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Keep loving (even if you’ve been hurt)!

mk_treesI think it’s safe to say that almost everyone on the planet has been hurt in a past relationship. If you haven’t yet, then you will be at some point. Heartbreak happens. It will either be a personal relationship or a business partnership or a friendship. It’s not always in the love and relationship category, but many times it is.

Today I want to talk about trusting even though you’ve been hurt.

As a man, I believe that it is important to show up and to be consistent – to be THERE for your woman. I think that one of the most valuable things in the whole world is the heart of the woman you love. And I believe that it is a man’s duty as part of loving his woman to protect her heart and never let it break.

Ladies, how many of you have been hurt in the past? My guess is most of if not all of you. Because of this, it’s vital that we guys understand that you are protecting your heart.

I’ve learned that women really want a man who is consistent, who shows up for her and who doesn’t waiver. It’s a man’s grounded, single-pointed focus on following his purpose, plus showing up for his woman that proves to her that she can open to him. A woman just can’t open herself and give herself fully to a man she doesn’t trust. (Editor’s note: This article is written about “men” and “women” but applies to all relationships; if you are in a gay relationship, substitute “man” and “woman” for “masculine” and “feminine” energy. Each person occupies one of those energies, even in a gay relationship).

Given that many women have been hurt in the past, many of them have closed down to protect themselves. This doesn’t mean they don’t want love. Au contraire! All women truly want is to be loved, to be seen, to be felt and to be INTIMATE. But none of those things are possible without first establishing trust.

This is why I think it’s important to develop a solid friendship and base before diving into sex (learned this one the HARD way). I’ve seen that a woman who has been hurt in the past will sometimes rush to bed or have a fling with a guy that she doesn’t have feelings for. BUT – when there are feelings, when there’s chemistry, many times that is scary and she closes up even more. But really, deep down, I believe that she is waiting for the right man to see her, let her test him and to remain solid.

There is a fine line between what I just described and her not being into you. So know the difference.

But many times, amazing love could blossom on the other side of having patience and just showing up for her. When a woman gives her heart, it is her everything. It is so strong and capable of such love, but at the same time it is so fragile and can be hurt very easily.

So, today, don’t give up on her. Give into love. Get to know her. Don’t rush. Remember, when it comes to Love, sometimes the patient path is the fastest way. (Tweet-worthy!) You can have amazing intimacy without sex. And when you build a friendship and intimacy up and let the energy build, you are preparing yourself to be in the most fulfilling, wonderful and sexually exciting relationship you could imagine. Sex without love is fun, but sex WITH love is Divine and the highest form of union between two people.

Call her bluff. See her hesitancy not as rejection but as a test to see if you are going to leave or stay. She will open up and give herself to the steadfast man whom she trusts. Be that man. Sometimes you have to fight for love. And sometimes you just have to show up, be present and let it emerge.

What do you think?

As always, the action happens in the comments below, leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love,

Mastin

P.S. Start 2014 off with heart! Join us in for our deep and powerful “Enter the Heart” evenings, full of Kundalini Yoga, Heart Therapy and a new opening to connecting to who you really are. Tickets will sell out, so don’t sit on it.

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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • Clover

    There’s nothing more beautiful than a person, whose heart has been broken, but still believes in Love.

    • The Daily Love

      For sure, Clover. Thanks for sharing! -TDL Team

  • Yasmin

    Perfectly timed, and inspirational message. Very recently I made a huge commitment to myself, to stop blocking intimacy. One of the ways I was doing that was in engaging in physical relationships, that were without the solid foundation of trust, authenticity, and truth.. They were fun, but were lacking in really important components. I am so excited to be taking the physical/sexual out of any romantic relationship, until I have first fully connected on each and every level with the other person concerned. Of course, I anticipate challenges along the way, but I know they will be so valuable, and worth it, I look forward to this new chapter in my life.

    • Samantha

      Well Im on of those women whose heart has been broken and after I have been open to love. After 3 years of continuous search I just cant find the ideal man. He’s either illiterate, doesn’t have a job, or has a small penis or too religious. This finding true love is just not for me. So I would be content with being by myself.

      • Yasmin

        I understand. I know its hard when you already had your heart broken, and I think most people can relate to the pain that brings. Samantha, maybe when you stop searching, the right person will come into your life. When you have time to truly be content by getting to know yourself, that’s the time great things can happen. Turn off those search lights, and firstly learn to truly know, value and love yourself. You sound tired, cynical and fed up. So now would be a good time to concentrate on you. There is no ideal man, and nobody is perfect. Yet time to spend getting to know yourself more will hopefully let you really work out the type of man you want to attract, and also what qualities you feel you could develop within yourself that would attract him. Its a two way street after all. Take your time and be patient with yourself.

    • The Daily Love

      Great to hear that you found Mastin’s message to be inspirational… Wishing you all the best. -TDL Team

  • Kahley

    I’m going to take a risk here. When, you say “….protect her heart and never let it break.” I question that. My job is to show up, with love, respect and consistency. I am powerless over her and her past. I was in a relationship with someone who had not fully processed and metabolized old (and very deep) emotional wounds from a prior relationship. I’m not saying that I didn’t have a role in this, but in the final analysis, her triggers and decision to end the relationship had little to do with me, I have come to learn.

    So I would say that it’s our jobs to protect our own hearts by owning our roles in the relationship.

    • Carol E Maurer

      You are absolutely right, Kahley. I, too, have learned that waiting patiently for the one I love to heal from his prior relationship simply means giving up on ever receiving from him what I had so hoped for when the relationship began. But I have learned in the process to love myself and let loving be the only thing that matters regardless of how this person works his own “program.” I wouldn’t trade what I have learned for anything. Love isn’t “out there.” Love is what I AM!

      • Kahley

        Amen. I am no longer willing to hang out in the waiting room. “Potential” is a dangerous word when used in the context of a relationship.

  • http://www.theartofnourishedliving.com/ Elizabeth

    This is hands down my favorite article you have ever written. Thank you, Mastin.

    • The Daily Love

      So great to hear, Elizabeth! Thanks so much for reading :) -TDL Team

    • Tif

      Mine too!!

  • finder

    Great topic – trust. I agree you have to trust to be able to know love in an unconditional sense. But I also have learned that I cannot choose trust, and am not responsible for proving I deserve it, for anyone else. I can be the most trustworthy person in the world…entirely committed to a relationship…committed to intimacy honesty and support. But if my partner trusts the love of no one…not the neighbors, not co-workers, not “friends”, not parents (this is where it starts)…..that will include me. I was there, I was available, I was patient, I was honest, I trusted. Sure, there may be a dedicated loving partner behind all the suspicion…. but at some point the crumbs are just crumbs, and don’t seem worth the wait, the barriers to love, the withholding, or the accusations. It was really really hard, but I finally surrendered that I did not have the answers, took the lesson, and walked away.

  • Josi

    So true! I totally agree

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks, Josi! -TDL Team

  • Beaut

    Hallelujah! I so desire to meet and love and be loved by a
    man just like that… when I feel ready. Thanks for the inspiration <3

    • The Daily Love

      That’s the way to be thinking! Thank YOU for reading. -TDL Team

  • Kathleen Hammond

    You asked: “What do you think?” I think this is a beautiful, touching and heartfelt article. It moved me to tears of JOY. Thank you.

    • The Daily Love

      We are so honored to hear this, Kathleen. We so appreciate you! -TDL Team

  • Mark

    Women are people too. They may be the more physically delicate sex but that does not mean it’s our role as men to protect them from life itself when immediate danger is not a factor. That’d be a disservice to their own personal growth and a perversion of real masculine strength as we are stewards of life, and our protectorship is to be in service of those we would protect, to allow them the freedom to live gloriously fully unto themselves, not to try and save them from damage. Shit happens. I think this entry comes from a wonderful place and intention but misses the spot, dangerously so. I’ve fallen hard into this myself for years and it does not end well, it ends in codependency and resentment. I’m divorced and have left a pretty bloody trail behind me, none of it intentional. Essentially what you’re recommending is manipulative, selfish, and muddies the waters, disallowing full personhood, and plays passive power games. I don’t want to convince anyone to trust, respect, or love me though I’ve certainly tried from a place of my own severe lack and insecurity. Here’s an article I came across last week at a PERFECT time in my current relationship (when I was about to lose it because of adherence to the above recommended paradigm) that holds a whole lot of truth:

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201312/love-and-power?fb_action_ids=10151810811122751&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=265824560237790&action_type_map=%22og.likes%22&action_ref_map=

  • Beth

    Wow! You are wise and could not have put my thoughts and feelings more accurately into words. It’s comforting to read, as are all of your entries. Your daily insight allows me to stay focused on the path of thinking and living that allows the greatest productivity. Thank you so very much!

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you so much for sharing, Beth! -TDL Team

  • Graham

    Hey Mastin -

    I daily-love your blog and read it every day. This is the first time where I’ve experienced some disagreement with what you’re saying. Or what I think you’re saying. I’m a gay man and I can honestly say that I’ve never been in a relationship with another man where one of us is “masculine” and one of us is “feminine”, where one of us “occupies one of those energies.” I struggle when I hear people ask, “So who’s the man/top and who’s the woman/bottom?” It’s not like that. At least for me.

    In my relationships there are times when I’m called upon to be consistent so that my partner might learn to trust me and open his heart to me. In this case, using what you’ve written above, I’d be contributing positive masculine energy to the relationship (I prefer to think of it as the “driving” energy) and my partner would be contributing positive feminine energy (I prefer to think of it as “opening” or “receiving” energy.)

    But there have also been times where I’ve been the one wanting to trust someone enough to open my heart i.e. i’ve been embodying the feminine energy while my partner has been demonstrating the consistent unchanging powerful masculine energy.

    I can’t speak for heterosexual relationships but it occurs to me that this might be the case there too. A woman might need to demonstrate consistency so that a man might trust her and open his heart to her, too.

    I can certainly speak for my own (gay) experience which is to say that I am constantly called on to embrace and embody and contribute positive masculine and feminine energy (giving and receiving, driving and opening up to) in my relationships.

    Thanks as always for an amazing blog and making a difference to my day, every day.

    Daily Love,
    Graham.

    • Charley Carroll

      I am seconding Graham’s thoughts here. As a gay man, who dated women before coming out in my mid-twenties, masculine and feminine energies are anything but exclusively embodied in their respective genders. They are archetypal, not gender-based. Each of us is a unique combination of the two. Bear in mind many men may hide femininity and women masculinity due to societally imposed standards; though this isn’t to say all men and women are equally masculine and feminine. Also, this post presumes that only feminine energy has needs. Masculine energy requires acknowledgment and appreciation or it feels forgotten and unfulfilled, and this translates across all forms of relationships. We all fluctuate energies in relationships. People aren’t exclusively masculine or feminine energy. This post didn’t go the direction I expected it to base on the title. I will agree that patience can be rewarding, which is a good reminder for me at this time.

      Nonetheless, got to appreciate that today’s post brought out strong opinions from responders.

      • Graham

        Awesomeness, Charlie, love your response to my thoughts. And like you, I also like how today’s post got us thinking and talking.

  • Jambramon

    I am a great fan of The Daily Love and today is the first day I remember really being put off by its tone. Personally, I don’t embrace the concept of “ugh me man, me take care of woman.” Whether straight or gay, all of us contain masculine and feminine energies. That is, on an emotional and spiritual plane we are sometimes the giver and sometimes we are the receiver. It is not up to any one sex or person in a relationship to look after the other’s heart. We all need patience with some things. Most of us have baggage. It just manifests in different ways. We are each entitled to occupy whatever energy is right for us at any given moment and allow our partner (potential or actual) to do the same. That is how and when healing occurs.

  • Jess B

    I think it is a bit of a hasty generalization to relegate masculine and feminine energies to sole individuals… Particularly those in gay or lesbian relationships. While there may be a stronger tendency to have one versus the other in certain situations… There are often still lingering feelings of the “opposite” energy. Being open to this allows more authenticity in relationships and a deeper bond as partners learn to care for one another and build each other up.

  • Zepheria

    Wow, a guy who actually thinks about these things. Can we clone you?
    Right before I read this blog, I read an article about Internet dating. A comic did a fake profile to see what the response would be. She used a photo of a friend who is a professional model and then made the worlds-worst-woman profile, someone deplorable and awful, mean, racist etc. to see if guys just look at the pic or read the profile. She was disappointed to find out her mail box filled with something like 150 interested responses!
    So when I read what Mastin had to say here, my heart just melted! He just can’t be the only one! I’m in my 40′s and been around the block, broken and betrayed many a time but it still feels right to be open to love and trust. I gotta believe more people would hug you than hurt you.

    • The Daily Love

      Glad you enjoyed reading this, Zepheria! -TDL Team

  • Guest

    HMMM, I find it interesting that the TDL team only replied to those commenters that were in agreement with today’s blog. Those who were not in agreement, or questioned the blog received no response. Wow…………..

  • http://www.telluselle.com/blog Alexandra Telluselle

    I think that men needs to learn to respect a woman’s no and stop stalking, pursuing or pretending it’s some kind of game or conquest. Pure love is felt thru any walls we might have built and many are those who crave it from someone they see have received it, but most often walls are also created when men don’t get the message that we are not interested. But you are right about being there in the flesh when it is most needed or else take a hike. Mother Nature likes us to spend time with Her anyway ;-)

  • Tif

    Wow everything you said is exactly true, at least in this woman’s life. You’ve written about it perfectly and I’m glad to see this perspective is understood.

  • ErinRSchumacher

    Love this! I just finished reading David Deida (The Way of the Superior Man) and (Dear Lover) AGAIN and it seems like you just finished reading them too based on this blog.

    I love what you are saying Mastin – and for all of you who have not read David Deida – I cannot suggest him highly enough. If you want to better yourself and your relationships and interactions among humans in general – read his stuff!!

  • Sarah

    This article came at the right time for me. I just left a relationship which I originally entered when I wasn’t fully healed from my last one. Lesson learned. I need to take my time and really focus on how I want to feel in a relationship equally as much as who I want to attract. Thanks :)