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Here’s how to take the FIRST step into REAL transformation!

mk_treesHave you considered that expansion and growth feel scary?

So many times I get asked how to “get rid” of fear or how to not feel a negative feeling. And I give the same old answer. If we aren’t afraid most of the time, we aren’t growing.

There’s this idea that a lot of folks believe; I’m not sure where it came from, but I’m pretty mystified by it. The idea is that somehow being on a “spiritual” path will banish all fear and negative emotions from a person’s life. Guess what, it’s BS.

If you are living a “spiritual” life, you are probably going to come up against more fears than someone who is just coasting. If you are living a life on The Path – you are going to become MORE sensitive to the emotions you feel, not less. Somewhere out there it’s as if there’s this promise being made that if you go on The Path, you are doing it right if you are only feeling happy ALL the time, never feel scared and can turn off negative emotions like a light bulb.

This is not what having a human experience is all about. On the contrary! If we are on The Path, we are inviting fear to come – because we are stepping outside our comfort zone! We are inviting our emotions to rise, because we are clearing away all the things that prevent us from feeling them. This is the path of the spiritual warrior – to be courageous enough to FEEL fear and keep going! To not cut themselves off from feeling however they feel – and know that there is nothing wrong with them for feeling a down emotion! This is what it means to be a human being!

It’s a RIDE, man! If all you were was some annoying positive robot – life would suck. Like my mom has said, “When you numb your pain, you numb your joy” – being human, being open, being ALIVE means being ready to experience it all.

And as we do, instead of trying to always “be positive” and beat ourselves up when we don’t achieve that impossible goal, we accept that life is a series of ups and downs – and while it’s true that we can’t always control life, we CAN give what happens an EMPOWERING meaning. And by doing that, we start to take our power back.

And we also begin to see that it is by FACING our fears that we grow. Growth, by definition, means we are constantly expanding beyond our comfort zone. And when we expand beyond our comfort zone – the natural experience is FEAR! This doesn’t make you wrong or un-spiritual, it makes you HUMAN and it’s totally normal!

Can you allow yourself to feel the way you feel without judging it as wrong or un-spiritual? Self-acceptance is the first major step in transformation. Without self-acceptance, no amount of reading TDL or doing therapy or life coaching, or yoga or any other modality will really work. Without self-acceptance, all those things – including TDL – are just spiritual entertainment.

So! How can you accept yourself even more today?

As always, the action happens in the comments below. Leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love,

Mastin

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Mastin Kipp is the founder and CEO of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

 

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • chris berlin

    Dear
    Mastin,

    I love your
    blog. It is truly inspiring, deeply resonates with me and motivates me to stay
    on my path to a more conscious and meaningful life.

    Fear (as
    well as doubt, desire, aversion,
    restlessness and laziness)
    are one of the biggest obstacles to live consciously, to be present and to
    follow my dreams. I recently wrote down for myself how to deal with fears (it
    can also be applied to the mentioned hindrances): Don’t identify with your
    fears. See it, feel it, observe it – give this process time. Let fear be, give
    it space and only then let it go. Don’t cut fear off! Also do not give in your
    fears. But never feel guilty or weak if you have given in your fears. Rather reflect
    on how this has happened and what you wanna change next.

    Of course
    all that is easier said than done. It is a learning process. My spiritual
    practice involving yoga and meditation help me to cultivate this more conscious
    and accepting way of dealing with fears. I learned that fear can be a good
    teacher to remind me to be present and to look deeper…

    Good luck
    all of you to let fear be your teacher and not a hindrance!                 

    Love

    Chris

  • http://twitter.com/30_Days_of_YES Travis Thomas

    Great post Mastin. I always love digging in deeper into our fears – and embracing stretching outside our comfort zone.

    It is the true growth space!

    Travis

  • Victoria

    Wow, Mastin. Talk about timing. Today is my last day in an office. I made the decision to go out on my own and step fully onto my spiritual path. Yes, it’s 95% exciting. But there is 5% of “Holy crap, what are you DOING, woman?” as well.

    The thing is, I welcome that fear with open arms. It’s what pushes me to an even higher resonance, it’s what strengthens my resolve. It’s my greatest teacher.

    Unpacking my fears in this journey allows me to warmly and lovingly accept them, rather than trying to freeze them out or stuff them down. They lose the power to stop me, instead adding some zing to my wings.

    Seeing your post this morning gave me a beautiful, warm glow of love and happiness. Thank you, Mastin. You’re my Daily Love Angel.

  • Nishypoo23

    Dear Mastin

    I decided to comment on this daily to-do because I look at all the motivational speakers and the religious people and wonder what the are REALLY thinking. Are they always so upbeat, do they have an answer for everything, are theses people living “The Purpose Driven Life”? Then I read this article and no longer call myself a mindless idiot for still looking at the downside of life. I’m usually like “oh why can’t I be confident, oh why am I still angry or regretful about this or that, oh when am I gonna have it all figured out”? It all comes down to the two biggest things I have a problem with, I think I have a problem with……patience and faith. Both mean that I have to allow myself to trust in God’s plan for me, whatever that means, and let the proverbial chips fall where they may.

  • Mariela

    I love the quote from your mom,
    When I  go through a difficult time I would tell myself ‘no fear’ as a way to keep me going. Recently I’ve switched to telling myself  ‘have courage’. In reading your post I realized that in doing that I’ve accepted the fear as part of the process and feel less cutoff from what is going on inside of me.
    Thank you for the insight

  • Madisonabraham

    This is really what I needed to hear! 

    For the past couple of months I have been working on being both authentic and positive. On this journey, I have gotten frustrated with myself for being negative or scared about things. Now I realize that you’re right! The more you take a leap of faith and transform yourself, the more emotions are going to arise.  I’ve decided t0 not beat myself up about having certain negative thoughts or fears, but to be understanding of myself and try to ride out the emotion.  It’s a slow process, but something that has really helped has been a quote that was posted here a while back: “Your task is not to seek love, but merely seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” I have realized that I have all this love and potential inside of me f0r greatness, and that if I want to find love, light, and success this year- I can, I just need to be patient and persistent with myself. Through this website I’ve really realized how powerful your attitude has on your life, and that by being authentic, the right people will love the real you.Thanks so much!

  • Lydia

    Hi 
    I have been a TDL Reader for  some time now,and I was hoping for a few comments on questions i have been having.We all proclaim to manifest and the universe provides us whit what we truly require.I have applied to business school,against the odds of my age.
    I truly believe this would take me to the next level in my career as well as open opportunities for becoming my higher self and service to the community.I have wanted it since i could remember,and now finally in a position financially to apply.I have dreamed about it,felt it so strongly,but alas it did not happen.In the past few days i have been having doubts about not getting accepted.How is it that when we believe so strongly about a thing it does not happen,and a single doubt,or negative thought comes through.This does not seem to be in keeping with manifesting or all of the positive thoughts we have had so far.any thoughts or inputs would really help.

  • Stephanie

    Thank you for this post.  It is exactly what I needed to hear.  May God continue to bless you.

  • Jillian

    I wish I found this post as comforting as others have. I understand that fear is right and natural to the process, but is there then no end to the fear? Will I never feel content and not afraid? I had always though the absence of fear my end goal. If I can’t be free of fear then what am I living towards?

    • Sandra

      Hi Jillian,
      I’m trusting that you’re open to me responding to your question as it was a pivotal question for me not that long ago. I don’t believe there is an end to feeling fear as it’s part of our human navigation system. I do believe that how we experience fear can change based on our soul’s evolvement and a deeper relationship with self through remembering who we truly are. At a point in my life a few years ago I was determined to create a construct for myself of easy and effortless – experiencing fear was not part of this construct. The harder I tried to develop this construct the further away I moved from my authentic self. The end result was a crash and what I now see as a major ego teardown, where the parts of my ego that no longer served me were essentially brought to the surface then stripped away. I’m certainly not promoting this experience as the road to inner peace but it was how MY soul corrected course on my life path.
      The important piece I’d like to leave you with is that you CAN change the level of discomfort you feel with respect to fear. A situation that could evoke a 10 on the fear scale now, could become a 5. I coach people on this and one of the key tools is a change of perspective. You can read books, take workshops, attend seminars but if you don’t have the tools to support moving into a new choice and different perspective, it can be like sailing out to sea with no compass. I encourage you to seek out support that not only provides theory, but teaches you tools to implement in your own life to become more comfortable within the realm of fear. Can I honestly say fear and I are good friends now, no. But fear can reside in “my church” because I have learned to accept it and partner with it.

      With heart,
      Sandra 

      • Jillian

        Thank you both! I guess I wasn’t thinking in terms of lessening the fear because I’m in a major transitioning point and the fear feels so huge right now. Knowing that it will at least lessen helps. I know it will all be just fine, but the though of feeling this level of fear forever made it feel that much more daunting. Thinking about moving through fear as a way of lessening my reaction to it is something I can certainly do!

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/X62TYZOFY73G3AG45ZMHUM2NNU AndreinaA

      Hi Jillian, I totally understand what you are saying and have said the same thing to myself.  I am trying little by little to step into uncertainty ( and grow) in different areas of my life  and fear is always there! but  I have noticed that this fear  is becoming less and less intense… little by little. I’m not so afraid. So it does get better, easier .

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/X62TYZOFY73G3AG45ZMHUM2NNU AndreinaA

    Thank  you Thank you. I really appreciate today’s message. Bottom line, I’m ok! I’m just human. No need to be soooo hard on myself. Big hug for you Mastin!

  • Carolina

    This message couldn’t have come at a better time. It is such an important reminder that despite my growth and my starting on The Path, I will still feel fear and negative emotions because I am human. I don’t need to be upset with the fact that I feel those things, I need to be proud that I’ve found the strength to open my heart up to ALLOW myself to feel these things in order to grow and move past them – without them dictating my behavior in a negative way. This is how I can accept myself – accept my feelings, listen to them as they may be trying to tell me something, but know they don’t have control over me. Thank you Mastin. xoxo

  • Cathy Pullins

    Mastin,

    Thank You.  This may be my favorite of all your posts.  I SO appreciate you embracing the negatives!  I will even propose a change of our company’s tag line, APZ Entertainment, “entertainment with positive message”…maybe to “entertainment with positive intent”.  LOL!  Because– even to tell a positive story you need to journey through the negative and our products actually reveal that.  Even my children’s story “Hero Report” http://bit.ly/10fOyDt  & my husband’s film,  “Who U Gonna Serve?” is a journey through pain.   I think my mind is truly only beginning to awaken to the scope of the cleanse these words may give my brain.

    My brain was soiled by the belief that negative emotions were a a positive force REDIRECTING my path.  Sometimes they still will be.  Right now, I am choosing to believe that in the PAST they WERE because my best-self could see nothing else.  But NOW I see  there will also be struggle and maybe even agony on the right path.   Like Jenna’s recent post, your post further illuminates this truth. This realization then empowers more courage that gives way to perseverance.I am more of a bible girl than most people who identify with the New-Agers. From MY frame of reference, the NewAge movement contains a lot of people who are listening to the Holy Spirit.  I don’t know when the New Age ‘spirit-listeners’ started pouring this ‘all positive’ idea but I realize I was sipping on that drink a little too long and its been bothering my brain. Look at the journeys of the Apostles, Moses, Abraham, Lincoln, Martin Luther King…did they look like wandering smiles all the time?  I don’t think there is ONE person on the bible with a rainbows and butterflies journey. From what I have read, even Christ begged his sleeping friends to awaken and be at his side as he awaited his persecutors.  He cried out to his Father on the cross.  Geez –seems that his ride in flesh like ours included a full ride in our feelings too. Your audience is exactly who needs to be hearing.  Thanks for clearing that up.  Keep hammering away at it.  It can take many repetitions to chip its way into a mind helmeted with bad ideas.  

    (Feel free to edit out the references to our work.  My FOREMOST intention is simply to add to YOUR words and ENCOURAGE.)  

    • Ginny

      The gift in everything – “positive intent”.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
      I enjoyed them.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000312149157 Cathy Pullins

        Thank you Ginny – I was feeling BAD/ negative (LOL) about how many typos I let slip.  I am glad the message came through.  I will use the negative feeling to fuel new posting habits.  ;-)

  • lindseyb3

    this explains a lot for me.  I, as well as my family are all very sensitive.  When one person feels frustrated or down it brings everyone down.  How do you accept what you are feeling without spreading it out to everyone around you.

  • Karen

    LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!  Quoting you on my website!!!!!!!  Needed this today!!!!!!!!!!!

  • stand4ethics

    Great post. Thank you. Really perfect for some scary moments today. 
    I’ve been self funding my start-up social enterprise http://www.suaveco.com and hit a scary moment these few days. I believe what you write is true (when I resigned to start this was very scary! but life started to flow). That said, I am curious what to do in moments like this where I feel like I’m doing everything it takes and important pieces of the puzzle are just not yet working. What to do when you feel like you’ve done everything you can? I kind of feel like just praying to God Please make this work in time. I guess we have to just let go? Curious to hear others thoughts for these scary moments.

  • Mtaylorh

    If it were all about me and my self acceptance then the world would be a much better place. If it were all about accepting the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference then I would be living with The Spirit. Unfortunately these are lies that I tell myself, and then when I can’t practice self acceptance I begin acting out of defect. Sarcasm, passive aggressive behavior, anger; all single me out so I can beat myself up in an unfair fight. Acceptance is the answer to all of my insecurites, including my understanding of where I am Spiritually. I can’t see my part, butI know I have one. I come to this blog bc it makes me feel better. I never leave comments because I don’t want to know what other people think about me. But I wouldn’t want to accept it even if they were positive. That is where the work is for me. In accepting my insecurites and going with them because regardless of how I feel, my actions are going to get me more connected with the Spirit. Thanks 

  • BF

    Beautifully said Mastin, thank you.  Today I am going to accept the power of my voice.  It has the strength to be loud and it wants to be heard. 

    Thank you for reminding me of that!

  • Sandee

    Mastin -
    How have you figured it all out at such a young age.  I barely understand “the human experience” at age 50.  Your blog is very insightful and gives me something to think about as I go through my day.  I wish I had this information when I was younger.

  • Karitatar

    Oh my gosh !! Read how beautiful this is!!! Love love love it!!

  • http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

    I decided to provide an answer from my mentor, Cinnamon H. Lofton today: “Enlightenment is accessible to everyone. And, the power of love speaks to everyone always. Not everyone is always listening. Therefore, he or she who is present listening and following the direction of the sacred spirit within, can claim their birthright which is enlightenment. Then the key is to simply remain present. Remain present. It takes guts to live a spiritually focused life in a world where folks are programmed to believe, “We’re only human.’ The spirit of love is with you, Cinnamon.” 

    The Daily Commenter,
    Kathleen
    are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ 

  • Tiffany

    Self…you have to know self-First!

  • Christinebeck

    We were created to experience a WIDE array of emotions, so to stunt that would be to deny the innate abilities that come along with the privilege of being alive at this time, in this moment. There certainly is something to be said for acquiring skill in managing all of these crazy and expansive emotions so that we don’t overwhelm others with our process ;~} so emot away, love your life, and GROW on! Thanks Mastin!

  • http://www.facebook.com/beloved.binh Beloved Binh

    OOOMGGGOD Thank you Mastin! Struck me hard in the core. You are an Angel man <3 

  • Ronald

    I feel like this is really important for me and a lot of others to hear because it is so true. I used to think that being spiritual would some how strip my of my negative human emotions and that would be that, but i’ve come to realize, and this is a great confirmation of that. Being spiritual is about the work that I do in this life, it has to do with stepping out of the comfort zone and not so much as pretending that the comfort zone is good. 
    This makes tons of sense to me! Thanks :)

  • Viola

    Lovely read. Love

  • ShealeeG

    That’s a good question… How can we accept ourselves more today? 

  • Faith

    For years I read books, I prayed, I asked God for change because I knew that who I was at the time somehow had nothing to do with me.  I wanted change, but change evaded me.  I then started to look at my problem from another perspective, and there was where I found the answer.  Sometimes, the answer is greater than we can see.  That moment was the moment of acceptance for me.  I realized that what was happening, what had happened to me was beyond my control.  It, however, gave me peace to hear someone tell me that.  As a result of that, I stopped beating up on myself so very much.  I still do it and I’ve got a long way to go, but that was the shift that I needed.  I guess the message is that sometimes there is more going on, I call it the chemical, and until that is addressed, change seems elusive.

  • Greenmama11

    This is fantastic Mastin and just what I needed today! Love the quote from your Mom. People give you a hard time if you say you are spiritual, but go through a tough time. Like you aren’t supposed to go through tough times or something. There was somthing I read from one of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s books which said these challenges are necessary to catapult you into a higher level of consciousness. I truly believe that. Thank you for your post!!!

  • http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

    “What would I do if I WEREN’T afraid?” 

    That’s a question I’ve asked myself multiple times over the past several years.  I don’t remember where I got it from, but it’s certainly stuck with me.  It’s helped remind me to not act based on fear.  To do the things I WANT to do, but feel afraid to do.  I do them anyway. 

    Another statement that’s often in my mind is, “Since when do you care what people think?” 
    That one helps me to get back into MY spirit and do what’s right for me, regardless of what others might think of me for doing whatever it is. 

    Sarah
    http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/02/her-beauty-is-your-beauty-because-all.html

  • Lori

    This guy floors me! I don’t know exactly how to put into words how moving his complete lack of BS is. He cares enough to be totally honest and I am so very grateful. I am soaked with fear as I continue to pray to know and do God’s will. I am listening and doing and it is indeed moving me beyond my comfort zone. Will read this post from Mastin over and over. Thank you so very much!

  • Tora

    Sonya It’s weird how your posts always, always gives me comfort. Two days ago a friend saw a guy jump in front of a train, and he died. Shock. But I, who was’t even there, I have soaked up this like it happened to me, like it was my brother or my son. It’s so strong that I almost think I am a medium. I have gone so deep in to sorrow over this man and, his family and his MOM, that I feel like I am his mother- I have cried and feel like my life is destroyed. I have surfed into this thing in an maybe unhealthy way. And i thought oh, I have come nowhere in my spiritual growth, where one of the things I practice is to not feel other peoples feelings too much. That is why your post spoke to me. It’s ok to feel really down. Thank you. I agree with you.

  • Scdurrett

    My yoga teacher read this in class today….I needed to hear this so badly.  I am going to print it up and read it every day until my fear subsides.  Thank you.

  • Zoraya R.

    It’s reassuring to know that even when on “The Path” one still lives with fear. And that’s ok! Thanks for your post Mastin. And now to answer your question;

    So! How can you accept yourself even more today?

    I can accept myself even more today by being ok with fearing what’s to come. By accepting that I do not know how to be single again, I still very much love and am in love with my husband. And although we are divorcing does not mean I will never love again or that I am not lovable. It’s ok to be scared to be alone. I’m a mom so I’m never really alone and I know & love God….so I will NEVER truly be alone.

    Z