Have you found your tribe?

mk_treesYou are not an island. None of us are.

We are meant to be with people and to thrive together. By our nature we are Tribal creatures.

Caroline Myss once said, “You only rise as high as the tribe you’re in.” This correlates directly to one of my favorite Will Smith quotes: “You will see how far in life you’ll go with the 5 people you spend the most amount of time with.”

In my journey, coming from Kansas to Los Angeles (and being an only child), I’ve always been a loner. I didn’t feel like I belonged in Kansas. I didn’t resonate with most of the folks there. In coming to L.A., it’s taken me almost 10 years to find my tribe.

When you’re surrounded by the right people who believe what you believe and support your dreams, you can thrive.

But when you’re surrounded by people who don’t share your values or believe what you believe or who are naysayers to your dreams, it can be extremely discouraging and lead to depression and dis-ease.

For me, I knew I didn’t belong in Kansas. I knew I belonged in L.A. But it wasn’t about location.

It wasn’t until I realized that I belonged to myself and figured out what my values were, what I wanted from life, what my purpose is and the like, that I found my Tribe.

I’m still kind of new to the Tribe I’ve found. I’ve known most of my current friends for less than a few years, but it feels like a homecoming having them in my life. We love each other, we support each other and as friends, we belong together.

Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself.(Click to tweet) It can be scary doing this. You may have to go against the wishes of your parents, loved ones or even religion to follow your dream.

But your dream is the Uni-verse calling you. And once you realize it, you will be home – within yourself and with those you love. Instead of believing what you believe because someone told you to, you will believe what you believe because you have your own life experience on which to base your beliefs.

This is the path of self-realization – to believe what you believe because you have worked it out for yourself, and to find out what it feels like to truly belong to yourself – and then find the tribe where you belong.

When you belong to yourself, you are no longer mad at parents or loved ones who don’t understand you. You are free to love them as they are, because you don’t need them to see you, because you see yourself. You’re free to love unconditionally and not let their judgments dictate your path.

Ask the Uni-verse to show you how you can belong to yourself. The answers will reveal themselves and your perfect group of friends, colleagues and allies will emerge.

As always, the action happens in the comments below, leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love,

Mastin

PS – Our first annual Daily Love LIVE is coming to NYC Sept 28th and 29th. Discover your purpose. Master your relationships. Find your heart. Join Mastin, Marianne Williamson, Gabby Bernstein & more! RSVP here.

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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. To follow him on Twitter click here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • Carrie

    Your blog is part of MY tribe 🙂

  • Melissa

    I have started finding my tribe and it is great! It is a wonderful blessing and I am grateful to be on this Path. This blog is part of that. Thank you Mastin for sharing your heart thoughts with the world.

  • Seagram

    This is the first time it hit me that I do need a tribe. I’ve been something of a lone wolf my whole life, especially the past year.

    • Sarah

      Love will find a way to you Seagram….remember it takes courage and tenacity and a strong will to be a solo rider….I commnend your courage and strength….keep riding….the light is near….you are understood.

  • Gumbo

    Mastin, I have been reading TDL for several months. Your posts the last few weeks have been on a much deeper level and they resonate with me deeply. Todays post touched my core. At the age of 63 I am just beginning to realize my core purpose in life. I am retired now and have more time to reflect on what I truly want from life. Thanks for all you do for others and your total dedication to being of service. The Uni-verse is blessed to have you right where you are at this time.

  • Mastin great post today. I used to think I had find my tribe by creating it, starting a business or a group of followers on my blog etc. The I realized I could join a tribe instead of trying to start one. I started seeking out groups of people doing the things I am doing and want to do. I started participating in local networks and volunteering with my local ICF (International Coach Federation) board.

    By doing these things I now get to spend more and more of my time with those ‘5’ people Will Smith talks about and I get to contribute and receive at a much higher level than I was before.

    The funny thing is that by joining tribes of like minded people I am more inspired than ever to be the most authentic version of myself and actually do the things that before I only dreamed about. So now I am on my true path with my own business and a blog (launch in Sept) to support people on their path. Now I have walked what I have walked I am prepared with truths that I can share with others on a much higher level.

    So I echo what you are saying because by going out and finding these people I’ve had my inner dreams encouraged and supported and the voices of the naysayers who I used to spend time with has diminished exponentially. It’s liberating and the best part is I am out there being of service in the way I was divinely intended.

  • “When you belong to yourself, you are no longer mad at parents or loved ones who don’t understand you. You are free to love them as they are, because you don’t
    need them to see you, because you see yourself. You’re free to love unconditionally and not let their judgments dictate your path.”

    As someone who did not just lose myself, I don’t even think I ever really knew myself! But as I have started to unravel myself, I have been able to express my TRUE self and all of that resentment towards those “who created my circumstances just melted”

    Its very true that when do not give yourself the love of self expression you will not be able to really love others because the resentment of being confined rules you. It is selfless to be self loving.

    Good day TDL’rs!
    Sweta

  • Kathleen Chelquist

    YES! My tribe is a small group and quite eclectic at that. But we all have one MAJOR thing in common: a desire to surrender to Love. I remember when I was younger, people would come up to me and my tribe and say, “WOW…you girls are ALL so pretty.” Although, i took it as a compliment….my heart knew something was up. I would ask myself for just a brief moment, “Am I… “Shallow Hal?” I knew I wasn’t (and I was), skipped right over that whisper, and took another drink of my cocktail to stuff that pain-staking truth.

    When I entered myself into AL Anon (help for those suffering with alcoholics), I started seeing my mirror in each and every individual. Some who had no teeth, stringy hair, and wrinkles deep to the bone. We started developing fellowship, but there was one part of the picture that did not completely resonate for me: Alcohol. I would substitute the word for EVERY addiction, while I was in meetings (as my sponsor taught me)…but I was yet to meet my true heart tribe.

    2.5 years later, I met Cinnamon Lofton and the peeps in her Living Love Class. Fortunately my bestie and sister (of my choosing), Tanja Erickson, and husband decided to go as well. I have gone against the wishes of my father, in-laws, and some friends (who’s energy say it all)…but…I am finally where I belong. I am 43 years old.

    The Daily Commenter,
    Kathleen
    are-you-here-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com

    • NewLife

      Thanks for your encouragement! It’s hard to “go against” your “family” but what is worse is going against yourself.
      I am just now becoming familiar with the term family “of my choosing.” I feel much more at home, recognized & honored with someone other than with my biological mother.

  • Amy Thoennes

    Good morning TDL community! One of the first actions that I take in the morning is to read the Daily Love in my mailbox. Today after reading I felt moved to leave a comment. When I first saw the title, “Have You Found Your Tribe?” I thought it was in reference to the book by Sir Ken Robinson called “The Element”. I love this book because it goes into great detail about the importance of finding your tribe. Anyway, it’s a great read and i encourage others to check it out.The topic of todays blog reflects this book a bit.
    What moved me most about the post today was this “You may have to go against the wishes of your parents, loved ones or even religion to follow your dream. But your dream is the Uni-verse calling you.And once you realize it, you will be home – within yourself and with those you love.” You see, when I was in college in my early twenties I struggled in choosing a major and every subject that I tried didn’t seem to fit. It wasn’t until I took a Art class that I was hooked. I knew that I wanted to make art all the time, every day and wanted to major in it. So I did, I answered the call and went on to pursue a degree in art against the wishes of my father. It was tough and I struggled in the beginning with his disapproval. However, I developed the desire to continue on and realized that I enjoyed teaching art to others and being surrounded by creativity. At one point in my life I stepped away from it and was miserable. After coming back to art and getting more involved with others who shared the same passions I feel supported, inspired, excited and driven to be more creative. So even though I didn’t have the support of family I found it elsewhere. Thank you Mastin for your post today. Happy day everyone!

    • Carol

      Amy, I was happy to read how you discovered art. How wonderful! I understand this so well. I felt a connection with that same part of the post as you.
      I’ve been an artist as long as I remember, but I didn’t have the courage you did, so I did as my family wanted and studied business instead. I hated every day of it. However in a small town there was little work for artists and of course they are seen as “weird ones”. Also an only child, I truly felt alone but thankfully didn’t mind being weird at all.
      I feel better now at age 49 for three reasons. One, because my son is now a graphic designer, and because of artist friends I’ve met online. And the third because those narrow-minded people have commissioned and bought artwork from me since.
      I still long for a group of creative friends nearby. I have had a calling since I was 4 to live near the sea but have resisted it as well due to family.
      This post’s title also resonated with me as I am of Cherokee heritage and have been doing research to find my great grandmother’s tribe. I feel a great connection to her which as mentioned also goes somewhat against traditions /religion.
      So my dream is that someday my love of animals and gift of art will come together near the ocean. Until then …I am so thankful for this post, Mastin and for your comment, Amy!
      Love and Peace

    • Carol

      Amy, sorry I didn’t sign that post. I thought it would show my name beside it but disqus wouldn’t let me log in.
      Love & Peace (again)
      Carol

      • Amy Thoennes

        No worries Carol! Thank you for responding to my post, it brings me joy that somethings I said resonated with you. 🙂 I hope for you that your dreams will come into fruition near the ocean. It is never too late to answer the call as Joseph Campbell states.

  • Jill_Hallgren

    Hi Mastin! Thanks for sharing this. I, too, feel isolated at times. I have tried several groups and have not yet found the place where i truly feel like I belong. I am working on getting right with myself and keeping the faith that the rest will fall into place!

  • Denise

    Aloha Mastin. Just came back on the flight from Maui with you. Was standing beside you at customs but didn’t want to interrupt your person time. Wanted to say you really impressed me at the luggage carousel helping with the tumbling bags. A class act you are!

  • JLO

    Great post today! I agree with “Gumbo”. Your posts over the past few weeks have really touched me on a deeper level. This one and several others almost seem like they were written just for me! 🙂 Exactly what I needed to hear, at the right time. Keep it up. You are on a roll! Thank you for everything you do!

  • Samantha

    Finding my own tribe has been my biggest challenge so far in my life. I was brought up in a family that was very anti social with a “people suck” attitude. All my life I was never a people person and as I got older even dreaded socializing. It was this isolation that ultimately lead me to the start of my journey on the path. Now I not only choose to see the light and love in people, instead of their faults, I crave relationships with people who feel the same. This however is difficult because I am still surrounded by the same people. I’m also realizing that those people I once considered to be apart of my tribe do not seem to understand or be happy for the changes I have made in my life. I also feel that after so many years of trying to avoid people, that I don’t even know how to create relationships with new people. I know that if I keep continuing in the right direction and put myself out there that the universe will provide, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t get lonely and discouraged. Any words of encouragement or advice would really help.

    • Libra

      very good that you can express yourself….guess what, what you put out will come around to you..just stay focused with the fact that you love meeting people…just be yourself in creating relationship with new people….initiate plans and hang out with a self confidence,,,when you meet them ask about how they are doing and be interested in them…believe me all the kindness and attention you put out, you will receive it back , might not necessarily be from the very same people to whom you give , but someitmes form new friends. in a surprising way.

    • Jolie Blond

      In some areas there is a 12 Step group called Children of Dysfunctional Families. You can sometimes meet a few people who share a desire to recover from the wounds of living in dysfunctional families as well similar goals. Some people at these meetings are still unhealthy, so you have to be careful who you associate with. I’ve really found that when I get myself relatively balanced and cleared, the Universe seems to send me to the people that are best for me and me to them.

      • Jolie Blond

        That’s Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families.

  • Tracy

    I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type to you. Right now, I am torturing myself with this very issue. About a year and a half ago I entered therapy for the first time in my 42 years of life. (The BEST thing that has ever happened to me, by the way) During this amazing time with my therapist my eyes have been opened to my patterns. My patterns have kept me in the same chase for love that wounded me in the first place. I have felt so abandoned and alone and like you, Mastin, I grew up the only child as well. I too left the Mid-west, for the other side – NYC. Therapy has shown me how I chased my unavailable mother all my life. As you might imagine, I also chased unavailable lovers all my life. FOREVER I have searched to feel apart of someone but also very very very very afraid to show myself. Whenever I have showed myself I have been punished for some reason. This made me learn to work extra hard to try to hide myself AND please others sooo much that they want to love me. Of course unavailable people do not love you back so…
    The reason I am crying now is I am struggling with NOT chasing my mother. NOT needing her to see me. I am happy to know my patterns but breaking them is very very hard. I am going to try and belong to myself. I have a lot of shit to work through to get there but belonging to myself seems safer for me right now. Especially after all the rejection from unavailable people. My other goal is to find my tribe. Thank you for this.

    • Guest

      Thank you so much for sharing – it is so beautiful that you have gotten to this space and just know that your goal of self love is not as far as you think. I was where you were just a short year ago. Just start being honest with yourself and others. Tell the truth any which way you can – and when you see that people love you anyway, even more in fact you will no longer start to feel the need to fill the hole of love because you will become proud of who you are and automatically have self love. Integrity does that 🙂

    • Thank you so much for sharing – it is so beautiful that you have gotten to this space and just know that your goal of self love is not as far as you think. I was where you were just a short year ago. Just start being honest with yourself and others. Tell the truth any which way you can – and when you see that people love you anyway, even more in fact you will no longer start to feel the need to fill the hole of love because you will become proud of who you are and automatically have self love. Integrity does that 🙂

    • Kerry

      Hi Tracy. It sounds like you’re really on the road to recovery and as I’ve been on a pretty similar journey myself just in the past year or so I can totally empathise. I know it can be very hard at times but you’ll get there and the one thing I realise is so big in our healing is forgiveness of our parents and ourselves. Stay strong, you will get there and you will be ok, trust me. x

    • Jolie Blond

      There are many, many EFT tapping videos on YouTube to help break a large variety of patterns. They help me a lot in this long and difficult struggle. Hope they help you as well. Whatever you use, stay with this process because it gets easier as time passes. You are very brave to be involving yourself in this kind of work

      • NewLife

        What kind of subject line would you search under? Rejection or abandonment? I am curious because I have done EFT but still feel isolated.

  • Family, Friends & Happiness

    I’ve been part of a large extended tribe my whole life & it’s the immediate tribe(friends & family) that are so important. quality not quantity. This year I have made it one of my many goals to be more with my family tribe & connect on a more deeper & meaningful level than ever before. An example is I’ve booked a flight to go & see some relatives that I haven’t seen in their ‘homeland” in November. It has been something I’ve dreamed which is now reality for over 10 years:)

  • Ginny

    There is something almost mysterious about “finding your
    tribe’. I have just struggled for over two years removing myself from a “lovely group of people” who are on a different journey than me. My “little girl” rose up confused – I want to be asked, but I don’t want to go, what
    will they think of me – a myriad of inner emotions that were there to be
    healed. I’m 77, always gregarious, I love people, however, I was having so many negative thoughts and feelings. I wasn’t “being myself”, I felt like an outsider. I was
    diminishing myself, and forgetting my TruSelf.

    I have finally regained my “self” or should I say “TruSelf”
    and am enjoying a return to my loving tribe, where judgment and conformity
    don’t seem to exist. I love the way the Uni-verse works. Now I only meet like-minded seekers. I am at home, I feel the beautiful energy, and my “little girl” is perfectly happy and so am I. Wonderful new people have added so much to my life. Much learned, much gained. Once again the Uni-verse provides!

    Thank you again, Mastin. TDL is a family of wonderful souls. You are a gatherer of
    seekers.

  • Chelsea

    I’m at a place where I am just beginning this journey. I’ve realized the people I’ve always surrounded myself with do not support the me that is really me! Where do you suggest I begin? I’ve been exploring different organizations and volunteer opportunities but feel like I’m not making any progress! It’s easy to get defeated when you already feel alone.

  • dream

    It took me 10 years in LA as well. I found my tribe and am so thankful… painful process… YES… worth it? I’d do it a thousand lifetimes over. Great post, thank you so much for sharing.

  • LoJamm

    Wanted: 4 openings for creative, supportive, inspiring tribal members.

    *No village idiots please.

  • Stacy

    I love this and thank you for this. I was “lost” and now….Im found. Im making changes and decisions that align my values with my hopes and dreams, and it feels damn good

  • Jessica Nirmalbir Kaur

    Sat nam. Namaste!! hello Daily Love!! Im new, posting here. words have a big impact today cause as I am working on my Dreams and loving my life. I always runned away and now I know that what I want to find its already waiting for me inside. No longer lost and infinity is always supporting me. I feel this blog was also waiting for me to read it. Thank You!!!!!! love to come here and share. thank You!! really great day to all……Love. j

  • Rhonda

    I’m finding my tribe, right here in Kansas. You would be shocked & surprised how many people are on the same spiritual pass, wherever you may live. 🙂

  • Laurie

    SO, SO GOOD.
    SO MANY great things about this article….. that resonated all over the place with me…..”you don’t need them to see you, because you see yourself.” ..But your dream is the Uni-verse calling you. And once you realize it, you will be home – within yourself

  • Melinda Leigh

    I moved to Nashville, TN two and a half years ago and I’m not sure I have found my tribe yet. I am definitely someone who values meaningful relationships in my life, and in my mind it should not have taken this long to find that. So I’ve felt like there was something wrong with me. Thank you for showing me it cannot happen overnight, and it’s important to be in touch with, and appreciate, who you are before you will find the people who see it too. I really feel like I can cut myself some slack now, and let my relationships unfold as they should.

  • Theresa

    I too, grew up in Kansas (Wichita) and never felt a sense of belonging at all. When barely 18 and married, took our “hippie” van and baby and moved to San Diego! Many many many moons later finally found myself and my tribe with my incredibly awesome shamanic soul family in WNC (western north carolina)

  • Valerie Marie Rutherford

    “When you’re surrounded by the right people who believe what you believe and support your dreams, you can thrive.

    But when you’re surrounded by people who don’t share your values or believe what you believe or who are naysayers to your dreams, it can be extremely discouraging and lead to depression and dis-ease.”
    While most of the people in my life are at least supportive of my dreams, I’ve yet to find anyone who really believes what I believe and shares my values. Not to mention, actually has time for me in their life.