i’m a 24 yr old guy who of late have started realizing that i have missed the best part of my childhood doing nothing to build my personality. I feel completely inferior because of my upbringing. i was never encouraged to take part in activities necessary for my personality development.
As a child i used to be very obedient to my parents. So i would not do anything which they don’t like. even the most important ones a child needs when he grows into adult. I used to be made to stay at home without much of interaction with the outside world when not in school. this used to make me feel very inferior to others kids. I was made to think that studies was the only thing required to be successful in life. Maybe my parents have their own reason for this. But, as i grew up i realize there are also other things for our survival in this world of competition .
i feel so incomplete even to be called as a man. When i’m with friends i sometimes feel so worthless for not even able to do the simplest things which they can do..eg sports, music, manly talks etc… i hate myself for living a live which i’m not enjoying at all. i feel that i’m just living someone’s else life, a life full of cares and expectations. i don’t have hobbies when i’m not studying. i know i’m too old to pursue those hobbies which i desperately wanted to pursue during my childhood days e.g learning a music instrument or playing some sports. now it’s too late to start when my friends are already actually doing it.
i keep comforting myself that what ever happens, happens for the best. but this is not so in reality when you are actually struggling with thoughts of incapability. it hurts me a lot knowing that i’m not able to do things which i knew i could. i feel so helpless and so hopeless thinking that my potential has been completely cut off by my parents. I’m not excellent in academics. just a mediocre. otherwise i would have been much more content with my life knowing that at least i’m worthy of something. i don’t wish for an extraordinary life but a normal life as long as i’m alive. the more i try to stay positive and optimistic, the more i feel like i’m torturing myself with a lie. a complete lie assuring myself of the things which i know are never gonna come true anymore.
i find it impossible to run away from myself, my own identity which can’t be replaced… what a life on earth can a life like mine be!!! too unique a confusion!!!
A TDL Reader
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