it. It’s not about “blaming” ourselves, it’s just about personal responsibility. As for communication within a relationship, non-violent communication seems to always be the most effective. Basically, it just means letting the person know that they’re being heard by us. Mirroring back to them what they’ve just said, so “we’re” clear about what they’re saying and so they know they’ve been heard. We all just want to be acknowledged. There’s a great book on non-violent communication if you’re interested. It was written by Marshall Rosenberg. Basically there are really just two emotions, love and fear. Behind the anger is fear, and as empty nesters there could be so many things you both are afraid of? I hope this helps in some way. Best to you and your wife in this new chapter in your lives. Love to you both, Carol