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Here’s how to RAISE your self-esteem!

To listen to the audio version of this blog, click here.

Self-esteem is one of those things that’s talked about a lot. It’s like a catch phrase that everyone seems to throw around, but how do we actually get it?

That’s the question.

I thought I knew, but I didn’t until I met my life coach, Laurie Gerber.

And Laurie laid it out to me in such a SIMPLE way. I LOVE simplicity. Everything that is sophisticated should be simple. And the way that Laurie laid it out was the most sophisticated description of self-esteem I have EVER heard.

She said that self-esteem comes from keeping PROMISES to yourself. That is – make your ACTIONS in alignment with your nature. That is to say – DO what you SAY you are going to do. It’s simple, but not easy.

ESPECIALLY for someone who has addictive tendencies like me. My nature is health. My desire is a six pack and SOMETIMES I don’t always eat in a way that is in alignment with my true nature or desire. And so… what happens? I don’t respect myself; I take myself further away from my true desire.

And with this action – I LOSE esteem for myself. And my self-esteem lowers. I’m learning that when I do this, it’s important to not go into guilt and shame mode, that is for sure. But even so, when I don’t act in alignment with my true nature and my desires, my self-respect goes down and so does my self-esteem.

On the flip side, when I act in alignment with my nature and my goals – my self-esteem goes UP!

It’s a simple equation, really, which is why I love it.

I’m still learning how to do this, but I’m doing my best to keep my promises to myself every day. And as I do, my self-esteem goes up and as that goes up my productivity and creativity increase, and life just gets better!

So, where in YOUR life are you not keeping promises to yourself? Where in your life are your actions not in alignment with your true nature and desires? Can you see that when you aren’t acting in alignment with your true nature and desires your self-esteem goes down? What actions are you willing to take NOW to reverse this and can you stop feeling guilty and shameful? As always, the action happens in the comments below. Let me know and also give the TDL Community a chance to SUPPORT YOU!

Love,

Mastin

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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • Lori

    maybe it is not in your nature to have six pack abs…not everyone is built for those, but in your nature to be healthy and strong and balanced…that may mean being happy with a version of yourself that doesn’t include a six pack.  My question is why are we so focussed on physical goals that may be beyond our reach realistically?  Just keep taking steps forward, doing what is right and good and your self esteem will soar.  Overtime you will build a name for yourself that is better than gold…being morally sound and a good person for years and years with a good reputation does wonders for the self esteem!

    • http://twitter.com/MastinKipp Mastin Kipp

      Hey Lori, I believe that it is within my physical reach :o) and there’s nothing wrong with setting that goal. If you read TDL you’ll see I”m focused on MANY aspects of the inner and outer life, today’s was on this :o)

      • ana

        Six pack abs are pure sexy! Go for it Mastin! 

      • Lori

        Hey Mastin
        I read The dAily Love every morning and I love it!! If you can get a six pack that is awesome, but we love your six pack mind more, we who follow you religiously. You have lots of insight on so many things! Just don’t become one of those manororexics trying to get a six pack. I have been a gym rat all my life, I am 49 now, and back in the day fit guys never had six packs, I was a swimmer so I seen it all!
        We love you no matter what Mastin, keep on keep on!

  • RadDoc

    Mastin, you nailed it right on the head for me!  Integrity…   Nothing works in one’s life without integrity.  I fully get and experience that I’m not always going to do what I say I’m going to do when I say I”m going to do it.  Who does this 100% of the time?  Nobody. That’s not the problem when it comes to issues of lowered self esteem.  For me, the issue with lowered self esteem comes from– not cleaning it up when I mess up.  Instead, I sometimes will go into a mode of self-doubt and self-hate and beging living from an overall disempowering conversation about myself.  Then… nothing in life works.  Integrity and keeping promises…. the key thought for the day!  Thanks Mastin.

    • http://twitter.com/MastinKipp Mastin Kipp

      YES – yes and YES!

    • http://butterflymaiden7.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

      Dear RadDoc, I so enjoyed your post and agree that “cleaning it up” is definitely the way to go.  My question to you is this…why aren’t you willing to do what you say you are going to do 100%?  Why is that impossible?  You wrote, “Nobody” does.  I fortunately know someone who serves love 100% of the time. I know it is possible.  You  most likely are thinking, ” Yeah, right…who is this fruit loop?”  Notice I wrote, “thinking.”  I would have thought that too not long ago. The truth is our EGO wants us to believe that we are “Only Human.”  My mentor, Cinnamon Lofton, writes in her book, “HERE, NOW”…” If you believe you’re “Only Human,” and are not willing to budge…you’re thumbing your nose at enlightenment. Nothing is more important than enlightment. Not romance, not money, not parenthood. Nothing.”  The truth is 100% of the time is simple and also VERY HARD. Enlightenment is a moment to moment choice. It doesn’t just happen and fall out of the sky. It requires us loving ourselves 100% so then we can love others’ 100%. It requires us to stay PRESENT and say ,”YES,” to EVERYTHING. This is EVERYONE’S purpose on this Earth School.  ”We can only give what we’ve got.” Our EGO MIND does not want that kind of responsibility. It is mind blowing. Believe me when I say, I have the responsibility now that I know it exists through Cinnamon Lofton even though I can look like a crazy nut for saying it.  YOUTUBE her if you are interested.  She is a  SERVANT OF LOVE and left her own phone number in her book for ANYONE to call her. My whisper was to let you know. Heart to Heart, Kathleen butterflymaiden7.blogspot.com/  (I just wrote about the self-doubt deal in my latest blog, “WE ARE ALL SHINY LURES”

  • Rleea

    Goodmorning and thanks for this today. What you are saying today really hit home as I can say too that when I let my addictions run wild then my self esteem seems to go, but as I live my live in truth and treat this body with respect and work at keeping the promises that I have made the difference is obvious. Why can we know what is true and yet not be that truth. Each day following the path of truth will bring me closer to the self esteem that has been lacking in so much of my life. Accepting that there is not a switch that I can turn on that will make self esteem appear but that I must do the next right thing to create it. So as I go about my day today my intention is to remember by treating myself and all beings with love and compassion my self esteem goes up.
    Thanks

  • Jodi Brown

    Our fast-paced instant gratification culture lends itself to us feeling like a failure more frequently than not.  Change, goals, intentions — all of them require commitment and regular attention to successfully become our reality.  All or nothing is more often than not a recipe for disaster.  Don’t forget you are human.  You are going to stumble and fall occasionally but don’t throw the baby out with the bath water and assume you can’t do it.  THAT feeds your low-self esteem.  Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, acknowledge your brief shortcomings and get back in the game.  When you are not willing to admit defeat and move forward, THAT will build your self-esteem beyond your wildest dreams.  Thanks, Mastin. 

  • Maya Northen

    Love this, and the simplicity of it. I have a huge habit of guilt/shame/disapproving of myself when I do something that isn’t in alignment with my natural state. I notice the things I feel the worst about are the things I want to/hope to/plan to do but I am not successfully doing. So for me I think it’s a combination of making sure those goals are where I truly want to be heading (and not just what I feel I *should* be reaching for) and then doing what I have to do to reach them. Because I even notice that if I feel I’ve tried my absolute hardest but haven’t yet reached them, I feel ok – not great, but not awful. It’s when I feel I’m not trying as hard as I could be and making excuses or just not focusing that my self esteem suffers. Thank you for this blog post! 

  • dap

    instead of judging, why not try appreciating you life…..

  • http://butterflymaiden7.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

    Well said, Mr Mastin. It is so simple and not easy. My mentor, Cinnamon Lofton, makes it seem so easy because she keeps it simple. Her Book, HERE,NOW, I would STRONGLY recommend because it is the most SIMPLE book I have ever read and yet so powerful.  On page one she writes, “This book may be way too simple for you. (I’m not kidding.) Or you may recognize it as a powerful guide for joy.”  You can check her out describing the book on YOUTUBE if any of you are interested. In answering one of your questions, I stop the feeling of guilt by being aware that GUILT and SHAME are the BIGGEST COPOUTS one can use. When I first heard this, my mind went, “HUH? SERIOUSLY?”  Yes. Guilt keeps us from the discipline necessary to CHANGE.  For instance, let’s take these addictions: weight and smoking. If you spend time with guilt, you will keep your mind from focusing on not eating another bite of cake or your next puff of a ciggy. It is that simple, people just have to complicate it. STAY NOW.  What ever you are doing NOW… is who you are. So, If you are smoking NOW…you are a smoker.  If you are not smoking NOW- you are a non-smoker.  After all, “This Only Has The Meaning I’m Giving It.” STAY HERE…MOMENT TO MOMENT. It is a DISCIPLINE and a PRACTICE.  So, for those of you who are serving these addictions: Don’t “TRY” it….DO IT!!!  I promise you- IT WORKS. Your Daily Commenter, Kathleen Chelquist   butterflymaiden7.blogspot.com/

  • Michele

    Good morning Mastin & TDL Community!

    The subject of this blog is my week in a nutshell!

    One of my goals is to offer consistency to others in my current relationships especially in the realm of doing what I said I would do and not vacillating with decisions and commitments.  I never considered how this needs to happen with myself first (lightbulb going on as I read this)!  I have been journaling a bit about how I do not even trust myself and how to build self-trust.  So I feel a whole lot of syncronicity with your post here, Mastin!  I love it when that happens!! : )

    During this first week after the Discover the Wisdom of Your Fear Immersion Week Course, I’ve seen the tide of my self-esteem levels rise as I act.  I have also seen that what you said about change not happening overnight or all at once to ring true.  Why do we expect super-fast overnight changes with our behaviors? 

    My heart’s desire is to love and accept myself and enJOY the process of change even when I eat too much or back out of a commitment.  I am so glad to be on the journey with each one of you! 

     Thanks for the blog, Mastin and the to the TDL community, thanks for your comments, support and being there!! We are not meant to do this life work alone : )

  • Amanda Frances

    This is the definition of self-concept (clinical word for self esteem) that I use with clients.

    Liking who you are and being that person no matter who anyone else is being or who anyone else thinks you should be :)

    I think self-esteem is about being real, happy in your current conditions the way they are right now.

    Right now you are someone who is getting healthier that sometimes doesn’t eat well but eats better than they used to… And though setting goals is awesome… Where you are is an AWESOME place to be.

    Give yourself credit for that!

    • Amanda Frances

      I meant that to say, “real, happy, and content”

  • Laura

    Thank you for this blog, Mastin!  Yes, it’s simple and well-put!  You really opened my eyes with the idea that our self-esteem corresponds with keeping your actions in alignment with your nature.  In relationships with men in particular, I seem to give up way to much of myself and end up feeling taken advantage of and upset with myself for giving into things I know I don’t like.  This leaves me wondering why I keep doing this, and I end up feeling bad about myself.  Today is acutally the day I decided I need to tell my significant other that I need to take a break for awhile.  I need to get myself in a better place before I can be with someone else.  I need to find my backbone and stand up for myself, and not take on everyone elses problems.  I know I have low self-esteem that keeps leading me to relationships with men that “need” something.  I must not believe that I’m worth having someone that will take care of ME for once instead of the other way around.  Or maybe I’m just afraid of being alone.  Either way, I need to take some time to clear my head and get my self-esteem back.  Then I will be ready to open my heart up again.  Thanks for posting this, Mastin!  Your blogs always seem to hit home with me.  :)

  • guest

    i tend to always feel shameful n guilty whenever i do something I said I wasnt going 2 do or “mess up”, I’ve known for a long time I have low self esteem. People always compliment me and say great, amazing things to me but I dont really ever believe them about myself so it doesnt matter. It never really matters what anyone says but you to yourself anyway. Yesterday I did something I told myself I wouldnt and felt the guilt and shame right away. But after a while I finally let the feeling take its course and then went back to do something that does make me feel good. Usually I would have just hid away but I decided to not move by habit but by what I felt inside. Im tired of not loving myself.

  • ana

    I’ve got a good one. Treat yourself well when you are feeling rubbish and like you don’t deserve to be treated well and then you are acting like you are someone worthy of good treatment, so you start to feel good about yourself. Voila! Self esteem boost. Pro tip. ha ha You’re totally right though Mastin. When I quit smoking my self esteem went right up. It was like every cigarette was an act of me treating myself with contempt. So every cigarette I skipped was an act of self care. Self care = self esteem. We care about people we hold in high esteem… same goes for ourselves. If only I could quit smoking again!!!!

  • Molly

    I never thought of myself as having low self esteem until now. I am constantly feeling guilty for my actions, which proves I was insecure when acted. Just something else I need to work on. Phew. Love the audio version of the blog. It’s perfect.

  • Stuck girl

    This basically hits the nail on the head for me. I complain about not getting the love I want in my marriage, yet I don’t bother to give that same level of love and tenderness to myself. I am as hard on myself as I often think my partner is on me.

    I do have low self-esteem/respect because I find I am constantly disappointed with myself – which basically means I am not acting in alignment with my true core values and desires. Ok. Got that down. Now what? Now just start doing things that are in alignment with my authentic self? Not as easy as you’d think, because although I know what I need to do and what I need to stop doing to get to where I want to be, I just don’t do it. Its like, on an intellectual level I’m good, I am totally aware of the solution. On a nervous-system level, nothing seems to be sinking in. Now, my question is, what is keeping that motivation to do what I know I should do, which is act in accordance with my true self, from getting in?

    I’m stuck in a weird place. I have done plenty of data-collecting and I know what my next steps are. But yet, I don’t lift my foot to get there.

    Does anyone understand where I’m coming from?

    • Michelle

       Have you seen a counselor?  Often when we self-sabotage, there is a good reason deep down that we do this.  The key is uncovering it, recognizeing it, embracing it, and hen we can better recognize when we do it in the future and hopefully catch it as it comes up.  And we also have to forgive ourselves for the mistakes that we seem to think we keep making.

  • Telluselle

    I fall in the same trap often too, not with six-packs because I don’t like beer, but in other wise. For me the best way to get out of self-sabotage, or just any rut, is not so much stating affirmations, but asking yourself valuable questions. “What can I do today to support my health (goal, dream, desire, nature, love etc)?”
    Aloha,
    /Alexandra

  • Guest

    So in a way, every time you are feeling down after doing something that you are not sure about, you are doing something out of alignment of your true nature… This is a big help when we are not very clear what is our true nature. It will be good to ask ourselves what is the thought that created this event, like Louise Hay will recommend.

  • Nancy Da Costa

    I am definitely not behaving in alignment with my ultimate goals currently in regards to what I do for a living.  I’m only recently discovering and putting into action plans to change the world, but am at that transitional point where I’m working towards the ultimate life I want (the perfect day) but I’m not quite there yet which is where my frustration lies.  However, I know that this is just a lump in life and I have the power to assign whatever meaning I wish for it, so I’m working through.

  • anana

    This is a little controversial issue to me. Whatever happened to being happy with yourself with however you are despite of what you or others may want you to look like?
    Isn’t “six-pack” a product of our ego?  Does one have to be a ripped gym rat to be healthy? I never understand why people mix healthy and “ripped/six-packed” together. I recently have read in a magazine article that a 36 old woman, who ran marathons and ate all super healthy, died of cancer. And then there is a woman whom I have met at the age of 92 who had been smoking since she was 11 and still was going strong. Haven’t recent brain researches and epigenetics shown this very fact that what matters more is what we think and feel than what we put in our mouths. 
    While I do not condone smoking or am against healthy lifestyle, these type of instances make me wonder. 
    Being a health nut and having gone through bouts of “let me get super fit” crazes myself, I am teaching myself to love my healthy body despite its being far from having a six-pack. This was exactly what enabled me to lose those (frustrating) 15 lbs this summer without doing anything for it at all. In fact, I have had more desire to go and work out since then than for the last three years, trying and promising and being hard on myself.
    I have learned from one of my favorite contemporary teachers and totally agree that when we make promises from our ago, thinking that being a certain way will make us happier and with no regard to our inner, higher self, that’s when the conflicts happen. 
    How we feel about ourselves is always reflected in our reality and others around us, so I would say to Mastin, “Maybe you should stop being so hard on yourself. It is O.K. not to eat and look perfectly at all times.” I am sure, then, there will be no misalignment with your higher self. Just tell on your inner critic, and listen to your body at all times. All I am saying it that I love my belly whether it is (or will ever want to make it) a six-pack or not. 
    Thank you for your work, dear Mastin.

  • Linsnoop

    Thanks Mastin your quotes were dead on and spoke to me! I have been dating someone who didn’t keep his word to me- i have been debating if this person is worth my time and after reading the quotes and daily love I’m certain that having this person in my life isn’t worth it because his actions do not match his words!

  • http://www.CofrancescoChiropractic.com/ Michelle

    It is also important to set attainable goals for yourself.  You must be in line with  who you truly are, and not place another persons set of ideals upon yourself .. if they are not in true alignment with who you are at your deepest self.   By taking another person’s goal or deal as your own and then attempting to live by those rules, you are setting yourself up to fail.  Find who YOU TRULY ARE, and then live up to THOSE goals, not anybody elses.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/GMQXCFG3LA4PTPVU7KJNCSMBFU Lady T

    Thanks, I realize that I dishonor my self esteem every single day I dont exit stage right from a toxic relationship. Every time I promise myself I won’t go back and I do…

  • http://twitter.com/aprilinspired April D. Byrd

    totally love this thanks! -breathoflifedaily.com

  • Estretton838

    It’s well and good to recognize that keeping commitments to yourself is related to self-esteem. But to preach that this is all there is to it, is a reckless OVERsimplification. “Simple-ness” paraded as ‘aha’ wisdom has limited value.