Do your relationships support your empowerment?

mk_treesI was on the phone recently with a mentoring client and something came up that I just had to share. We were talking about relationships and how we can, many times, bond over our wounds.

I don’t know where they came from, but the words that came flying out of my mouth were, Bond over your power, not your wounds.

This statement TOTALLY floored me.

Imagine setting the intention to create primary relationships in our lives that support and encourage us to live in our power – CONSCIOUSLY. I think this has always been an unconscious desire of mine, but those words hold a lot of power.

Many folks bond over their pain and get angry or jealous when the other person starts to step into their power. Have you done that? I know I have, many times.

When you bond over your wounds only, eventually it feels like you are walking on eggshells in your relationships. If you feel this way, then we can safely say you have not bonded over your power and thus not attracted a relationship that supports and encourages you to live in your power. The flip of this desire is that we must also celebrate, support and encourage our partner to live in his or her power. And THAT can be a scary thing. If they live in their power, we have less certainty around what would possibly happen.

If we support someone else’s power they might get more attention than us, which can feel threatening. It takes a bold and confident couple to bond over each other’s power and encourage the fullness in the other person.

So, my question for you today is this: are the relationships in your life relationships that support your power or discourage your power? Have you bonded over your wounds only, or have you bonded over each other being in your mutual power? Is your relationship set up so both of you can thrive? Or do the relationships in your life hold you back?

As always, the action happens in the comments below, leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love and empowerment,


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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • Winnie

    Good morning, Mastin! The words that flew out of your mouth flew into my psyche, and explained the recent dissolution of a faultering friendship…we had initially bonded over numerous wounds, but as I worked to grow and heal, our friendship took many hits as our direction and level of growth and healing became out of balance. We truly grew apart because our bond weakened as I moved into my newly discovered powers, and she stayed behind with the wounds,,,she’s not ready, but I am!

    • DisaJyoti

      Good Morning Winnie. Blessings to you on your journey to your empowered future!

    • Karen

      Bingo! Ditto!!!

    • sarrah

      Winnie – I have experienced the same circumstances in a couple of my friendships. One of them I have severed because the toxicity was too much for my soul. The second I have been forwarding positive messages and encouragement in order to try to maintain all that we have worked towards. It takes a lot to walk away in order to continue along the journey, but I am finding that the uni-verse brings those souls into your life in just the right moments to build you up and to help you move forward in growth!! 🙂

  • DisaJyoti

    Mastin, this is so right on! I am currently parting ways with my partner because of this very situation. I am grateful though for his inability to support me, as it was what had me realize my need to truly dive into Self Love and start supporting myself first. Without his button pushing, I don’t know that I would have come to a place of knowing that whomever I am with, I have my own support. And now my Dear, I surge forward with this enlightened viewpoint of my Self, and look for the partner where we come together in support of each others power!

    • Carie Bean


  • Carie Bean

    Do my relationships support my power? I would have to say that sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes sitting in the middle is worse then one way or the other. In case like support it should be all or nothing.

  • Kathleen Chelquist

    Firstly, I would like to say “THANK YOU” for not only publishing my blog today on TDL, but that you posted a picture of my hubby and I in a moment of true bliss. A moment to express to the reader, that it is POSSIBLE to Stay or Leave…in LOVE.

    To answer your question…YES, I am in a relationship that supports my power. But, it took… ME, to reclaim it. I have written many blogs about the effort it took ME to get to this moment in our renewal picture.

    You may notice that I keep saying, “ME,” instead of “US.” You see, we never went to couples therapy. Every time I focused on “WE”…I really was focusing on…HIM. Which, did not work. When I started claiming my OWN power, he was either going to stay and start changing with me…or one of us were going to leave. I was unwilling to LEAVE without serving LOVE. And I stayed and worked on MYSELF (only).

    Ghandi said it all, “BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD.”

    And I will add…that INCLUDES your partner. LOL. The more I changed, the more I saw my innocence and his. It truly is a miracle. And, I promise…POSSIBLE…for ALL of you who are struggling out there.

    With all my heart and THE DAILY COMMENTER,

    • cluttery


      “You see, we never went to couples therapy. Every time I focused on “WE”…I really was focusing on…HIM. ”

      “The more I changed, the more I saw my innocence and his. It truly is a miracle.”

      Eyes opened–clarity!!!!

      Thanks for posting. I have lots to think about.

  • Lisa

    My first thought when I read the blog was not so about much romantic relationships as much as familial ones. I know I have a couple of family relationships where the created bond is much more about traumatic shared history than encouraging and being supportive of the other’s power. Although we can be and are supportive of each other (most of the time, very genuinely), our BOND is over the past, not our power in the present.

  • Synderela Story

    It’s a Synderela Story. ..a modern day tale where the woman wants a partner not a prince

  • Seth

    You know it’s funny.. one of my best friends/room mates and I were just talking about this the other day. She is trying to claim her own power and be more emotionally and spiritually authentic and she realised that she has a tendency to mentor/council other people much more than she authentically would. And that the other people (the other 3 of us in the house mostly) don’t seem to push ourselves and stretch ourselves spiritually – instead seeming to lean on her and wait for her to tell us what to do. When she said she was making a conscious effort not to do that anymore, I felt a wave of fear rise up in me. You mean I have to figure out my own direction? My own purpose? My own authenticity?! And I also felt the initial reaction to guilt her, as though she were abandoning me after she’d been there for me so long. But I tried to swallow down the fear and the guilt trip. I know that I need to dig and meditate and study and flail around on my own, in my own time, coming to my own awareness – even if that takes longer than her guiding me to it. I’m never going to become the strongest, most authentic version of myself if I can’t get there on my own.

    Thank you, Mastin, for this reminder and this post. I will definitely be saving this post in my “Note To Self” file.