Looking For Your People?

0932 Terri Cole HI RES“Friends are family you choose for yourself.”  ~Author Unknown

When it comes to choices in life, they are never ending. One of the most liberating, potentially healing and impactful choices you get to make is who you spend your time with. We don’t get to choose the family we are born into. Some family systems are healthy and wonderful. Some are less so. Most are somewhere in the between. Yet in the voluntary arenas like work, organizations and clubs, and your social environment, you can choose your crew. People who have found and grown healthy, supportive relationships in these areas are fortunate. However, if you have not yet found your people, don’t lose hope.

Feeling lonely and misunderstood can be signs that you have not yet found your ‘tribe.’ Positive relationships bring about feelings of connection and validation. If you find yourself craving more positive relationships in your life, perhaps you need a shift.

There are many ways to find your people. In my own experience as a coach and therapist I have found that group coaching is an excellent way to foster deep and supportive connections with like-minded people. One of the many benefits of doing the work I do is that I am fortunate enough to lead groups of wonderful people and help create strong communities. I also get to witness the collective power generated when positive people come together. Not only are goals accomplished more quickly, but there is also excitement and joy throughout the process when the journey is shared.

It is possible to feel good about the relationships in your life, yet still feel lonely and unsupported. This often happens when you neglect to call on your crew. The people in your life are there for a reason. Relationships are not only a source of joy, but they are also a source of support.

When I was diagnosed… I was so worried about inconveniencing others by asking for help. It became almost impossible for me to let anyone, besides my husband Vic, help me. I found myself turning helpful offers away.

When I became sick I learned a great lesson about the value of receiving. After months of declining support, it became clear to me that not allowing others to give was actually selfish. Deepak Chopra would say the fastest way to feel happiness is to make someone else happy. People like to give because it feels good, and when we feel good, we feel happy. So on a very basic level, declining help/support/gifts from others takes away their experience of feeling good.

Simply put: Receiving with gratitude is an act of generosity. (Tweet-worthy!)

This week, I want to challenge you to branch out. If you’re in pursuit of your ‘people,’ try and explore new ways to meet and connect with like-minded individuals. If you have a crew, call on them. If you’re in need of support, challenge yourself to ask for it, otherwise reach out and offer support to someone else. Set your intention to make some connections and watch what happens!

I always look forward to hearing from you. Please share in the comments below the success you have had with connecting, giving, receiving, or all three. This week, let’s take care of our relationships, and as always, take care of you.

Love Love Love



As a licensed therapist, transformation coach, and mentor to well-known personalities in wellness, empowerment, and entertainment, Terri Cole is honored to help clients, and now readers like you, remain present and grounded, despite life’s complexities. She provides sustainable, action-oriented solutions you can implement TODAY that allow you to live a life that thrills you. Follow Terri on Facebook and Twitter.

  • David H. Breaux

    Hi Terri,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, experience, and wisdom gained from them.

    Very apropos for what I’ve been doing the past couple days. Rent was due so to help pay for it, I went out and asked people in the community to help out (even the parking enforcement man I wave to every day.) Some people I knew well, others who know what I do. I called it my “George Bailey” experiment based on the character from It’s a Wonderful Life to see if a community would rally behind an immediate need. I’m well-known in the relatively small college town where I live for the work I do with compassion, so I thought, “Let’s see what happens!”

    So I asked–and received. A little here, a little there. I asked about 10 people, one declined. I was able to raise most of what I needed. Will go back out today and/or tomorrow to receive the remaining amount.

    I realized the importance of asking. I must admit I am often reluctant to ask for help at times and I am learning the benefits of asking related to what you speak about regarding generosity.

    Again, thank you.

    With compassion,
    David H. Breaux

    • The Daily Love

      This is an awesome story, David! Thank you for sharing with us!
      -Team TDL

    • David, ask and you shall receive. Thank you for sharing your experiment here with us. Glad it all worked out for you!

  • Carlos Gonzalez

    with all due respect, don’t forget to ask for employment opportunities as well.

  • Dee

    Thanks for sharing it really open my eyes to see one of the reasons why I’m an unhappy lonely person. I always try to be independent but sometimes this gets me nowhere, because of my strong will of being independent I am reluctant to ask for help, whether, financial or just leaning on someone to give me support, instead I remain silent. I prefer to give the support to someone else. But as you said which was well said and taken “declining help/support/gifts from others takes away their experience of feeling good.” I know now that I need to make someone else feel good by helping me. Its hard but its worth a try.

    • The Daily Love

      Dee, we’re glad to know that you’ve had this revelation! No harm in trying at all! Wishing you the best!
      -Team TDL

    • Dee it can feel difficult to allow others to help you, especially you are used to always taking care of things yourself. But just like anything else the more you do it the easier it gets and the better and more intimate your relationships will be. Good luck!

    • Dee it can feel difficult to allow others to help you, especially if you are used to always taking care of things yourself. But just like anything else the more you do it the easier it gets and the better and more intimate your relationships will be. Good luck!