How People Treat You Defines Them, How You Respond Defines You

In every relationship it’s important to remember where resentment, anger and jealousy originate – within us.

We build walls, kill intimacy and keep love out by creating resentment within ourselves. And it’s only natural to project this resentment onto other people in our lives, especially those we hold dearest to our hearts.

But, our challenge is, time and time again, to come back to ourselves and see that we are 100% responsible for our emotions. It may seem, on the surface, like a totally natural and logical thing to blame others for how we feel. We believe that “they did” something “to us”. But see, the thing is, no matter what “they did” “to us”, it was always in the past. So, how we live NOW and in the future is in our hands. How do you want to interpret the events of the past? What meaning do you want to apply to the past?

Also, can we have the awareness to step outside ourselves and see how we are showing up in the relationships in our lives? What unexpressed feeling or emotion are we allowing to well up within us, slowly, day by day? Can we own that we are not keeping our side of the table clean?

We can’t take responsibility for other people’s action, but we are 100% responsible for our reaction to other people. Also, we cannot blame other people for us not keeping our side of the street clean.

Knowing that we have power on both sides of a transgression is a game changer because we see that we can begin to take responsibility for our lives, instead of just being at the whim or other people, places or situations.

How people treat you defines them, how you respond defines you. What happened is what happened. What you choose to do from here will determine the future.

In every moment, the choice is yours.



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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

  • MandieG

    Absolutely perfect. “How people treat you defines them, how you respond defines you.” was exactly what I needed this morning. Thanks Mastin!

  • “We can’t take responsibility for other people’s action, but we are 100% responsible for our reaction to other people.” Great advice!

  • Your messages, including and especially this one seem to come right on time. Keep sharing with wisdom such as this. You’re helping people to become better people. 🙂

  • Deloris Berry

    Excellent!!! great job as usual.

  • Michele Rae

    Bravo! <3

  • True.Very true. But is is indeed okay to grieve for a while when someone has walked out on you. Only if you grieve do you begin to heal. One is only human.

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  • T

    Brilliant! You are right on the same page with Eastern thought on compassion, forgiveness, self awareness & responsibility for one’s spirituality. It’s truly a simple path to follow & the freedom gained is priceless! If I can forgive some of what I have in my life then I do believe most could. Our experiences need not be “who we are”.

  • Jackie

    “How people treat you defines them, how you respond defines you. ”
    I’m keeping that pinned up as a daily reminder for myself.

    I love your website. I have come to look forward to every email to start my day on a positive note.

    Thank you.

  • Tina

    I received a card from an old best friend who I haven’t seen in over 10 years. She says she misses me, but I recall times in our friendship where she made me feel inadequate. If things happen for a reason, am I supposed to follow up on this to see if she has changed, or realize that what’s in our past is in our past for a reason?

    • Tina

      here, I’ll reply to my own dumb question… it’s not about her. It won’t work unless I’ve changed.

  • Theboyz2112

    I just happened to come across your little article and agree that the way people treat you defines them.Whether it be a friend, lover, partner, husband, wife, child, stranger, or neighbor. However, I do believe that when who ever it is takes away the intimacy of relationship that defines that whoever no longer has an interest in the one they took it from. So does this mean that the one should remain in such a relationship with the who ever who no longer desires to be intimate with them or should they keep on pretending that there is nothing wrong?
    Warm regards and blessing

  • newbie

    Not all together true, but nice. Because if someone kicks you, you bleed. You can not say do not bleed wound. Spiritual and emotional wounds are the same.