How To Communicate With An Unbalanced Ego!

TaraTaylor001When someone is in a place of an unbalanced ego, trying to communicate with them can feel like you are banging your head against a wall. There are certain indications to notice when a person is acting and speaking from an unbalanced ego. First is breathing and second are the words they choose to express themselves with. In the unbalanced state they do not really know they are seeking a solution, but once they get through the ego distractions, they realize that all they were looking for was a solution to why they are feeling a certain way.

First indication a person is not balanced with their ego: Breathing

Try to notice how a person is breathing, if their breathing is shallow, then they are more than likely in their “unbalanced ego state”. Take a big breath right in front of the person and, they will want to do the same. Think of it as yawning. When we yawn, others nearby will yawn as well; it never fails (one of the things we must not do is to force laughter, that will just enrage an unbalanced ego).

A person’s tone of voice tends to drop when they are becoming irritated. I call it the wah, wah voice. That’s ego.

Second indication a person is not balanced with their ego: Words one chooses when in ego

Listen carefully to the words they are using, such as: “Should, have to, can’t, better than, it doesn’t matter, I don’t care and how.” (These are just a few.)

When it comes to family members, love them; however, they know how to trigger your ego to become unbalanced. As the saying goes, they are “pushing your buttons”. The best thing that you can do is be the listener; people with an unbalanced ego love to drag you into their drama so that it can perpetuate itself. We can all relate to the adage “misery loves company.”

How to help them balance their ego: Use positive statements as a means to a question.

Try to always come back with positive answers, or statements or questions like, “I understand you’re upset.” Or, “What would you like to have happen?” The best thing to do is not engage in the negative aspects of the situation; just listen and keep your replies short and positive. When we do this, the unbalanced ego has nothing to fuel itself with and the person you are talking to tends to relax, breathes normally and then starts to talk themselves out of their unbalanced ego state. All you did was not give in to the ego rage, and you encouraged that person to get realigned with their greatest potential and higher self. The best part about this is that you will not feel drained from the conversations and you did not take the unstable energy head on. By you asking the person with the unbalanced ego, “what they would like to have happen?” you encourage breath and thought, which will lead the person to become centered and in control of themselves.

Important thing to remember

It is not in your best interests to tell someone that they are coming from ego, especially when that person is in an unbalanced ego state. It is like walking into a firestorm. Wait until that person is calmer emotionally and then explain how to recognize one’s unbalanced ego by sharing these same techniques.

With love and support always,



Tara Taylor is an international intuitive counselor & published author of Through Indigo’s Eyes.!/TaraTaylorIntuitive

  • Meredith Henry

    This was such great information! Thank you!

  • Shantell

    Hi Tara! Great post! But here’s a question for you. What do you do when you’re keeping your answers short and positive (as you’ve suggested) yet the person seems almost addicted to convincing you that their situation is the worst ever? Almost to the point where they are talking over you because their resistance to hear anything positive is just so intense?

    How can you be helpful to someone in a scenario like that?

    • Then you STILL don’t engage with that person.  They’re VERY unbalanced.  If possible, even end the “conversation” and walk away. 

      Or maybe they just want to tell you something that happened, and the only response they want is “uh huh.” 

      So to answer your question, don’t try to be “helpful” to that person.  Trying to “help”  a person, quite honestly, is YOUR ego talking.  Just let them talk.  Stay in a place of love yourself and don’t try to interject any positive, or negative, comments until they’re ready to hear them. 


      • Tara

        Well said Sarah!, Blessings, Tara

    • Tara

      Hi Shantell, Sarah’s advice is perfect. Its okay to agree to disagree. Learning to talk over the fence and not rip it down is key;)

      Blessings, Tara

  • I really appreciate this post!  Fortunately I have a lot of experience dealing with unbalanced egos.  My mom can be very unbalanced, and lives nearly 100% from her ego.  This was very hard for me growing up, and I took a lot personally, but as I got older I saw that it’s HER, and not me.  That no matter what I do, she’ll be the way she is.  She’ll see things the way she wants to see them.  She’ll take stuff personally.  It’s what she does. 

    Also as I’ve grown up and gotten more spiritually in tune myself, I have actually been able to practice the techniques you talk about with my mom.   When she’s “going off” and in “one of her moods” I’ve learned to step back.  Don’t engage.  Don’t feed her anger and irritation.  I let her say what she’s going to say, and respond very little.  When I do say something, I keep myself calm and speak slowly, focusing on the positive of the situation and ignoring her complaints about the negative.  I also acknowledge her feelings though.  Usually she’s ranting about something “someone else” did that is utterly unacceptable (if you ask her).  So I will acknowledge that she’s upset, but won’t engage further. 

    It’s almost funny b/c I can literally see her emotions settle.  It’s like she realizes (consciously or subconsciously) that I’m not going to affirm her negativity and play into it.  I’m not buying what she’s selling.  It works!


    • Tara

      Thank you Sarah for your share!:) Blessings, Tara

  • Rugel D

    Funny, I just dealt with an employee in this state today. My position is to listen, calm them down by lowering my voice so they are forced to stop or lower theirs in order to hear me. This works, and then they usually “snap out of it”, unfortunately, any situation can send them back into that unbalanced state.