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Daily Share – What Can A Life Like Mine Be?

i’m a 24 yr old guy who of late have started realizing that i have missed the best part of my childhood doing nothing to build my personality. I feel completely inferior because of my upbringing. i was never encouraged to take part in activities necessary for my personality development.

As a child i used to be very obedient to my parents. So i would not do anything which they don’t like. even the most important ones a child needs when he grows into adult. I used to be made to stay at home without much of interaction with the outside world when not in school. this used to make me feel very inferior to others kids. I was made to think that studies was the only thing required to be successful in life. Maybe my parents have their own reason for this. But, as i grew up i realize there are also other things for our survival in this world of competition .

i feel so incomplete even to be called as a man. When i’m with friends i sometimes feel so worthless for not even able to do the simplest things which they can do..eg sports, music, manly talks etc… i hate myself for living a live which i’m not enjoying at all. i feel that i’m just living someone’s else life, a life full of cares and expectations. i don’t have hobbies when i’m not studying. i know i’m too old to pursue those hobbies which i desperately wanted to pursue during my childhood days e.g learning a music instrument or playing some sports. now it’s too late to start when my friends are already actually doing it.

i keep comforting myself that what ever happens, happens for the best. but this is not so in reality when you are actually struggling with thoughts of incapability. it hurts me a lot knowing that i’m not able to do things which i knew i could. i feel so helpless and so hopeless thinking that my potential has been completely cut off by my parents. I’m not excellent in academics. just a mediocre. otherwise i would have been much more content with my life knowing that at least i’m worthy of something. i don’t wish for an extraordinary life but a normal life as long as i’m alive. the more i try to stay positive and optimistic, the more i feel like i’m torturing myself with a lie. a complete lie assuring myself of the things which i know are never gonna come true anymore.

i find it impossible to run away from myself, my own identity which can’t be replaced… what a life on earth can a life like mine be!!! too unique a confusion!!!

A TDL Reader

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  • <3

    This pains me to my heart. I understand your frustration in feeling different. You are uniquely you because of your experience and circumstance. The bad news is that you can’t go back. The great news is that you can go forward. Please try to remember that your parents did the best they were capable of doing. You are a culmination of them and you. It is never too late to do the things you have a desire to do. Get that instrument, take some lessons. You don’t have to be perfect at it. Begin to develop yourself in different ways. Go to a different restaurant or cafe. Read about things that interest you and try to find people with the same interests. You have the power and the choice right now, in this very moment, to be what you choose. Life is beautiful in all of its pain and glory. Go live it!! Try not to get stuck in why was but look forward to all of the wonderful possibilities awaiting you!

  • Leila

    It’s never too late to get out there! I know it’s easier said than done but you won’t regret it. Sign up for the activities you want to do, you will meet new people, have a new perspective on things and this will definitely improve your quality of life.
    You are now old enough to decide what you want to do, it’s not your parents anymore so don’t let this opportunity go to waste and do the things you have always dreamed of. At first it might be a little hard to get out of your comfort zone but in the long term it will be awesome and you will feel great because you made these decisions.
    I wish you a very happy life :-)

  • Gabster881

    You’re only 24! You have the whole world and life ahead of you! Now is the time to experiment and let lose! You’re old enough to know what you want and able to go out and get it! Speaking as a fellow 24 year old, I assume you must have all these desires and dreams going on in your heart! Follow them! I sometimes get overwhelemed with everything I want to do, learn, and see. I look at people who have things that I want and envy starts to creep in. Before the envy gets to deep however, I stop and think. I say to myself, “Okay.. this person seemingly has everything that I want but instead of dogging on myself for NOT having it, I’m going to use this person to help me learn how to get it too!” So, the friends that you have who have something you don’t…. Ask them to help you start something! At the end of the day the actions you decide to take determain how your life will turn out. You can no longer blame your parents for what they did or did not do. You’re an adult with the capability and responsibilty of making your life happy. You have everything you need, now you just have to have the gumpshian to go out there and get it! Use your fear and channel it into something positive! God Bless!

  • http://www.twitter.com/emabaksa Ema

    Firstly,  I am sending much much love your way. 
    Secondly, I want you to know that you are so AMAZING and unique person. It is never too late to go after your dreams. You can do anything you like, just believe in yourself. And, I promise you that if you do that you will have an extraordinary life. You are extraordinary. Just be thankful for all the things that you already have and be authentic self. Put aside what others want or think. The best thing you can do is to be happy with yourself. The rest will come. Hope you are okay. Again, much love and blessings are sent your way. <3

  • Eva

    Everyone here is right – it’s NEVER too late to follow your dreams and desires!  Yes, it is hard to do at times, and can be petrifying at times.  But think of what exhilaration awaits on the other side of that wall!  As for learning a musical instrument – my father just learned how to play guitar at a very basic level… and he’s 56.  Maybe take private lessons if you can?  That way it would just be you and the instructor, and no one around to judge.  Instructors of all kinds teach because they love teaching, regardless of their student’s age.  And if your friends don’t approve, then what kind of friendship is that where they knock you down for following a dream?  Maybe join some intramural sports league or look into classes of some kind.  Your heart will never lead you astray if you follow your desires… even if they fly in the face of what life your parents want you to live.  Live the life YOU want.  THAT will eventually make you manly and confident.  :)  Wishing you all the best, and sending much love your way.

  • WildflowerPastiche

    Hey, Love. I just wanted to chime in with the others and say go for it. Live your dreams. Do the things that make you happy. Build yourself up to be the well-rounded person you want to be. 

    Personally, at 26 I was in JUST the same place as you. I realized that I didn’t have the same sense of self and identity as my friends did. And to make matter worse, I had known that since I was 24. Just like you. And it hurt. And I was angry with myself for the time I lost, especially with those last 2 years of knowing better and not doing anything about it.  So at 26 I started to make changes. And my world opened up. I figured out what music I liked. I started taking dance classes and got pretty freakin awesome at latin dances, modern, and hip hop and even have done a few performances. And I started earning a graphic design certificate and learning a bit of marketing so I could change careers. And now I’m 29 and dancing and applying for design jobs. And I couldn’t be happier. And, by the way, I feel and act younger than all my friends now because I did all the self discovery stuff people typically in their teens in my twenties. (There are advantages to being a late bloomer. Also I never think of myself as old. That helps too. lol. ;)

    Hon, a life like yours can be AMAZING. All you have to do is decide what you want and work to earn it every day (just like Mastin said in the post today!)  You CAN do this! You CAN build your personality at 24. You ARE valuable. Believe in yourself, put action to your belief, and you’ll start being the man you want to be. Best wishes, my dear!

  • RMDauben

    I think you have great courage to share your thoughts and feelings, just KNOW this: Live YOUR life, not what others expect of you. I understand fully what you are going through and here is what I am giving you besides just words of sympathy or empathy. Go to Andy Shaws web site: abugfreemind.com and see if that helps you. I am writing two books about the subject matter you have shared and because I have “lived” much of what you describe, I have made it my INTENTION to help others understand that there is a way out of all the BS, illusions, fears and garbage when we become brainwashed. There is a way out of the box!

    Much Love Brother,

    Rich

  • IFeelYa

    I can completely relate and understand what you’re going through.  Now, I know the first reaction is most likely “yea, sure you do…”  Let me explain…

    I lived a sheltered life growing up.  During the most important years of my life my parents didn’t push me to get out there and believe in myself and experience a life outside of the home.  They let me quit any and every activity they put me in. (I was a kid..I didn’t know better..tell me to get back on that field and play!)  As a result, I kept to myself and wasn’t experiencing and learning the social norms but, more importantly, I wasn’t learning a positive sense of self.  It hit me in high school when our social lives are so very important.  I was alone.  All attempts to “be normal” and to fit in failed me.  I constantly heard “you need a hobby” but why puruse anything when there’s no one to share it with?  Depression came on hard and lasted through college.  Alone.  The entire time.  Figuring something must have been wrong with me.  I too focused on school but had no real direction.  I didn’t have enough confidence or support to go after what I really wanted.  I saw myself as a failure already, why would I put myself out there just to fail even more?!

    A couple years after graduating college I slowly began improving myself.  S L O W L Y.  I’m no where near where I want to be.  I’m still alone..and it hurts..every day.  I feel so far from a “normal” 28 yr old girl.  I do pretty much everything alone.  If I’m in social situations I feel very awkward, I feel behind and like I don’t have any common experiences to share, like I can’t relate to these people with full lives.  I feel like I’m learning a social aspect of life that I should have learned in high school and college.  It’s frustrating.

    The way I handle it is to live for me and not let my circumstance hold up my life.  If I want to go to a concert…I go, alone.  This got me into concert photography.  I volunteer to just be around new people…which has lead to a new interest and job opportunity.  I started running to prove to others that I was capable of not quitting something…now I’m training for a half marathon and have met a couple new people along the way.  All of these are things I never would have imagined for myself and would not have been possible if I accepted the way life was.  I had to be ok being uncomfortable, be ok with failing.  It’s not easy but the more I do it the easier it gets and the more chances I give myself for my circumstance to change.

    Sorry this is so long…  One last thing, try to replace the word normal with healthy.  Normal doesn’t exist. :)

    • Grateful!

      Thanks to the original poster and you for posting this – I feel the exact same way.  I have always been too scared to go to a concert alone though.  Just knowing that someone else in the entire world feels the same way I do makes me feel a lot better.  I really needed this.  Thank you =)

  • Fstopblues

    It is not too late to learn music. When I was your age I started playing guitar and now I am a music teacher. Do not use your age as an excuse for anything. You can do it.

  • adrienne5413

    It’s not too late!  I’m 47 years old.  My dream has always been to sing.  Not necessarily professionally, but just to be a good singer.  Just this year I decided to take lessons.  I’ve been doing it for about six months and am coming along.  You really are not too old to start.  Whether it be for your own amusement or to change your life/career.  Take one step.  That’s all I did.  It was scary.  It still is sometimes; but when I make a breakthrough and hear a note or song I’ve sung which sounds wonderful to my ear and am then praised by my teacher, it makes my spirit and soul happy.  It’s a wonderful thing to feel that joy in my heart.  You can do it.  YOU CAN DO IT. 

  • http://twitter.com/AFBsmile AFBsmile

    Just a simple suggestion. Stop seeing yourself so small. I noticed you use the little “i.” You are so much more. Let the God/Good in you rIse.

  • Mydooordye

    It is never too late to learn a hobbie. It is never to late to teach yourself or learn something new. The only one holding you back from a great experience is you. (Speaaking from experience) Just try it you’ll see, it’s really the most liberating feeling, even if you realise that the very thing you had interest in at that time is not for you. There ar so many things that you can be a part of, so many experiences waiting to be experienced, tried,tested,and true. So I encourage you and anyone else with a similar experience or fEeling, to get out there and Live, it’s never to late at all! Have a Blessed Day! And Great Luck to you!