How To Know When Your Relationship Is OVER…. Or Not!

We come together in relationship with another for our evolution and growth.

The people you attract are simply mirror manifestations in that moment in time that reflect who you are.

Yet who you are is constantly changing, evolving and growing.

Who you are when you first met your partner won’t necessarily be who you will be a year from now, let alone a month from now.

Relationship is really not about the duration that you stay with someone, but the degree to which you both grow, evolve and become more authentically your true Self. Staying in a relationship where you are both no longer growing simply because that is the thing to do based on societal standards, or because you made commitment 25 years ago, is not authentic.

Authenticity is to feel the depth of who you both are now, and fully be in the moment together with total honesty and love.

Then you can see if you are both still a vibrational match for each other today, not based on a commitment made years ago.

Relationship is when you come together with a commitment to serve eachother’s evolution, and grow together in a similar direction at a similar pace. The bottom-line commitment being “I commit to serving your Soul’s growth.”

Once one of you no longer has that commitment, and is clear about that, then you no longer have a relationship even if you stay together physically.

As you both serve each others evolution and keep growing together, then your relationship can keep reinventing itself to higher levels, rather than staying a stale version of what was. Your relationship becomes an ever-expanding exploration of Nowness.

But when one person stops growing or no longer has a commitment to serve the other, it begins to shift the dynamic. The question to ask is simply, “Are we both growing as Souls, becoming more expanded, loving, and authentic versions of ourselves in this relationship?”

If the answer is no, and there is no more commitment to serve each other’s growth, then your relationship is over. So long as there is a commitment to serving each other, even if it is challenging (which relationships can be) you can keep growing together.

The real success of relationship isn’t simply how many years you have been with someone, but how much you grew and realized your authentic self.

Certain people show up in your life to simply serve a function of helping you see a part of yourself that you get to reclaim or heal. It might last a few weeks, months, years or a lifetime. But you come together to learn those lessons, and once those lessons are complete, so is the relationship.

So, feel into finding the form of the relationship that allows the greatest love to be expressed. Sometimes we stay together out of obligation, but that serves no one really, simply causing us to withhold love. The truth serves all concerned, even if it might not seem that way at first. The truth will ultimately dissolve limits and cause expansion.

Sometimes breaking UP the form and finding a new way of relating with your partner simply allows you be able to love them without the limited expectations.  Staying in a relationship when you are no longer in love, growing or committed is living death.

As the form of your relationship changes either through a break up, divorc or death, let the loving remain constant.

No forms last forever.

Only Love is real.

Just because a relationship ends does not mean the LOVING needs to.

Be committed to the loving no matter what happens.

Then you are free.

The rest are just details.



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  • Charlie94

    amazing.  so real, succinct and true.  THANK YOU.

  • so true…. exactly what you said… when you start a relation-ship is a mirror of you at that  moment… both parts of the relation-ship are there to assist spiritual growth and it’s over when the path starts to be different.

  • Lindamac4545

    Beautifully said. We attract what we need at that time for the evolution of our soul. Although it may be painful to realize that the relationship is over, allowing gratitude
    to serve you rather than anger will allow you to move through the process much easier. You are who you are right now because you allowed them into your life to help you grow.

  • Laurie

    Wow… thank you so much for this blog, Kute!  I have been struggling with the break up of my 19 year marriage, and this really helps me feel better about it all.  We definetly stopped trying to serve each others evolution years ago, and were just going thru the motions out of obligation to the commitment we made.  It can be such a hard thing to come to terms with when society thinks you should stick if out regardless because you made a commitment to each other.  I agree with you, once you stop feeling like you are growing as a person with this person, the real relationship is over.   I certainly felt I was not able to be my authentic self with him.  I’m much happier overall since I have separated from him and found myself again. 

  • This post helped me forgive. Thank you.

  • You have put what I have been practicing into such elegant and timely words! I want to pass this around. I’m at a stage in my relationship where I’m growing and my partner is not–though he wasn’t really aware of it. We’ve had a long talk since and he’s realized that he was being complacent and actually wants much more. Hopefully we can push each other to become what we want, grow, and continue to love one another along the way. 

  • Doctorevie

    Wow, Kute.  Needed this.  Commit to each other’s evolution, as well as our own.  I get to evolve my own authenticity and vulnerability within a relationship…a totally new concept.  I think that’s why I’ve felt stagnant in a relationship after a while.  I’ve always concentrated on the other person, and lost myself along the way.  It can happen at the same time!  Thank you!!!!

  • anon

    thanks … your video just re-iterated that i made the right decision by ending a relationship that i wasn’t growing in.  it wasn’t easy, but i know that to have the loving relationship i want, i need someone who’s at my level and willing to put the work in to get there. and i still send loving vibes to my ex in hopes that he’ll find inner peace and happiness just as i have. thanks as always … love your videos and posts 🙂

  • anon

    Thanks for another amazing video. You’ve just reminded me to make sure I love myself enough before I start dating again. I’ve been single for a while and my relationship with myself has improved loads… but relationships can get a bit confusing and lines blurred so I don’t think I am ready yet for more. At least now I am clearer as to knowing when I am ready. For me it’s probably when I love myself enough, when I respect myself fully and when I am sure of where I end and another person begins. Also I am at that age where I would like to potentially start a family if I meet the right person, so I think it’s important that I get a strong sense of self, and the direction I want to head in in life, so that I attract someone similar. 

  • This is a great post. I fully believe that every relationship serves the purpose of growing your soul. This is also why friendships end and people lose touch. Some people think that there is something wrong if they are no longer friends with someone, but it is that you have grown apart. Every person in your life will either grow with you or you will grow apart. I’ve learned that it is alright to let people go. If you try to hold on too tight, you are not serving their evolution and you are not serving your own. Thank you for reminding me, Kute. 

  • Kaylahanington

    Wow this was truly powerful for me.

  • Kute, this is brilliant! Thank you for putting into words what I believe about relationships. I have not heard of you before, but I am going to your website now, because I really appreciate your message!

  • Anon1

    I think this is a powerful post, but I fear that some readers may use this as an excuse to end a relationship instead of communicating and respecting their partners.  Sometimes it is hard to see the forest from among the trees.  I value this post, and although personally it is personally hard to emotionally accept this at this exact moment bc of a recent relationship ending three weeks ago, I am attempting to rationally learn and grow from what happened.  Things can be a bit confusing especially if one person leads on the other; but, that’s another post for another time.  My point is that there may be months or years of neglect or a lack of passion but that you shouldn’t give up on the relationship yet.  There are more factors to consider within a relationship.  A few weeks ago Christine Arylo said people don’t fall out of love, they fall out of trust, respect and intimacy.  I’m not advocating staying in a relationship that isn’t good.  

    I have found a lot of value in relationships in my 31 years on this earth.  I have a lot to learn still.  I’ve been able to grow individually throughout all my relationships, and I am a guy that will attentively try to keep the passion alive through respect, intimacy etc.  I don’t give up easily on people, which has led to delayed break-ups.  The concept that people come into your life for a short period of time to help you and themselves grow is something I am struggling to deal with.  It feels superficial and selfish.  Thoughts?

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  • T. Marie

    Probably the BEST article I’ve ever read regarding this topic

  • Wow. I am really impressed. 

  • This was very insightful and well presented. It also happens to ring true for me at this time in my path…thank you. I will be checking out more of your stuff, Kute.

  • Ashleycampfire

    Wow! This is some truly enlightening information. I have been trying to figure out whether or not I need to leave my husband. 
    Your words are encouraging.

    Thank you

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