Get Out Of Your Mind! Quick!

Kathleen ChelquistHow in the heck do I get out of my intellectual mind and listen to my heart mind? How do I know the difference? Or, even if there is a difference? How? How? HOW?!?!? UGH!!!

I so remember the days I confused myself into a tizzy, “trying” to figure out how to make a decision. And the excruciating, needy pain of asking a parent, friend, co-worker, etc., “WHAT SHOULD I DO?” Usually, receiving an answer with which I only created more confusion. (So much for looking for answers outside myself.)

Back and forth I went until…I had suffered enough.

One of the many reasons I was unwilling to pull up my courage and listen to my heart was because I was swimming in the swamps of the icky, sticky: “GOOP!” Yep, for most of my life, I had been stuck in the debilitating, “Good Opinion Of People!” I wanted my decision to please everyone-including myself.

My answer? I walked right into a therapist’s office in San Diego and desperately demanded…PILLS! Anything to take the pain away from the anxiety I was creating from the dreaded four words of: I am NOT enough. The psychologist said, “Not now,” and we began weekly therapy sessions; where I learned that I was a servant of my mind AND other people’s.

In order for me to create peace, I must NOT serve TWO masters.

A portal to the divine opened for me that day, and I realized (subconsciously) that if I am serving any other master (including my own ego/mind)…I will create suffering.

And thus, my journey back to my heart began. Leading me to other teachers.

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

-Gautama Buddha

By being willing to receive the guidance from my main teacher, I learned how to actually do it. YIPPEEE! There is a way! And I am so excited to share just FOUR spiritual tools that WORK! Are you ready?

1. “When in doubt…DON’T!”

How may times do you have that inner nudge and just when you are going to turn right, your mind says, “But, but…what if it’s left?” You then play the tug-of-war-game and exhaust yourself with the flames of indecision. The intellectual mind is the architect of doubt. The heart mind trusts the decision it takes NO MATTER WHAT! My suggestion to you is this: when you are in ANY doubt…breathe, relax and let go. Be patient with your process, and then…

2. “Get your ‘But,’ out of the way.” (And some of us have bigger “buts” than others.)

“I love my partner, BUT he is not meeting MY models. I need food, BUT I ‘feel’ too lazy to go the grocery store. I want to go to the party, BUT I don’t have anything to wear.” “But, But, But”…is an excuse. And excuses come from the mind.

3. “Doubt Your Doubt!”

Once I stopped making decisions when my doubt showed up and got my “but” out of the way, I realized…”Why not just ‘Doubt My Doubt’ and go with my FIRST initial gut whisper?” After all, this is the voice of divinity gently calling my name; giving me my answer. And so, I have begun to trust my instinct. So far…it has worked out REALLY well. And the more I practice, the easier it gets.

4. Practice. Practice. Practice.

It ONLY works if you are WILLING to work it!


“Truth is within. It is not hidden. It is planted deep in the center of your heart. It you haven’t uncovered it yet, dig deeper.”

-Cinnamon Lofton

My hope for  all of us is that we are simply…WILLING. Willing to do our life differently and make responsible decisions. Please join me in listening to the first beat of our hearts, as we drum together through the gift of life.

With all my heart,



Kathleen Chelquist is an inspirational blogger. Engage with Kathleen on her website, her Facebook and follow her on Twitter.

  • Dee

    What a great post Kathleen…you totally had me laughing in parts…as what you said at the start is so much like me too. Had to ‘ask’ many questions to search for the answer which left me with nothing but confusion…talk, talk, talking! And the ‘GOOP’. Oh boy, the biggest GOOP has been my mother! (Bless her). Especially when it comes to dating. It’s a lil controlling (kinda like you with your father). I’ve decided 10000% that my future husband must NOT get along with my mother in the slightest. It’s a prerequisite. I’m trying to be a better listener now too. I loved this part ‘In order for me to create peace, I must NOT serve TWO masters’. How true that is x x x

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Thanks Dee! I laugh myself- it truly is the way to see how ridiculous our minds can be. THANK YOU for commenting! Much love to you, Kathleen

  • Ruthie

    WOW – I can So relate, Kathleen!
    It sounds like you are a 6 on the Enneagram – just like me 🙂
    Have you ever studied it? It has helped me so much!! It has given me incredible insight into my patterns and helped me to make new choices when I get into fear and anxiety.
    There’s a free test on there you can take to see what number you are.
    It is the oldest personality typing method there is – over 3,000 years old!
    I especially love being able to determine what my loved ones are and interact with them in a much more compassionate, understanding way.
    Best to you

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Thanks Ruthie…I am going to check it out now! So excited. I love these kind of tests. Blessings to you! Kathleen

  • Jess Herring

    Amazing Blog !! Boy can I relate to this. I have been going through a rough situation and it is hard not to get in the GOOP. I really needed this, thank you for sharing !!

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Gotta love the perfect timing! Thank you sister for commenting! You have what it takes to get through it ALL! Love you, K

  • yesi.p

    Fantastic Blog! Wow! I do remember the painful and suffering of darkness, because I believed not having the power in me to make a complete decision, it had to be always what everybody wanted for me. It was so confusing, that I end up in a deep depression alone in my sofa with a nine Old month son, watching TV, instead of my baby. When I came to the realization I want it that LOVE I saw in my baby’s eyes, to take care of my family “Meaning my husband and my kiddo” Not my MOM, Brothers, Sitter, Aunts, Uncles, Friends before my family!” WAS” driving me to hate LIFE in general. Well one think for sure, the main tool that has help me, to get out of my ego, is very simple. Stop! Breath IN and OUT, feel the flow of life moving trough, as me in the NOW moment and enjoy nature. Works for me, when I get all crazy, victim, wanting someone to come and rescue me. Following you Kathleen, has help me so much, because what I being expressing this last 3 years and 6 months, you have the gift to put it in words for me to process my way..OF FINDING A WAY! to come back to LOVE! Love you lots and lots!


    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Yeah…and you are so doing the work, Yesi! I feel you, and I am so grateful for your spirit! Thank you as always for supporting me through the states! Love to you always, Kathleen

  • Tanja Erickson

    WOW!!!!!!!!!! You are such an articulate, beautiful writer Kathleen! Obviously what you are meant to be doing! Listening to MY inner whisper (and not my mind or other people) is my number one lesson in this life…so clearly this post resonated with me right to my core!!! I am always so excited when I see you on the front page of TDL…and always so excited to read what you have to offer us! Thank you!

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Thanks sister! Love you!

  • Angelica

    Thank you for writing this. This topic is so relevant to me right now. I recently decided to move from San Francisco across the bridge to the East bay. Little did I know that it was just as competitive to find affordable housing. Now I will be without an apartment at the end of the month and will be staying with my boyfriend until I find a home, or make a decision to try other options. It’s hard to get out of your mind when you’re so stressed out and it’s hard to listen to what my heart is truly saying. Because even though a part of me thinks I made a mistake, I’m hoping that it wasn’t and that all of this will lead to something good. I’ll definitely be trying your tips for getting centered and listening to my heart.

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      I am so happy that this blog came to you when you needed it. The steps have worked well for me. I have learned SO much from my “so-called” mistakes, and I would encourage you to take a deep breath and trust that EVERYTHING is HERE for your spiritual growth-NOT against. The more you relax into your own divinity, your wisdom will bubble up. I promise! XO Thanks for sharing with me, Kathleen

  • Estee

    I love your practical and sensible approach tools, thank you! So many of us know what we “should” do but struggle with really doing it. That EGO is strong and sheessh, so addicted to the GOOP for years, even when your EGO is telling you that you are not or don’t care what others think. But what I’ve learned from YOU is, it is ok to ‘mind’ and not “care” or vice-versa….you know what I mean, right? I know when I serve ME, I serve others from a better place, and I know the teachers and answers are before me to remind me to practice this in every breath and it is ok to flub up – there’s lots of opportunities to practice.. I also know the more you share your voice, wisdom, experiences and vulnerability, the world becomes a better place by each of us you touch. So cheers to you, to ME, and the TDL community to serving our souls and getting out of the GOOP on this lovely Friday! As always, thank you! xo

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Love it! Here’s to getting out of the GOOP and being US! Just one thing…I care, but I don’t mind. When people say, “I don’t care,” that is not true (even when their minds say it is). Our true self cares for EVERYONE. We just need to learn to not mind. Love to you and thanks for the comment Estee!

  • Paula Dias

    You continue to inspire me to wake up to this amazing life I have been given!
    You are LOVE!!!!

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Thanks Paula! Much love to YOU!!!

  • Heather Holliday

    WOW! “How may times do you have that inner nudge and just when you are going to turn right, your mind says, “But, but…what if it’s left?” You then play the tug-of-war-game and exhaust yourself with the flames of indecision.”

    It’s like you have been in my head all month with the inner struggles of a life-altering decision that affects, not just myself, but others as well. My “BUTS” were weighing the pros and cons of how my actions would affect loved ones, even if it benefited myself. This was one time in my life that the “inner knowing” did not jump out at me no matter how still and quiet I got. Or maybe it did and I just didn’t realize it. I begged the universe for signs, then felt like I got two opposite answers. The GOOP was a strong pressure on this one, I tell ya!! Especially from loved ones! They will love me anyway, so I had to push that aside. Ultimately… this one was up to ME. I had to go deeper than “signs” and evaluate what was really truly important to me and make that my priority. Ultimately, I passed up an opportunity that I will not get again. But I am content in the knowledge that I am being true to my own core self and core values. Love or money???? I chose LOVE. <3

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Thanks for the shout-out Heather! I have been one who loves to follow the signs, until I learned to not even NEED them. For it still is looking outside of ourselves. Even though, it is sure fun when I do see them. Congrats on choosing LOVE! When you do…you will never have one regret. Not one, even if it does not go the way you want it to. I made so many decisions based on other people’s happiness, and inevitably we ALL became unhappy. This is when I say the 8th Pathway to a Higher Consciousness: “I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering THEM message THEY NEED for their growth.” Hope this helps! Love to you! Kathleen

  • Stylishus

    HA! Good ol’ fashion indecisiveness! I know this one well. My impatience for it began with watching my mother. NO joke…..she would line up stuffed animals at the store to see which one had the best eyes, nose, whiskers, what ever the heck else. I would watch this and be like, “What tha???” I swore I would never be like that~Oh Hell No! Until that day at Target when I was lining up stuffed animals to get the best one. JOKE IS ON ME!! This subject is one that I have struggled with. I have made loads of decisions~ ones that came with the second guessing ~ones that came with panic~ that came with shame~that came with opinions~that led me to where I sit right now. I like the “doubt your doubt” clause. I have been really working on the whole gut instinct thing. I have been blessed with pretty darn good intuition~ now to put it to its correct use. Looking back (which isn’t the direction I prefer) I see how my Initial “whisper” “voice” “instinct” pretty much was consistently handed to me. Now….did I heed this? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Either way~ there is a purpose in all that we do, and that too has proved itself. Today I am much more aware and wildly excited to learn more and do better. Momma wants to do this life right!! (ok, ok, back off I know there is no “right” or “wrong”) Great post my friend! You are a blessing. xoxo

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Keep on with your wild excitement and hold on for the ride! Thanks Stylishus! XOXO

  • Debbi Sanzo-Davis

    Great post Kathleen. I think most of us can relate. Very well said, thanks for sharing.

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Thanks for commenting, Debbie! Yes, it seems to be universal indeed. XO

  • Carie Bean

    Wow! Look at you Kathleen! Teaching us all while sharing your story! I’m gonna get my “but” out of my own way and listen to my whisper. Love all the spirit that you bring to all the eyes on you here. And the intention that you live your life with. Keep shining beautiful soul. Keep growing and as always be grateful for it all! Love love love this content! Great wisdom. Happily Carie Bean

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      As usual, I thank you for your kind words and gentle spirit. I love your profile pic and never want you take it down (but I suppose I don’t have that control, do I? LOL!) Love to you Carie! Always, Kathleen

  • Ilonda Hairston-Clayton

    Wonderful ! I am inspired! #grateful

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      And you inspire me. XO

  • amy

    wow…as i found myself doubting “me” today i saw your blog…thank you!

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Whoop! Whoop! Love it! THANK YOU!

  • Laune J

    Wow! Great advice for all of us “people-pleasers”! Thank you for taking the time to share your journey with us, and help us with ours. 🙂

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Thanks Laune for commenting! Blessings, Kathleen

  • zoetropicdream

    It is a hard lesson– to learn that you have to make decisions on your own. Especially with little foundation or direction. But it’s like a muscle that you have to strengthen. People talk about steeling yourself to do something, but if you are following your heart, you will feel inner strength, but on the outside you will be flexible and calm. Thank you for this.

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Yes, it is. Love that. Thank you! Kathleen

  • ange

    “Practice practice practice”, how true if we are willing too. Thank you for sharing this post & a great reminder to get out of our minds, listen to our hearts!

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      That’s it…WILLING TO PRACTICE. Give ourselves the patience, love, and understanding that the Universe gives us. Thanks for commenting!