Don’t Put Your Life On Hold

Ryf-Van-Rij-199x300I had this amazing discussion with a friend today about people close to us who lived their lives in holding patterns waiting for clearance to land. They never got their clearance and after endless holding, they eventually they ran out of gas. They died!

What seems sad to me is that my mom’s health has deteriorated so badly that she has no longer has the strength nor the desire to resolve issues from the past. To me it seems like she will end her journey after a life of hardship with her song unsung.

I can’t really make judgments about other’s lives but I know that my conversation with my friend left me more than ever wanting to show up fully in my own life. I am determined not to leave this world with my song unsung even if my pitch is less than perfect.

For so much of my life I lived by the standards and ideals of others. I bought into the dogma and direction of those around me and as a result I spent most of my life adrift at sea, pushed by the ever changing currents of others.

Had I not hit my surrender point I may well have floundered along in neutral for many more years to come.

Each one of us is called in this lifetime to realize our birthright of connection to self and Source/Universe/Higher power/God. It is our obligation to journey home to this truth so that we can be all we can be in this lifetime.

Here’s a great question to ask yourself.

 “Why are you sacrificing all the things you want, to keep things that you don’t want”

On most tombstones there is a date of arrival followed by a – (dash) followed by a date of departure. The dash in between the two dates is your life. The dash either defines you or you define it.

It’s amazing how quickly life can slip by while we wait for some magical perfect time to start living the life we really want.

I have some good news and some not so good news.

The “wake up” news is that this is not the “Dress Rehearsal.”  This is it! This is your Life!

Do you want your tombstone to read:

“Here lies John Doe; he waited his whole life for the perfect opportunity to live the life he dreamed of and then ran out of time!”

Pretty sad wouldn’t you say!

If you are living for some “when I, then I” time in the future for all the planets to be aligned and the celestial angels to trumpet the glorious arrival point, you may just wasting the priceless gift of being in the now!

And the good news is that you can “be” your Purpose “right now!”

You don’t have to wait for anything!

No matter where you are in life, no matter what your struggle, there is more in you.

And our divine birthright is to find that “more” and set it free.

Is there someplace in your life where you are living in a holding pattern?

Are you sacrificing  the things you really want to keep things that you don’t want?

Are you waiting for some magical perfect time to start living the life you really want?

Please leave a comment.

I would love to communicate with you.

Much Love & Welcome Home,



Ryf Van Rij is a coach and creator of The Daily Way Home. Connect with Ryf via Facebook and Twitter.

  • Lisa

    This is such timely wisdom! I love these words. I am ready! Not getting ready…not almost ready….like, okay, Monday….I am going to start. Seriously. I need a kickass custody lawyer by Monday!! I know you all pray some awesome prayers out here….this post is a serious blessing to me thank you!!

  • Deb

    Funny how the universe or whatever , sends me these messages that I need , and at the right moment too. I’ve been saying for ages ” I feel like I’m in limbo land” . I particularly love the quote of ” why are you sacrificing all the things you want for those you don’t want” so clear, yet so simple..


      Great to hear from you Deb.

      I honor your journey. Each of us was born prefect. Our job is to come back to that truth.

      Peace be the Journey.


  • Kelsey Campion

    What powerful thoughts, Ryf. Letting go of things, even if they don’t serve us, is hard- as I’ve come to find out. Whether it be excess weight, a crummy job, an unfulfilling relationship, or negative thought patterns- there is a reason we hold on. I think sometimes we feel safe, even if we feel unhappy. One of the most transformative things for me was an article about the 5 most common deathbed regrets, written by hospice nurses. The number one regret was not living one’s dreams. This struck so true for me, as I wasn’t living the life I wanted. I’ve been actively pursuing a different life for the last year and am amazed at how things have shifted, even in this short time-span. Any thoughts on HOW people can start connecting with their dreams? I’ve found out the hard way (through lots of tears, swear words, and sleepless nights)- and I’m still uncovering a lot as we speak, but I think it would have been helpful for me to understand how to start living the life I wanted. I was so out of touch, so controlled in everything I did, so “perfect” that I had no idea where to start- any ideas?

    Thanks for your beautiful words and inspiration.



      enjoyed how articulate you were with this response. Each one of us has taken on a physical form to fulfill a Purpose and abandon both fear and ego. Each one of us has a unique talents as well as a completely unique way of expressing those talents. There is a need in the world for our talents and when we finally match our talents to that need and serve others we become abundant in all areas of our life. The key to Bliss is living life on Purpose and serving others so that others can be raised up as well. I would say that Bliss = Purpose. Each one of us was created to serve some unique function in our lives. For some of us our Purposes may have Universal impact and for others it may be as down to earth as volunteering at a homeless shelter. Finding your bliss is finding the center of excellence and passion within yourself. This is when we lose track of time and we are no longer punching in a time-clock and success will be the byproduct. When we find this center of excellence, action and passion we become the hero’s of our own lives and people, places and things will gravitate towards us in support of our dreams, goals and Purpose. Finding your inner purpose should feel like the answer to the
      question of why you exist. Finding your purpose creates a great life, not justa great job!

      It’s ironic that to get clear on you vision and purpose of the
      future you may need to get in touch with the feelings of the past. We need to look back through the journey of our lives and become aware of the moments where we felt really free, and at peace. Recall the moments when you felt a firm sense of connection and where things were light and joyous.

      1. Find the common thread throughout your life of when you felt
      connected and light and happy. Just because you admire something doesn’t mean
      it’s your purpose. Something’s are meant to be a hobby.

      2. Create a purpose statement that encompasses you giving
      yourself these gifts as well as sharing them with others.

      3. Repeat step 2, making adjustments until the answer makes you
      want to cry!

      4. You have your life purpose!

      And yes this is a bit simplistic and one blog is way too
      limiting to really dig into it, but I hope this evokes some thought and gets
      your purpose juices flowing.

      I would love to hold space for you to pursue your passion. Drop me a line if you want to work together. [email protected]

      Love & Respect,


  • Nicole

    I have used the holding pattern analogy to describe my life. The life I wanted to live was going to happen after undergrad, then after grad school, once my career is established, when the kids are older, when my husband quits smoking/lying/drugs. I spent so many years waiting for outside circumstances to change. What’s funny is that all those things have changed, just not with the desired outcome. Today and every day I may make choices to live the life I want.

  • Miriam

    Thank you for compiling this wisdom in such an effective way. I’ve known this for years, but applying this knowledge is the hard part. As Kelsey says, there is a reason why we hold on… for me it is an overwhelming sense of responsibility and loyalty – to a spouse, to a parent, to a friend, etc.- despite the fact that I am paying for it with my life – the very finite ‘dash’ that I have been granted. The victory for me will be in discovering a way to over-ride my own natural inclinations that bind me to the behaviors and habits that don’t serve me.

  • Sandy

    I concur with all the comments I have read. This article isn’t anything new, it just was read at the right time. This has been a year of change, for the better. I made some decisions to get back to living and doing the things I love to do….instead of waiting until whatever else in the circumstances around me changed. I set the intention and my world has opened up. Not everything is perfect, oh well, but there is so much to be grateful for. As Deb said, “I feel like I’m living in limbo land”. That is just how I felt. Funny, I have been getting rid of ‘stuff’ and it makes you feel lighter, less burdened. I always worried what others thought about, gosh, almost anything. Letting go is a great enabler for yourself. Thank you all for your words.

  • DML

    Yes I do feel like I’m in a holding pattern. I love to travel, study Spanish, ride horses, spend time w people I love who live in other states, and in some instances, other countries, the list goes on and on.. when I book the trip, or schedule the riding lesson, or the Rosetta Stone etc. I butt up against the price tag and it stops me in my tracks. How do you live the life of your dreams and not wait to live the life that seems so in alignment with who you really are, when it seems to all come down to the price tag? Appreciate any words of wisdom and insight. Thank you.