How to take your power back in ANY relationship!

Many times in relationships we love to blame the other person.

We like to blame them for not loving us the way we want to be loved, or for not making us enough of a priority, or for being too stubborn and on and on. 

Then we start giving names to the way we interpret others actions. So instead of saying: “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you let me figure it out on my own,” or “The way I really feel loved is when you (fill in the blank)”. When we are lacking, we say: “You’re a jerk”, or assume that they don’t love us.

So instead of expressing how we feel, we blame, judge and then convict the other person of being guilty. Then we project our verdict onto them and wonder why they react negatively and then use that negative reaction as further proof that our verdict was in fact, correct.

Instead of blaming and judging, if we can open up, become vulnerable and EXPRESS our feelings and needs, we give the other person an opportunity to course correct and with this new information.

And, if over time we are expressing our needs and feelings and they aren’t being seen, have the courage to pick up our things and leave. That’s the Master’s path – vulnerability and courage.

It might seem scary, but showing emotion and expressing your needs is how you build intimacy. And having high standards and the courage to maintain them is how you make sure that only the best kind of relationships remains in your life.

It’s the mark of a Master to no longer blame the other person, but instead to see the other person as a mirror of his or her own life. It’s the mark of a Master to share his or her feelings, rather than blaming someone else for not meeting the needs that were never expressed in the first place. It’s the mark of a Master who is strong enough to walk away from a broken and unfulfilled kind of love if his or her needs and emotions aren’t being seen. It’s the mark of a Master to be able to also meet the needs of their partner.

When you see the current relationships of your life as not a victim, but as a mirror of your own life, you can begin to take empowered action.

So, you say you want love, yes?

Then whatcha gonna do today? Blame them? Or express yourself and set loving boundaries?

Do you want to keep going round in the dramatic circle of blame or do you want to step into the loving flow of vulnerable expression?

The choice is yours. What’ll it be?



  • I found this site through Twitter and I am sure glad I did. This post is exactly what I needed at this very moment of my life. Thank you for writing it and keep writing!

  • megun

    Love this!

  • erams

    this article is just what I needed to read – thank you. One question, would you pleaes expand on the following statement – “When you see the current relationships of your life as not a victim, but as a mirror of your own life, you can begin to take empowered action” – what is it mirroring? that I’m not giving love? its easier said than done, to pack your bags and leave.

    thank you for your wise words

  • Nicole

    This was an intense slap in the face to all those who don’t take responsibility for their actions/feelings. Unfortunately…we are the only ones to blame for how we feel! No one else! Well put, Mastin!

  • ashley j le

    Thank you for sharing this! I needed to read this.
    I hope you follow me on twitter dessert90210

    Reading your blogs and tweett help me get thru my day!
    You are truly a blessing!

    Thank you,

  • abeergoddess

    Holy smack in the face! I so needed this validated years ago!
    Better late then never, thank you!

  • Sarah

    I needed to hear this today. Thank you, Mastin!

  • Pam

    This post really spoke to me!!! Thanks again for sharing your wisdom and insights, Mastin!

  • ngazini

    What a wake up call,and @ the right time ,just as l was about to start the blame game I got reigned in and got to look @ things from a very different perspective. thank you Mastin l believe the talk I’m going to have with my partner is now going to be very productive.

  • mel

    spot on, well written!

    mel x

  • Whoaaaa!! The right post at the right time! Thank you, Mastin! ^^

    Greeting from Indonesia,
    Tika W.

  • Kim

    I have put my best foot forward, only look at the positive, have accepted the person for them no looking to change them. I was so slapped down. If the other person is not happy with them self then they are not happy with who and what is around them!

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  • Gr8ly written…

    Be a Master

  • Mastin,
    Have I told you lately that I love you?

  • Girl

    this could not have come at a better time. these are the exact problems i’ve been having, and as soon as i tried this it was like we crossed a milestone. it was so simple!

  • I just came across your work for the first time today. What a blessing….it was like looking in the mirror….you write what I experience…….Thank You!

  • PN

    Thank you for this post Mastin, this is a lesson I’ll keep in mind forever. I made this mistake and lost a precious relationship but as someone else said here, better late than never!

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  • Ravendesign

    So, what if you’ve done all that and they don’t ante up? You have to go. And that is the hard part.

  • Alexandra Nita


  • Cecelia Benefiel

    it helps to take small steps toward goal of healed relationship. and to be flexible enough to recognize when to trust and increase good faith, and when to fall back.