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I'm Afraid Of Committing In A Relationship – HELP!

“Do you REALLY love her?” I asked.

“Yes, but I am afraid, I just don’t know if I can commit to her”.

How many times have you heard this or said this yourself?

Many of my friends have recently expressed to me that they are afraid of committing to a relationship.

Ponder this:

The real commitment is to Love itself.

When you commit to love itself, it’s then that you are truly free. All forms will change. Your lover will change. They won’t be the same person that they were when you met them. You will change. You will grow, mature and evolve.  The relationship itself will also change.

When you commit to Love, you commit to what is real. There is never a guarantee that a relationship will work out or that you will feel the same way ten years from now, let alone ten months from now.  When you commit to loving, then no matter what happens to the relationship you “win”. Whether you stay together or not, you grow, evolve and expand.

What you can offer is the most authentic expression of your heart to your lover, moment to moment, with the intention of growing together.

In reality, you never know what will happen tomorrow. Whether you will be alive or not. What you can be honest with is, what you feel most deeply now.

As you keep doing so, it leads to another now, and another now, and that now might last one year, five years, 25 years, or the rest of your life.

What you can commit to is being true to yourself first, and then true to your lover.  Your relationship can then remain a fresh and alive adventure.

We are often afraid that:

- It won’t work out.

- I can’t just be with one person.

- He/She will leave me.

- What if there is someone else better out there?

- I will lose my freedom.

- What if I am making a mistake?

Even if you do break up, that doesn’t mean you failed. Breaking up can also be a sign of commitment to your self and your partner, if this is your deepest truth. And staying in a relationship, might actually reveal not being committed, if it is not your truth.

Let your commitment be to serving the evolution of your lover’s soul and not just their physical form.Then you become a true SOULmate.

Commit to serving the SOUL in your lover. Recognize that your lover is a portal into the Infinite.  Your lover is a manifestation of the Divine in a human body. Your lover is a sacred temple in whom you have the opportunity to serve.

When you remember who you really are, you recognize who your lover really is, and in this place commitment takes on a deeper dimension. You are committed to way more than another “body” or personality.

In this commitment, surrendering into love is a deeper freedom. You surrender your fears, insecurities, mind, control and open to something bigger than your self.

What we often think of as being independent and free isn’t necessarily freedom. We must be careful not be become slaves to our fears and resistance in the name of “independence”.

When you know who you are, then you trust yourself, and in doing so trust who you are choosing to be in relationship with.

As you find the freedom within yourself, the real commitment is to a deeper surrender to your partner as apart of The Uni-verse.

Then you are each a part of The Uni-verse in a dance of relationship, sharing the freedom of Love.

Love.Now

Kute

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  • Dori

    My My My…what an awesome perspective…offering the most authentic expression of your heart to your lover, moment to moment.  That is the best offering that anyone can give.  Thank you for sharing this.  It really helps.

  • Dori

    My My My…what an awesome perspective…offering the most authentic expression of your heart to your lover, moment to moment.  That is the best offering that anyone can give.  Thank you for sharing this.  It really helps.

  • Acbpanda

    Thank you for this~ what an amazing perspective~”a portal deeper into a connection to the infinite.” Profound words! I will be returning to hear this message again and again. Bless you.

  • Acbpanda

    Thank you for this~ what an amazing perspective~”a portal deeper into a connection to the infinite.” Profound words! I will be returning to hear this message again and again. Bless you.

  • Reasonabledoubt7

     What we often think of as being independent and free isn’t necessarily
    freedom. We must be careful not be become slaves to our fears and
    resistance in the name of “independence”.  Realest line I’ve read in while, thanks for your perspective it just may help me out!

  • Reasonabledoubt7

     What we often think of as being independent and free isn’t necessarily
    freedom. We must be careful not be become slaves to our fears and
    resistance in the name of “independence”.  Realest line I’ve read in while, thanks for your perspective it just may help me out!

  • S.

    Kute,

    This is one of the best articles I have EVER read about “commitment” within the realms of a love relationship. 
    And it came right one time. I was going through a lot of self-doubts, fears and insecurities with my relationship with my boyfriend-newly fiancé.  We have been together for so long (8yrs) and I truly deeply love him. 
    But a year ago, we went through some really rough times and there was betrayal, hurt and pain…because of that I live today with constant reoccurring fears that I am not safe, that this could happen again, that I should stay alone for FEAR of getting hurt again. I constantly doubt myself and him. And it is exhausting to be honest. I know I should just go of the past and trust in my decision, in myself and ultimately in him. Sometimes out of fear, I just wanna leave and stay alone. But my heart won’t let me do that because living in fear or making decisions out of fear is no way to live. I know that.
    In addition, I have been so conflicted as to how it was possible for me to love this man so much,  and yet to also fear so many things when it comes to him (trusting him)…It has been a lot of back and forth conflicting thoughts within myself. But today, this article really gives me a LOT of insight as to how I can go about making sense of all that’s been happening within me and in this relationship over the past few months. 

    “Committing to LOVE”….

    “When you commit to Love, you commit to what is real. There is never a guarantee that a relationship will work out or that you will feel the same way ten years from now, let alone ten months from now.  When you commit to loving, then no matter what happens to the relationship you “win”. Whether you stay together or not, you grow, evolve and expand.”

    See I was looking for guarantees…guarantees that it would work out for the best, that betrayals wouldn’t happen again, that he wouldn’t leave, that I wouldn’t get hurt..but there is no such things as guarantees in love. The fact is, like you said,  that if I commit to Love with a big L for myself, for him, for Life…then I can only win because no matter what I will expand and when I expand I am always happy and feel the safest and cared for. This gives me great reassurance and confidence in proceeding with my decision.

    Thank you SO much for these insightful words. You have no idea how much of a shift just happened in my mind. I feel light again, not oppressed and I feel that I can trust myself again. I said yes to marry him because I chose to honour the love I have for him and the love we have for each other. Now I just have to trust myself, my decision,  trust Love and the Universe.

    Thank you.

    Love, always.

    SS.

  • S.

    Kute,

    This is one of the best articles I have EVER read about “commitment” within the realms of a love relationship. 
    And it came right one time. I was going through a lot of self-doubts, fears and insecurities with my relationship with my boyfriend-newly fiancé.  We have been together for so long (8yrs) and I truly deeply love him. 
    But a year ago, we went through some really rough times and there was betrayal, hurt and pain…because of that I live today with constant reoccurring fears that I am not safe, that this could happen again, that I should stay alone for FEAR of getting hurt again. I constantly doubt myself and him. And it is exhausting to be honest. I know I should just go of the past and trust in my decision, in myself and ultimately in him. Sometimes out of fear, I just wanna leave and stay alone. But my heart won’t let me do that because living in fear or making decisions out of fear is no way to live. I know that.
    In addition, I have been so conflicted as to how it was possible for me to love this man so much,  and yet to also fear so many things when it comes to him (trusting him)…It has been a lot of back and forth conflicting thoughts within myself. But today, this article really gives me a LOT of insight as to how I can go about making sense of all that’s been happening within me and in this relationship over the past few months. 

    “Committing to LOVE”….

    “When you commit to Love, you commit to what is real. There is never a guarantee that a relationship will work out or that you will feel the same way ten years from now, let alone ten months from now.  When you commit to loving, then no matter what happens to the relationship you “win”. Whether you stay together or not, you grow, evolve and expand.”

    See I was looking for guarantees…guarantees that it would work out for the best, that betrayals wouldn’t happen again, that he wouldn’t leave, that I wouldn’t get hurt..but there is no such things as guarantees in love. The fact is, like you said,  that if I commit to Love with a big L for myself, for him, for Life…then I can only win because no matter what I will expand and when I expand I am always happy and feel the safest and cared for. This gives me great reassurance and confidence in proceeding with my decision.

    Thank you SO much for these insightful words. You have no idea how much of a shift just happened in my mind. I feel light again, not oppressed and I feel that I can trust myself again. I said yes to marry him because I chose to honour the love I have for him and the love we have for each other. Now I just have to trust myself, my decision,  trust Love and the Universe.

    Thank you.

    Love, always.

    SS.