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Daily Share – What Is The Uni-verse Teaching Me In My Relationship?

February 4, 2013 by 13 Comments

TDL_FB iconI know the Uni-verse has my back and I want to make sure I’m not resisting the good It has to offer me. Right now I’m in a romantic relationship that has been quite the roller coaster. We have had so many amazing ups and so many difficult downs. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and care about him very much. We have so much fun together and I can’t imagine my life without him. When things are good and he holds me in his arms, I truly feel the meaning it “feels like home” with someone. But we also have had so many bad times that it’s exhausting us both and tearing us apart. We fight every other week and end up breaking up all the time. I seem to bring up little things that bother me and he reacts in such anger and doesn’t want to deal with it. I’m not sure if it’s my own insecurities that he just doesn’t love me the way I want to be loved, if it’s his own personal issues or all of the above. The fighting has gotten to the point of making our relationship unhealthy for both of us. Our last fight got so bad, he told me he wanted to end the relationship for good and I haven’t heard from him in days. Part of me thinks being apart may be the best thing in order to stop the fighting. However, there is another big part of me that knows the love between us is strong and rare to find, and that there must be someway or somehow we can end the fighting and maintain just the good parts all the time. I want so badly to try and work things out, but there have been so many times we tried only to find ourselves in the same bad position. Is the Uni-verse telling us that we are not meant to be? I want so badly to find a solution to stop the fighting and try to have a healthy relationship with him. But is trying again just going against what the Uni-verse has showed us isn’t working? Staying together and fighting isn’t right, but being apart feels so wrong. How do you know if a relationship has the capability of improving or when enough is enough and it may be time to give up? What would the Uni-verse say?

A TDL Reader

  • http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

    That is not a healthy relationship and trust me, you can do better!  I know you love him.  And he may love you.  Though his angry and defensive response to you whenever you bring up an issue that you’re concerned with or upset with just isn’t acceptable!  Someone who TRULY loves you, and loves himself too, will LISTEN to you and RESPECT you and your feelings!  He may still not be happy with what you’re saying, and not agree, but he SHOULD absolutely listen to you and do his best not to hurt you. 

    I’ve been in a similar relationship – though mine wasn’t quite so volatile.  But I had moments of feeling so in love and wanting to be with my boyfriend forever, and other times of major doubt.  Right now we’re broken up.  We had lived together and I told him I needed to live alone for a while again… about a month ago!  I think that’s what you need.  Some separation to get back to YOU.  And for him to get back to him too.  Apart from the couple.  You’ll either figure out that you’re HAPPIER on your own, and seek someone else to build a healthy, long-term relationship with.  Or you’ll find your way back to each other, and hopefully do it better next time. 

    Have you seen the “Art of Love Relationship Series” link at the top of The Daily Love page?  I’d suggest doing that.  It’s free.  I signed up.  It’s not until Feb. 12th, so you have some time.  But you may learn something (I know I’m hoping to), to help you move forward with more strength and confidence in future romantic relationships. 

    So my advice is to let your boyfriend go.  Especially if he’s still not talking to you, let it be!  Take it as a GOOD thing for you!  The Universe acts in your favor, all the time!  Even if you don’t see why at the time.  Do things that you like to do, without a boyfriend.  Hang out with your friends and/or family.  Do stuff on your own too.  But take at least a few weeks of no contact with your boyfriend and see how you feel. 

    This reminds me of a recent topic I wrote about on my blog.  You can check it out here if you’re interested: http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2012/12/youve-been-spared.html.

    Wish you the best!! 
    Sarah

  • Maria

    Let it go and focus on Loving Yourself. Trying to make it work at this point would only hurt you both more. Either you both need Space or you have far Greater things in store for both of you. Regardless of what happens, you are Love; You are filled with the infinite capacity to constantly Give and Receive Love. Trust the Universe and the fact that you will be Alright. Sending Love your way, xoxo.

  • Kellyanne Lyon

    Read “The Queen’s Code” online. Search it up and buy the e-book. It’s worth every penny.

    Apart from that, I think that sometimes, your soulmate isn’t the person that you’re meant to be with. I was in a relationship like yours a year ago, where he was everything I could ever have wanted, but things just weren’t working between us. I let him go, albeit with plenty of tears and confusion, and now I’m in an incredible relationship with a guy who’s even more right for me than he was.

    You never know what the future will bring. This moment is not forever. And you are not a sum of finite possibilities. You’re filled with and bring to you infinite love. We all do, no matter how damaged we are.

  • Rachel L.D.

    Once you decide you both deserve better than a life of fighting all the time.   Fear is what keeps people in bad relationships….not love.    You’re not hanging on because of love.   You’re hanging on because of fear.

    This has nothing to do with him….and everything to do with you.

    Embrace loving yourself and the fear will start to dissipate.  You love yourself by focusing on improving things about yourself that you don’t like.   Continue growing into yourself as an individual and accepting yourself.  Start becoming someone you truly love.  Only then will you attract better relationsips.

  • Carol V.

    this is a tough one….  i was in such a relationship for 18years and interestingly my partner is the one who ended it… it is now nearly 13 years later and i still feel that i lost my soul mate…
    i do not regret the relationship because of the multiple lessons i learned- good and bad.  i learned that i was able to deeply love another and how that feels and manifests and for me that was a joyful and wonderful discovery.  I also learned that turning off my intuition in order to maintain peace is not healthy and actually losing my self to maintain a relationship is not healthy for either partner.  we may be soul mates and i will know know that until we cross over, but our jouney in the earth world took different paths and each of us needed to separate to follow our individual path.  I suggest you consider whether the universe is telling you the same.  peace be with you.

  • Hazeleyed75

    My husband and I have been together for 15 years, he is my best friend and we have passion and three children – yes you can have both – when we were in our 20′s our relationship was Very much an emotional roller coaster…we fought all the time, were constantly breaking up and breaking each others hearts. What we believe finally made the difference for us was a commitment – being All In. Once we stopped walking away every time the other person did something we did not like we were forced to look at our own behavior, our own part that contributed to the conflict, we stopped trying to change each other and worked on ourselves instead…it is my belief that this humbled us both and instead of walking out we have walked to each other ever since. I think it is important to note my husband never abused me and I have always felt like I could be myself with him and even through our sometimes vicious disagreements it is clear my husband holds me in high esteem. Ultimately nobody can tell you what to do because each relationship is unique but I would say that if one person wants it more than the other that might be a deal breaker. I wish you a peaceful journey and no matter what it will all be ok:)

    • GrnEyedLove

      This is a beautiful response! Blessings to you and your relationship

  • Jane

    This sounds  a little like what I am going though right now and reading everyones reply’s is just what I needed.  Thank You so much for you posting this question and thank you so much to everyone who replied.  This has helped me so much. xo

  • Timothy

    These are some very good questions and opinions. I am going through some difficult times in my relationship as well and my Mom gave me the address of this site this morning and it was almost like it was written just for me and my loved one.  Thank you all.

  • positvskptc

    I’m in the same situation and all I can say is that I HIGHLY recommend the book “Keeping the Love You Find” by Harville Hendrix. BRILLIANT, LIFE CHANGING!!! xo

  • Friend

    So many great comments on this today so I will keep mine brief. I would let your boyfriend go, for now. Most of the comments below say similar things, you need to love yourself first, and with that I truly agree with. I also was in a roller coaster relationship for 8 years before I left. I learned the hard way that those ‘little’ things that bothered me about him were really issues with me that I needed to address. I would start there. What were the things that bothered you? And why? Answer yourself honesty. I promise the more honest you are with yourself the deeper your healing will be. After I began being honest with myself and truly changing my thoughts and lifestyle a wonderful man appeared in my life. We’ve been together for 10 years now and still going. Thanks for reading this and I know a great journey has just begun for you.

    • Friend

       Also, ask yourself what about him made him attractive to you. I’m not talking physical traits, but how did he make you feel. Safe? Beautiful? Ugly? Insecure? These are important things to make yourself aware of. There are reasons why you started a relationship with him and most of those reasons do not stem from love. I promised to make this brief but failed! Lots of love to you! Please email if you need anything: ixtara@yahoo.com

  • Karen

    If you can figure out what it is that is causing you to keep bringing up the little things that bother you, you have a great chance of saving the relationship.  Insecurity is a deal breaker in the best of relationships and there is a HUGE difference between having your needs met and honoring yourself and needing constant reassurance of his love for you.  Men want to be in a relationship where they can make the woman they love happy and if he feels that is impossible, he will simply stop trying.  He feels like a failure every time you question his love, his commitment and his loyalty by constantly bringing up the “little things” that bother you.  Men will do almost anything for a woman who make them feel good; a happy, confident woman who lets him know how much she appreciates what he brings to her life is a keeper.
    You can try and heal it now or in the next relationship, either way it is a great opportunity for growth and self awareness.
    I would guess that a good starting point would be to examine your childhood and see if there was a lack of affection, support and love from your family unit that you are now craving and demanding from him.