Last week I shared about having the guts to say what you need to say and ask what you need to ask (go here to read it). A woman who read the blog wrote me to share about the results of her guts inspired action. She had a pattern of really liking a guy, dating him for a short time, thinking everything was going great and then having him disappear or blow her off using some kind of vague excuse which she never questioned. Rather, she just took it as rejection and tried to move on. Since she never fully got the truth from them, she made up all kinds of reasons (none of which were self-honoring) in her head about why they blew her off. Consequently both her self-esteem and dating life took a plummet.
She had the guts to call one of them and using the tips I offered in my blog, vulnerably shared that she had felt rejected by him and asked if he would be willing to explain in more detail his reasons for not wanting to pursue dating as a gift to her (I loved that she used the word “gift” – because it truly is a gift when someone gives us honest feedback).
The information she received from him was SO much better than what she was making up in her head. People had always told her that the rejection was more about the guy than about her and not to take it personally. On some level, especially as an active Daily Love reader, she knew that was true. But on another level she was carrying around a misunderstanding that she was undesirable and taking the perceived rejection very personally.
Her courageous conversation empowered her with the truth and supported her in dropping the story that she had done something wrong. Inwardly she felt like she had just let go of a huge burden, which felt amazing. Regardless of what he said, simply having the guts to ask was a self-honoring choice that immediately shifted her confidence.
But the story gets even better . . .
The courageous conversation also shifted things externally. All of a sudden the floodgates of her dating life are open. She is being asked out nearly everywhere she goes. Even men from her past, including those she thought rejected her, are coming back around to pursue her. As she puts it, my dating life went from “monastery to raining men!”
Unspoken words and unfinished business take up huge energetic space. It’s like having a big hair clog in our drain. Water can still get through but it does not flow with ease, which creates back up and frustration.
The same thing happens in our life when we hold onto misunderstandings and limiting beliefs. They become huge energetic blocks and until we clear them out, it is difficult (if not seemingly impossible) to get what we want. Instead, we get more of what we believe we deserve based on often-misinterpreted evidence from our past. It may not be possible, or even helpful, for you to call up ex’s; however, it is appropriate for anyone who wants to create different results in their dating life to look for sources of clogging.
So does your dating life need some draino? Is there an attachment to someone that you need to clear out either through a conversation or cutting chords completely? Are there beliefs that you are still buying into on some level that need to be rewritten? Is there an ex that you are still obsessing over or involved with who has long overstayed his or her welcome in your energetic field? Are you still holding onto some story that is in direct conflict with what you deserve like not being enough in some way or needing to protect yourself?
Examine where you are experiencing blockage in your life – be it in dating, career or finances – and pull out the energetic draino. Have the guts to have the conversations you need to have. Muster up the courage to completely sever relationships or situations that are long past their expiration date. Forgive yourself for buying into beliefs and stories that are terribly limiting and untrue!
Often the new cannot emerge until we clear out the old. Vision boards, lists, and visualizations alone won’t draw in the more of what you want until you make less of what you don’t want. The Uni-verse has so much in store for you but will wait patiently for you to make the space inside yourself to believe it and receive it.
P.S. Attention 20 & 30 Somethings – Join me for five days in Sept for a special online coaching course to radically change your present and create your future. Go here for details.
Christine Hassler is an author, speaker, life coach and spiritual counselor dedicated to helping people answer the questions who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? You can check out her website here.