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Is it ok to let other people down to serve your own goals?

January 10, 2013 by 126 Comments

I’ve been nestled up in Ojai for the last week or so and will be here for the whole month of January. I’m finishing up my first book. It’s been awesome and I can’t wait to share it with you!

I’ve taken a social media break and I’ve also set up an email autoresponder letting people know that I’m on a hiatus.

And it’s interesting… I’m finding it so hard to set this boundary.

I actually feel bad about myself.

I’m so used to being the guy who is there for people, that I feel bad about setting this boundary. I’ve even had some friends write in and express that they are annoyed or angry that I haven’t gotten back to them in the amount of time that they had preferred.

And this communication and the meaning that I’m giving it is causing me to feel even worse.

Writing a book is hard enough, but letting down your friends – man, that’s just not me. I pride myself on being the guy that gets back to people, that shows up, that engages and that gives as much as he can.

But I’m realizing something. For me to grow, I have to start setting boundaries – and that includes digital boundaries.

There was a time not that long ago when people had to call you, write you or show up at your physical doorstep to talk to you and communicate.

Now.

Facebook.

Twitter.

Email.

Text.

Phone.

Skype.

The list is endless. And I’m having a really hard time fully unplugging from The Matrix.

Not only have some of my friends not been happy with me, but some folks in the TDL Community haven’t been happy either.

It’s been a real eye opener to see that people desire to communicate with me; I didn’t realize people cared that much.

I also didn’t realize how pulled I am to serve and to help others.  But I think that I can be TOO giving and that is messing up my creation ability.

My desire for my next book is to be set up so I can really go away with no email contact, perhaps find an “email manager” while I’m gone and really dive deep and disconnect.

I feel called to do this. And at the same time I feel guilty for wanting to do it.

I suppose this is the next level of my growth, to be able to realize that I give a lot, and it’s okay for me to pull back and focus on what I want to create. And if I “let” some people down, maybe that helps to serve their growth, too.

What do you think? I’d love to see your comments on the blog!

As always, the action happens in the comments below. Leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love,

Mastin

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Mastin Kipp is the founder and CEO of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • http://twitter.com/EliseMcDowell Elise McDowell

    Sounds almost like an upper limit problem. Things, people, events or even yourself start to sabotage you when you’re heading to the next level.

    It’s a good thing. The universe is making space and some dust is flying up around you because of it.

    But it sounds like you’ve got it sussed Mastin. Keep following your heart, your gut. The dust will settle soon.

  • TDL Reader

    I believe we are always growing & changing. What may have served us in the past, may not serve us in the future if we want to grow. Making changes is scary. Stepping out to try different things is scary too. You dont know what will happen.

    Sometimes you’re gonna upset people but the ones that truly care about you & what you have to say, your genuity, will be the ones to stick. That is what I care about today & even if it upsets some people, your acknowledgment of what the other person is or may be feeling is key. It shows you give a fig about them but at the same time if someone does not respect & support you in your growth (and providing you are going down a path of growth & not some ego trip), then all this can mean a test of time. If you are being loving & serving the greater good for all from your heart then what could possibly be wrong?! The only caution that is warranted is if you were in fact ‘losing yourself’ that is when your loved ones can give you a mindful smack! Haha. But that does not appear to be you, your motivations are of service right? Hold steadfast then…sounds like a big transition for you is in the air.

    My D.V angel card always says when I’m stuck in this way ‘You are flying high right noe, which may threaten others. But don’t descend, because others will soon become inspired by your example.’

  • Mille bertelsen

    This is exactly what I´m going through at this moment. And wow I´m cooking up a storm because people are so not used to me setting boundries . 

    I´m enjoing your take on things and am reasurring myself that this Super Mario game is going up a level..woohoo:-)

  • redshakti

    joyfully step into the unknown – where life is . . . It’s not only okay to set new boundaries; it’s necessary!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1204415497 Travis L Thomas

    Mastin,

    Awesome topic! And I love your question. There are two thoughts that come to mind here.

    1) First and foremost we need to take care of ourselves. We can’t be of much service to others if we aren’t feeding our own soul. Like on a plane, you need to secure your own oxygen mask before helping a child. If you don’t – you are both in trouble. So, when I think of non-negotiable things that I need to do everyday to take care of myself (listening, prayer, meditation) – I call them “oxygen” activities. Without them – we are dead.

    Hearing about friends and others being upset with you as you make this next leap just reminds me of Pressfield’s “resistance” showing up in the form of family and friends. I know you know this – but let this serve as a reminder ;)

    2) I hear your desire to be the person who helps everyone. Yes – this is SUPER noble, but we all want to be careful not to take on a false sense of responsibility for others. Offering help is one thing – but if we think we are the source of their peace and happiness – we are putting ourselves in a dangerous place for ourselves (and them). Plus, do we think others don’t have access to the same guidance and inspiration we have? Are we separating ourselves by subtlely thinking we are more special? Another one of the ego’s tricky tricks ;)

    S0 – that is what I heard to day Mastin – I hope it is helpful!

    Travis
    http://www.yes30.com

    • Misspooz

      Travis, thank you for posting this. I went through a situation were I was feeling a sense of responsibility for someone who was more than capable of taking care of themselves but it was just the dynamic we had set up between us. It did make me feel special but it also drained me to the point where I was not putting  my own needs first and it went on way too long. I gently separated myself from the situation a few years ago but I still feel guilt about not being a good friend. One of my worst fears. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1204415497 Travis L Thomas

        Thanks for sharing. Yeah, I can definitely relate to having to pull away from relationships that were draining my own energy and positivity.

        I think there is a lesson for me to learn between “helping” and “enabling.” Obviously, with any situation, I try to pray and listen for the way to respond, and when I am inspired I try to act on that idea. If I am operating from love and grace – I can live with the result no matter what the response back is.

        I don’t living with purpose means that others will always like or understand our choices – but if we are operating from the best place in our heart – and feeling inspired to make the choices we make – I think we need to honor that – and hopefully that frees us from any guilt down the road :)

        • http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

          Hey Travis, Thanks for all your insight. The one thing I am REALLY into teaching is that, “NO ONE can drain our “own energy and positivity” without OUR permission.  The so-called, “vampires,” are calling on our own spirits to rise, be big, and speak-up. Usually we are draining ourselves because we are too fearful to say something. This is where I could definitely take more responsibility in being of service to those peeps who are struggling. Instead, our hands go up-and we often walk away. Food for thought. Also, I love the 8th Pathway To A Higher Consciousness which states: “I FEEL WITH LOVING COMPASSION THE PROBLEMS OF OTHERS WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT UP EMOTIONALLY IN THEIR PREDICAMENTS THAT ARE OFFERING THEM MESSAGES THEY NEED FOR THEIR GROWTH.” I have memorized it and use it OFTEN!!! Blessings to you, Kathleen

        • Torforce

          Yes Travis,
          I had an old southern great aunt that used to say, “You have to have a pot to draw from.”  I struggle with this as well.  How to serve and take time to fill my bucket so I  have something to give.  The article gave me permission to say ‘no’ so I can get to my higher “Yes” in the universe.
          Bliss always,
          Victor

        • Ginny

           Thanks.  Your reply is now posted on my frig.  Good thoughts and reminders.

    • http://twitter.com/iSimplyAm Josh Becker

      Travis, 

      What a beautiful response. I particularly love the end of your response where you ask, “do we think others don’t have access to the same guidance and inspiration we have? Are we separating ourselves by subtlely thinking we are more special? I think that’s so important!

      Many of us are inherently “teachers” but there is a gentle dance one has to do to allow their students to tap in to their own inner teacher and know that there is abundance in resources. 

      Well said, my friend!

    • http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

      Travis,

      Wow, what a response!  It really resonnated with me as well. 
      First, my “oxygen” activity is definitely my alone time.  Sometimes meditating, sometimes just watching TV on the couch with my animals around me. 
      But your second comment really hit home.  I do that.  I take on a false sense of responsibility for others.  I feel like I know more than they do when it comes to spirit and living our best lives.  But who am I to say what someone else’s best life should be? 
      I also feel like b/c I read inspirational and “self-help” type of stuff (like this blog, as well as books) and watch similar type of TV programs, I’ve ammassed so much knowledge on being in tune, spiritually, whereas other people who don’t read or watch such material don’t have the same tools or insights.  But you’re right – others DO have the same ACCESS to guidance and inspiration that we do!  It’s up to them what direction they choose to take, how they choose to behavior, what they choose to think.  I need to worry less about others and focus more on being the best me I can be.  I have plenty of growth in that area as it is!

      Sarah
      http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-universe-listens.html

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1204415497 Travis L Thomas

    Mastin…one last statement a friend told me a few years ago – and it has stuck…

    “The higher you fly – the smaller you look to people on the ground!” –QL

  • michelle crowley

    Mastin,  yeay!!  You are opening up an inner can of worms for many of us to look at!!  It took me years to have Me-time w/o feeling bad about it.  I know that I need time alone in order to be the best me for myself and others.  And You my friend are writing a book which will surely make a great impact on many lives.  This is all part of the Plan for you and for all of us who know you.  I thank you for your ’alone’ time!   Love, michelle

  • http://www.etiquetteguy.com Jay Remer

    Start following your heart and trusting your inner wisdom. Stop following your head. Transitioning from one level of understanding to another is wrought with resistance, even for you. Slowing down has been helpful to me; perhaps it can be for you, too!
    As to communicating, this is an essential form of connecting with other people. To cut it off shows me you are more committed to resisting losing connections than you are to accepting (or in your vernacular ‘loving’) having them. I would encourage you to reconsider your decision to close off the ‘outside’ world. Answer your emails yourself. Reply to as many comments as you possibly can that people leave on your blog. For many this is a brave step. Communication is a two-way street. Every connection we make is a miracle for we should be grateful.
    Tens of thousands of people are writing books everyday. Give the ego a rest!

  • Lisa

    Mastin,
    You have portrayed everything “positive” from the first time I saw your gentle kind face on Oprah, through every last word that I have read on TDL.
    Taking time for “yourself” and taking time to learn and to grow are necessary steps for all of us… but especially for those of you who have chosen to share, teach  and inspire!

  • TDL Princess

    Go Mastin!!! I’m doing the same! My 2013 resolution was to put myself first and it is HARD! I was tested on the 1st Jan by upsetting someone by not being at their when they wanted and for how long they wanted, but you know what it feels good to create the boundary and love myself first! So you and me, we are both in the same boat! And we will be more amazing because of it! Remember to FLY First Love Yourself!

  • Kim

    Your phrase “if I ‘let’ some people down, maybe that helps to serve their growth, too” is RIGHT ON and could be an entire blog post in and of itself.
    Keep on keepin on, Mastin.

  • Jenniferbarker

    You have to set limits. If you don’t you are draining yourself to “be there” for everyone else, at the expense of your sanity and well being. If people don’t understand it, it’s their problem, not yours.

  • Lzeski

    Yes, go Mastin. I think that it is between each person and God. For me , I spend too much on the side of focusing on others needs and it holds us all back. So, I , like you am painfully and uncomfortably growing in boundaries because it does not feel right but it right . It will feel right eventually. For others, whose boundaries are too rigid, they have to work on being sensitive to others needs than their own.   

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/6UWX7KDI4LCG5XU32TRNLUAMLQ Catherine

    This is a great post. I am always joking I have no spine as I am always saying yes to others and giving more of myself than I should. Then I tend to blow when I want something for me and people look at me like I’m crazy! I have slowly the last few years started setting boundaries but my mom has been the hardest to do this with. Thank you for sending love daily. You inspire me and others all the time!!!

  • Phil Upton

    My girlfriend and I have been noticing more how we, especially she, is the go to person that many people have been relying on. And it’s draining her/us and hurting our relationship somewhat. We’re constantly being distracted by others with texts or cell phone calls about their problems and issues. We’ve been trying to back away from these distrractions. These distractions are one of the reasons we’re thinking of moving away to a warmer/cheaper climate. That and the cost of living in the North East is setting us up for retirement failure. I also just quit drinking alcohol cold turkey this week and am really excited to find myself again. I was using it as a crutch and I am so done with it.

    So Mastin, take the time and space you need. We understand!

  • Mary6149

    Personally, when I get in your situation (much scaled down, of course), I remember that Jesus took himself away to recharge…and even was “late” in showing up to help heal Lazarus.  Lazaraus family did not understand, and lamented that “if He had been there…”  But his actions were  all in perfect timing for perfect reasons.  Your creative push and gut impulse is to finish this book.  It appears that is your calling at this time, and it will “be there” for many more people than the people who don’t understand your presence now.  Tough stuff, I know.  I feel you are doing your “best” for the highest return.  Your true friends will celebrate your efforts and understand your absence.   

  • http://www.facebook.com/Margaretclarkledane Margaret Clark LeDane

    I think is is VERY healthy and smart of you.  I’ve been a single mom for a long time and I learned a while ago to set boundaries for myself.  It’s hard when you are a giving person, but once people learn this they respect your for it and low and behold…they may learn that their life is their responsibility and not yours.  That’s a great thing to learn and they will grow from it.  You see, you have helped them, just in a different way:)

  • Amanda

    Mastin,
    I think it takes courage and fortitude to commit to changing your habits for a greater goal (finishing your book yay!)  Especially habits like constantly checking social media that are soooo ingrained into our daily routines.  Change is uncomfortable, but necessary for growth.  It sounds like some of your friends and readers might be experiencing some growing pains through the change that you have made.  I wonder if its their ego that’s expressing anger or frustration with you over not getting back to them when They want you to.  Perhaps they need a gentle reminder that you are not doing this To Them, but rather For You :)
    Also, modeling is sometimes the best advice that we can give.  To be honest I was super surprised when I read that you were taking a break from social media thinking “That guy can’t do that. His business is social media. He can’t get away.” Well you are proving me wrong and I’m inspired to try some things that I thought I couldn’t do.  It is very easy to get stuck by thinking that you should not change because everyone else depends on you and they are not ready for the change that you want to make.  Setting healthy boundaries and establishing healthy “me time” might be a very important lesson for which you readers could use some inspiration. 
    Way to Be the Change You Want to See in the World!
    Live Lightly,
    Amanda

  • http://twitter.com/hvass1978 Karina Hollender

    Dear Mastin,
    There is no reason for people from TDL network or your friends to be upset with you. Everyone needs time of. Even YOU! You have to take time out for yourself or you burn out before time. 
    More and more people get stressed due to all the things they have to do like Facebook, Twitter, email, phone, text and so on. People often forget to take time for themselves and  end up in misery, unhappy with everything, angry ect. 
    Being there for your friends goes both ways. Your true friends would be happy for you that you took time for yourself. They would understand.
    So don´t beat yourself up over it, enjoy your newfound powers and best of luck with your new book. :o ) Kay

  • http://twitter.com/theloveofkale Heather Waxman

    The final paragraph sort of says it all, brother! <3

    You serve others every day and people have come to know, honor, and get used to that part of you. But it isn't the only part of you! You are a beacon of love and you are a creator, and you have to honor both of those aspects of yourself in the best way that works for you. If you can't find the time right now to respond to people, that's okay. Maybe, as you said, especially with this being the beginning of the year, people are meant to sort of self-explore a  bit before you dive back into everything here at TDL with full force.

    Keep being you. I love you for that. You are amazing and such an inspiration to all of us, Mastin! xo

  • Perfectpearl725

    Mastin, this article came at the exact and precise moment that I needed it which again affirms that the universe provides. I am 56 years old and had a total knee replacement on 11-29-12. When I advised my employer that I would be taking time off for the surgery, it was not received well by my boss. I, too, have always prided myself in being the person that shows up, that engages and gives as I can. My boss wants me to continue showing up even now when I need time to heal. I am scheduled for a teleconference with him this morning and I know that he is going to push me hard to schedule healing around working. Your article affirms for me that I have to show up for myself first and give to myself first so that I heal. Placing boundaries with my boss is going to insure that I heal so that when I do return to work full time, I will be able to give of myself. Thank you for this article and I look forward to reading your book.

  • http://twitter.com/iSimplyAm Josh Becker

    Hi Mastin,

    Wow, a month in Ojai!?? How lucky are you to have such an amazing experience! Please, don’t let another day go by where you’re allowing your guilt to sabotage this beautiful growth experience. You know as well as I do that guilt is a product of our Ego and it just wants to keep you at bay and keep you small.

    You’re not letting others down, you’re showing up for yourself!

    You’re not telling people to “piss off”. You’ve communicated your intention in a loving, open, and honest way. You’re not blowing off people. If others can’t understand this or support you then you’ll have to let them have their feelings about it.

    Not that you are but if you changed what you were doing (i.e.; got back on social media, started responding back) such that your book was compromised you’d be doing two things:

    1. You’d be abandoning yourself
    2. You’d be manipulating others by caving in to their needs to make “them” feel better about themselves.

    I really appreciate your strength, vulnerability, courage, and will. I love this post and it reminds me that I need to continue staying steadfast in my own dreams and not allow my Ego or the intentions of others to keep me small.

    Well done my friend and I can’t wait to read the book.

    Much Love Brother!

    Josh

  • marla

    Hi there. My boyfriend broke up with me after seven years, his reason being that he needs to find himself. Up until about six months ago, we were in a good place and were speaking about moving overseas together, things were really good. I am really confused as to why he has suddenly come to this conclusion, it basically came about after a few days in June. One week things were normal, the next, they weren’t. He said he needs to put himself first and be alone. But I just don’t understand. He just carries on with his life as if I was never there at all and I feel incredibly hurt. He says I am the person he would want to marry one day but that that day is not anywhere near. He doesn’t want me to wait, he wants me to move on.

  • Dana Lee

    Mastin,

    You have developed an amazingly strong following… many of which share most of your view-points. Maybe it’s time to train an assistant to help you post & manage your social media? In fact, they could be like an apprentice. A “Daily Lover In Training” :-)

    You deserve time to yourself with an ability to “check-out” from the world for awhile. No need to feel one ounce of guilt for that. Your book is important! 

    peace. xo
    Dana

  • Sophie

    Mastin,

    I fully agree with the comments already written and wish to add that you will be able to give that much more with these healthy boundries put into place! You go Mastin! Vital self öoving care you are doing for you, you are walking your own walk and talking your own talk. The people who are upset about it will get it when they are that far :)
    Yay you!

    Sophie

  • Kelly Breedlove

    Mastin,
    I admire you for taking the bull by the horn and unplugging.  I am new to your community but from what I can see you are very successful in writing and communicating to your peeps.  I think you are making a small sacrifice that seems big right now.  When you look back on this time a year from now it will have been worth it!  Keep writing and know that your peeps will still be here when you get back.
    I am sure you know that the people who are upset with you have their own issues.  That is about them and not you.  They may have their own boundary issues.  Take as much time as you need to be creative! 
    I cannot wait to read your book.
    Kelly

  • Andreamueller

    Right in Mastin!! I fully support you and look forward to hearing how it goes.

  • Jennifer Jabson

    Mastin, what a great outpouring of you experience.  Thank you for sharing.  I have two reactions that I think might be relevant to your post.  First, When I took a social media fast in December I was SHOCKED that some of my ‘friends’ (as in online friends, not that they are less friends than others) had a really averse reaction to my decision and subsequent absence.  Social media provides a unique and remarkable SENSE of connection to others.  In your case, it provides your fans/followers/friends a really wonderful sense of connection to a positive and forward moving being.  Your ability to blast us and the universe with your uplifting and inspired messages, blesses all those who follow.  So, the FEAR of not getting that inspiration is, well, upsetting to some people.  But, here’s the thing: people get over it.  Their experience is THEIR EXPERIENCE.  They are putting on you their stuff…and I’d bet dollars to donuts that their upset is a reflection of their own fear or distress that is really unrelated to whether or not you’re engaged with social media.

    Second, you haven’t mentioned this in your blog, but I keep thinking about emotional reinforcement.  Taking a social media break means not getting all the daily, repeated, instant, reinforcement that comes from social media.  I do not mean to make you or anyone sound like an ego maniac, but social media provides immediate reinforcements in the form of instant interactions with fans/friends/followers, and whether or not they are positive, these interactions can make us feel relevant, salient, important, and all things ‘ego’.  So, taking away social media is HARD for those of us who may have unknowingly come to depend on likes, comments, posts and tweets and retweets.  We develop physical habits (click on FB) and emotional habits and dependencies to these sources of reinforcement and instantaneous feedback.  How much of the trouble had disengaging from social media is rooted in fear?  In anxiety? 

    Anyway, I learned that disengaging with social media required more of me emotionally than I had anticipated.  It was worth it…and it’s still hard.  Like all things worthwhile, I suppose. 

    Keep it up.  You got this.  Disengage, even if it feels wonky.  Just like going to the gym, or eliminating sugar.  It feels really bad at first, but it’s worth it.

  • zengirl1247

    Great! Setting boundaries is difficult for all of us, even more so for those of us who are nurturers/healers. I have struggled with this much in my life. I realized those who love me understand. It is usually ‘us’ the giver who has a harder time with it than the outside. It’s the internal drama we struggle with. You are on the right path and like anything it takes time to strengthen that muscle. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself!! I really enjoy all your writings so I know a book will be awesome!! You deserve to have that success! Keep going!
    Thank you it helps to hear someone else it thinking and feeling the same as me :-)

  • Lorenagonzalezleal

    I think you are doing very well!!! Dont judge you so much, if i were your friend i support you, i would understand! So maybe you loose some “friends” not so healthy four you. I like.to thinks of the welfare of my friends. spend time in people is important but taking time to oneself is necesary. Good luck with your limits and your goals!!! Lorena Gonzalez. Sorry about my english, im spanish

  • Leslie Horkin

    My Dear, Dear Mastin,

    I agree with Travis…we all need to take care of ourselves first and foremost.  Secondly, remember that guilt is a base emotion…vibrates on a very low level…where Love vibrates at a high level. (You’re familiar with Power vs Force by David Hawkins).  And we all know what happens when we allow ourselves to “be” in the lower vibrations.  Your true friends will come to understand this time you need to yourself as will your true TDL fans.  What good does it do you to use your energy in concerning yourself with people who cannot let you “be” during this temporary time out from our digital age? 

    I’m so excited for you about your book and hope you take time to read the beautiful and warm remarks from your friends and fans and then let it go and continue on to fulfilling this amazing dream that you’ll be able to share with the world!!

    I’m sending you lots of love and Reiki <3

    -=Leslie

  • Courtney

    Mastin, this blog could not come in more perfect timing. Something I am learning is that I am called to help MANY through my writings and teachings. Yet my tendency is to get  distracted trying to please just one person or a few. Sooo distracting! Sometimes people need to be disappointed for their own growth. I know some of the most precious gems of my learning have come from times when others have broken up with me, told me “no” or told me news I did not want to hear.When I’ve taken the risk to set a boundary, and someone’s feelings were even hurt, thankfully, it provided an important lesson for them… IF they are willing to sit with it and see the lesson! (but that’s up to them and their journey).  I also realize that the more AUTHENTIC I am, which is my ultimate goal state, then some people are going to feel, intimidated, jealous or disappointed. Us being us can activate all kinds of inner stuff for them. But it’s their stuff. Not ours. Our job is to love, serve, and be true to ourselves and our calling. Thank you for this beautiful post today! 

  • Chris Sedlak

    This has been a common issue for me as well so I will explore this for light  awareness and as part of my commitment to my growth, choice and self loving.  In my past I choose “not let other people down” or another way of saying it is I compromised my integrity in myself, my pattern of this grew into other ares of life until an imbalance finally forced change.  Simply GROWTH is not always comfortable, but with a little altitude from the situation you will find the overflow in which even greater shares are possible, if that is your choice then.  Choose again! 

  • christiebea

    I love Travis’ comment. I just wanted to add (as one who feels the same as you often, Mastin), choose Guilt over Resentment (my therapist tells me this often when I feel bad for trying to create boundaries and people get upset about it). Once you get used to having boundaries you will truly understand that you are only responsible for yourself and your actions. In your case, you do need to see yourself as a caregiver, but you need to care for yourself first, otherwise the rest is subject to fail. I am sorry people are grabbing at you from all sides. It isn’t the love path. 

  • Gilda

    Do what you have to do Mastin!  We’ll be waiting for you!

    • Jo

      Yes! I agree with you. Eventually you’ll find out what is right for you, your friends and the DL-Community :) Personally, I understand why people like to interact with you, but if you can’t do that right now, thats the way it is. Its a good way for everybody to practice ‘acceptance’… LOL!!

  • Michelle

    Mastin, 
    Another great post!! You do so much good work, I find it interesting that others would begrudge you the time you need to write your book (or to do anything that was important to you). I couldn’t help but think of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The second agreement, “Don’t Take Anything Personally” leapt to mind as I read of your friends and readers getting upset that you were taking a social media and email break. But more than just not taking things personally, I remembered his explanation of this Agreement: “Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” 
    Whatever is causing them to be upset, has everything to do with them, and nothing whatsoever to do with you. I’m going to take Travis’ question a step further: Do they think they don’t have access to the same guidance you do? 
    I have plenty of friends who’ve taken a social media holiday when they were in grad school, or writing a book, or just wanted to take a break and have “media silence” for a while. Of course there were many “we’ll miss you, hurry back” type comments because well… they would be missed and we looked forward to the time we’d be able to chat on FB or catch up over a cup of tea again. But everyone also understood what a distraction technology could be and sent many messages encouraging them in their endeavors. 
    Best of luck writing your book, I’m looking forward to it’s release so I can read it. Do what you need to do to complete it and remember that “nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves” 
    Bright Blessings,
    Michelle

  • Audrey

    Just thought I’d share something from one of my exercise DVDs. The instructor reminds us that it is important to take care of ourselves, so we can take care of others. 

  • Patesnouf

    I am a person that struggles with social media all the time.  I try very hard not to be on email and FB.  I literally have FOUR friends on FB and I have a cell phone that only my family has the number to.  I have learned that the more you give, the more people want and will take.  I don’t mean that maliciously.  It’s just the way it is.  BOUNDARIES are so important.  I have very clear boundaries in my life and it WORKS.  If people really want to talk to me, they will come to my house, or call my house and leave me a message and I can get back to them.  I have been working a 12 step program for 20 years for addiction, and for years I was “available” to anyone and everyone.  Well, I am 56 years old now and you know what?  I’m tired.  I work hard and I have a personal life and there are a lot of health issues in my family.  So, I just don’t have the time or the energy for EVERYONE.  It’s really okay for you to put some boundaries in place because you are doing what you are supposed to be doing!  How would you ever get it done otherwise?  And how would that serve you or anyone else?  It would not.  So, don’t be so hard on yourself.  Do what you have to do.  The people that are truly your friends will be there and understand and the others will, well, I guess they will just do what have to do for themselves right?  It’s like weeding the garden.  It’s all good.  

  • MLBROWN1830

    I appreciate the thoughtfulness you’ve shared. The core of
    the question is what has prompted me to respond. As I believe, there is a
    difference between selfishness and self-focused. It’s okay to say, I am being
    self-focused on my homework, family time, work time, etc. However, I feel if I
    make a commitment to someone (including and especially myself) then I do not
    keep that commitment, I have lost my integrity and that is selfishness.

    I have faith in you and me (in most people) that we are capable
    of making a commitment and keeping it. Integrity is self-focused. It benefits
    me and others. I seek to balance in life with self, family, friends and those
    outside my core. I find I’m balanced when I don’t over commit myself and when I
    keep my word. My input is that it is an excuse when you said, “And if I “let”
    some people down, maybe that helps to serve their growth, too.” I would counsel
    that you focus on your growth and not others because by your example you teach. Thanks for sharing this blog! Blessings and Peace, Melinda

  • Anne

    Mastin,
    You are a giving person to your immediate friends, but in putting them on temporary “hold”, you can write your book and potentially help millions. Keep the millions in mind when you start to feel bad about the few that are close to you.  
    love,
    Anne

  • http://www.facebook.com/roxana.nunez Roxana Nunez

    The answer to your question is yes.  It does not only happen with social media.  For example, mothers go through this and they are not as insightful.  We, mothers, take care of everyone, usually leaving ourselves for last. 

    I think you just learned a very valuable lesson.  Yes, you should disconnect.  Yes, you should take care of yourself.  Yes, your friends and the rest of the TDL community will be just fine if you don’t answer in a month.

    The funny thing about this is that I suspect, if tables were turned, they would be feeling the same way you are right now, or even worse, they would not understand how people can be so inconsiderate of their time.  You are a very loving person for feeling guilt instead of resentment…that is usually the same thing that happens to a mother. 

    Maybe the lesson here is that you might be depending on their need too.  I know I was.  I was so “needed” it was easier to take care of all than to focus on my own needs.  And guess what?  It took me forty something years to figure that out.  So you did it in half the time. 

    Enjoy your creative time and disconnect.  We will still be here for you when you come back.

  • http://dyannebrown.com/ dyannebrown

    This is a great post! I am learning this lesson as well. I’ve spent a year unplugging myself from the needs of my family and friends. Due to circumstances, I had to focus on myself without distracting myself with the needs of others. What I found was that my desire to be there for everyone else was genuine, but it wasn’t completely healthy. I was doing it because I thought it was love, but it wasn’t unselfish. I felt good about myself when I was there for them, but I felt terrible when I realized that I was waiting for it to be returned which it hardly ever was. I forgot the second part of the equation which is me. When I filled in for people instead of letting them figure it out for themselves and I neglected myself, I created a toxic situation for both of us. I agree that it’s so easy to find yourself easily accessible, but I do agree that it is important to unplug and take care of your own needs. It’s great to be there for everyone else, but if you don’t serve your own growth you have nothing to pass on to the rest of us. Hopefully, you won’t read this. :) -

  • Mary Friedrich

    Your final comment “I suppose this is the next level of my growth, to be able to realize
    that I give a lot, and it’s okay for me to pull back and focus on what I
    want to create. And if I “let” some people down, maybe that helps to
    serve their growth, too.”  is SO right on! 

    We can only help people so much and then it’s time for them to try out their own wings.  This just might be the time while you are stretching your literary wings that others will be attempting their own flight!   

  • Drew

    Hi Mastin!
    It is SO important to take care of you. Intuitively you know this which is why you are doing what your doing! Detoxing from Social Media’s is tough, just like any other addicition. I luckily never got hooked on minute to minute connection, and Im so grateful.  But what you said about it being a lesson for others is MOST important statement in my opinion… Hang in, dedicate to your craft. You continue to inspire us no matter whether you are “connected” or not! ;)
    Love
    Drew

  • Jamie Pope

    Mastin,

    We can either be a sole practitioner or a world changer, you are a world changer! Perhaps that’s  the universe’s message to you.  Do not let others invade you internal guides voice.

    The message to the world can not grow unless you set up, and execute, a successful business model allowing you to reach as wide an audience as possible. You would still be an unknown blogger with a great story trapped inside if you had not started this growth/business process with TDL.

    Tony Robbins has a great message. Tony also developed and grew his model to reach larger audiences beginning in the early 90′s and has never backed off.

    Don’t apologize for the required growth to serve others more effectively through a perfected business model. A real friend would understand.

  • Sarah

    You have to take care of yourself too. If they are true friends or lovers of your work they will have the compassion to understand. Stay true to yourself first and your vision and passion for sharing the Love will flow as it should. Thank you for your work and this friend will not be offended at you taking rest and living your life and dreams.

  • Helen Chin Lui

    Good for you to have the will power and discipline to set aside time. I am trying to focus and grow my business but there are so many distractions (sabotages.) what is funny is that I know I am sabotaging myself.

    People have to learned not to be so depended on you. Addiction to things, drugs, people and other things are devices device to keep you stuck and slow to grow.

  • Lisa Irwin

    When you are on an airline you hear the safety announcement each time, “If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance,
    secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.”  You cannot help others until you help yourself!  Stick to what you are doing.  Everything will fall into place once you take care of yourself.

  • Barbara Hames

    That’s wonderful, Mastin. Extricating yourself from the electromagnetic web isn’t easy, but it’s the only way to fully focus on your heart’s mission. My laptop went into Mac Hospital today and I was surprised to feel, not bereft, but relieved and light. I was free! So that’s a lesson for me and a path of choice in the future. Write, draw, meditate, be …. before anything else. All those messages will still be there when I get around to the scheduled time to open them. No more online as my first action. We’ll al be waiting for you Mastin, when you are ready.

  • http://twitter.com/phoenix_flying phoenix_flying

    One of my New Year resolutions last year was to be selfish and it is there again, this year.  The word “selfish” has all sorts of negative connotations but it is was it is and very simply describes what I need to do. This is a very difficult one for me as I am always taking care of others to the detriment of my own health and well being and this past year has been particularly challenging in this regard. But a stern “talking to” from one of my best friends made me realize that this was something I had to do for myself. And although, I was only marginally successful over the past year, I feel better, relieved (and amazingly, not guilty) for pulling back from some of my responsibilities.  This year, I need to focus more on doing things to benefit my health and well being and keep from being drawn back into too many responsibilities. Good Luck with the challenges of writing your book, Mastin. I look forward to reading it.

  • Cindy

    So many of us on the spiritual path face this situation.  I have found through many years of exhausting myself in trying to help others through my energy work,  that if  I  do not take some “me time” to revitalize and rejuvenate, I am not doing myself or others justice………..take the time and everyone benefits. 

    Those who are irritated or annoyed should try to understand and embrace that “no one”  can give 24/7 and remain healthy spiritually, emotionally, mentally or physically.   They should try to understand that during these hiatus times that some of us need, the Universe has provided this time for the students to put their teachings / learnings into motion and action. 

    It has taked me awhile to heal myself of the ego and embrace that I require  ”me time”, but I think I have it now!!  As Travis pointed out, there if definetly a fine line between helping and enabling that we all need to be aware of at all times.

    Be kind to yourself Mastin and rejuvenate so you can continue the blessed and wonderful work that you do.

  • Tal

    I think this is a problem affecting so many people today, and with so many ways to communicate these days it’s easy to understand if some want to disconnect.

    I know that I am trying to disconnect these days so I can place all my focus on finding out what job I want to apply for and move my career goals along. So far I’ve narrowed down to checking my email/facebook/twitter to 2 x per day – one in the morning and one in the evening. This is a lot less than my constant checking throughout the day (God only knows how often that was!).

    I think what has helped me avoid negativity from my friends is that I gave them all a heads-up. Whenever I could, either in person or through email, I let them know that I wanted to really start focusing on getting my job stuff together, and so if they urgently needed to talk to me then they would have to call me. Otherwise, they would have to expect delays in all text/email/message replies. So far this arrangement has worked for me and my friends and family.

    I’m reminded of a saying I heard from Oprah, along the lines of “You first need to fill your own cup before going out and helping others.” (Apologies for how bad that was just butchered!). So fill your own cup first, and let anyone who cannot wait know that you can be there for them again once this is all done.

  • Blair

    Mastin, 
    Thanks, great blog and topic.
    My only 2cents is that your title can be misinterpreted, and it is important to make a distinction.

    When I make a specific commitment to someone, and I don’t follow through, I let two people down- the person I committed to and myself, for not being in integrity with myself.  My opinion is this is not OK- and therefore we have to be very conscious and careful of of specific commitments we make to people.

    When I assume responsibilities which aren’t really mine, where I never made an explicit commitment to another individual (which I think is what you are referring to here), and then don’t show up for those, all the fallout, on either side, are due to judgments, of ourselves or others, arising from a misinterpretation or assumptions of an ambiguous situation.  Often these need to be clarified; if someone is upset with me because they assumed something which was never made explicit, that’s an opportunity for a dialogue and clarity.

    We need to be clear about specific commitments we are making (and keep those) and not making; the more clarity the better for all involved.

  • Coastofcalifornia

    Mastin,
    When you first wrote of your social media break, I replied saying that other people in my circle have experienced a similar backlash when they did so as well…in fact, one of my more famous public friends was even subject to rumors that he had died! People feel betrayed or abandoned somehow when someone disengages in any way…social media or in person…but ultimately, like others here have said, one cant give if one is not filled up first. There is that old saying , “if mama aint hapoy aint nobody happy” and “mama” could be interchanged with any name, even Mastin ;)
    I remember reading some tips from your friend Oprah, and one of them included the art of knowing when to say no. So … no guilt; just remember the more you do for you, the more you will be able to give. Have fun in Ojai!

  • Haseena

    I love the things that all the previous people have said.  It is absolutely essential to take time for yourself, so you can serve from a place of wholeness. When I have been busy on a project, I have informed family and friends before hand that I will not be uncontactable for 4 weeks (or however long)  and I have generally found most people understanding.  Whatever you  do there  will “always” be someone who complains,  hence my philosophy is to always give the best I can give in life and do what I know I need to do in order to achieve that aim.  Of course it is important for me  to listen to and consider what others say,  but once I have done that I endeavour to do what I need to do (e.g. take time out) in order to be able to give what I need to give and for my giving to be of high quality.  Based on what I have read in your mailings,  I  love them.   I find your writing so inspiring, they often remind me  of things I already know,  nevertheless, reading them  often results in me having a better day.  Over the christmas period, I was asking myself if you  even have a break. 

    I do not  normally write in blogs,  but on  this occassion I felt  called to do so.   I totally support you in taking time out from being on facebook etc. you have potential to make a much bigger contribution to the world, if you can give yourself the time to do that. This book is your baby, give it the attention it needs to be born into this world.  I will keep you, Jenna and your book in my prayers. 

    with much love and appreciation
    Haseena  

  • Carolafinn

    I say you need to go for your goal.  We can wait to hear from you.  I have the same problem with media.  I can’t seem to get done the things that I want to do….just one more e-mail to answer, or text or FB comment to be made. 

  • Leza Danly

    Hi Mastin,

    As I read your daily blogs, I’m pretty convinced you are an enneagram TWO. Not sure if you have studied the enneagram, but as a 57 year old TWO, I have faced those questions and they are essential to your growth path. The personality drive of the two is the desire to love and be loved. Of course, we all want this, but the two is driven by it. Your integration, the direction of your healthy evolution, is to lift that desire to serve to altruism that is not necessarily personally loving everyone, and integrate to the FOUR which is about creativity and self-expression. You may already know this very well, so then I will just remind you that you are doing your Soul’s work– learning how to disconnect from the payoffs you get from being there for everyone and keeping them loving you on a personal level, and following your deeper expression to create what truly brings you joy. And yes, by the way, getting off sugar is a significant part of this path, too!

    Just know that there are people out here cheering your boundaries who know the courage it takes to unhook from the addiction of having everyone SEE you as loving. I suspect you will need to help your inner child and particularly your inner adolescent to let go of the guilt and the anger at you for not “letting them” be social.

    Hope this helps!

    Much love to you, Mastin,

    Leza Danly

  • CC

    Hi Mastin,  I couldn’t help but respond to your message today about feeling guilty for the dis-connect to email, etc.  I have to say that all this technology has changed people in an un-healthy way as well.   What happened to the living in Uncertainty which includes letting others find their way without those things.  It’s in “stillness” that we get the answers we need, not in “doing” but in “being”  I have learned that sometimes I don’t need to respond to people or connect.  It forces us to go deeper into being more comfortable with who we are and not care what everyone else thinks of us.  It is powerful.  Patience and allowing life to happen is important.  As my therapist told me… “Live in the Question”  Here is a great meditation video from Eckhart Tolle.  Peace and Blessings!   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9JgLgBtV-M

  • CleoCreek

    Mastin, I am concerned that your friends are not being supportive friends.  Given who you seem to be in personality, I have assumed all along that you have friends striving for their best in life, just like you.  So, I’m disappointed in any of them for not supporting you and backing off during this time.  As for the TDL community, growth is always needed even as a result of your absence. Thank you for all that you do.

  • http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

    I feel you brother. Although, I am creating guilt over not wanting to hang out with some old friends who I don’t have as much in common with anymore. It is not that I am separate from them; I just do not play their sport-anymore. I like to use my spiritual journey as an analogy to sports. “I used to play tennis. Now I play golf. When I am asked to play tennis-I don’t want to. I would rather hang with my fellow golfers.” This takes the “It’s personal,” out of it. The thing is…I notice that when I say, “no thanks to my old fellow tennis player,” they seem to take it personally. I know I am projecting my fear that I am hurting their feelings (which definitely does not help). This is when I could remember the 8th pathway To A Higher Consciousness which states: “I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their growth.”  You may want to use this one as well Mastin! Thanks again!
    The Daily Commenter,
    Kathleen
    are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ 

  • http://www.facebook.com/lhiggin Lynn Higgin

    Awesome blog!  You have a HUGE heart and are learning a HUGE life lesson!  YES – put up those boundaries!  You sure can tell by what you wrote that you are figuring out your affect on people, and also their affect on you!  What a blessing:)).   I wouldn’t say you were ‘letting them down’ as much as causing change that they are uncomfortable dealing with-as you put up boundaries that have to experience your change as well!

    Good luck with your book!  Stay focused and your true friends and follower will LOVE you for the lesson you are teaching yourself and all of us :)

  • CJ

    I knew in the first moments that I read the daily quotes, and before I ever got to your daily post,  that I would be responding to you today with the following quote:

    It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.I want to know if you can disappoint anotherto be true to yourself.If you can bearthe accusation of betrayaland not betray your own soul.If you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.
    From “The Invitation” by Oriah

    You, and each of us, are worthy of the investments we must make in ourselves. :-)  

  • Dlparker321

    GOOD MORNING! Today’s topic really hit home for me! Learning boundaries has been a lifelong struggle for me and my current state of being is running on empty because of it. As a recovering co-dependant type person, I had to learn the hard way that sometimes “letting people down” is absolutely the right thing for them to experience for their own personal growth. My experience has been with alcoholics, my father and my most recent ex. It’s heart wrenching to watch people struggle when you are the type of person that helps and fixes and makes everything ok, but in my situation, i had to set boundaries and stick to them to save myself. Thank you for your awesome work Mastin, and have a beautiful day!

  • Markie

    Mastin… A couple quick thoughts: time for yourself, whether it’s to finish your book or to re-charge with a disconnected week of walks on the beach, is as necessary as eating, sleeping, drinking water. Not a choice. Necessary for a healthy life, for survival, really. You couldn’t put on your athletic shoes and run from California to New York without taking some breaks! And neither can you run through your life without taking breaks, without resting, without going to a quiet inner place, which is where creativity lives. Creativity isn’t a herd of buffalo that sweeps you up in a thundering gallop. Creativity is the butterfly that alights upon you when you’re still. So be still.

    As far as the people who aren’t happy with your need to disconnect and focus on what’s calling you: it sounds to me like those are the ones who have become dependent on you for strength, inspiration, hope, motivation. You have become their “source”, the thing that keeps them moving, and that’s not healthy. Your true friends would totally support you. This may be a good challenge for people to deal with their co-dependency and rely on their own inner guides while still being inspired by all that you offer….

    Your work has helped me to grow incredibly in the year I’ve been reading TheDailt Love, and virtually attending Love University. You keep following your heart. You’re helping us all learn to follow ours…

  • Gabriellafonseca1

    I respect your decision on taking time for yourself to finish your goals. Since you’re mentoring people it only makes sense. Your detication to see your goals through will show how others can set their own goals and know that it’s a struggle, but they can be achieved.

    Stay strong!

  • Vasavi

    Mastin, thank you for this. You have to do what you have to do. You disconnecting is going to in the end serve so many more people. Just stay focused on that. People will understand. And if they don’t- just keep focused on the bigger picture.

  • Lizlaw217

    Dear Mastin:

    You must fill your cup first and you should not feel guilty about it.  It is not your responsibility to fix every single need other people may have.  Letting yourself down by not fulfilling your needs will lead to feeling much worse than guilt.  Let it go and finish your book.  I look forward to reading it. 

    On a side note anyone feeling angry or let down by your pulling back is expecting you to give them something they should be giving themselves.  

  • Christi

    Mastin, I think those people who know and love you would want you to do what you need to do for you and not be angry with you because of it.  Those in your life that are worth it will understand.  Just sayin’…

  • Melissa Fancey

    If you don’t take time for you, you won’t have anything to give to anyone else. Great topic, I think we all need to consider this more often. Cheers, Melissa

  • Shelly Shell

    Of course you deserve to plug into your creative projects with a, “Be Right Back!” sign on your door! You give so much to the world, it’s time to give to you!

    I can resonate with feeling bad about setting the boundary. Others will respect you for it. Enjoy doing your thing!

    Love, Michele

  • http://www.facebook.com/cindy.ambriz Cyndi Ambriz

    I think and feel we have gifts that need to be expressed and in this moment, for you, it is your book.  Being that we are here at this time to share ourselves with the world, whatever needs to be release, whatever we must become to allow that to come forth is a natural part of the process.  Ultimately we are one and whatever you do for yourself, you do for all.  So thank you!!  Now stop feeling guilty and go swim in your divine inspiration. 

    Love,

    Cyndi

  • RebeccaZ

    Dear Mastin,
    Going about your Soul’s business is staying true to Divine Will.  You are not responsible for anyone’s unmet expectations but your own.  Keep your focus.

  • http://twitter.com/monicadeliz Monica de Liz

    I support your decision 100% Mastin! Say YES to your creative genius that guides you to write this book and ignore any comments that may prevent you from making your project a reality. If your family, friends and fans have unconditional love for you, they will respect your decision and let go of their expectations of how you should BE. I understand how you feel. I was a go-giver and people-pleaser. Growing up in an dysfunctional family, I didn’t know how to say NO. The need to please was born on the day my dad left my mom, this defining moment gave birth to the desire to feel accepted and loved by everyone so they won’t abandon me like my dad did. Living without boundaries was a priceless life lesson on learning how to put myself first and make my needs a priority. Once I began saying NO to anything that is not aligned with my highest values and saying YES to my truth, I took back my power and felt immensely free. I’ve realized that healthy boundaries are a must to one’s personal development. We all are connected to source and have access to the same guidance. Few people have the courage to take a stand for their dreams, the majority prefers to remain in the comfort zone watching others succeed. We live in society that promotes codepency versus interdependence. How can you ever grow if the need to please others keep distracting you from honoring your own path?

  • Skelee

    I relate to that post a lot, and have been going through a lot of guilt saying no to others demands of my time, energy, etc. I am getting better at it and find that I feel more confident when i respect or nurture myself, and my projects first! Go Mastin!

  • Mike

    Mastin You are amazing!  Thanks for sharing this and giving me just a little more space and room to take the same steps.  I appreciate all that you do!

  • Lance Fields

    “…letting down your friends-man, that’s just not me.” 

    Mastin, of all people to see this in print from you. How your friends respond to you taking positive action for yourself and their response to it is not your responsibility. If they have any understanding of themselves then this becomes a moot point. If they do not, you catering to their frustrations will serve no purpose in the greater good. Yours, theirs, or mine ,for that matter.  

    If no one will be assertive with you and tell you to stop lashing yourself for growth, let me be the first. Stop lashing yourself for growing!  Unless your growth is dependent on others approval of how, where, when, why, you do it. If not, then Onward and Upward, my friend.

    As long as you know that your intentions are based in Love and that you are heading in the Loving direction that makes the most of your talents and gifts, then continue along your path. Anyone who is chastising you, including yourself, for becoming who you were meant to be, may or may not catch up someday. Give them their opportunity to see for themselves and to join you if they feel so compelled.

    I can think of a million reasons not to do what I am here to do. I only need one reason to override them all. Love. And there is a limitless supply of that. Let’s Rock!

    Respectfully, Lance

  • Slavalava

    Hell Mastin,
    Thank you for your lovely emails.  Here is the perspective of a stranger who recently signed onto your email list and  reached with a question but received no response:

    It’s certainly fine and crucial at certain stages to withdraw and take time for yourself.  Obviously not everyone will understand, but if you are clear in communicating your needs then you have done your part.  Our reactions are our own.

    Perhaps you can cut down on the number of people being let down by removing the invitations asking people to reach out and connect with you. 

    For example removing the “Email us” section from your daily newsletter. As someone who reached out with a question (that was very important to me) back in December, and didn’t get any response I am a bit disappointed.    My problem though, not yours. ;-) If you would like to better be able to meet the needs of the people you are reaching out to perhaps you just need a better system so you aren’t personally overwhelmed.  An example is how Tim Ferriss is set up using various email addresses and virtual assistants. You can read about that here:http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2008/01/21/the-holy-grail-how-to-outsource-the-inbox-and-never-check-email-again/Wishing you effectiveness and efficiency in meeting all of your goals.Thank you again for all that you share.
    Best,Slava

  • http://twitter.com/janinamartin65 Jᴀɴɪɴᴀ Mᴀʀᴛɪɴ

    Great topic Mastin. I encourage you in your effort; having attempted it myself, I know how difficult it is! 

  • Melissa Neely

    Mastin,

    I am ALWAYS inspired by your wisdom.  I feel humbled by you sharing your life story and lessons.  Today I was especially inspired and uplifted by your words.  HELL YES, it is more than okay to tell others a “NICE NO” for the sake of serving our goals.  Over giving is   not always good.  I also applaud you for bringing these issues to the fore front.  Go write your book, some of us, ME specifically, are waiting with happy hands on your book. 

    Namaste’ 

  • Cvistermt

    Good question . . . easy answer, Mastin and one that I suspect you already know ;)

    First; You are not responsible for how other people feel. You can’t choose it for them, so you can’t be held accountable.

    Second; The reason that we, your community of followers and friends, are missing your interaction is because we find your output inspiring. You cannot continue to put out great thought provoking and inspiring content if you do not take the time and space you need to foster your own growth.

    Finally; your community is a group of individual people; each responsible for their part in this interaction & relationship. We each have a contribution to make in order for this to be a relationship rather than a dependency. Perhaps your haitus is an opportunity for followers to delve into the archives and find their own resources in the content of previous TDL blogs or articles or in their own experiences of growth and learning that has been fostered by your work.

    My very good friend and I had an argument one day a few years ago that clarified and solidified our mutual committment to the relationship. She was resistant to my offers of help, at a time that  she really needed it, because she did not want to impose on me or our friendship. Although I was able to appreciate her concern, it was necessary for me to point out that I was responsible for my part in the relationship, giving help which I chose to offer, and by accepting the help offered, she would be equally responsible for this interaction. I offered to help because I wanted to! That’s all. I needed her to accept it so I could be a friend. It’s a two way street: to have a friend, you must be a friend and to be a friend . . . you must accept the friendship as offered.

    So, let’s say we’re friends and let me offer you this;
    I’m so interested and excited for your new book! Please, let me get out of your hair for a bit so you’ll have some time and space in which to create.
    Go get to work! I’ll be right here when you’re done :)

    Candace Viste
    http://www.goodsensehealthcare.ca
    Twitter: @candaceviste

  • Steph

    Mastin,

    I have committed to setting my own boundries this year so today’s post really resonated with me.

    While I think you are “da bomb” and I don’t wish to burst your bubble, sometimes it’s not purely about how much people want to communicate with us – it’s also about how needy they are.  It is also about respect.  If people are getting mad at you for not being there as much as you were before, there is something to that.  I am certain I am not saying anything you don’t already know.  :)

    What is that quote?  “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” 

    Good luck with finishing up your first book !

  • Mirinthia

    There is a fine line between HELP and ASSIST.  Feed a man a fish, he eats for a day.  Teach a man to fish, he eats forever.  In other words, the ASSIST can come in the form of letting the person find the solution on their own.  As a recovered rescue-er, when someone now says to me: “Can you help me?”  I respond: “Maybe. ” 99% of the time I realize they want me to do their work, so I ASSIST by saying: “Thank you for asking, I know you will find the solution.  Let me know when you do and we will celebrate!”

  • Susie in California

    A simple way to look at it is:
    If you have to choose between GIVING a resentment or GETTING one, always try to GIVE it.The reason is that in the end, if you choose to people-please and GET the resentment, it will actually hurt the relationship. Because people-pleasing is actually lying. Doing something because it seems “nice” is not truly loving or honest.

    It is still very uncomfortable for me to do, though, and I have to work at not doing “image management” and get into reality that I am not that important! 

    Keep “GIVING resentments” , Mastin. It is the most loving thing you can do!

  • Tangard

    wow man your ego is so inflated. You should look at that. Mind you…you may not be reading your blog as you have decided you are too giving and have unplugged?

  • Slava

    It seemed to have squished my last comment making the link not work.  Trying again…

    Hell0 Mastin,
    Thank you for your lovely emails. 

    It’s certainly fine and crucial at certain stages to withdraw and
    take time for yourself.  Obviously not everyone will understand, but if
    you are clear in communicating your needs then you have done your part. 
    Our reactions are our own.

    Although I suspect that the strong reactions are because you touch people so deeply and people are hungry for what you offer. 

    Perhaps you can cut down on the number of people being let down by
    removing the invitations asking people to reach out and connect with
    you. 

    For example removing the “Email us” section from your daily
    newsletter. As someone who reached out with a question back in December, and didn’t get any response I am a
    bit disappointed.    My problem though, not yours. ;-)

    If you would like
    to better be able to meet the needs of the people you are reaching out
    to perhaps you just need a better system so you aren’t personally
    overwhelmed.

     An example is how Tim Ferriss is set up using various
    email addresses and virtual assistants. You can read about that here: http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2008/01/21/the-holy-grail-how-to-outsource-the-inbox-and-never-check-email-again/ 
     
      

    Your book project sounds fantastic, and what those around you are hungering for.  Wishing you effectiveness and efficiency in meeting all of your goals.

    Thank you again for all that you share.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=681895250 Tandar Tanavoli

    I agree with Travis.Very well said. If you run on empty, you are no longer serving your full purpose for yourself or others. You have to take the time to refuel and recharge so when you give you ‘re energy is at it’s highest level. Your loved ones may be now “expecting” the love and attention from you rather than appreciating it. Your break is good for them too to adjust back to appreciation.
    So enjoy your time and rest: you are worth the wait. 
    On a funny note, when you mentioned the various forms of communication, it reminded me of this clip:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gGXylVz6KI

  • Ellehcimeo

    I think you’ve taken the appropriate steps to communicate with the people in your life that you are unavailable for X amount of time. I feel its unreasonable to reproach you on it. The expectation is there, you will be back in a month. Perhaps its because the technology is not out of your reach. If you were in a third world country where access to any of the social medias is sparse they might understand better.
    We may not be friends, per say, but I support your efforts to disconnect and get things done for this period of time. I’m also grateful that you continue to create posts through TDL. But if you needed to shut that down for a month, I’d be waiting for your return, supportive of the hiatus.

    Guilt is a social construct Mastin. You are wasting vital love energy ‘feeling’ this constructed reaction. No one gets anything out of you expressing that you feel guilty. You aren’t doing anything wrong, you have set boundaries, you are self approved in those settings, let go of that negative energy guilt is giving off. There is no reason for it.

    Go Mastin! Get that book finished!

  • Arbonne Diana

    Is it Letting people down when you aven’t committed or promised?  The fact that you set the stage of “being there” from the beginning was good fortune on both sides.  Needs, goals and priorities change because they have to when we are growing.
    I am a little suprised at the “mea culpa”.  You are taking care of yourself in order to continue this path.  Your calling to help people has lots of moving parts and we must all learn to move with it.
    It is entirely different when promises and commitments are made.  When that is broken it is viewed as “letting people down”.  That is something we all must handle more carefully.

  • Christywarneke

    This is my constant, ever-present goal and struggle. It ALWAYS turns out to be worth the struggle, and those who are “let down” will either GROW, or GO, neither of which is in our control. Good luck to all trying to find balance in this tough area! Peace & Love!

  • Edna

    you or doing a good job keep up the good work.

  • Avital Weiss

    No worries at all Mastin!
    You take all the time you need.  Even though you have unplugged, you are still giving us your time in that you are writing a book that I am certain will benefit SO MANY people.  Having said that, even if you needed/wanted to unplug and take time to recalibrate, lay in the sand and smile, that would be all good as well.
    Much love Mastin

  • Heart9

    yes of course it’s OK, cause if you don’t first take care of your own needs, then you won’t be any good to anyone else anyway.

  • Shana Bickel

    Dear Mastin – I can SO relate. I have really been working on setting boundaries in a loving and healthy manner, and I don’t always feel supported by those close to me who are directly impacted. I have grown to a point where I have found my soul to be calling me forward and as a result I am moving away from where I was. I feel torn as I don’t want to ‘disappoint or hurt’ others, but I am recognizing that my service I am being called to do won’t happen unless I make this change and set my new boundaries. But I love your perspective that thru my growth, others will hopefully reap the benefits of their own growth too! That is SO true.

    You do such wonderful work Mastin, thank you for being YOU!!

    Love, Shana

  • Joselyn

    Hi Masti

    Thanks for sharing. Well I’ve had similar situations on both ends in varying ways. I also love social media. At times I respond more than others. I’ve been noticing something though about some that have a business or a creative project. They’ve used the social media to serve them and get to the point they are right now. They’ve engaged with others to get information, ideas and share many things either pertaining to a project or life. Then all of a sudden, they come out with “social media is draining me.” I get that. Perhaps it’s the cold turkey ways that upset the people that also took the time to engage. Those are just my thoughts. I’ve been laughing at myself for getting annoyed at someone that was announcing their Facebook getaway but I know that person will be back once it’s time to promote and will expect people to engage…again! 

    Thanks for your emails and posts. Your book will be a great addition. 

  • Carmellawhitehead

    You are doing great! Keep up the dedication to yourself and others. As a mom, I can tell you that it is necessary for you to have time for yourself in order for you to be a better “parent” to the TDL. And if you’ve been a good “parent,” which you have, then your “child” is capable of surviving and thriving on its own. You’re still watching from a distance, but you’re teaching others the importance of boundaries too!

    Love TDL!!! Thank you

  • http://twitter.com/carrieannejames carrie anne james

    SUCH an important and tough lesson! i was there a few months ago. a dear friend told me this…whenever you feel bad about saying no to someone else’s needs / expectations / desires, just remember what you are saying yes to…in your case, to your book, to your creative process, to your solitude, to your growth, to your courage…and remember, these are all things that will inevitably allow you to serve your community from a more elevated and profound place…from which you will be able to light the way :) stay steady, stay strong and get ready for the bliss that your breakthrough is clearing the way for.

  • Sandranord

    Dear Mastin:
    You said something so important the other day.  Very simple:  MyBook OR Facebook.  That is a great slogan.  I, like you, am pulled in so many directions and it is so hard to for me to set aside time to write my screenplay.  I feel I am letting people down.  This I know, you, like I, must take better care of our own needs.  In doing so, that is how we will take care of others.  The majority of the people who are upset because you are not available for them will have to deal with what that brings up for them.  It is okay.  You have been so clear that you can’t do it all, that you have let social media eat away a good junk of your time, that you need to set healthy boundaries.  I find great compassion for your struggle to do this and I applaud your taking this stand.  Through your struggle, you are helping sooooo many people who struggle with this same thing.  Take care of yourself.  Give the world that wonderful book you are writing, that will be available for us all.  You are wonderful.  You are fine just the way you are. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=211800444 Stephanie Cassella Barrett

    In life everyone loves you when you “yes” them all the time and are ready exactly in the moment when they need/want you. I have found that boundaries are a must for me or I start to feel oober used and overwhelmed. You are doing something that is right for you and people need to respect that space/boundaries you created for yourself to be successful. Good luck!

  • Lady_spurlock

    Mastin,

    I feel that setting healthy boundaries is just as important as serving. In order to be able to serve and continue to evolve you have to do what’s necessary for you. What is a huge necessity is taking care of you. If you give everything you won’t have anything left to sustain you. Loving yourself and doing what honors you is the best way to give to others. Anyone who loves and cares for you will respect and support any decision you make to better yourself.

    With love,
    Brittney LaSha

  • Georgannr

    Hang in there Mastin. I was raised in the generation of no social media, not even answering machines. I’m a counselor and listen to so many young people express depression, sadness and even loneliness because of their expectations of social media.  People will be pissed off when you set your boundaries because they want you to continue “being there” for them. Once I experienced the value of setting and keeping my boundaries, I became more clear on other ways I can lovingly take care of myself. The boundary  I use the most is: I don’t do things with or for people unless I genuinely want to. There are situations in which I make the choice to relax that boundary to a degree, but by-in-large, I remain true to myself first. It was very difficult at first and I believe it is harder for you younger folks who have found a forum in social media to express yourselves. Good luck Mastin. I love TDL…..even though I’m 69 years old. Become a hermit, write your book, “we” will be okay…..I promise. Love and light. Georgann

  • Juliecatoe

    I love this topic because I think it is a major issue most of us share. I am a psychologist and I believe deeply in service.
    But in saying that I must define what I believe service is…service is not being demanded or feeling of obligation but wanting to give/help with no strings or expectations attached.

    Another element of service is helping others evolve and grow.  How can one grow if we are doing everything for them? When we take on someones emotional issues it is draining, when we take on being someones personal trainer is causes issues, when we take on doing someones work for them it causes extra stress in our own lives. But most of all on top of all that we are not believing in that person. We are not buying into the idea that they can do it for themselves. I would like to see someone make a dumb choice on their own over not making a choice. At least they are willing to try…it is the first step.

    My natural ability is to lend advice and tools to people it can also create a very codependent relationship that is unhealthy for both of us. 

    Anyone who has been through something life changing can say that it was being on their own having to pick themselves up, believe in themselves that gave them the confidence and the empowerment to be strong. . Not their friend doing it for them.

    We can services through safely guiding someone through their own emotions and ideas. But it is important to not impose or take on the persons emotions or ideas.

    At times it is tough love and saying “I believe in you” that we need to give to others. Telling a colleague at work that you believe they will make the right choice without your permission is not only helping you not have extra stress but it is building that persons self confidences.

    There may be awkward moments at first when you tell a firend that you cannot disscuss their ex any more. You can listen once with sympathy but after that the hundreth time it is draining the rehashing builds resentment for the firend and it is a total time suck. Setting the boundary of we will talk about your ex one more time and that is it will also teach the friend to move on and use their energy on more important things.

    Believing more in others abilities and not feeling the need to control every situation will create evolvement in everyone’s lives. It is a win win.

    Awesome topic, good luck with book, looking forward to it.

    Love and peace,

    Julie

  • Jairiescuba

    Thanks for this note today. One of my resolutions this year is in creating boundaries. Hats off to u. Btw, I really miss being able to listen to the blog. Will that b coming back after the book is finished?

  • http://www.fillyourcupcoach.com/ Barb

    Mastin,

    I love that you put this out there! Everyone needs to push themselves away from all things technical periodically and take time to rejuvenate their spirit. Everyone. The fact that some people and some of  your friends are squawking about it says nothing about you and everything about them.

    Here’s a question for you: How often do you say “No”?

    I invite you to think about: Is it really a question about setting boundaries or more about learning how to say “No” without feeling guilty?

    You have such gifts to share, are a prolific writer and at some point you need to fill your own cup.

    Take care of yourself and understand that we’ll all be here when you get back – ready to read!

    Sending hugs!

  • Beth

    Hi there :)

    I have never posted on this wall (of sorts) before, but I felt called to do so after reading today’s blog.

    I could not help but remember what a psychologist told me many years ago when I sought some support after my first serious boyfriend broke up with me unexpectedly.  She told me, “you teach people how to treat you”.  I was incredibly angry at first because I had gone to this woman in hopes of commiserating about the unfairness of my breakup and here she was having the audacity to tell me that perhaps I was perhaps at fault for what had happened to me! 

    Luckily, I was able to put my ego aside at some point and actually think about her words.  When I did, I realized that she was 100% correct.  I have a habit of “teaching” people I will always be 100% available to them and 100% willing to put all of my needs aside in order to meet theirs.  The issue is that this could only go on for so long before I became angry and bitter because I was ignoring all of my needs for others and erroneously assuming that they could therefore a) never be unhappy, and b) not help but love me unconditionally.  Unfortunately (or fortunately), at some point (actually, at about 100000 points) reality set in; most obviously when my ex-boyfriend dumped me.  I was SO angry because I had done EVERYTHING in my power to put my self and my needs for him and he had the audacity to break up with me?! I realized that my desire to make him happy was actually selfish and controlling as I was convinced that if I made him happy he couldn’t leave me.

    Anyway, the moral of this story is that this was my first (but definitely not last!) lesson in the importance of boundaries.  Mastin – if people are upset that you are not responding to them right away that is THEIR damage!  As you always say, we cannot control what happens, but we can decide how to respond.  Case in point, people can decide whether to respect your decision to take some time away from social media to practice what you preach or they can have melt downs because they feel entitled to have access to you!

    Additionally, I think that obtaining an email manager is an EXCELLENT idea :)   I am not sure if you already have an administrative assistant of sorts, but as your popularity grows it is almost inevitable that you are going to have more work than you as one person can handle.  This may seem like a curse, but you can choose to see it as a blessing! It is a compliment to you :)   Your time is valuable and you can decide how to use it.  I am not saying that you should become conceited and lock yourself in an ivory tower or not get out of bed for less the $10000, but you can certainly spread out the work load and decide which tasks you really enjoy and/or want to be responsible for and delegate the rest to others :)

    Well, I will stop pontificating!  I have just been reading your blog for quite a while and it has inspired me to do some fairly huge and terrifying things in my life.  Your words have had such a positive and profound effect on my life, that I could not help but hope that I may be able give that back to you – in only in the TINIEST way :)

    Be well and take care :)

    Love and light,
    Beth

  • Juliecatoe

    P.S. I don’t have a Facebook, twitter, instagram, or other social media set up and I am very connected to the ones I love. I find all that stuff distracting and on the surface, yes I know for you it is a way to network and get your work out there (to he “connected”) but really taking a break is the best thing for you. To many people are getting addicted to social media it is very unhealthy. Know your limits. Take a break more then to write a book do it more often. 

  • Melissa

    You are not “letting your friends down” by setting boundaries.  Neither friends nor we, the TDL community should look to you to fill our needs.  Set the boundaries!  Your true friends will still be there respecting that, and the TDL community will learn something in your process as well.  Thanks for sharing the vulnerable side of strength.

  • Lucinda

    Yep, I know what you’re going through. Something I’ve discovered is that if you’re always there for people, some of them will get to depend on you instead of themselves. There’s also the possibility of being drained yourself. In a way you get to find out who your true friends are. They’ll understand your need to withdraw for awhile if they are true friends, or they’ll get over their snit and give you space. Being of service doesn’t mean you have to give everything you’ve got without recharging your batteries. Doctor’s, therapists, teachers, get substitutes when they need them. Maybe a substitute would work for you too. 

  • Lauriegoodner

    Dear Mastin,
    Thank you for your brave and authentic honesty! Your words resonated deeply for me here, as I, too, often feel “guilty” for taking time apart to honor and nurture my introverted self. As a culture we tend to value extraversion and connection with others over introversion and connection with Self, which can make taking time apart seem almost “selfish.” Personally, I’ve begun to realize that self-CARE is not selfISH. The world needs more of the spirit and love that you offer to your subscribers, and you wouldn’t be able to gift the world with all that you currently gift it with, if you didn’t take time to honor and nurture your inner stillness. None of us can take care of anyone unless we care for ourselves first. The best thing you can do for everyone is to nurture and care for Mastin, because the world needs Mastin. And if Mastin needs time apart to sit and do nothing, then that is what’s required for the care of Mastin. As a mother of four children, caring for myself is something I struggle with daily, but I’ve realized that my children NEED me to be a woman who cares for herself. And that’s how I want my children to parent, if they become parents. I want them to care for themselves and not lose the ability to connect with their inner stillness and spirit. Please continue to care for yourself, Mastin, because that’s the best thing you can do for everyone. Good luck, and I’ll keep resolved to care for myself too. 

  • Marcus

    Hey Mastin,

    although we live our lives in service to others, ultimately we live lives FOR ourselves. Enjoy Ojai. Write. Unplug from The Matrix. And do so…guilt free. All is well and everyone who is upset, annoyed and angry WILL BE JUST FINE!

    Peace & Love!

    -Marcus

  • Hollyfrijole

    i agree:) if someone is getting mad or upset over not getting attention that they see fit sounds more like an issue they need to fix, not so much you. keep doing the best you can and all will work out! thanks for being on the front lines of the awakening committee:)

  • Monika Walker

    Hi Mastin,

    First I want to commend you for the step you are taking, which in my opinion, is absolutely sound, honourable, and more likely to assist you in serving an even greater number of people from an even stronger place.   

    I guess I just want to second Travis’ comments below – I came on to comment and realized he’d already written pretty much exactly what I was going to say.  Being the ‘giver’ can be an identity we attach to just as much as anything else, and the positive self image it gives us.  Letting that go may be a tricky one, and I seriously commend you for taking a step in that direction. Acknowledging the need to be needed is actually a need of our own is a big step toward self-responsibility.  Boundaries – awesome. I am learning the same thing.

    Finally, I just want to say from the perspective of one who has been on both sides of this scenario, I also – in the end – was grateful for those who stepped away from me to sit more fully in their own power. Although at first I may have felt angry, rejected or disgruntled, because of my respect for these people I used the experience as an opportunity to observe where I was seeing myself as small.  Consequently, I am now becoming a more empowered person myself, and can meet those friends on a level of greater equality and mutual strength. 

    So very much in support of the step you are taking!  We will all be grateful for it!

    - Monika 

  • Bent_s

    Mastin,

    I thought I was the only person that encountered this experience. After 52 years I am now learning it is ok to say “no”, dismiss peoples feelings, take care of me and focus on my needs. This is not easy I a still struggle with a lot of guilt but I know it will get better with practice.

  • Trisha

    You hit this one home sweetheart! I have an ex boyfriend who said to me while we were parting ways “you give so much of yourself to everyone and sometimes I don’t like it”… That was a real eye opener for me. As i went on to try a different way, I found myself being called in every direction to help and to serve. No matter the task I could and would make the time. That’s the word – time – the greatest gift that we can give to each other. For those in need (which we all are) the time is NOW. Take all the time YOU need. I recently asked someone if I wasn’t here what would ring in their ears when I crossed their mind – “if you take care of you, and I take care of me… WE will always be ok”. 
    So, my fellow traveler, enjoy this time. Be with the hardship of being readily available to everyone. Sometimes we fail to see that an absence is still of service – it allows others to seek out a different route in order for themselves to grow.
    May your journey, your heart and your spirit be guided by your souls true purpose. Peace to you, my fellow traveler…

  • http://www.facebook.com/alba.utreraroman Alba Utrera Román

    I’ve read lots of beautiful comments answering this question and most of what I was going to say has already been said in a much more beautiful way than I could say it.

    So I’m left with just one thing to say, and that is that, from my personal experience,  you can’t make others happy if you are unhappy.

    Sometimes it’s really hard to leave people you care about behind and many won’t take it well, but if they care about you too, then they’ll eventually understand it. Your life is your own and no one should run it for you. Family and friends can often be very demanding and sometimes you just need to get away from them. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them, or that you don’t love them, it just means you need your own space and time. It’ll help them appreciate you more too.

  • lizilynx

    GREAT POST! Our self-ful actions are critical for each of us being of maximum service to ourselves, others and Life! Furthermore, your revelation about PATIENCE is also critical to developing our creativity! :o ) THANK YOU for this inspiring andempowering blog! :o )

  • TrackerM

    Hi All,
     I am late responding to this  because I was ill so didn’t turn my computer on all day. I love all the responses they pretty much say all I would have said anyway. I used to be someone that was always there & felt I had to be there, but ill health’s kinda got in the way of that. Now I don’t rush to answer e mails or texts & have never gone the social media route! As a result I have had time to heal, grow & learn. I have learned that I can’t fix everyone else’s problems because only they can do that. I can & still do offer support if they need it but only if they want it. Now the help I do give is better thought out & more timely. I write letters & telephone people much more, which is so much nicer than hitting the send button. I meet up! I love that I can just decide not to turn the computer on sometimes, it feels a positive thing to do.
    As for people getting angry because someone decides to “opt out” of the media circuitry for a few necessary days, that is an awful way to respond. Everyone has periods when they need to have time to themselves, for what ever reason. That should be respected & supported not responded to with selfishness. Well done Mastin for doing what you did, do not feel guilty & don’t let selfish people push you into going against what is right for you. Take the space you need, guilt free, for it is those selfish people who need to examine their motives not you.

  • Spfess

    I just love the responses of Travis,Kathleen and Sarah! All of my thoughts exactly. And Mastin I commend you so much for the realness and insight you shed on the daily tasks of life. Turning off social media to enable yourself to create is perfect! Your email yesterday resonated with where I’m at presently and I sent this to 3 people yesterday andvthey responded, like ‘Wow’! You nailed it! So,thank you! I support your sentiments and I really enjoy your perspectives. Living love is what it’s all about!

  • Mmm616

    Hi Mastin,
    First— Happy Birthday! I am a big believer in celebrating ourselves. I did not come to this as a child; it took many years of lessons. Now, it can be a challenge with expectations of our earth families but, worth it. Self love/ respect is the first step to the rest.

    I am so happy to hear I am not the only being dealing with boundaries & willing to talk about it. As a professional salesperson, my world constantly caters to the lives of others. I can’t tell you how much joy this brings. It can also feed pain, mostly from lack of my own free time. I commend your ability to make your own choices and stay loyal to your heart. Write that book; no matter what anyone says, you know you are doing the right thing FOR YOU!!! My mantra for this year: DO THE RIGHT THING, FOR ME AND MY GOD.