Dash Of Sass – Love Shouldn’t Require Windex To Be Clear!

 Quote of the Day:

Beware of the word “friend.”  It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior.  Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.

– Greg Behrendt

The Single Woman Says:

I received an email this morning from a very sweet reader of mine who is roommates with her “best guy friend,” except they also dated at one point and are still sleeping together and she’s still in love with him, only now he’s also dating someone else and didn’t have the guts to tell her til she walked in on him with the other girl and caught him red-handed. Does that sound like a run-on sentence? That’s because the RELATIONSHIP is a run-on sentence! I don’t say that to be harsh, but to be real. Ladies, it is VITAL to know when to put the period on the end of the sentence and close the book. No “friendship” is worth raking yourself over the coals and having your heart re-broken every single day. To my friend who sent me the email, I would say: 1) Move out. Immediately. 2) Reevaluate your definition of the word “friend.” 3) Make some new friends, who actually fit the definition of the word “friend” and aren’t hooking up with you one night and skeezing on random chicks the next.

Here’s the bottom line: If a man isn’t into you anymore, he’s not into you anymore, and staying in his proximity, acting like his BFF, cozying up to his friends and family, doing his laundry, walking his dog, drawing his nightly bubble baths for him, etc., etc., are not going to magically make him wake up and realize the error of his ways. PLEASE, ladies, I implore you…get back in touch with your DIGNITY. Do not lower yourself to becoming an indentured servant, a stalker, or “one of the guys” just to try and stay in any man’s line of sight. MOVE ON. I don’t wanna hear how “he’s such a great friend” or “I know he still cares about me” or “He still has my CD’s” or any other nonsense of the sort. A REAL friend would care enough about you to let you go, to make it CLEAR that the relationship was over, and to not stay in this perpetually hazy, gray, relationship purgatory with you just to keep a warm body around for lonely nights. And here’s a “friend” you seem to be ignoring – YOU. Be your own best friend. THAT’S the friend you need to be worried about in this scenario. Take care of HER heart and HER needs and HER feelings…and let the faux friends GO. Remember: True love shouldn’t require Windex to be clear. It either is or it isn’t!


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Mandy Hale is the Founder of @TheSingleWoman.

  • Kayla

    Thank you for the reminder 🙂 I am not living with my ex, thank goodness, but he did suggest to keep in touch, but I told him I am not interested in being his companion until he finds a new girl friend. It’s always about the boys… It’s time to take charge and it’s all about me time!

  • MC

    Thanks Mandy, I really needed this today. I broke it off with my ex this past weekend because he was not being a friend and making excuses for his rude behavior. 

  • Kshamarie

    What a great post… And very timely! We’ve totally exploited The role “friendship” plays in a relationship. Too many woman need to find the GOOD in goodbye!

  • In my life, I have found that many times women fall into this trap because the man is playing on her nurturing side. He treats her like a friend, he talks to her, he shows his emotions with her and this gets her thinking he needs her. As a female who has found herself in situations like this, I wrote a blog post from some things I learned. Perhaps if we understand why we do these things, we can prevent doing them again – http://www.theloveinhereyes.com/2012/05/12/how-a-guy-can-get-away-with-murder/

  • Shish13

    So true….amazing post!!!!!

  • Zenmix1

    Thanks for the post. This applys to the single guy also. A wonderful reminder.

  • Get.it.together

    OMG! I’ve been trying to explain this to a friend as of late. They call each other “friend” while they’re on each other’s FB, SHE follows HIM on Twitter … She keeps in touch with his family all in an effort to let him know what he’s missing. Thinking this is the profile pic on FB that will make him want her again. I keep explaining that it’s not about looks. If that were the case they’d still be together. The point is that you can’t “back door” it into a relationship. Friends with benefits does not a relationship make. I’m not saying that it couldn’t work but the chances are slim. I say cease all contact, no social media, just let it go. And even if he comes creeping back, show him the door. He had his chance! Self- respect is sexy all day, every day. Find someone to honor and cherish you. Sorry, can you tell this is a hot spot?! 😀

  • guest

    i needed to hear that right now.   i am going with a guy and found out that he is on a dating site and has been online so i guess he is also looking for someone else.   I have been trying to decide what to do.   whether to move on or to just enjoy what i have with him.   it could satisfy my own needs to be with someone but i also don’t want to get in to deep and then get hurt.  so i don’t know where to go with this right now.  have to figure it out

  • Ahhhhhh, such a perfect illustration of how we women make excuses in keeping the wrong “one” in our lives! Thank you Ms. Dash of Sass for explaining so eloquently what we’re really doing by holding onto our failed relationships.

    Excellent read!!!!!!

  • anonymous

    Un freaking canny that this was today’s post. Thanks for writing this, you don’t know how much it helped.

  • Misslady381

    I love this!! i recently told this former acquiantance of mine alomost the exact thing. Her ex has moved on and got a new girlfriend but she thinks that as long as their still friends, they will eventually get back together. His girlfriend even told her to stop calling and so she changed her number to keep in contact with him. I told her that she needs to see the big picture and realize that she is no longer in the frame because he doesn’t want her anymore.

  • Lily

    Wonderful and timely. We need to start valueing ourselves more than any man or relationship, specially the ones where we only get scraps. We get what we settle for. Thank you!