Daily Share – I Really Feel Like Giving Up…

January 9, 2013 by Anonymous TDL Reader 22 Comments

I married my husband in July of 1989. I knew he was not the nicest person, but he was wonderful to both of my children from a prior marriage. My oldest has severe developmental delays from loss of oxygen at birth, and is now 32-years-old yet he has the comprehension of a 9-month-old. When I met and married my husband I was a beautiful, strong and intelligent woman with a job making close to six figures. And it would’ve been more if I was not a single mom, but managing a career and two children with almost no support was not easy.

At the time, my husband lived at home with his father and did not even own a car. Through the years my husband cheated on me, beat me, abused me anyway that you could imagine. In 1991 I had our first child and 11 months later was blessed with another. When I had my fourth child I left my job. By then I financially, emotionally and mentally set my husband up in business with two other partners, one of them his identical twin. Ten years into the marriage, I got involved with pain management and have fought that addiction ever since, although the last time I used was 3 and a half years ago when I left. I left with 6 dollars in my pocket. My husband and I acquired over 7 million dollars in assets over the course of our marriage. He has fraudulently taken everything out of my name. He has forged my signatures on everything from deeds to properties to stock certificates to checks, you name it. For three years I have been trying to get help and cannot find a lawyer to help me. My husband uses the money to get the children to not talk to me. He has our kids, our pets, all our money and property and everything I acquired in 48 years of life. I cannot hold a job now because I have many physical problems and I have a plethora of mental problems. I am living on welfare and I have dealt with it for the most part just continuing to have faith and hope. Knowing that my higher power will let things happen in his time.

But in October, my 20-year-old daughter had a child and now my husband has her too, I have only seen her three times. My heart is so broken and despite my quest to find serenity through spirituality, I really feel like giving up. He and his brother are evil sociopaths and I am putting my life into my hands by trying to find justice. My husband and his family also tell my children that I was the cheater and the liar and the thief. I am and have always been a good person, I love my children more than life and it kills me that this evil person has everything and I have nothing. I really feel like giving up, I don’t know what to do. Oh, and I told you I struggled with addiction…My husband has done drugs since we met. He never really tried to stop. Since 2002 I’ve been fighting, going to 12-step groups and trying to work a program. But it wasn’t going to work until I left him. Two sickies don’t make a welly. I just can’t believe that there are no lawyers or anything that are wiling to help me.

A TDL Reader

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Eveline Almeida

Hi dear TDL Reader. Just by sharing your life shows us that you, deep inside, don’t want to give up. I think that now is time for you to reclaim that beautiful, intelligent and strong woman you once were. I know that you have no idea how to do that, but think about yourself for a moment. Forget about the money, your family, your ex and take this time alone to take care of yourself. Call a friend or make new friends or ask for professional help, but focus on yourself this time. You deserve it, you are worth.
Jamesbuc1

I pray for a breaker anointing over your life and atmosphere to break up and off any strongholds that current plague you. I also pray that our Gods perfect love fill every atom of your being ands overflow fill your atmosphere and all that in it to shift. God please free this woman and break all the chains that bind her, give her peace and hope.
Friend

I came across some words the other day: life never gives you more than you can handle.
Don’t know who said it, but it’s powerful and feels true to me. I know you can get through this, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Reaching out for help and sharing your story is the first step. Please continue searching for help, I know you if you ask for it then you will find it. Don’t give up my dear.
Fempress

Family is so very important. You have children and although I can only imagine what various types of drug addictions even legal ones can do to a family unit….I have to ask how important are your children to you? I feel it is important to do whatever it takes to have great relationships with your children. You’re their mother and don’t ever forget that no matter what has happened. I wish you all the best.
Suzieg59

Our choices in life often put us in a position to totally rely on God. My thoughts are to hand this situation over to God and seek out an Al-Anon meeting there you will find people who have experienced similar hardships. Meetings are free, frequent and offer love , understanding and support.
TrackerM

I agree so much with Eveline, the fact that you have reached out shows that you still have the will to carry on. You must focus on the one thing that is truly important right now. YOU! You have survived all that has happened, you have beaten addiction, you have got out of the abusive relationship & carried on despite losing everything. Through it all you have remained honourable & true to you. If that does not tell you that you are AMAZING then nothing will. You have all you need within, but you have to let go of all the stuff they have done & all the outcomes so that you have time & strength to reconnect with you. Then I truly believe that the Uni-verse will find you the help you need.
Have faith, it truly does get better if you just trust the journey & take care of you. I won’t say it’s a quick fix but when you come out the other side it’s amazing.
Trisha

My heart goes out to you… The first thing that came to my mind was a book that I read a while back. It’s called ‘In 26 words How the Serenity Prayer Saved my life’. It’s ‘short’, simple and sweet (I think I underlined every word ) I understand the desire and compulsion to want to control the situation – the anxiety that sits inside. In moments like this I would focus on what you are ‘putting out there’. Remember, what we put out there is what we get back. If yo have complete ill and hateful feelings towards your ex, then that’s what comes back. If for a moment you can step aside and if he were a stranger on the street and ha these sociopath challenges, would you have negative thoughts, or would you have a place in your heart for the challenges that he faces day to day? (meaning, he has no idea what he’s doing to his children, they need their mother) Trust – trust yourself and the thoughts that you desire to put out into the world. Our thoughts become ‘things’ and when that shifts, everything else will too… I am having some serious ‘pen and paper’ time working around trust right now. I am with you and am learning how to trust myself and the decisions/choices that I have made in my life… How can I trust myself when I have tried take control of where it is that I am lead to? – the concept of ‘letting go’ of what I think (determination) and/or walking into my true purpose?
BillNewgent

Anonymous I read your writing and hear about an amazing woman. You by the way are still amazing. However also in your writing I read you hanging on to all that has happened between you and your ex. You almost seem to be keeping a running inventory of he did this and he did that. I read you assuming the role of a victim. That is not actually true of you but you have convinced yourself it is. I get that he is not a good guy. However, you seem to have made him your focus and lost track of you in the process. The title of your writing is “I really feel like giving up”. I offer to you that giving up may be the best thing. What I mean by that is get out of your head. You are stuck there. Everything that happened to you actually did happen. No matter how hard you try nothing that has happened will ever change. The problems the dilemmas are learning opportunities that source/spirit/God hands us. Stop choosing to be so hung up on things around your ex and your kids that you allow you to sink and fall further and further away from who you authentically are.
I always remember that when we get on an commercial airliner the flight attendant does the thing with the seat belt and the plastic oxygen cup with the rubber band on it. When they get to that part where they show you how to pull it over your head and tell you “put it on yourself before trying to assist another passenger”. They do this because if you aren’t there for yourself you can’t be there for others. It doesn’t make you selfish it means you want thrive so you can give to others.So please be there for you. Let go of what has happened and embrace you once again. Be the best you that you can be. Whatever that looks like. In the process you will create all the evidence needed for your kids and everyone else to see who you are. We haven’t met but I know you are an amazing one of a kind person just waiting for you to let you be you. Love to you!!!
- Paloma
  
  Great perspective. I needed to hear this, too.
  Reply
- Rosi Theart
  
  Wow! What amazing advice. Yes. I have gone through not quite so intense but a similar experience until a few months into that “similar experience” I decided that on the days I am feeling my worst, I would dress my best. Started working out, started reaching out to new interests, made new friends, cried a great deal and some days it seemed that my resolution to survive and survive well, was hanging on a very, very fine thread but I hung on. Two years later, I laugh again. Still cry but the crying is becoming fewer and far between. I have decided to (a) I was not born with my husband sewen onto my hip and I managed many wonderful years before I met him, so I can manage additional wonderful years without him; (b) I will survive for the sake of my daughter who is mentally handicapped and blind but, she laughs and is happy despite her handicapp so why can’t I. I am not blind and I am not mentally handicapped so I will laugh. Letting go is so very, very hard and it is a step, little by little but take that step. Those little steps could mean, calling the object causing the tears less and it becomes less and less, taking a walk even if one does not feel like it. realizing that we are not going to change people but we can change ourselves. Who would want to come to me if I were down-and-out, negative etc. etc. I guess no one. The same here, when your kids see you looking peaceful, achieving things for yourself, becoming happy (yes one can choose to be happy by not letting your circumstances determine who you are), they will automatically return all by themselves. I did not mud-sling, or speak negative about my husband, I caught myself doing it and stopped. That is really something that works.
  God is great. seek his peace, his love and once I realized that I am loved by God, my husband’s love or lack thereof, became less than secondary. Hard road great results.
  Please check out my blog if you wish under:
  educating rosi
- KK
  
  I’m so glad to see that someone else had the same revelation I did while riding on an airplane!
  Since then I work very hard to put my own oxygen mask on first when I difficult situations. It even became my mantra for a time.
http://twitter.com/AFBsmile AFBsmile

Don’t Give Up. Believe in your truth and in yourself. It sounds like you are giving a lot of your power away. You have given your ex enough. Stop, stop now. Maybe you can just start by looking in the mirror every day and telling yourself “I love you.”
Sandra

…because I am working on ‘living in the present, not the past or the future’, I want to say that it has taken me well over a year to REALLY comprehend bill newgent’s message to you, and it rings very true for me. I have reached this present moment through meditation, basically sitting in silence, concentrating only on my own breath, silently repeating the mantra, ‘So Hum’. SO’So’ on your in breath, ‘Hum’ on the out breath, everyday for five , set a timer, do this for 21 days. As you begin thinking other thoughts, because you will, bring your awareness back to your breath repeating your mantra. This can be a took to begin to learn to love in the present. As bill commented in different words, ‘Nothing’ new happens in the past. Love and Emotional hugs I send your way…
Experience

I feel where you are at, and your struggle that you have been treated unjustly by your husband and his family. I totally agree with femy it is in times like this – what you are going through that you need to reach out to a support group such as family. Although it may be hard take your focus away from him and out of your head and focus on being their for those like your children – you speak about them and the positivity towards them is a clue to what or whom to focus upon. Sometimes when everything seems to be taken away from you – give all that you have got to those that matter, give love.
http://profile.yahoo.com/5UQAYDCKPIVZFHSWPSSTDJBMGE Mertiss Thompson

You are ebing tested for a Mega Miracle. Many others too numerous to mention have gone through similar seemingly “bad” events,but kept the faith(easy to say) but the got in alignment with this omnipotent power that resides in your solar plexus and were able to overcome and thrive beyond belief, the lady that created harry potter is just one example of many,

contemplate daily in the same chair exactly what you want. write it daily as though it’s already happened. forgive your husband and all others completely. they were put here to be a block to your abundance and happiness. don’t allow that to happen. CLAIM YOUR POWER
Barbara

I have been reading about how our thoughts keep us in the same state. I think it was true with me. Meditation and abundance thinking starting with gratitude for what I have instead of what has happened changed my life. Could it possibly do the same for you?
Lipsitz_jill

The money you lost and the lack of money today is difficult If you are able to stay in present and feel the love of a higher power, you’ll find peace. If you are able to share love and forget you past I’m sure your children will see that they have a loving mother. If you can genuinely find peace you’ll be able to look at your husband with pity. LOVE CONQUERS ALL!!!
Lori1273

When I got divorced from my ex I was consumed by the wrongs he had done to me and was doing to me, the damage he did to my relationship with my children, etc. I too worked 12 step program and it wasn’t until I owned my part in all of it and let go of anything that wasn’t mine, did I begin to heal and my relationships with my children also eventually began to get better. Someone else mentioned the Serenity Prayer and I want to check out the book they sighted, but remember to Accept the things you cannot change (people, places and things) and Change the things you can (yourself). Hang in there.
http://www.facebook.com/roxana.nunez Roxana Nunez

I have two things I want to say to you:
1) I am happy you decided to share because it helps release some of the frustrations. I think that is important.
2) We are our stories. Holding on to them is not making life better. Everything that we experience in life is to teach us something that we can then teach the world. Your pain is clean. Your suffering is unnecessary. Stop concentrating on the negative and look at the strengths in your own story. You did beat addiction. You had four beautiful children. You are capable of so much more than you think. It is up to you to take this “story” and turn it into the lesson that serves other.
Remember too, once you share your knowledge and your wisdom, everything else will fall into place. If your children are smart, they will see past the story. It might not be today or in a year, it will happen. Kids see more than what we tell them. You just have to have faith.
Stay strong and stop dwelling on what you don’t have. Focus on what you do and your possibilities will be endless. Blessings.
Gwen

I have lived a life similar to you. I feel the intensity of your emotions: HURT, ANGER, FEAR, HOPELESSNESS, DESPAIR and finally, APATHY.

If I could lend you my NOW I surely would so that you could abandon all the above but I cannot. I had to cross that Bridge from where you stand to today and so must you. Alone. It sucks ~ the crossing. Kick, scream, cry, curse, vomit, let the snot run from your nose all the while because when you get to the other side you will know a strength borne and worthy of the Walk.

Let your past go..it isn’t real…see the solution as you look into the mirror each new day then head out the door because there is no other option. Call on your Divine Goddess/God, Spirit Guides, your Archangels, Runners and any other entity that comes to mind then just get your ass out the door and walk till you can no longer do so.

Because you can.

Still.
KK

Having been in a similar situation although not as desperate, I would like to share some things that kept me alive and moving forward:
1) if you take care of yourself then the rest will fall into place … Right now you are still taking care of other people (as harsh as that may sound I recognize it from my own experience) try to make a concerted effort to put YOU first.
2) things fall apart so they can be put back together in a better way.
3) remember who you are – underneath the surface you are still that woman who was beautiful, strong, and intelligent and capable of making a six figure income. You did it once you can do it again you just need to start in small ways and celebrate those victories.
4) if you aren’t in therapy you should find someone that will help you reclaim yourself and empower you to rebuild your life. As hard as it will be to let go of your focus on him it is the only way to focus on yourself.
I will pray for you and your path.
Mertiss Thompson

set an Intention to get over the feeling of giving up.I have great compassion for you but it won’t buy you a cup of coffee. get the lesson. surround yourself continually with supportive(they’re there) ask for help. find a practice where you can let go of the resentment for your ex. and daily immerse yourself in contemplative meditation that will allow you to create a vision for your new life. you still have the skills to prosper and make a meaningful into life. let go. I know it sounds easy but it’s what we have to do. ask for help from your Angels just waiting for you to ask. ask and keep asking until help arrives. and it will. I speak from my own experience. Mertiss Thompson,CH.