It was the kind of all-night, knock-down fight that leaves you completely drained.
And in the morning, I was seething with anger. My mind was on over-drive sending me thoughts left and right about how he was oh so wrong and how I needed to tell him that asap.
But instead, I did something really radical….I CHOSE LOVE IN THE MOMENT.
Instead of ruminating all day in my head and sending a barrage of angry texts about how he was wrong (which is something that I would have done in the past), I stopped for a moment and asked myself this question: “What am I committed to?”
And the answer is BEING LOVE.
You see, I made the decision a long time ago to just love my partner to the best of my ability and to consciously create closeness rather than separation.
In that moment I recalibrated to love and remembered that I am completely in control of how I show up in my relationship, regardless of what my partner does.
So, I asked myself…how can I choose love in this moment? And I decided that instead of creating a text war all day that would only leave us feeling raw and damaged, I was going to create art.
I grabbed a blank canvas and some paint and I decided to create a painting for my partner as an offering of myself as pure love. As I engaged in the art of creation, my angry thoughts melted away and I returned to love.
And this was radical. Because the ego-based thinking of the world tells us to play the victim and make everyone else wrong. It tells us that when someone hurts you it’s ok to hurt them back and that people deserve punishment instead of love.
When we are hurt, when we have a fight, and when the person we’re dating does something we don’t like, the normal tendency is to REACT, defend, justify and blame. And usually, the actions that we take action from in this place only lead to more separation and less love.
But here’s what I know to be true: If we can develop the capacity to RESPOND rather than react and choose love in the moment, we can completely transform our love lives.
Think about it. How would your love life transform if you had the ability to choose love IN THE MOMENT?
What difference would it make if you were able to choose love in the moment during a fight with your partner and alchemize the conflict into even more love?
What if you could create fighting being something that brought you closer rather than farther apart?
What difference would it make if in the moment on a date, you could choose to love yourself (and own your worth) instead of worrying about what they think of you and projecting an insecure energy that only pushes them away?
The truth is, the ability to choose love in the moment is THE RADICAL SUPERPOWER that allows you to create lasting love.
Without the superpower to RESPOND and choose love, you’re doomed to re-create the same relationship dramas and heartache over and over again.
It’s harsh, but it’s the truth.
So, what causes us to react in the same way time and time again even though it doesn’t bring us the result we want?
The answer is: fears, limiting beliefs, negative patterns and stories that need to be released.
Whenever we react versus respond in love, it usually means that we’re not actually in the present moment, which is where love resides. We’ve compared what’s happening in the present to painful past experiences and we react based on that, or we’re trying to protect ourselves from pain in the future.
Once we detox the negative conditioning that’s causing us to react, we free up space to respond, choose love and consciously create the love that we want.
What is one limiting belief, past trauma or destructive pattern of behavior that you could let go of today to make more space for you to respond rather than react in love?
What would happen if you decided that from now on you were going to choose love?
If you want to dramatically improve your love life, it’s the most important decision you can make.
Nicole Moore, Love & Relationship Coach and founder of Love Works, which helps women unlock their hearts and create lasting love. Nicole doesn’t teach women how to get love, she teaches women how to BE LOVE, so love flows to them effortlessly because it’s who they are. She helps women detox their love lives so they can create lasting love with her signature Save Your Love Life Intensive.