Daily Share – Work In Progress!

I can’t count the number of times I’ve decided that “This will be the day I change habits one, two, and three.” Or, “Tomorrow I’m going to start eating better.” Then, when I fail to keep the momentum going I get so down on myself. Lately I haven’t really been speaking my truth-I’ve been ignoring some major issues you in my life, specifically my relationship with my dad, mom, my uncle, my aunt, and my siblings.

I realized that I was pretending to be okay and “together,” but honestly I’ve been really angry and high strung. I’ve been holding on to the past. I’ve been bitter, depressed, and ashamed of my actions towards my parents. My dad and I have had a crazy relationship, and over the years I’ve found it hard to forgive him. He’s changed for the better in so many ways, and for the longest time I have refused to acknowledge his turn around. As well, I’ve taken out my frustration on my mom. I haven’t done right by her, and I want to.

I’m obsessed with having this definitive answer for life, or think that I have a better handle on life than most 21 year olds (almost 22!), but I don’t. I’m so attached to what an outcome of something may be that I sike myself out and dismiss whatever I want to do or feel as “weird” or “who cares?” I care. I want to be free to express myself and truly live honestly with my soul open to the uni-verse. I want to be able to stand strong in my convictions yet have the adaptability to take in new material. I want to be real with myself, and really listen to my soul.

Everyday my mind and heart sways with what I want to do with my life. I’m never sure, and it concerns my parents mainly because I’m about to graduate college and I have no specific plans. I wanted for the longest time to live in NYC and act, but more and more I feel that that isn’t where it’s at for me. I love making people laugh, and I’ve always felt that way-even as a kid I would try and not be this bubbly kid but I couldn’t help it! I know for sure I want to help people and make them feel good. I’ve always said that if I can be the odd or goofy one in the room, at least someone else in the room can feel that they maybe aren’t the only one who had an obsession with Michael Jackson since age 4. (Yes, that was me. Moonwalk and all).

The only thing I know for certain is that I’m up for grabs. For the first time I’m expressing, doing, and living without the fear of other people’s opinions, and just trying to work on myself. Above all else I want to be happy. My desires for life change as I get older and days go by, and that’s cool. I only want to make sure that I hold true to who I am and live my life without the persuasion of others.

I love music, I love being goofy, I love food, I love people, I love Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory.

We all are ever a work in progress. That’s what I’ve got so far.

A TDL Reader

# # #

This was shared with the author’s permission. We take your privacy seriously and would never publish something without your consent. Share what you’re going through by sending Mastin an email: [email protected].

  • Charmaine

    AWESOME !!!!

  • Kara

    WOW! You are on the right track that is for sure, and give yourself some credit! I can relate to the resentment against the parents…. I too, have had to let it go and just accept them “where they are at.” There is a certain feeling of freedom from forgiveness…TRUE forgiveness takes time. It will happen when you are ready. We are ALL a work in progress….if I had known what you know at the lovely age of 21, I would be seriously doing well right now…Just over the past year have I been blessed with the awareness and consciousness of self development and how important it is to change oneself to succeed personally and professionally and really prosper in life. Self love included. I am 26 and am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. You got this. You dreams are well on its way to come true. Your truth will be found through trial and error along with consciously realizing each day how amazing and loving you truly are from the inside.  BE weird, goofy and authentically YOU.  I love funny goofy people. I too, am one of those and love that part of me. I can make people laugh by being weird….COOL.  haha! 
    All the best and lots O love. 

  • Sandy

    This is so uplifting and very true. I appreciate your honesty and love that you are headed on the right track. I too am about to turn 22 and have the same thought process, I want to live happily and fulfill my own desires in order to help those around me. We are so young yet so aware of the “unaware” I am grateful that I learned this at a young age and can live the rest of my life in prosperity. The most important task for us now is to share this common knowledge and build a better world around us. Seasons greetings!! Xoxo -Sandy