Forgive Your Bullies! They Wanna Be YOU!

If you’ve ever been bullied, teased, ridiculed or laughed at you can attest that it doesn’t feel very good. No matter what words or actions are used, bullying is bullying is bullying. On all levels, it’s a serious problem in our society. I was bullied and teased a lot when I was growing up. Kids can say the damnedest things and I allowed most of the things that were said to me to seep into my Self, beneath my sensitive skin.

I was nice to everyone, and I didn’t get it why they wouldn’t invite me in with open arms. I just wanted to be liked. Being the “new girl” twice wasn’t easy for me. At my first school, Hazel Fischer Elementary, I got along with everyone, minus being teased for my crooked teeth before I got braces. I was the queen of the sandbox and my cassette tape collection was admired by many. I was the first one of my friends to have New Kids On The Block and C+C Music Factory. My 10th birthday party was a hit! Soon after that, I moved and “teasing” took on a whole new meaning.

I got teased for being too tall, too thin and having long hair. Someone once teased me about the shape of my head and another girl teased me for having size 10 feet. I wanted to do what my mom did and become a model when I grew up. I overheard the girls, who I thought were my friends, say I wasn’t pretty enough and that I’d never make it in front of the camera. I had a rather extensive vocabulary and was in honors classes, and I got made fun of every time I used a word they didn’t understand. I was laughed at because I wouldn’t smoke cigarettes with them. One girl, in particular, was mean to me any time she had the opportunity. She spread countless rumors to try and turn others against me.

Some of my experiences with all of the above affected my ways of being and I began the head chatter of:

“I’m not cool enough to hang with them.”

“My clothes don’t look like everyone else’s.”

“I’m not funny enough to joke around with them.”

“He probably thinks my friends are prettier than I am.”

“They only hang out with me because they feel bad for me.”

These were my own thoughts, so that was my reality. It doesn’t mean that any of it was true, however. I did most things “my own way” and soon felt that it would be less painful if I’d just go along with what was accepted. So I started to act, dress, talk and think like everyone else in my circle. I had my first cigarette when I was 13 years old. Finally I was accepted more often and then my parents decided to relocate. I was the “new girl” all over again in my freshman year of high school.

I thought I’d gotten it all figured out and that I’d be accepted at Carmel High. But I was teased just as much, if not more, than when I was at Incline Village Middle School.  Again, I went against the voice of my authentic Self and tried to fit in. I eventually realized that it felt worse to not be “me” and express myself creatively or be the cool nerd that I truly was. It was like trying to jam a big square into a small hole.

It wasn’t until after my head trauma accident and woke up from my coma, that I realized the reason why I wasn’t fitting in with the masses is because I wasn’t supposed to. I was born a leader and that’s what I’m meant to be no matter what. I’m on a mission to lead the masses through the trenches of impossibilities so they can see what’s possible for them. Leaders create leaders and we all get to be the leaders of our own lives. I’m unique and special and perfect the way I am. And so are YOU. We’re all magical individuals with powerful capabilities. When we try to conform, we give up our power.

Think about the kids who bullied you when you were growing up and feel compassion for them. The truth is they wanted to be like you and they were trying so hard to feel better about themselves. Forgive them and release the grudge. Understand that even grown ups do the same thing kids do. People who are happy and love themselves do not say bad things about others. If you were a bully, or still are one, please reach out to someone you’ve bullied and take ownership for your actions. Change begins with one person. One domino. Be the change you wish to see around you.

Love all that is you,

Jenna xox

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Jenna Phillips is a certified holistic lifestyle coach and the CEO and founder of her company Mission Possible™.  Her mission is to guide people towards what is possible with a positive mindset and Self Love. Follow her on Twitter and be inspired!

  • L D Dickerson

    Love this! I saw you on Dr. Phil the other week and I’m so proud of you! Thank you for being you…you inspire others to be themselves!

  • Anonymous

    thank you for this blog post. i, too, was bullied when i was younger for some of the same things that you were. i think one of the biggest things we all have to learn, and i am still learning this, is that ANYONE can be bullied. i have to admit i was surprised to read this, especially because you are so pretty, so down-to-earth, and so “in-tune” with life and what is important! i know that may be a stupid reason to think someone wouldn’t be bullied, but i don’t think i am alone in making that assumption. i think it’s amazing you are able to feel compassion for the people who made you feel less than your Truth when you were younger. i am so glad you were able to grow and become who you are and contribute these amazing thoughts to TDL.

  • Michelesolis

    Thankyou for this! Very inspiring

  • quezon911

    Bullies are the worst jealous being,, I know coz I live with it daily from work,,as we speak,

  • Ben Steinke

    I’m sorry, but bullies do NOT want to be like their victims. If they wanted to be like their victims, they would not have bullied them. Bullies bully because it cements their place in the school hierarchy and helps them to get ahead in the world later on. Very few bullies ever ask for forgiveness because they simply DO NOT CARE about what they say or do to their victims. Not ONCE have I ever recieved so much as a TOKEN apology from ANYONE who bullied me in junior high. They ENJOYED bullying me, just as ALL bullies enjoy what they do to torment those they disdainfully look down upon. Bullies are most certainly NOT “jealous of” their victims; they DESPISE them. Every single person who bullied me is now successful in their occupations and have families; I work for below minimum wage and haven’t been in a relationship in 15 years. So all this about bullies wanting to “be like” those they bullied is a steaming pile of POOP.

    • apple

      They despise them b/c they’re jealous. I think what they’re jealous of, deep down, is the kind of person the victim is. The victim does not have the misery and hatred that the bully has. The bully is angry and has been cursed with a terrible childhood (a certain type). The person they bully on the other hand has a freedom and, believe it or not, a love inside of them that the bully CANNOT have. The bully is deep down infuriated about this. It’s a different type of “jealousy” than what we usually consider jealousy to be.

  • anonymous

    Absolutely not! All forgiveness does to bullies is give them a chance to walk all over you. When I was younger, these things happened to me:
    1. I forgave some people but they refused to forgive me.
    2. My dad forced me to either forgive or he’d punish me. What a hypocrite he is.

    • apple

      I think the article means forgive them INSIDE of you. Not TO them. Hellz no do not “forgive them” out loud and consequently allow them to do it agan. I agree they “want to be like you.” It’s unconscious. I also don’t think the article means “forgive” in the way we usually see “forgive.” Learning that my bullies were/are miserable….realizing their issues…thinking of the kind of people they were….for example, being hypocrites…it can make you feel better. It takes their power off of you. I think that’s what she’s talking about.