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How to let go of toxic relationships!

One of the most common patterns I see with most of my clients who are in unhealthy relationships is the belief that this is the best it can get for them and that they are lucky to be getting 25% of the love they really want. AND if they ever did have the guts to break up with this person that it would be a life sentence to loneliness and singledom. They think so lowly of themselves that they actually BELIEVE that they don’t deserve or won’t be able to attract a truly loving partner.

My friend, NOTHING could be further from the truth. This is a literal Uni-verse. Whatever you think INTO it is what it will MIRROR back to you. So, from a certain point of view those who believe it to be impossible to find lasting love are right, not because it’s the truth, but because that is the belief they are thinking and acting upon. As a result, what manifests in their life is a lack of intimate love and an experience of just “getting by” on scraps of love.

See, it’s not that intimate love, success and all that rad stuff isn’t available to you; if you think this way, YOU literally are not available for IT.

I believe with all my heart that if you raise your standards you will rise along with them. When you do ask more of The Uni-verse, a mystic process begins to unfold. Once your intention and actions are in alignment, all the unhealthy fragments of your life begin to fall away.

It is so important to not cling to these unhealthy attachments. But, instead, sit back and let them go. When you stay in situations that you have outgrown mentally or spiritually, because you are afraid that there will be nothing for you on the other side, you stunt your growth and hold yourself back.

If you were still trying to wear the same shoes you wore when you were 4 years old and believed that those were the only shoes you could ever wear because no shoes will ever fit you again, you would be in a mess of trouble.

Look at these unhealthy and dramatic relationships and situations the same way. You’ve out grown the shoes and your feet are in pain because you won’t take them off. Except in life it’s not your feet, but your Spirit and Heart that are in pain. If you hold on too long you will begin to get dis-ease in the body.

So let it go with joy! Know there are plenty of shoes out there that are your size and, if for some reasons there aren’t, then know you have all the resources within you to construct your own customized pair of shoes! :)

Don’t settle for 25%; let go and let The Uni-verse bring you 125%. Keep your standard high; that’s how you fly, my friend.

Love,

Mastin

  • Teresa

    Some days (most) you get me through.
    Thanks

  • Jones

    Love this!!

  • Lesego Ramatlhare

    Thank you for this. It couldn’t have come at a better time. I just left arelationship that I felt wasn’t the best for me. Feeling more inspired and confident about my decision. Thank you:-)*

  • http://NA Tuhina

    Agree!

  • jaymeebabe

    These are the EXACT thoughts that I’ve been thinking and I just needed someone to spell it out for me… THANK YOU Mastin! Very well written. And yes, we deserve the best of the best. We deserve God’s grandest love in human form. Keep up the wonderful work! You are inspiring many souls including mine. ROCK & ROLL baby. :)

  • http://www.whydidichoosehim.com Crystal

    I love this article! So many people settle for relationships because they don’t feel they deserve better or that they won’t find someone who will love them for them. I know, because I was once one of them. An amazing thing happened when I started to let go of bad relationships in my life….better things began falling into place all around me. I am forever grateful that I was finally able to stop clinging to unhealthy relationships and begin embracing more of who I truly am. It is now a beautiful journey that I enjoy every moment of :)

  • Krista

    THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

  • gina stewart

    This is so so true. Believe you can do anything:)

  • http://journey2wakingupme.blogspot.com/ Heather

    Wow! I dated a man on and off for 2 years and then married him thinking he was all I was ever going to get–that because he kept ending up back in my life, that he must be the one. After almost 15 years of marriage, I stopped believing that being cheated on over and over was the best I could do regardless of how great he was in some other areas of our relationship. I need to change that mode of thinking before I end up in another bad situation.

  • Susan

    I am married….very unhappily married for a long time now. I have 2 children in their teen years and don’t know what to do. We sleep in different beds, don’t talk..actually we can’t talk, and I just don’t know what to do. I know in the bible God hates divorce, I have tried, scared of the unknown….don’t know what to do. I came across this post today on facebook…..maybe this will offer me some light in the days to come. Thanks….

  • http://youdeservetobeclear.com/blog/ Jodi

    I smile as I think how many times I have force fed myself my four-year-old shoes. Yes, me. Adult. Looking with determination at the shoes, telling myself, “I will MAKE them work.” It is always a failure. And, in retrospect, no service to the four-year-old shoes… for they, too, were deserving of the right fit.

    Thank you for another brilliant post!

  • Erika

    Thank you so much for the shoe analogy! That illustrates an inability to move on in one’s life so well. Often we just keep holding on to what we know because we’re scared of what will happen when we let go of our current situation. But knowing there’s a “bigger pair of shoes” out there (that we’ll be fine and supported and happy once we take off the shrunken ones!) is a genius way of imagining it.

    Thanks again Mastin – I look forward to my Daily Love every morning. :)

  • charlestz

    wow…excellent!
    Time to change my perceptive and raise my standards.

  • jennifer

    Love should never hurt!!

  • SMMB

    when i read this i felt you read my mind…..this is completely what i need to read in order for me to move on. thank you!

  • http://www.thinqaction.com Antonio Neves

    Mastin, great post. Indeed, “let The Uni-verse bring you 125%.” It’s interesting what role this plays across the board, especially in the careers of the young professionals I coach. Last week I actually wrote a post on this called ‘Positive Peer Pressure’: http://blog.thinqaction.com/2011/04/positive-peer-pressure/

    All the best and continued success.

  • Bilqees Hendricks

    I’m currently going through a rough patch and was caused through a toxic relationship, I am living proof that this messes you up so much!!! And I really needed to read this post. Thank you so much Mastin!

  • Jenna

    I think this goes for family relationships that are abusive/destructive as well!

    I am going through that and they aren’t liking me raising my standards much. But I have to.

    Others have said it in the comments too and I agree,your article came at the perfect time.

    Thank you!

  • Hamsatu

    This couldn’t have been more timely!!!! Gracias. I look forward to reading more truth.

  • Sar Ahhh

    This makes perfect sense to me if you are in a relationship without children. However, it becomes a lot less clear when there are these little ones to consider too. What about working on the relationship rather than just walking out on it?

  • Amanda

    I just got out of a toxic relationship a few days ago. This e-mail post really stuck out to me. I know this relationship was so toxic but I still feel sad and scared, this post gave me a little faith. I feel like the toxic relationship made me feel terrible about who I am and it’s hard to remember what a happy girl I was before I met him. I have always loved reading The Daily Love and hope it will give me strength through this hard time

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  • Tina

    I love this! I think most of us know it already but we need a little push every now & then to boost our confidence. Thank you for that.

  • caitie c

    My comment doesnt have to do with toxic relationships exactly…

    I like the idea of raising your expectations and everything rising with that, but I am trying to get a new job and I cannot for the life of me! I am raising my standards because I KNOW i am smarter than this and can do so much more but nothing is coming of my efforts.

  • Elijah Shannon

    Thank you for this AWESOME post. I see this happen to my beautiful, wonderful friends ALL THE TIME. And I, too, lived it for many years. As soon as I started acting and believing that I deserved more, I found the kind of love that I had only dreamed about…the most amazing and beautiful love. Not perfect, but perfect, if you know what I mean.

    I am reminded of a story that I read years ago–I’m sorry that I cannot remember the author! I’ll post back once I remember (it will come to me at some point). The author was meditating about why a certain relationship wasn’t working anymore. They had been together for years and it had been great but at some point, it just didn’t work. They broke up, but kept trying to get back together and it was painful…

    He had a guide/vision come to him during the meditation. The guide said, “When the two of you first came together it was exactly what you needed in order to grow. There was much synchronicity and good things. You got in the boat together and crossed the lake. But eventually you came to the other side of the lake and there was nowhere to go. There was nothing left to learn from each other, no more growth to take place. You were sitting in the boat on the shore with no where to go. You got out of the boat and began to walk forward but you kept looking back, and several times you went and sat in the boat again! But the boat was done with its journey. Be grateful for the ride, the journey. But now it is time to walk forward in your life without looking back.”

    I’ve always loved that story. It is painful to let go of people we love at times, but when we see things from the place of spirit we can know that not all of our teachers are meant to be with us for our entire lives–and that is okay. The Universe provides us with exactly what we need when we open ourselves to its abundance. It is scary, yet. But the hand of God is beneath you and you will not fall–you will soar!

    Love and blessings,

    Elijah Shannon

    • http://www.madalynsklar.com Madalyn

      Great story, Elijah! Thank you for sharing. It’s fits perfectly with Mastin’s article.

  • Paige

    Thank you! Thank you! Beautiful and much needed. Thank you!!<3 <3

  • Reuben Angelo

    So inspiring and truthful!….Thank You Mastin!…

  • Garrett

    Great post and so true!!
    Much Love’
    -G

  • orlando luzzi

    I need serious help I know deep down I love my ex we just broke up tonight. I just cant tell her the truth about a year affair with a women she is no longer friends with. my ex says shes white trash 4 kids by 4 different men and has a drug issue. Maybe I am ashamed because of the girls awful rep in town then i even hacked with this girl all my gf cfomputers and her droid phone. I lie about everything please help Orlando from westerly ri

    • Joy Blinn Forand

      I need serious help I’m obsessed with my ex friend and her boyfriend I try anything to to break them up. Make up lies hack into her computer I know he just used me but I can’t let go. She is such a beautiful women has it made with him doesn’t even have to work just take care of the house and her daughter and my ex lover/affair. I ned help to let go because I am a door matt. I know Orlando will never leave me because I have a terrible reputation in town and he comes from a very good family. Please help me Joy Blinn Forand Westerly RI

      • Broken_-_angel1102

        All of this is crazy and I never wrote this stuff I a Joy Forand I don’t go by Joy Blinn Forand I never wrote anyof this nor was ever involved with a guy named Orlando Luzzi i don’t have a terrible reputation whoever wrote this shit and used my name is a sick indiviual i had just lost my husband and would never be interestedd in an ape like orlando Luzzi

        • Broken_-_angel1102

          this is a virus or someone messing with me and this guy none of this is true i have and never will be a whore i was married to my husband who passed away unexpectedly whoever wrote this crap is a sicko and should be arrested

    • Someome you thought u loved

      Orlando,
      After I found this on the internet I always new it was true. I am so ashamed that you could go with someone like that you were brought up with morals. I could go on and on about her on her way to jail. I told you to admit it and you didn’t so it is really your lose and this time I’m moving on. Go live that kin of life style I will not be apart of it nor my child best of luck…P.S. your family will know….CT

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  • Pat

    I really enjoyed this article. It definitely has something I’ve had to face and come to terms with. But one point that I do find is, what happens when a toxic relationship in your life may be with a family member or relative where it is not as easy to step away and cut communication.

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  • Madmak40

    Reading this article tonite makes me realize that no matter what my ex says about me or how much he hurt me physically and emotionally, I do deserve to be happy and loved. I was with a man for 7years and the whole relationship was about me full filling his needs what he wanted it was never about me not even when I was carrying his child inside me for 9mths. Hebroke it off with about 5mths ago when he met someone else I new the relationship was o so very toxic but I was suicidal I couldn’t eat sleep think.etc.first class mess and he loved it played on it every chance he could throwing his new girlfriend in my face constantly well I could babble on forever bottom line is she turned out to be a first class crack head and a mess but Yup he still loves her and stops by every once in awhile to how shall I put it “roll around in my bed” then tell me I need to move on and he leaves BUT NO MORE I AM MOVED ON.I am gonna be more excepting to love in my life because not only do I need it dam it I DESERVE IT thank u so much

    • Frankiemae17

      I know that guy and you are way too good for him Kim and I always wondered y such a pretty girl from such a good family got mixed up with such a looser.

      • Batmansmistress56

        I know who this is too youre a loser. Dont get involved in other peoples business I dont get involved in yours.

  • Beela2010

    Wow so true

  • http://www.facebook.com/liathespiritualdiva Ilia Garcia

    It’s funny because I googled letting go of toxic connections and this article came up. I agree that the relatioships we enter have a lot to do with what we feel about ourselves. I have been through experiences where I outgrew the person and I didn’t know how to let go but once I did my life became so much better. I believe that in life I kept repeating toxic relationships until I was able to surpass this lesson. It was a hard lesson to learn and I learned a lot about myself. It helped to strengthen me and now my goal is to help others find their self love and allow themselves to be loved.