How Do We Construct The Dream Of Us? - Daily Love with Mastin Kipp

How Do We Construct The Dream Of Us?

mikey6With over 7 billion human beings living in the world, it’s only natural that relationships–romantic, friendship, or familial–are as diverse as each unique individual. There is no such thing as a cookie cutter relationship. We shape our relationships with others according to how we construct our most important relationship, which is the one we have with ourselves.

The only constant in any of your relationships is yourself. I am responsible for my own intent, my own life. You are responsible for yours. We each dream our life a different way. When we, as two individuals, come together, the bond between us forms the dream of us.

Like an equation, half of a relationship is based on the bond that brings us together, while the other half will be set by the agreements we have with one another. That bond could be the decision to talk to each other, and everything that follows is based on mutual agreements to continue down a certain path. Together, we co-create a relationship.

An “agreement” is the expression of an individual saying “yes” to something. With every “yes” something will be manifested, and with every “no” something won’t be. With this binary code we express our intent, the life force that animates this body, and gives every belief its significance with our agreement. With our capacity to make agreements with one another, we are able to give meaning to the dream of us.

Of course, we cannot give what we do not have. Love for ourselves influences the relationship we have with others. If we have conditional love for ourselves, then we will give conditional love to our partner, and the agreements we create will reflect that love. Thus giving power to the conditional belief that we should be a certain way, that our partner should be a certain a way, and that our relationship should be a certain way.

If we have unconditional love for ourselves, then we will be able to give unconditional love to our partner, and the agreements will reflect that love. Letting go of the expectations of what should be allows you, your partner, and the relationship with its agreements to evolve in mutual respect.

Having the ability to openly communicate with one other is essential to create the agreements that give shape to an ever evolving relationship. Unconditional love comes from being able to hear and see each other without the fear that conditional love brings. The continuous ability to express our choice, in regards to the direction of where the relationship is going, keeps the relationship alive.

When building the dream of us, the bond that unites us goes beyond words. If we allow the bond set by the body or heart to flourish, it will allow the mind to create agreements that strengthen the relationship. But if the mind dictates the direction of the bond, then the relationship will be in disharmony, as you make agreements based on an idealized relationship that has nothing to do with the one you are living. At that point the dream of us becomes nothing but an illusion.

Will every relationship work out? No, there are bonds that only exist for a short moment in time. That is because we are constantly living our own unique life, and we are free to move through it as we choose; the only way a relationship can exist is if both individuals agree to create a relationship together. As long as we are willing to say yes to each other’s love or friendship, the relationship will exist. When we both freely say “yes” to being in a relationship, that relationship flourishes and will thrive.

How do we construct the dream of us? By respecting our own intent, our ability to say “yes” and “no” with complete freedom. Having that respect, allows us to also respect the intent of our partner. Respecting their right to say “no” gives us the compassion and awareness to know that when they say “yes”, it truly is an expression of free will. Why waste our time with someone who doesn’t want to be with us? Love flourishes when we both say yes.


don Miguel Ruiz Jr.


don Miguel Ruiz, Jr., is a Toltec Master of Transformation. He is a direct descendant of the Toltecs of the Eagle Night lineage, and is the son of don Miguel Ruiz, MD author of the New York Times bestseller The Four Agreements.  He is the author of the newly released book The Five Levels of Attachment: Toltec Wisdom for a Modern World.  Along with his family, he teaches workshops and offers transformational journeys around the world.