When you read the last part of the sentence above, what image comes to mind? What feeling comes into your body? Relief? Fear? Expansion? This concept of “flipping over and floating” comes as a result of nearly twenty years as a licensed psychotherapist.
I repeatedly witness clients sweating the small stuff, like traffic or rude subway riders, and then making the choice to let that constriction (which, by the way, is always fear, even if it is wearing a different disguise) dictate the rest of their day and, in some cases, the rest of their lives. It’s like watching someone struggling to swim upstream—expending a ton of effort in the wrong direction and, in the process, missing the beautiful view.
I realized a few years ago in my own life that there was an easier way to achieve my goals; that it did not have to be so darn hard.
I was raised in a family with a Protestant work ethic, so I revered hard work and achievement. I was never unhappy working hard. But as my career exploded, I became more constricted and stressed about time management, and that negatively affected all aspects of my life. I was under the illusion that time was happening to me, and there never seemed to be enough of it. Since I did not realize I had a choice, I felt un-empowered and stuck.
For me, the beginning of becoming un-constricted, more joyful, and more successful came with a committed meditation practice. This created space, possibility, and relief in my mind, body, and life. Along with meditation, the incorporation of present moment consciousness accelerated my happiness and success.
What makes up the quality of your life is your daily existence, not just the peek experiences or significant epiphanies.
It is my belief from observation and experience that the connection between constriction/fear and NOT having the life of your dreams float into your lap like a feather is direct and undeniable.
So, let’s get to how this can impact your life. Choose from the list below to get clarity on what constricts you on a daily basis.
List of Daily Constrictors:
2. Not enough time
3. Not enough money
4. Unsatisfying job, marriage, health, financial life, social life, and family life
5. Something else?
Now, create a second list of alternate actions and feeling states from which you can choose when you begin to feel stress from each item on list #1.
Example List of Alternate Actions and Feeling States:
1. Buy a bottle of Lavender oil. Put a few drops in your hands, rub together, and take three deep breaths. Release.
2. Repeat the mantra, “I have exactly the right amount of time.” Breathe and release.
(Create what works for you based on your personal constrictors.)
3. Sit tall in a chair or stand up. Bring your hands to a prayer position at heart center. Then, stretch your right hand, palm up toward the sky, and your left hand, palm down toward the earth. Reaching your hands in each direction, take a deep breath and release. Bring your hands back to heart center and switch. Inhale as you stretch the arms away. Exhale as you come back to center. Repeat two or three times on each side.
For example, if you sit in traffic daily, you have a choice of how you will experience that time. Unchecked, your fear mind (or Mafia Mind as I like to call it) will start its negative script about the idiot driver in front of you or your chatty office mate who made you late, creating constriction. This is your chance to do something different.
The moment the script starts to roll, you must be present enough to say out loud, “Stop and breathe.” Feel where the constriction appears in your physical body. Is it tightness in your chest, do your shoulders tense, or do you furrow your brow? Next, take three long, deep breaths directly into that constricted area. On the exhalation, release the stressful thought while consciously relaxing your muscles. Just decide to let the negativity float away. This action strengthens your ability to BE HERE NOW. The more you practice, the faster and easier it gets. Time in traffic can be restorative or frustrating; you decide.
For bigger issues, becoming calm and un-constricted is where effective problem solving begins.
The above exercise is one small action that will create change, but only if you do it. This is not to say that deep breathing will fix your marriage, your job, or shut up your co-worker. It is to say that being constricted makes all of those situations worse and robs you of present moment joy. It comes as a total surprise to most people that they can choose their feeling state in most situations. Your feelings are not happening to you. If you choose to stay constricted with excuses and justifications, it is still a choice. Changing conditioned responses can be challenging, just like anything else worthwhile. You don’t get the butt of your dreams by going to the gym once, right?
So I challenge you to try this exercise and see what happens in your life. Open your mind and heart to the transformative power of your intention. Take it from this former Type-A constricted control freak. If I can become un-constricted and joyfully present in my life, so can you.
So here’s to flipping over and floating and the joyful abundance that comes with it.
Please drop a comment right here and share your light and insight!
Love Love Love,
Terri Cole, founder and CEO of Live Fearless and Free, is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. For almost two decades, Terri has empowered companies, celebrities, professional athletes and individuals to Live Fearless and Free. Follow Terri on Twitter @terri_cole.