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Daily Share – What Is Normal Anymore?

i just got told not too long ago that my bf didnt have the same feelings that he had for me a month ago! :( and on top of that my older sister is being extremely rude! she was at a party and my grandmother and i brought over the cake. she didnt say thank you. i was invited to stay and she answered for me no. and then i was talking to her boyfriends mom and the whole time she just kept interrupting me with repeatedly saying  goodbye in the middle of our conversation. she goes out all the time and does all these fun things and i feel like im on house arrest. i dont go out as much as she does. we go to the same high school. every student has to stay in this little hallway and she keeps telling me to stay away from her friends and not to talk to her friends like she owns them… like they’re her own property! her and her friend got into a fight and now her friend seems like more of a friend to me than to my sister. about seven months ago she started going out with this kid. since then shes pulled away from all her friends and family… wrapping her whole life around that one kid!

in 8th grade i was hit at school and then my friends started to get bullied and then they didnt really want to talk or hang with me anymore. and now my mom has a new boyfriend… i like him but i feel as if they are rushing marriage. she promised that she would never get married again. that makes me feel that she cares more about this guy than her own children.

i just miss my life before all this drama. i hope everything gets back to normal… but what is really normal any more? it fells like my life is gonna stay this way forever and everyday im holding back tears and i plaster on a smile so no one asks me whats wrong… thats my life and i dont think it will change any time soon.. the only good things that happen revolves around singing!

A TDL Reader

  • Heather

    I know it’s cliche, but things do get better with time. You said it’s not going to change anytime soon and it’s true that the people around you may not change. But I would challenge you to look at how you can change your behavior or perception to make it better for you. 

    I hear you on feeling like some other person is more important to your mom than her own children as I have experienced something similar. I can assure you that is not the case. If your mom is anything like mine, she just may not know how to ask you for the love she wants. Because as much as children want their parents’ love, parents want their children’s. 

    Most importantly, please don’t hold back your feelings and pretend things are ok when they aren’t! That doesn’t serve you or anyone else. It is effectively cutting off a part of yourself and it shuts you off from love, both your own and that of others. It may not seem like it, but I promise you there is someone who will hear you and support you. But you have to let them see and hear your truth for them to be able to do that. 

    And keep singing! <3

  • JCR

    This could not have been better timing for me to read this! I have been in a relationship for just over a year and it is changing. We are more comfortable with each other and things aren’t as spicy as when we first started out. I will note that we have been living together for his entire relationship (circumstances, but that’s another story). I love my boyfriend very much and often think he is the one I will spend the rest o my life with yet all of my issues and fear have been rearing their ugly heads. Our relationship dynamics are changing and I assume the worst of this: he doesn’t love me anymore, I am boring, this must be the end. In doing this I find myself being very negative towards him and then telling myself I don’t want this anyways and he’s not good enough for me. I create all these expectations of him and view every moment as another sign that he doesn’t love me. When I look at my past relationships I think the same thing has happened- when the initial stage of falling in love is subsiding I take it totally personal and create a story of lack inside my head. I think I may fear commitment and becoming “one of those boring relationships”. I have ignored this fear and turned it into something else. I don’t want to ruin this relationship by creating stories and a negative environment of lack.

  • Yasmin

    I agree with Heather that things do get better with time, and it is a good thing that you are voicing and discussing your problems and getting your feelings out into the world – it’s much healthier than holding them in as it allows you to process your thoughts out of your body and have them stewing up your insides – its a very healthy habit to get into while you’re still young so you should feel proud of yourself already! 
    I wondered about taking a different tact and instead of discussing the immediate problems before you to just jump way behind them – way out into the stratosphere of deeper thoughts to help distract your mind from the issues in your life (even though they are incredibly relevant, justified and important)… but maybe your mind would get something from thinking about what some of the great thinkers have thought about throughout history (Einstein, Aristotle) – instead of in the superficial and material world we now live where the likes of Britney Spears are seen as role models to our young women instead of Joan of Arc or the like… but perhaps you could invest your mind in thinking about the world and be a current day inspiration with morals and guidance – perhaps that is where you can hone your focus and thinking? Here is a little quote to get your started… maybe… if you like the idea of thinking big and being bigger than the world that we are born into… ‘Compassion leaves an indelible blueprint of the recognition that life so sorely needs between one individual and another; one nation and another; one culture and another. It is also valid for the road which our spirit should be building now for crossing the historical abyss that still separates us from a truly contemporary vision of life, and the increase of life and meaning that awaits us in the future.’ (Referenced from: World Transformation Movement).

  • Pearl

    What makes you happy? Going out, having fun? Do what makes you happy, and when it starts to show, not only will everyone else want to be around you, but you will find yourself noticing less about what your family/friends do that bother you now. When you’re happy on the “inside”, life has this way of changing so that the “outside” reflects the “inside” And definately keep singing!

    Love,

  • Ashling574

    I’m going to begin by saying “Hello from Australia”, and I’m here to tell you that even over here we have the same problems.
    I am completely in agreement with the other people who have so far commented on your Daily Share: Things will get better with time. Right now your life is all about school and the bitchy, horrible, hormonal way it is. But I promise you that outside of those walls there is a huge world with so many amazing people and better guys. So here is some advice I can offer.
    1- The boy: If he can’t see how wonderful you are, why keep him around? I know so many women who move from one guy to another as a way to validate themselves and it’s just wrong. Why settle when you know you deserve better? Might I suggest giving him the boot and encouraging self love within yourself.
    2- The sister: It sounds to me that your sister is also going through a hard time. Perhaps she’s pushing you away unintentionally because your presence reminds her of the pain she is also feeling about your mother and her new partner. Or perhaps there are other factors going on in her life that she’s having trouble dealing with. Maybe sitting down and trying to talk to her may help. But don’t for a second think she gets to go out all the time and have all the fun- I know a lot of people who go out all the time and it’s because their self-esteem is so low they can’t even stand being alone with themself for even a second. You’re not under house arrest; use them time to foster a positive relationship with yourself and figure out what you really want from life, not just envying what your sister has.
    3- Your mother: Sit down with your mother and explain how you feel. Tell her you think it’s all too rushed and remind her of the promise she made about marrying again. She’s probably in love and is looking at everything with red-tinted glasses. Perhaps you reminding her of her values might encourage her to slow down, or at least see that you’re not happy with what is happening.
    4- Life: It gets easier, I promise. Before long you’ll be off to college and meeting new people who are just like you and even dating guys who are better for you then this wannabe you currently have. Foster gratitutde. Things might be hard now but if you can find just one thing a day to be thankful for it will help you see that life isn’t that bad.