How To Find Healing In This Very Moment - Daily Love with Mastin Kipp

How To Find Healing In This Very Moment

Karly Randolph PitmanA few years ago, while going through a long dark night of the soul – it lasted for nearly 4 years – I began a practice that I continue today.

When I notice that I’m judging or “shoulding” all over myself – thinking my feelings, my life, my experience, or my very self should be different – I offer myself this tender prayer. I put my hand on my heart and gently tell myself, “I will not make war against my own heart.”

This call for mercy often brings tears to my eyes.

More than anything, it’s a call for deep acceptance, a call to be here:  to drop the “shoulds,” my resistance, and open to what is. To be present for whatever is unfolding in my life. This often – gulp! – means being present to feelings of failure, fear, sadness, longing, anger, despair… things I would rather avoid than feel.

And yet what those feelings most want from me is to be felt: to be held in a deep embrace. My meeting them with love – and not armor, a giant bar against the door  – softens them, and softens me.

Our desire for “more”

After doing this for many years I appreciate that this will be a lifelong practice. That’s because my dear ego mind – all ego minds! – are continually wanting to be somewhere else other than here. It is constantly seeking for something so it can feel more secure, more enough, more worthy, more comfortable. And that place is never this moment …..it’s always something more, somewhere else.

Sometimes, this desire for “more” arises in our lives in simple, humorous ways – perhaps a search for a better song on the radio. At other times, this search for more can lead to deep pain in our hearts.

During a recent group coaching call I heard from many who are struggling with being where they are. They want to be over there – there being further along in my program, further along in their healing, further along in weight loss – a place where they imagine feeling “successful” and “whole.” And they so, so long to feel whole, to feel healed. To feel enough.

Of course.

What’s underneath the pain of “forcing”

So there’s often a lot of grasping, seeking, and straining energy in wanting to get over there – so they can have those feelings of wholeness and healing. This can be exhausting, overwhelming and lead to a sense of “spinning our wheels.” And because it’s a war, it always, always hurts. As poet May Sarton says, “The use of force exacts a formidable price in self-loathing.”

But what if we could have those feelings of wholeness right now? And what if those feelings are as close as our breath?

If we dig below each layer of seeking – a future time or space where we imagine being more together, more whole, in less pain, more complete, further along, more beautiful, more “recovered” from whatever habit we’re trying to shift – what we’re wanting is a time and space when we feel loveable and loved.

And when we stop seeking and rest in this moment – opening ourselves to as we are, right now – we become the love we’ve been seeking. We find what we’ve been looking for.

Finding here, finding home

During my call, one woman shared what was coming up for her. She realized that where she is right now is truly okay – even though it may not be where her mind thinks she should be. In coming to a place of deep acceptance – of accepting exactly where she is in this moment, without judgment (for who really knows what the next moment will hold) – she stopped making herself wrong. In that moment of acceptance, suddenly, she was not broken or in need of healing:  she was enough.

In sharing this space with her on the phone, I could feel the energy of this acceptance. It felt like a warm, gentle bath, a soft opening – it was the energy of unconditional love, and it was so beautiful.

Our desire for love

Wanting to be any where other than where we are creates feelings of judgment and separation, and this separation hurts our hearts. We’re making where we are – or who we are in this moment – wrong. Oh, ouch – can you feel the suffering there?

But when we drop the judgment, drop the war and simply accept – this is how it is right now – we open ourselves to the ever changing, ever flowing river of life. We let go of the shoulds of how we should be in control or how our healing should unfold. And in that moment, we are not broken. In that moment, we are healed. In that moment, we are love. In that moment, we feel peace.

And in that moment, we are enough.

In that moment, we are here.

Love,

Karly

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Karly Randolph Pitman teaches men and women how to create a loving, peaceful relationship with food, their bodies, and themselves so they can heal the emotional roots of eating disorders and rest in their goodness. She’s the author of several programs on gentle healing, including the bestselling Overcoming Sugar AddictionOvercoming Sugar Addiction for LifeThe 30 Day LiftHeal Overeating: Untangled, and Heal Your Body Image. You can find Karly on her blog at www.firstourselves.org and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/firstourselves.