Like, really, stupid hard.
I have a pattern that I’m giving my ALL to breaking right now – and that is: stopping when things get hard.
While I knew this was a pattern of mine, I just recently began waking up to just how often I do it – and I decided it had to go. And, as with most things – when we declare to the Uni-verse that we’re ready to change things up – it conspires to meet us and gives us opportunities to make a new choice. And while that sounds really beautiful, it doesn’t always feel or look so great.
I won’t lie, it hasn’t been totally fun. However, I’m committed to tackling them one by one. This is one time I’m putting my stubbornness to good use. Esther Hicks said that stubbornness means you have the ability to focus – but the question is what are you focusing on? When I heard that I was like, “IS THERE NO PLACE FOR ME TO HIDE?” I believe there are many places to hide, but none that bring you happiness.
So, I’m committed. Now what?
Wait for the opportunity (aka stuff gets hard) and then push through (do said hard thing).
For example, in the past 5 days:
- I wrote my blog early and then broke my computer. Like, dropped it broke it. I was so upset with myself for breaking it and feeling guilty that I was tempted to let my resistance convince me to just “forget it for the week.”
- Our really dear friend, Jody Sherman, died. Mastin wrote an incredible blog about him and I thought: “How could I even think about writing something that doesn’t honor this wonderful man?” My resistance told me that no matter what I did, it didn’t matter. (Nice, huh?)
- A client I started working with turned out to love coaching, but was not coachable. Resistance told me that if I couldn’t help her, maybe I couldn’t really help anyone (no biggie, just 7 billion people on the planet).
- I started a gym membership at my dream gym. I have all their dvds and was SO excited for my first day – which turned out to be beyond humbling. Within the first hour, I managed to hit an unsuspecting classmate in the face, myself in the face, and fall on my face. There is a big part of me that’s tempted to think I’ll never get it right.
And, a few others.
Obviously, it hasn’t been a gracious process. And obviously, these are what we’d call quality problems. However, I think it’s important to remember when we ask for help in healing a pattern, we are also asking for help in healing the resistance that perpetuates the pattern. Which means we have to face it. So, it’s not the logistics of changing the pattern, it’s the emotion of the resistance that hold us back.
And I’ll be totally honest – a LOT of self judgment has come up for me. I am not always nice to myself, but right now I am committed to shifting my focus when these things come up – and if I’m going to be stubborn, it’s going to be about something that serves me and therefore others.
So, I wrote the blog and let it be whatever came out.
I committed myself to sharing what it was I’m going through and living more out loud – as Jody inspired me to do, and I honor him through loving Mastin, who everyday embodies this.
I continued to serve my clients to the best of my ability. And you know what? They are falling in love, getting their dream jobs, starting their own businesses, and joining their own gyms. And they are happy.
I went back to the gym and I didn’t fall this time (I did hit myself again – but hey, it’s a process).
So, while I set out to change the way I do things, what I was looking for in the first place has begun to change as well.
How can YOU keep going when things get tricky? What pattern are you ready to break? What opportunity is the Uni-verse bringing you right now to break it?
I want to know!
All my Love,
Jenna Hall is an actress, opera singer, Reiki Master, and Senior Daily Love Mentor. She is also the resident Boo at TDL.
Follow her on twitter here: @seejennalove