Here’s why you need a backbone more than a wishbone!

mk_treesMany folks think that being Loving and being a pushover are the same thing. But they aren’t. Being Loving doesn’t mean that you just let people walk all over you and be “nice” all the time – far from it. Being Loving means having boundaries, standing up for what you believe in and not letting people walk all over you. There is a fine line between standing up for yourself and being a jerk. And it takes some time and some mistakes to understand the difference.

Being a Loving person doesn’t mean you are a wet noodle. It doesn’t mean you acquiesce to the demands of others. Love has many faces. Some of them are kindness, beauty, compassion and patience and sometimes the face of Love is bold, firm and brave. Every moment is different, but if you ask the question, “What would Love do now?” you’ll get the answer.

There are times when Love takes to the streets in protest. There are times when Love says, “this far and no further.” There are times when Love says, “I’m not going to let you treat me this way anymore.” And there are times when Love says, “Enough is enough!”

Many times we think that to be Loving means that we have to let other people walk all over us. And that’s just not true. I used to think that being Loving meant that I could never rock the boat. But I’ve come to understand that sometimes we HAVE to rock the boat in order to fulfill our purpose of being the Presence of Love on the planet.

Being Loving does not mean you are weak – au contraire! Being Loving means that you are STRONG! Strong in your conviction, strong in your compassion, strong in your vulnerability and strong in your forgiveness.

This is also not a hall pass to be a jerk! It’s actually a call to be strong – to stand up for what you believe in and to know that you are worthy of having the life that your heart desires. This is not permission to be mean to others, no, but it also not permission to tolerate injustice and foul play.

We were sent to be the Presence of Love on the planet, with an open heart, with high standards and with infinite compassion. There is a balance between the stern and the soft. Know that a backbone is much more important than a wishbone!

As always, the action happens in the comments below, leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love,

Mastin

P.S. Start 2014 off with heart! Join us in for our deep and powerful “Enter the Heart” evenings, full of Kundalini Yoga, Heart Therapy and a new opening to connecting to who you really are. Tickets will sell out, so don’t sit on it.

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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • Marie Egles Carhart

    Awesome Mastin! Love this – thank you and Happy New Year!

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for sharing, Marie! Happy New Year to you also. -TDL Team

  • Carlos

    For most of my life I have had this happen to me. People mistaking my “kindness for a weakness”. It’s the furthest thing from the truth. It wasn’t always the case. After divorce I did in fact become weak and an emotional pushover. I gave away my power to my ex spouse and children who abandoned me. It took me over 5 years and alot of strength to get over that trauma. And I still feel myself healing every day thanks to my Higher Power. I learned some valuable lessons because of it. I learned I am not a pushover nor a doormat. I deserve to be treated with the same love and respect I give to others and there nothing wrong with having boundries.

    Lovingly,
    Carlos

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for sharing, Carlos… This can be tough for people sometimes. We’re wishing you the best moving forward. -TDL Team

  • Klaudia

    Again a great, great start in the day – thanks so much Mastin! I was more than impressed about ” Being
    Loving means that you are STRONG! Strong in your conviction, strong in
    your compassion, strong in your vulnerability and strong in your
    forgiveness.”Yes, thats it! Strong in compassion – and strong in our vulnerability! – and in forgiveness. I could and can experience that since some month – I moved from Germany to the USA last year and I have great friends on my side. But the more the “heart is open” the more vulnerable I am. But – I was always capable of forgiving because I love these people so much. Your “strong in your vulnerability” becomes an awareness – All that is love! And it’s strong!! And it fit’s to the beloved saying of one of my friends: “Live starts where the comfort zone ends.”
    Again, thanks so much – and love to you!

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for reading, Klaudia! -TDL Team

  • Foul play was the word. Someone sets rules on a high level but the culture plays by its own while no-one really wants to talk honestly about it. And then again life is not a competition but a fragile flower to be cherished, nurtured and protected. I know of this Cat-fan singer-songwriter Dude who made an awesome song called just that “What would love do now?”, has been one of my favorites for several years.

    • The Daily Love

      So very true about how life isn’t a competition, Alexandra… We need to savor every moment. Thank you so much for reading and sharing 🙂 -TDL Team

  • Tal

    This is such a tricky one for me. How do we stand our ground without being perceived as a jerk by the other person? There are times when I’ve tried to address a disagreement or to just stand up for myself using the most loving way I could find at the time, and then I’m still told that I’m harsh. I’ve had one situation where the other person was so sensitive, that just disagreeing with her made her put up her defenses and start accusing me of attacking her. I made sure to address the situation as delicately as possible, and that is what happens! In these cases, is it just that other people’s wounds show up, regardless of how you approach them? What do you suggest in these situations?

  • Andrea Ward

    YES YES and YES. Brilliantly captured my friend. Love you and love this place!! <3

    • The Daily Love

      And we love YOU, Andrea! 🙂 Have a great weekend! -TDL Team

  • Ellen French

    I have often been called “too nice” by family, co-workers, and classmates over the years. And at the beginning, I was a bit of a pushover – but I’ve realized (most recently) that being Loving is about standing up for myself to do what is best for myself in a given situation. I have to keep reminding myself that doing what is best for ME isn’t a crime or a sin. It’s necessary.

    • The Daily Love

      Right on, Ellen! We’re wishing you all the best. -TDL Team

  • Helvia Vega

    Bravo! Happy New Year!

    • The Daily Love

      Same to you, Helvia! -TDL Team

  • KA

    I’m really struggling with this right now. I’m in a relationship where I’m afraid to go although I’m not happy because my partner will look at it like I am a jerk when really I just don’t want to keep stringing him along. He won’t understand that because of love for myself and him I can’t continue on this path because neither he or I are growing.

    • The Daily Love

      When you’re not growing, that’s a sign to move forward… It might be tough at first, but the outcome will be so rewarding. We’re wishing you all the best, KA. -TDL Team

  • kirsten

    This is really great. I’ve recently felt like the line between loving someone despite their flaws and negatives is contradicting not allowing someone to treat you poorly. I guess in any relationship at some point you will be treated poorly, because we all make mistakes and are human. The balance between being loving and forgiving and being a wet noodle are slightly confusing for me.

  • Loved it !!! But maybe you could have elaborated on that a bit, I agree with you totally, but it would be helpful for others bring the reason behind it. I would say that, because INTENTION is the important factor here, so if you say NO to someone and your intention is love that NO comes out in a right way and you will get a reward from universe after it. But if the INTENTION is fear and comes from ego, you will be a jerk because of that NO and you will hurt yourself and the other person. I just this week had to keep saying no to a guy, because my gut kept saying, you have to stick to what you think it’s right, and if he is the right guy he will stick around and not getting tired of not sleeping with you. And sure enough I got my answer today, he made his depression and excuse that he is not ready for anything at this point and he’s sorry. Although he was a super nice guy and I was trying not to be rude to him, but I had to say NO to stay true to myself and my decision came from LOVE not fear, so I got my confirmation from the universe that I made the right decision. I was just writing about that today; Whenever you stick to your gut, stay strong and say NO, if it is the right decision and it is coming from LOVE and you are not letting others make you do something you don’t feel right to do, not only you will get a confirmation of it right away, but will get rewarded by the universe with the thing you were waiting for. I know the right guy for me is right around the corner, now that I made room for him in my space 🙂
    Love
    Danubelle
    http://www.danubelle.com

  • David Negaard

    I think too many of us feel that displaying vulnerability equates with exposing weakness, but to ME displaying vulnerability requires enormous strength. It says, “You may hurt me by exploiting my vulnerability, but you won’t destroy me, and I love myself too well to hide any aspect of who I am.”

    To my mind, it takes phenomenal inner strength grounded in love of self and others to stand firm in yourself. Whenever I stoop to the level of those around me, even those in power, I am conceding my integrity. It is HARD sometimes to stand on principle when unscrupulous others WILL do what’s expedient, rather than what’s right.

    I love myself too well to allow others to dictate my stance, just as I love others too well to try to dictate their stance. Balancing love of self and love of others is tricky, to be sure, but the most loving thing I can do for another is BE authentically and transparently and FULLY my awesome self. If that means standing firm against the demands of others in order to be true to my truest nature, so be it.

    <3

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for sharing, David! -TDL Team

  • hello

    Good post, do you have any examples?

  • Deseree

    Mastin i love this post.This has open my eyes very wide to see a lot of things differently. I’m was a push over but since reading TDL everyday i have change some things. GOD BLESS And thank you so much because i am strong.

    • The Daily Love

      So great to hear, Deseree! Thanks for reading. -TDL Team

  • carmelvalleyite

    To me, Mastin, this is your best one yet! Says it all clearly and succinctly.

    • The Daily Love

      Wow, thanks so much! We love hearing things like this. -TDL Team