How people treat you defines them, how you respond defines YOU!

mk_treesIn every relationship it’s important to remember where resentment, anger and jealousy originate – within us.

We build walls, kill intimacy and keep love out by creating resentment within ourselves. And it’s only natural to project this resentment onto other people in our lives, especially those we hold dearest to our hearts.

But, our challenge is, time and time again, to come back to ourselves and see that we are 100% responsible for our emotions. It may seem, on the surface, like a totally natural and logical thing to blame others for how we feel. We believe that “they did” something “to us.” But see, the thing is, no matter what “they did” “to us”, it was always in the past. So, how we live NOW and in the future is in our hands. How do you want to interpret the events of the past? What meaning do you want to apply to the past?

Also, can we have the awareness to step outside ourselves and see how we are showing up in the relationships in our lives? What unexpressed feeling or emotion are we allowing to well up within us, slowly, day by day? Can we own that we are not keeping our side of the table clean?

We can’t take responsibility for other people’s action, but we are 100% responsible for our reaction to other people. (Tweet-worthy!) Also, we cannot blame other people for us not keeping our side of the street clean.

Knowing that we have power on both sides of a transgression is a game changer because we see that we can begin to take responsibility for our lives, instead of just being at the whim or other people, places or situations.

How people treat you defines them, how you respond defines you. What happened is what happened. What you choose to do from here will determine the future.

In every moment, the choice is yours.

As always, the action happens in the comments below, leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Lots of Love,,


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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you from the blog and leave the rest.

  • Estelle

    When people keep on giving the gift that keeps on giving all you life (What I mean ,abusive you mentally ,and physically ,all your life ,and you deceide , no more. ) I do not think it defines you. I have been a good person, and it has taught them nothing .You must stop the relationship for your well being!

    • Kaysee

      Hi! Yes, I agree, abuse is hard. I am a good person as well and have been abused, with my abusers having little or no remorse, having the only option of stopping the relationship…with not a lot of people to talk to about how I feel and some confusion on how to take responsibility for the damage…when no one is around and responsible for me, but me.

      The aftermath of abuse is what I find the most challenging. Trying to define yourself as not a victim while having flashbacks, and wanting the other person to at least have remorse for what they did is hard, because the past is the past, and we must move on.

      I don’t have much to say, only that your post hit me, because of the “good person” comment. I think it is important to walk away and always maintain that it was never about us. People who abuse other people take very little responsibility for their lives. It is our responsibility to keep them out of our lives.

      • Estelle

        My abuses were my parents and ,my siblings who just watched as we got into our sixties.I as a good person was the only one who would take care my parents in their times of bad health and finally death. They had no remorse even then, seeing me still take care them, after what they did to me all my life. People like them have no remorse, even though you hope they will, like you said . The flashbacks are horrible, but I must move on, and I did. It was a death of a family, but I know it was not my fault.And I realize we were never a family! I do not miss my sibling ,or parents, at all . But when I see good happy families , it will always haunt me. Why could I not have that. This will never happen to my children or grandchildren , because my children know what , I have been though. And they are the greatest parents . I am very proud of the kind of people they have become. Estelle (Take care, and surround your self with people that love you. so glad to hear from someone who feels the same.)

        • The Daily Love

          So powerful Estelle!! I’m sure a lot of readers can relate with what you shared. Thank you for sharing this! – Team TDL

          • Estelle

            Thank you, it helps me to share it, and help others .And tell them they are not alone, others have suffered the same way too. But you will have other people that will surround you will love, just reach out!

    • I’ve been through an entire childhood of physical and sexual abuse. I even married into an abusive relationship. It took someone else brave enough to encourage me to SEEK HELP. I admit. I was terrified at the beginning, but I finally found the courage to do it. I got help through domestic violence counseling and learned that picking abusive guys was due to my upbringing.

      Every situation is different but there it IS POSSIBLE to overcome your past and NOT allow it to define you. I did it. I overcame 30+ years of abuse and now I’m remarried to a wonderful man, a full-time college scholar and a part-time children’s illustrator.

      I’m not saying it’s easy and yes, you will have flashbacks at your past but they get less and less. You have to CHOOSE to let go of the past, your abusers and let LOVE and HEALING into your life. I’ve been able to help thousands of women, men and children by sharing my story.

      Have faith. Believe in YOU.

  • Sarina C. Oden

    This is so on time for what’s going on in my life right now….thank you for writing and sharing your love every single day!!!! Had a ahaha moment as I read this!!!!

    • The Daily Love

      So glad you enjoyed this today Sarina! Thanks for reading and sharing! 🙂 – Team TDL

  • valerie

    This is exactly what I needed today. It’s about empowering yourself. Taking responsibility for your life. Thanks mastin.

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for sharing and reading Valerie!! <3 -TDL Team

  • alanna

    this was a perfect wake up call/reality check! i have definitely been drama obsessing lately. time to let go, move on and accept what is. thanks mastin

    • The Daily Love

      Glad you enjoyed today’s blog post Alanna!! Thanks for reading and sharing! 🙂 – TDL Team

  • The timing of this could not have been better for me. Thank you 🙂

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for reading AmandaMartin!! 🙂 – TDL Team

  • Centred Curiosity

    This is so true! Whenever I find that insignificant things that are bugging me about my husband, I realize that there’s something within me that needs to be addressed. Once I address the issue with myself, those insignificant bugging things about him disappear. I feel centred again.

    • The Daily Love

      Beautiful Centered Curiousity!! 🙂 Thanks for sharing and reading today! – Team TDL

  • SC

    ACIM states that our grievances hide the light if the world in us. Anger resentment all of that prevents us from shining truly.

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for sharing SC! 🙂 – Team TDL

  • danalynnecurry

    Hey Mastin–
    Just want to mention that your posts are feeling really succinct and TO THE POINT and your writing feels more powerful since you’ve changed things up.
    AWESOME! Thanks so much!

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks so much for sharing and reading Dana!! 🙂 – Team TDL

  • gail d.

    Mastin I have done work at landmark which I am sure you are aware of. this is 101 lesson and not always the case. while we are responsible for how we respond, we also are human beings and hurtful things said over a period of time affect people especially in love relationships.

    • The Daily Love

      So true Gail thanks for sharing! – TDL Team

  • Guest

    A parent phoned the other day to express disappointment for her son’s grade on an assignment that it was clear he had rushed the night before it was due. This is the first time her son got a grade lower than 85 and she asked me not to “ruin her son’s passion” the subject. I politely and sternly responded by saying that if he did, it was because he let it. It was a proud moment for me. I didn’t react and I knew not to let one parent’s condescension spoil my day.

    • The Daily Love

      Powerful!! Thanks for sharing!! <3 – TDL Team

  • Spot on! Before reading your message today I felt my heart brain tugging. It was telling me to apologize to a friend for being so opinionated. Yesterday we spent the day together and I kept being opinionated about just – everything. I am just saying, it left me feeling the effects, probably for the first time ever. My heart’s brain let me know first when I layed my head down on the pillow last night.

  • And YES I did apologize!

    • The Daily Love

      Love this Jackie!! Glad that you were able to find peace! <3 – Team TDL

  • ahealthcoach

    Hi Mastin- This is your ‘tweet-worthy: quote: ” How people treat you defines them, how you respond defines you. Powerful. Keep up the good work. You are inspiring lots of people!

    • The Daily Love

      Yes!! Love it 🙂 – Team TDL

  • tedra

    Some people can be super kind and all gussied up with ext. image stuff but be horrendously dark in their ‘private’ lives. Once they cross my values, they don’t get another breathe from me.
    I’m worth more than their lies.

    • The Daily Love

      Yes you are Tedra!! Thanks for reading and sharing today! 🙂 – Team TDL

  • samantha

    I’d really love to read more about unrequited love, and when it is self-defeating to choose love.

    • The Daily Love

      When would you say it’s self-defeating to choose love Samantha? Interesting! Thanks for sharing and reading today! 🙂 – Team TDL

  • Joann

    Thank you TDL! I needed to hear this for my situation at work (& personal, work gets personal). I guess when my boss ignores me it’s a type of treatment. I can keep my head down and pretend it/I don’t matter but it makes me stronger if I use my power to engage him in conversation. I want to define myself as a person who grows with challenge and inspires others to do the same. I can’t let feelings of rejection and isolation build up inside of me. (I’m not sure where to express those feelings, maybe through tears.) I love the topic and will archive it and read often, very, very helpful and recieved.

    • The Daily Love

      So glad you enjoyed reading this Joann! 🙂 Thanks for sharing! <3 – Team TDL

  • Naomi Goodlet

    It was such a huge turning point for me when I learnt that no-one can make me feel anything. I love this post so much! Thanks for the reminder xx

    • The Daily Love

      Powerful Naomi!! Thanks for reading and sharing today! 🙂 – Team TDL

  • Estelle

    Alexandra, So proud of you reaching out to people about what happen to you. And your abuse. I myself will never turn my head to anyone ,I think is being abused or know it. In my day there was no group to turn to, or people that knew would get involved. Keep up the great job your doing . Estelle