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It’s TOTALLY OK To Set Boundaries! (Don’t Feel Bad!)

I get it – we are SO alike. We want to HELP PEOPLE. If you read TDL, you are a Seeker and someone who is helping to BE and SPREAD the Light on this planet.

And, if you’re like me, you spread yourself too thin because you say “YES” – WAAAAAAY too much! Like WAAAAY more than you should.

As TDL has been expanding and things get more and more awesome, I have had to say “no” more. And it’s not because I don’t like the people or things I’m saying “no” to. It’s just because I know what I’m focused on and why I am focused on it.

My purpose is to create content and communities that inspire people to feel like they belong. And I manifest this through TDL at the moment. And WHY I am focused on this is because when I feel like people feel like they belong to themselves and a community, that is the best and fastest way to heal and change the world. This is what DRIVES me, this is what FUELS me, and this is what PUSHES me and gets me UP in the morning.

But within that desire are next steps. And I focus on the next step and try not to get too caught up in the next two steps or five steps or ten steps, because usually after you take a step, something new happens that will cause you to pivot and change course. (This is what creating a start-up is like.)

But, I have a HUGE heart and I LOVE to say, “YES”. I say “YES” to everyone because I WANT to do everything. But I’m coming to terms with the fact that it’s not true. In fact, if you call my cell phone and get my voicemail it says, “This is Mastin, my answer is YES and my message is LOVE.” I think it’s time to change that!

When you are focused on what you want and why you want it, it becomes crystal clear what you should say, “YES” to and what you should say “NO” to.

But a lot of times I say “YES” when I should be saying “NO”. And in doing so, I overwhelm myself and end up not being as productive and focused as I could be on fulfilling my purpose. Then I FEEL BAD by saying “no”.

But the thing is, the more POWERFUL the “NO”, the more POWERFUL the “YES”. I’m trying my best right now to graduate past saying “YES” because I would FEEL BAD if I said “NO” and step into making choices that are in strict alignment with my purpose.

It’s true that where focus goes, energy flows (yeah, I know it’s a cliché), but it’s true! And when you are focused on saying “YES” because you’d feel bad otherwise, you are denying your dreams because you are making the approval of someone else more important than the approval of your dreams.

It’s actually a little selfish to say “yes” when you really mean “no”. You are not taking the wise and bold route of being aligned with your truth, but rather outside validation. And this ends up creating resentment inside you and inside the other person. Why?

Because we are energetic beings and we send signals like this to each other in the undercurrent of our minds and bodies.

Do you have the courage to say “NO” today instead of “yes” because you want validation? I’m trying to muster it up – will you join me?

Love,

Mastin

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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • a.

    This is soooo good, Mastin! I’ve had to set boundaries with people who have taken your “hold space” motto to another level. I hold space for those who have shown love and support in my life, for those who have taken the time to get to know me, for those I know without a doubt have my best interest at heart, as they know I have theirs. I will not hold space for people who consistently judge me and disregard me. So, when I’ve not allowed them back into my life, somehow I am the “bad guy.” I used to care more about it than I do today but I now know it is my right to set boundaries with anyone who refuses to engage in mutually respectful relationship with me. If I need to be labeled inauthentic or not genuine or real because of it, then so be it. I’m a much happier person today. I don’t feel the need to please people who don’t feel the need to be respectful and loving towards me. The end. Thank you and so much love to you for all of the love you send our way! 

  • M.C.

    Mastin, I love your entries. I just recently blogged about personal boundaries last night, and when I checked your website this morning – I saw your post. I’m starting to believe more and more that the Uni-verse is at play!

  • http://32in32.com/ Pauline Hawkins

    Boundaries are a good thing for everyone!

  • http://rachelhenke.com/ Rachel Henke

    So very true. I wrote about that in one of my books about confidence for women because women have a tendency to say yes to everything but maybe it’s not just women afterall? Great insights.

  • Vera

    YES, I will join you in saying NO!

  • Aldean

    I can so relate to this. I say yes way too much, a lot of the times to my own detriment. I loved this article, because this is exactly the path i’m taking these days,learning to say NO and stand up for my own interests. Thanks for the article, it was right on time

  • N Wallace

    Saying no…you are on a good path to becoming a more sound indivdual. When you intend to be a loving and helpful person, it is just as important to say no in many cases. I can see that you are already recognizing that. I would like to suggest or introduce a strengething thought for your process; understanding that you are a person of peace and love, would it be likely you would say no unless it was the absolute or necessary thing to do? With your sort of heart its very unlikely, and you are so right, saying yes to others in order not to  emotionally deal with the results of our no is also a form of selfishness which is definitely not something you would want to cultivate in any form. So! You keep it up, your on your way to becoming a greater friend and a more trusted companion. Out of all my compaions and friends in my history I respect and trust more those who knew when to say no. Till this day I consider in genuine love.
    http://www.culchorecove.com  N.Wallce

  • http://www.managingthemagic.com Bryan R

    YES!!!! ….. I mean … NO!! … wait ummmmm … YES I am ready to start saying NO!!! ….. I get you. Thank you :) 

  • http://www.deniseduffieldthomas.com/ Denise Duffield-Thomas

    Fantastic article! I’m just starting to get to the place in my business where I have to say NO – I’m getting all sorts of requests and I just physically can’t do them all!

    Love your take on it!