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If you want to be seen – SHOW yourself! :o)


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It’s amazing what comes up in meditation. It’s a deep process and it’s like The Uni-verse and my unconscious know exactly what to show me.

Lately, I’ve been having a lot of sadness come up. I’m not sad for any particular reason. But the feelings that are surfacing are coming up from the past. It’s like I’m face to face with unprocessed parts of my past. With this meditative process and my intention to live my life with more of an open heart, it seems as if I’ve ripped off some kind of Band-Aid and I have to heal these feelings.

My default negative go-to feeling is anger. It’s my emotional “home” when I get triggered. And, as I look back over my life, there are all kinds of people I’ve been mad at. I won’t name them all, but you can probably guess because you’ve felt this way about certain people in your life, too.

And something that came to me in meditation today showed me that one of the reasons I’ve been so mad and sad and holding on to this is because for a lot of my life, I didn’t feel seen. I didn’t feel like my emotional needs were getting met. And until recently, I had never had the training or ability to even know this. I didn’t have the vocabulary to be able to ask for what I need emotionally.

And as I was in meditation reviewing some of the many times I felt this way with different people in my life, I prayed and said, “God, please show me how to forgive myself for all this anger.”

And one of the things that came up was some old anger towards my parents for not knowing I had so many problems when I was first in L.A. (drugs and otherwise). It’s as if my inner child was waiting to be rescued by them. And this seemed to be a source of anger.

And then in a flash I was shown a time when I went to camp in my teens and had a horrible experience. I couldn’t call home, so I wrote my parents a letter and snuck in and faxed it to them at night.  The letter basically said, “I’m having a horrible time here, please help me.”

Well, within 36 hours my parents had flown from Kansas to the east coast to the camp where I was and picked me up. They had come to my rescue. I had never felt so Loved. At that time, we joked that my parents were “FedEx” parents because they showed up faster than FedEx. It was an amazing moment. And I was remembering it in my meditation. And then I compared it to my anger for what happened in my early 20’s in L.A.

And I realized that they didn’t see my pain or try to help it because I never showed them. I kept it hidden. In guilt and shame. And I guess I had hoped they could be mind-readers and save me from myself without me having to say anything.

And then a thought or guidance came over me in my meditation, “Mastin, they couldn’t see you because you didn’t show yourself.” And I started to weep. How many times had I done this? With my parents and so many others.

Not showing my real self because of some kind of guilt, shame or insecurity – and then dealing with all the anger and sadness that followed because I hadn’t been “seen”. But I saw in this moment that if I wanted to or want to be seen, I must show myself. This awareness is totally in alignment with my intention to live with my heart open.

This last trip home for Thanksgiving, I showed up with an open heart and got to know my parents on a deeper level than I ever had before. And it was because I asked to know them. And they went there. It was so beautiful.

I’m not sure where this awareness will take me from here, but I’m excited to find out!

How can you open up more and show yourself today?

As always, the action happens in the comments below. Leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love,

Mastin

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  • Dinahjolie

    Dear Mastin,
    I too felt overcome with a tremendous wave of sadness last night while I tossed and turned with no promise of sleep. All I could do was cry and pray, uncertain of what had triggered this heaviness inside of me. I asked God to take over my thinking because I felt myself begin off roading on fear’s Four wheel coaster. I stuffed a piece of cheese in my mouth. I poured myself a shot of tequila. I realized fully that instead I needed to sit still and allow the Holy Spirit to do the figuring for me.

    Waking up to your message I connected with your words. When we are overcome with sadness that feels like it appeared out of the blue, instead of shutting down, we must allow our spirit to open up. The sadness is a spoke on our spirit’s compass, leading us into the light. So to all of my sunshines who feel heavy of heart, fear not! This too shall place.
    With love,

    Dinah Jolie

  • Guest

    Your words speak to me for exactly where I am NOW and I want to thank you for your honesty!  To open our hearts is the only way to truly heal!  NAMASTE!!!

  • http://twitter.com/samanthagregory Samantha Gregory

    Mastin your message is so timely. Last week so much pain, hurt, and anger came up for me that had been festering for two weeks. Childhood pain that, until now, I could never acknowledge. For most of my childhood I was suppressed and repressed because children are seen but not heard. But not being heard is just like being invisible. You become a fixture instead of a person. So I spent so many years feeling invisible and mute. No voice and no idea how to communicate what was going on inside of me. I can’t remember hearing the words “I love you” or “you matter”. I thought I was a daddy’s girl but I was just a sounding board my dad used to vent his frustrations about my mom and grandmother. The messages I received was that women are too much trouble, make men angry, not worth the time, and a plethora of other negative feedback. So needless to say, as a female, girl, and eventual woman I internalized these messages and went on to make horrible mistakes in an effort to get approval, seek love, and be seen. I’m dealing with all this now and searching for healing. It’s painful but it’s necessary to be whole. Thank you for your transparency. 

  • Franhardy

    Hi Mastin,
    I have just been introduce to TDL.What a treat thank you. I would like to share something with you! Last night ,I went to a concert that a friend of mine was one of the support acts . The next support act was an Aboriginal man ,I was so moved by his music and presence . He sang in his native language and I felt his love for this entire universe.But what Iam so grateful for is his final message . He said, I was born ,blind at birth.! I had no clue prior I was a little taken back, as the room was filled with the love he had for the earth and the people. He said , God why did you make me blind at birth? God replied because I love you. He realised then he had everything he needed. All my love

  • http://twitter.com/essentialsblog Ashley Hook

    Thank you for this post and for your vulnerability. What a blessing it is to receive these moments of clarity – for you and for everyone you share it with. You are brave :)

  • http://twitter.com/essentialsblog Ashley Hook

    Thank you for this post and for your vulnerability. What a blessing it is to receive these moments of clarity – for you and for everyone you share it with. You are brave :)

  • Dee

    I love that you open up and show vulnerability. This encourages me to do the same. Reading this releases something in me, a pain from my past where I was not seen either. You do thus so well, I swear it is like a bite sized piece of therapy. You are so lucky to have had parents that really loved / love you, I hate admitting it but my father was never emotionally available for me, and I definitely grew up unseen and felt unloved & unlovable. The things we put ourselves through to find ourselves because of this. I will never be the kind of parent my father was. I remember the first time I really fell in love for the first time….I was 21 and I remember feeling like it was the closest thing to crazy. Anyway it did not last but I remember feeling so needy & reliant on him to feel love & lovable, it’s like I was reliving the past & trying to receive the love I never got. He turned and said to me once, ‘you cannot love somebody else until you love yourself’ and I took it as such a criticism for I felt he was in the same space as me in the self love department if not worse – like attracts like. It was after this I had my own revelation: that we ALL are born loved and lovable with self love but sometimes through life this self love gets obstructed. It’s up to us to go on the journey to unobstruct ourselves. Some ppl avoid this pain (and rightfully so – it’s horrible) but we get there in the end. We are a sum of all parts, and just like homeostasis, to me its about restoring balance in ourselves. Never has the body, mind, soul connection made more sense to me. Much love to you Mastin for bringing this out in me and to the other commenters sharing their stories.

  • Michelle

    THANK YOU for this blog! And thank God for knowing it was exactly what I needed this morning! 

    Last night I had a long, tearful conversation with one of my best friends about something between us that had been challenging my heart. I had been afraid to speak of my hurt because history taught me that people seem to “run away” from hurt feelings & difficult conversations. So I choked back my feelings/words until they turned into anger and shot out at her in a much bigger way than they should have. 

    Thankfully, she was open and loving. She heard my hurts (as she pushed through her own hurt over my anger). Just as you mentioned in your blog, she told me that because I had held myself back, she had no way of knowing she’d been hurting me, so there was nothing she could do to change her actions. 

    I’ve been so blessed by a friendship that is strong enough to work through my fears of expressing hard things, and together we’re learning to trust that our hearts (and therefore our hurts) are safe in this friendship. Thank you for reinforcing this message this morning, right when it would have the most impact!

    • http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

      Dear Heart,
      I am feeling you sister. I am so happy for you that your outburst with your friend did not change your dynamic. I did not have the same experience. I created so much hurt over a 20-year  friendship, and chose to abandon ship. With fireworks. Since then, I have remembered who I am. Who we all REALLY are: Love. And, I now see the world with new eyes. I have just written a blog called “Sticks and Stones,’ which may help you remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH! And, that NOONE can hurt you without your permission. With Love, Kathleen  are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ 

  • Michele

    Used to think showing my work and achievements was cocky. Now I see it as necessary at work. It’s can be inspiring to others and shows how much more I’m capable of. Putting energy into writing again. Thanks for sharing your sadness. I can resonate. Love and starfish, Michele

  • http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

    I am Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist, and I am THE GUARDIAN. I have been wanting to say that to someone for the last 24 hours since my family and I watched the Jack Frost movie, The Rise Of The Guardian’s. Thanks for giving me the platform Mastin to “Show” my REAL self today. And to say…what I know. What I’ve always known.  Marianne Williamson could not say it better, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” My mentor, Cinnamon Lofton writes, “If you believe you’re “only human,” and are not willing to budge…you’re thumbing your nose at enlightenment.”  By waking up ( I am still sleepy) to this truth, I know it is my responsibility to help the world. WOW, did I just say that? Deep breath. My mind argues, “You can’t be that BIG!” My heart responds, “Oh, yes I can…if I am willing.” If you have read ANY of my blogs, you will know that I am-in capital letters-OPEN. I practice the 7th Pathway to a Higher Consciousness which states:” I open myself genuinely to ALL people by being willing to fully communicate my deepest feelings since hiding in any degree keeps me stuck in my illusion of separateness from other people.” I teach through my life story and through my created frustrations with people, places, and things. I know that the only way to REALLY teach others’ is by creating a bridge. Saying, “I’ve been there!.” Just like you did today Mastin! I really enjoyed your specific and vulnerable examples. So, like JACK FROST…I am willing now…to be seen! The Daily Commenter, Kathleen  are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/

  • Ann

    I am 26 years old & really dont know how to open up & show myself. Growing up in my family showing any type of emotions other than happiness is a sign of weakness. Now that I am older & know thats not true, its still very hard to show my true self. As I read TDL all I could do is cry because this is something I needed to hear so I can let go of my past. Thank you so much Mastin for being open & showing yourself on TDL!!!!

  • Jhenelle Tucker

    I can say I can totally relate to this blog. I have done this very same thing and then penalized people for things they didn’t know they did. Lol. Wow, I can laugh at myself and see how silly I was. I’m beginning this journey myself, to live with an open heart and not be afraid or insecure to ask for what I need and want from the people in my life. I’m also going to take this into job situations as well, and no longer enter into a position without asking for what I truly want. Once again, you hit the nail on the head with this one Mastin. Thank you for living with an open heart and showing the way through your writings. Your awesome!

  • http://www.facebook.com/penni.shelton Penni Shelton

    This is really deep and you just saved a lot of people a lot of time with just hitting that nail on the head – BAM. This is going on in so many of our lives and we don’t even realize that we may be blaming someone(s) for our own lack of not showing up or expressing where we are.  It’s all a process and your commitment to your meditation practice is clearly bringing you (and all of us) much clarity & healing. So beautiful. 

    thank you, Mastin, once again.
    xoxo -Penni

  • http://www.facebook.com/sillygirliegirl Rhonwen Munin

    As a parent, we ask our children, “Where does it hurt?  Show me so I can help you.”  Sometimes we would be pointed to the area which was a bruise, or small abrasion and it could be healed with a kiss.  Sometimes, that area needed stitches, or someone’s care other than ours when a kiss and a bandage wouldn’t heal or cover the wound.  Some of the deepest hurts were from school friends who would hurt feelings, and at that time, when we ask “What happened at school today?  Or why are you upset?”  Sometimes we would hear, “Tommy called me a dummy, or Brenda took my pen and then I got in trouble.”  Other times it would be, “The kids were mean because I am different.”  And at times, we had the door slammed in our faces where our loved one would slam the door in our faces saying, “You don’t know me!  No one cares!”  We would say, “If you don’t talk with us, we can’t help you.”  This is one of the most heart breaking, devastating things to face as a parent.  But it happens on a small scale and on a very large one.  My brothers didn’t tell my mother they were having serious marital, emotional problems, and they both hit crisis point.  Simply because they knew she wasn’t in the best of health and didn’t think she could help.  Basically, they finally told her, and all she did was listen, cry with them, and tell them she loved them, that they are worthy of love and capable of giving love.  It was healing for them and for her because they wouldn’t talk with her over the phone or in person and had shut her out to protect her.  Thank you for sharing yourself.  Please continue to do so.  Every parent who has the ability whether financially, emotionally, or even just spiritually, wants to help.  That is what we do.

  • Colettethomas11

    Thank you : ) that was beautiful and spot on !

  • TheDailyLover

    Mastin, great sharing today, please know, we are all in the same boat, and know that once you allow yourself to feel the old feelings, acknowledge them, voice them, feel them and allow them to move up and move out, you are indeed creating more space for YOU to SHINE, and when you SHINE with a purpose YOU WILL BE SEEN.  Sending you love during your process.  I am still in mine, however i am joyfully playing a concert today and shining my light with the intention to lift others, the JOY is there and because i have been doing the work, i am shining brighter than ever. Namaste – B

  • TheDailyLover

    p.s. — and of course, a good coach/counselor for this work is indespensable as well as a good body worker to also move the energy out of your body.  building a great support team is KEY!

  • Diantha

    When I read your blog today, the tears just started flowing.
    I knew it struck a chord within me, but what was it? Were the tears for myself?
    Am I crying out to be seen? Were they for my 22-year-old son, who was bullied
    as a child and has been angry with me for 7 years but not able to express why?
    I sat still and contemplated where the tears were coming from. Yes, I feel
    invisible sometimes and want to be seen. Do I need to show myself more? I
    thought, I DO try to share my needs and feelings. Then I realized that what
    often comes across is the disappointment, the unmet expectations, the
    frustration, the resentment. How can I “show myself” to my family without
    making THEM feel judged and inadequate? Is my son angry with me for not rescuing
    him somehow? What could I have done (can I do) differently to show my love to
    him? As I asked God what he wanted me to see in this, I heard my son and my
    husband both crying out to me, “SEE me… See ME… SEE ME.” The tears started streaming
    down. That was it. I’ve been SEEing the “potential” in them – projecting what I
    want from them and for them, trying to fix things, trying to control their choices
    and who they are becoming, not completely accepting the deep, unique, amazing men
    they already are, not really listening to their hearts and dreams without
    trying to “correct” their thinking. “SEE ME.” I was flooded with the incredible
    beauty of who they are, who they were when I was hoping for something else in
    them, who they are becoming. I SEE their wounded hearts crying out… “SEE ME.” …Yes,
    now I SEE YOU!

    • SB101

       OMG, Diantha, you took Mastin’s post, which deeply hit a chord in me and took it even deeper. You expressed the feelings that I have been having myself. I realize now that much of my sadness in the past was because I never saw my husband and my children in their true unique perfect glory, but rather, as you say, how I “wish they were”. Which really stems from how I wish I was. Through not seeing myself as the perfect being that I am, I too projected that onto them – in trying to fix them, save them, protect them, mold them into “better” people. And, as it always does when you try to fix what is not broken, it always came out as negative, mean, judgemental, critical and not loving (as I thought I was being).  But finally doing some deep work on myself, I have been reversing this deeply rooted habit — and things are getting better. The darkness is lifting and I am grateful everyday that it’s not too late (it’s never too late). My eyes are clearing. I am clearing. Thank you for writing what you did. It took great courage and I wish you the very best for you and your family moving forward. As I have experienced, they may be wounded, but their love for you will overcome all.

      • Diantha

        SB101 and Mastin, I don’t now if you’ll get this note, but I wanted to
        let you know that this blog (from nearly 5 months ago) started a major
        healing in my relationship with my son. I emailed him the blog and the
        responses from me and SB101. He never acknowledged the email, but he
        started showing himself almost immediately. We’ve had several amazing
        conversations since then. He has shared things from his heart, and he
        recently shared some deep pain from his childhood that we were unaware
        of. He is so much more relaxed and open now. I have also done some deep
        soul-searching and work on myself. When I read SB101′s “which really
        stems from how I wish i was…” – at first I didn’t accept or understand
        that, but God began revealing and healing wounds in me, and I began to
        realize that I had been giving others too much power over my own
        emotional health. My relationships with my son and husband have really
        opened up since I have learned to SEE THEM with new eyes, treasure them
        just as they are, respect the fact that they cope with and process life
        differently than I do, and take responsibility for my own perceptions
        and attitudes. It’s been a wonderful journey, and I wanted to thank you
        for your part in it. You gave me hope and inspiration, and God has given
        so much healing as a result. Thank you so much. God bless you both.

  • Lorievanson

    Hi Mastin,  I just learned of your work from your recent appearance on Oprah’s Super Soul.  I love your post today, and just LOVE LOVE LOVE what you are doing.  Thank you!!! Big hug, Lori

  • Lisa Lai

    Mastin… just pure love from me to you for this post.  Your ability to share on such a personal level, but have it provide such universal value is amazing.  I know your parents must be very proud of the man you are and will continue to become.

  • Rick

    Transparency. That’s the word I was given when returning from a past life regression. It sums up my entire life. All hidden in the past and now all out there in the present!! Very excited.
    Rick P.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1032198965 Gayle Ellison-Davis

    oh. exactly! 
    we must have walked past each other and waved on the path recently … because i received the same input/message … 
    nice to see you! namaste, Mastin.
    Gayle

  • Angie

    This post resonates with me all too well right now. I have been waking up at 3am for the past few weeks unable to return to a sleep. My mind filled with thoughts and anxiety. I saw my acupuncturist who reminded me that waking between 3am-5am is our minds processing grief. I have been emotionally feeling well, but after thinking about what my thoughts are filled with I realize my last break-up almost six-months ago is still affecting me. It was a short relationship, but one that was filled with so many firsts both positive and negative. I was more open to love in this relationship and it ended with me walking away as I was not getting what I needed emotionally. I felt like it was my Karma for all the past relationships. I was dating myself at 28 (I am now 36). I realize my feelings were real and honest. I also was able to feel again after dating the past few years and feeling nothing. I still miss this person and how the beginning was amazing. I hope to find this again with someone on the same page emotionally. I just need to get through this grieving process first. 

    • Jenca00

      Wow. Your story is so similar to mine. I was also in a short relationship that was filled with fiery passion from the beginning. I thought… it was destiny that I met someone so connected on many levels. I have been unable to sleep for the last 3 months. The breakup has brought up so much for me. I mostly feel numb inside, like a walking zombie. There are brief, fleeting moments of hope. I almost hate them… cause they come and go so quickly. They whisper hope and disappear. I was the one to leave. I am also the one stuck with this soul sucking pain. 

      • Jane

        Be aptient and loving with your fear.  Hold on to the hope, have faith and know that YOU are moving forward in Light.

    • Denise

      Hi Angie,

      I can really relate to your post and wanted to reach out and let you know you’re not alone. I am going through a very similar situation. I am 35 and just ended a 2 year relationship. I was finally open and available, but realized I was dating who I once used to be. I also have woken up every night for the past year at 3am knowing that this relationship would have to come to an end. I believe these relationships prepared us to know what we are really ready to receive. We are worthy and deserving. Sending you tons of love xoxo

  • joychristin

    This is beautiful!  Real.  How much angst is felt when one wishes for something, yet hasn’t opened to it yet…

    And, I *love* this: “I’m not sure where this awareness will take me from here, but I’m excited to find out!”… affirms my own practice of presence to unfolding.  It is as fun and joy-filled (magical) as we allow it to be!

  • Keikorush

    Thank you Mastin, this felt very close to home. I appreciate how well you put into words feelings that many of us have also had.

  • Luckyforme

    Mastin,
    While I was reading your post I began to weep, and I couldn’t stop.  It spoke to me so deeply but the problem is, I’m not sure who I’m suppose to show myself too?  I have been hurting and struggling these past few months after the death of my father and subsequent detachment from my mother.  There’s a toxic history with her and I just can’t take it anymore. I know that showing myself to my mother would be pointless, she is so closed off to any type of emotion and she wouldn’t get it.  Since my father’s death there has been so much negativity surrounding me and I can’t seem to shake it.  Nothing has gone right and I try so hard to dispell it and be grateful for what I have, etc. but I just can’t climb out of this dark hole.  Am I expecting too much too soon?

  • fitnessali

    Beautiful. Your parents must be beaming.

  • Waynebow

    Aloha Mastin,
    Wow! This is so incredibly timely for me. I, too, have been sitting with a lot of energy around what I did not receive growing up. Sadness and anger are wrapped in a seething, writhing ball of unresolved, unacknowledged energy. Recently, I have just started to see it and have been trying to explore where it is coming from and have discovered an incredibly sensitive spot that is so very bittersweet. It hurts and is vulnerable and I am terrified to touch it and yet must. Feels a lot like that really juicy scab you just can’t leave alone.
    I really resonate with your prayer to be shown how to be forgiven for this anger. I think a key, for me, is to see that it is entirely justified anger. It is okay to be angry because I didn’t get some of what I needed during times of real vulnerability early on when I did not have the tools to protect myself. I have pushed that anger down and covered it over because i have not been able to accept it that i can feel so strongly this energy i perceive as negative. I think it is time to let that anger in, accept its validity, forgive myself not only for feeling it but for not feeling it for so long.. and then let it go not because I am ashamed of it but because it is not useful anymore. Thank you for sharing your prayer!

  • Caramel_sundae_29

    I had a similar experience last night. Issues from my teenage years came up. My aunt and I had a terrible falling out when I was living with her. I felt unloved and unwanted. We’d never talked about it since. That was 20 years ago. It was weighing so heavily on me. A voice said to call her and address it. I txt her and told her I wanted to talk and asked was it a good time. She replied yes but I should txt b/c she had laryngitis. So I did and I apologized for my part in the matter. Honestly I thought we’d have this deep convo about it however she only responded by saying apology accepted. I must say I was a bit disappointed but I was just glad to have apologized for myself. I don’t know if she’ll ever apologize to me but that’s on her. I’d really like an apology b/c I was very hurt by things she said. Thank you Mastin for this blog. You are the universes gift to me:-)

  • Kerrymcd

    I’m always astounded that the pain I carry and think is so unique, is really so Uni-versal.  I am a textbook example of a woman raised by an absent father and alcoholic mother. I always felt I had to be perfect to be loved, but would and sadly still do, test that love by being as imperfect and hurtful as possible. This is a horrible way to live. I had a horrible 20 year marriage and raised 2 children who were afraid of me. I’m learning to have more of a balance and be more myself, to let people know me so I don’t have to “test” their love.

    When I allowed myself to say that I wanted a divorce and was heard, many things in my life changed. I have a much better relationship with my children (who are truly amazing souls following their bliss already at 16 and 21), my mom, and even my ex-husband. I recently had a setback.  I started dating and after seeing someone for about 6 months, I tried to talk to him about what I wasn’t getting out of our relationship. He got very angry and defensive, left my house in the middle of the night and hasn’t spoken a word to me in over a month. I know that this means he wasn’t right for me, but it is still so painful to ask for what you need and have someone tell you “no.” As I write this, I realize that it might be painful right now, but not so painful as a 20 year unhappy marriage.

    I’m so thankful that I watched Super Soul Sunday one week ago and found The Daily Love.

  • Gmariapinc

    There are no coincidences so i believe it was completely meant for me to read this today b/c i am going through the exact same thing where I am crying during most of my meditatations and it just maybe that I may have to show myself, im tired of turning to anger because I feel like if i show that I am depressed I appear weak. I dont know why I think anger shows strength but I am learning now the person who remains calm centered and aligned in hectic times is the strongest because they’re operating from within as oppose to the ego. Ah ha! Moment :)

  • Mandi Hawke

    Mastin, THANK YOU for being YOU, thank you for being vulnerable. This article really struck a cord with me. I actually used it for my own personal blog today.

    I am a Personal Growth Author for LGBTQA Youth and recently shared my own personal story with the press for the first time. I shared about being suicidal, my teenage drug use and cutting. After the story was published a few days ago I was happy about the press but also became very sad. I just realized today so much of that time came back up for me, I had not healed it fully.

    The blog article is called Tying it Together you can see it here
    http://mandihawke.wordpress.com/2012/12/02/tying-it-together/

  • Guest

    This sums up my quest in life – to be seen. I have so much anger at not being seen for being small and defenseless and vulnerable, and for being emotionally run over by others who are stronger, and whom I feel should know better, if they were to stop and pay attention. There are those amazing ones who are capable of looking deep inside another person, but for the rest of them, I realise I must show them. I am struggling very hard with this right now because the lack of being seen hurts so incredibly. I am with someone in a romantic relationship who is like a “normal” person, and I don’t know if I have it in me to manage to go past what I feel is a lack of sensitivity, and to somehow show myself. 
    Logically, I am able to see the situation for what it is – that it is at least half my responsibility and that likely I am seeing it skewed. I do not know if my heart, however, is capable of surmounting past and present hurt.

    • Itsmichelletime1

      I completely relate to what you have shared. I am going through a breakup right now, unable for years to show “me” because when I had tried to show myself to him, he took advantage. I’ve realized that everything is not my fault, that I am not doing “it” wrong. I put myself out there, and he ran with it. If I would have felt safe to be me, I could have stayed in the relationship. When you feel that when you bring yourself to the table and the other person beats it down to fit his demands, you are not at fault for “not being seen”  However, next time I will recognize when someone does not accept me, being me, and not invest years of my life playing the victim.

  • Evamiranda8

    Wow this is exactly what I needed to hear today!

  • suemac

    I love it in the movie, “Avatar”, when the Navii characters say to each other with “I see you”. They see not only into each other’s eyes, but into each other’s hearts and souls. An openness and awareness can exist on that level if I am willing to allow it to happen, and making my own needs and desires clear to those around me is a huge step in that direction. 
    I’ve spent the last several days dealing with a significant loss in my life and, if I had not been willing to share the pain and sadness and fear I was feeling, I would never have received the acknowledgement and empathy that eases those hurts.

  • holliebells

    Wow.

    My higher power is awesome! Been meaning to check this site out and finally did so 2day. The day Mastin shares about the current grieving process he is in. I am beyond thankful. Thank you Lord. Thank you Mastin. And thank you for all who have shared.

     I am in this exact place in my life! I have been called to continue to validate and release the pains of my past. I have entered into a mourning process I could have never foreseen being so consuming. It is so rewarding but also so frightening. It is hard to explain to others on the most basic of levels that I am in a grieving stage in my life. Inevitably the first question I get is “who died?”.  When I answer” I am grieving many losses, most from my childhood.” people don’t know how to respond.

     What a gift this has been for me today to see! My higher power saying, “You are on the right path”, “I have you just where you need to be”, “Trust Me when I say blessed are those who mourn for they shall receive comfort”. I AM NOT ALONE. U R NOT ALONE. WE R NOT ALONE. :-)

     A quote I saw on here spoke to the strength I need 2continue 2cultivate, 2endure, and see this part of my healing process through. It read ” You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”. -CC Sadness experienced fully can feel like a dark abyss that will swallow u up. It does just the opposite. Parts of me are being born 4the 1st time. I am excited 2get 2know these parts of myself I have buried 4so long. I look 4ward 2learning how 2 “show myself” 2myself and anyone else interested in knowing me.

    Thank u!

     

  • Stacey @CoLead

    I dont think I necessarily have to show my vulnerabilities to be seen – that is potential messy, I can simply start by becoming self aware and asking for what I need. And in fact, I MUST ask for what I need. If I don’t, I quickly fall into a passive aggressive pattern of trying to get what I need in an underhanded way.

    I don’t know if its about “showing” oneself as much as it is about “knowing” oneself and acknowledging our own needs. WE must see ourselves. Not expect other people to magically read our minds and intuit our needs. Especially if we don’t ask for what we need in a clear and non-messed up way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1332803542 Rhonda Hare

    *TEARS*

    Perfect timing.. as always when I (really need to) see your blog.

  • http://www.nourished-motherhood.com/blog Keya

    That is such a timely post.  Just this afternoon my mother called me all excited about a Consciousness Conference she had went to.  She talked to me about some of the hurtful moment in her childhood and how she has been growing spiritually and this conference helped her feel okay to express these experiences.  I had never seen this side of my mother.  And I’m not really sure why she decided at this moment to express it to me.  But I”m honored and excited.  Many of the spiritual experiences she is having I have or am having so its is so comforting to go through it with her.  I think that perhaps she has wanted to be seen as well and has never had the courage to show this side of her.  I’m so glad she showed it to me.

  • Randi86

    Thank you Mastin.  This is why I read your blog daily and this is why I genuinely love you too.

  • http://www.kaylaramsay.com/ KaylaR

    I can understand a lot of this. It is the most important thing in the world for us to see and be seen. But you did mention a word – ‘shame’ – which plays a much bigger part in this for me.

    I was sexually abused when I was a kid and never dealt with it. So when I reached adolescence, I just started feeling like I had something dirty – like a thorn – stuck inside, tainting me. I felt like everyone could see it. 

    That was the problem. I felt like every time someone looked at me, they saw dirtiness. It lead to a lot of psychological problems for me – OCD, self mutilation, that kind of thing – trying to cover it up. I thought I was a monster. I didn’t want to be seen at all.

    What’s worse is that as I got older, and tried talking about these things (my struggle with mental illness, my difficult childhood) people would basically say to me, “why do you have to go and talk about things like that? You make people uncomfortable”. 

    Wow! So I’ve had shame coming at me from the inside and the outside. I have to say that shame is the #1 worst human emotion I’ve ever experienced – and I’m pretty sure I’ve experienced them all. Shame is self-hatred, isolation, disgust all at once.

    The one thing that has helped me is what I call ‘validation’. Validation is when you meet someone who mirrors something in you – who shares an experience and is courageous about talking about it. When they say “This happened to me, and I’m OK with it” it makes you feel validated. It makes you feel normal. Brene Brown talks about this a lot.

    I encourage everyone to be honest about their own experiences and challenges, like you have, Mastin. You never know when you might be validating someone else. Your courage can help take away someone else’s shame.

    Kayla xx
    @kaylaramsay:twitter 

  • Jane

    I intend to be SEEN.  I am finding my Voice and accepting into my life those who help me to clear my enrgetic blocks of fear and insecurity. Mastin, thank you for the inspiration!

  • http://www.facebook.com/marcus.j.calloway Marcus J Calloway

    I see you! As always you are purposeful and on point. Thank you for sharing so much of the YOU so that the WE can benefit. Mirrors reflecting. Keep being beautiful and in Love!

  • Christy Banks

    This is sooooo amazing! I was completely blown away. Tears, joy, so many emotions. I don’t even have the words to say thank you. The light bulb is on.

  • Jess

    i love this. i love all this. 
    thought: how do you go about expressing your needs when you’ve trained yourself so deeply (and sometimes quite wonderfully) to never need anything from anyone? Where is the line between expressing needs and being needy? <3 
    <3 <3 <3 xoxoxo

  • Heather

    This was great to read Mastin. I had to get over anger issues with what I perceived was a lack of being there for me by my family through my divorce. And one of my current life lessons is that I need to practice asking for what I need. And I realize that besides not asking for help I was also not letting myself be seen. Too afraid to let people into my damaged core for whatever reason. To protect them or myself from my pain I don’t know. I love all of your posts but this is one that has really hit me and I am needing to sit with this for a little while. Thank you for all the work you do for all of us. 

  • kim

    Thank you so much for sharing this.  Really hit home.  I grow every day with you!

  • http://twitter.com/MelodyJoyDeetz Melody Joy Deetz

    Mastin, thank you so much for this post!  I recently “came clean” with my family,  friends, and readers about the anxiety and panic attack I have been experiencing for the past two years.  It has been an amazing experience to allow myself to be seen in this way – newly broken open.  I feel so much love! 

  • http://twitter.com/Leah_Cevoli Leah

    Mastin I am sitting here in tears reading this.  At 38 years of age, I recently found myself “homeless” and couch-surfing after 13 years on my own in Los Angeles. So much of your story resonates with me…  The past few months, I headed back east for a temporary job, which had me living in my parents house… but today… I moved out. Again.. and got a temporary room in New York.  Why?  Why not stay in the comfortable home with my parents, with a full refridgerator and all bills paid for until I get myself financially grounded?… Because I felt sad, and angry there.  I felt “unseen”.  I feel like they don’t know me… yet… as you said… have I been showing them me?  Have I shown up with an open-heart, or am I keeping “me” under wraps because I dont feel like they really “get” me or “see” me anyway.   When I look back on life, even just the past few months, both of my parents have done SO much for me… so why is it, that I still feel so sad/angry and unseen?     I sat at the table for Thanksgiving with both parents, 4 siblings,  4 in-laws, and 5 nieces/nephews, yet I felt SO alone.  I am praying for the moment when I have a Thanksgiving like the one you just had.  When I am fully able to open up and show myself to my family, let myself be seen, and to truly SEE them with nothing but a loving heart.  Thank you for sharing.

  • Susan

    Mastin, I feel so THANKFUL to have discovered your blog and everyday, I look forward to reading your daily download. Your willingness to show yourself and the depth of your honesty is so refreshing, it inspires me to want to do the same with my writing. I can’t count the number of times your writing has resonated with me and has influenced me to act from a more heart-centred place. This particular piece is no exception :-) Thank you for showing yourself and sharing your lessons.

    Lots of love,
    – Susan

  • Ellenmarietanner

    Fantastic blog today!  Maybe my favorite ever.  This is such deep and difficult work and so damn important!!  Thanks for sharing your story.  I keep learning this lesson at deeper and deeper levels- and the power of it blows me away every time.  Thanks for sharing your experience! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Crystal-Garcia/100001688490110 Crystal Garcia

    Wow Mastin, I read your emails everyday, but this one really just resonated with me that it brought me to tears. Thank you so much for being so open and sharing so much with your readers, it does more for us than you can even imagine :)

  • Barbara

    Very meaningful for me, this one. Ah yes, parents not hearing me, not loving me, not responding, etc. And that scared feeling that if I show myself, I’ll not be loved at all/judged/discarded. So I’m gonna take off my shields and be who I am with complete love for who I am. And I really am a super wonderful amazing connected gift to the Universe. Thank you.

  • Jennifer Young

    God bless you, Mastin!  An open heart is not easy, but it’s worth it!!  Lots of love to you. :) 

  • kellen brugman

    love this post! thank you. bravo to you for sending that fax! opening up allows grace to show up. 

  • Liztronica

    Thank you for this!

  • Jiggyboy420

    Words of true wisdom.. Spoke volumes!

  • Jiggyboy420

    All of us can’t be great but we can do small things in a great way..