I like to think that I know myself very well at this point, and always speak authentically to what is true for me. And 99% of the time, I do. So even when the littlest of words leave my mouth that I realize aren’t exactly true for me, I always stop and check in with myself to see what’s up.
I had an experience of this last week. Now, this is so silly and minor you might laugh, but I’m dealing with the subtle layers here. ☺ My friend and I were talking about sports, and I said, “I like watching football.” He was surprised and started talking about how he doesn’t like sports, and something about how this is unlike most men, and that he is aware that some women find it strange that men don’t like sports. He said something about me needing a man who likes sports and will watch them with me. Wait a minute! I am certainly not a sports loving girl who would ever put a game on to watch for fun (I’m more Shark Week than Superbowl), and the image of a man drinking beer and yelling at the TV came to my mind… I quickly amended my statement to, “Well, ok, that’s not really true. I just like watching men run around in tights. I used to be a cheerleader. And no, I don’t still have the outfit.”
Which he thought was very amusing.
And while this is closer to the truth, it’s not quite there yet. I was at a restaurant/bar yesterday, and of course a college football game was on and a lot of the men in the place were fixated on the screen. (I’m not being sexist- that’s just what was going on!) I watched it for approximately six seconds, and was over it. Another friend who I was there with asked me if I liked football (not sure what is up with that) and I said, “Yes. Well, sort of. I’ll watch it sometimes. I actually just like watching men run around in tights. I used to be a cheerleader.” My new amended statement. He then made some comment again about women and men and sports- I couldn’t actually hear him because someone was yelling at the TV- and as I sat there, I realized that I was still lying! About some game in which men tackle each other. WTF?
Here’s the truth. I don’t like watching football for more than maybe two minutes. I do enjoy the manliness of the sport, but not enough to watch for very long, or on my own free will. I don’t understand the game. I didn’t even when I used to cheerlead. I realized that I have been saying that I like football because I had it wired somewhere in my head that all men find it sexy when women like football- maybe someone I had a crush on years ago said this, and I decided to “like” football. I’m not sure. But what I do know is that I don’t care if men find it sexy or not, I can’t claim to enjoy football for any reason unless I really do! Such a small, silly little thing, but it felt so out of alignment for me to say so. That’s not true for me. And the man for me will find me telling this truth sexy, not pretending to like football.
I find it very interesting, because my response to the question, “Do you like football?” was so conditioned and just an automatic response. I wasn’t lying on purpose! Well, I guess I was, technically, but it was so unconscious, I didn’t realize it. I’m glad this was such a subtle example of this in my life, because in the grand scheme of things I don’t think it really matters what my thoughts are on football, but it brought my awareness to how icky it felt answering out of integrity with my truth. And all because of a limiting belief (men find women who like football sexy) that I picked up somewhere in my past that was stored in my unconscious. And beneath that, another limiting belief that I need to be a certain way, aka different than I actually am, for a man to like me.
We all have limiting beliefs that can run our lives if we aren’t aware of them. They can cause us to speak out of our truth, believe things about ourselves that are false, and act certain ways to compensate for these lies that we might not even be aware we are carrying around. The way through these is to become aware of them so that we can see them for what they are and see that they are NOT the truth! Are you telling yourself things that have you saying, doing or living in ways that don’t feel good to you? There could be a misbelief at hand. Limiting beliefs feel very true to the person who believes them, so they can be tricky. The more you see yourself as Divine, whole, perfect just the way you are, and as LOVE (which is really your true nature), more and more of these limiting beliefs will pop up to be healed and updated. And the more you do that, the closer you move to your Authentic Self.
I can’t wait until the next time I am asked if I like football, because my answer is going to be, “Nope. I do like watching the men run around in tights and tackle each other, but only for about two minutes. Then I get bored. But I used to cheerlead, and I liked that. So I don’t mind if you like football.” ☺ That’s the absolute truth, and if the man I tell that to doesn’t find it sexy, well then, he ain’t my guy.
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Erinn Alissa Selkis is a health and wellness counselor who compassionately supports her clients to improve all aspects of their lives through nutrition and personal growth. She also works with women to help them discover and live into their femininity and sensuality. Check out her coaching website at http://www.erinnselkis.com.