Love-Fu: The Martial Art Of Dealing With A Very Challenging Person

Those that challenge you the most are also your greatest teachers. Thank them, for they are the ones that call you to live your highest potential. 

They are the opportunity for you to face yourself, your fears and those parts of you that you don’t like, for they will expose it.

They are the opportunity to see how you stop loving and to love bigger.

They invite you to live the books, your prayers and your spirituality.

Often when we are faced with a challenging individual, we get angry. We might defend our point, want to fight, be righteous, judge or collapse in fear. 

Most of all those that challenge us, give us the opportunity to love.

But we must first shift our perception, how we view the situation and that person.

Here are some steps:

1 -Shift: See that person/situation as a gift. They are the opportunity for you to grow and love more.

2 – Let go: Give up being right and commit to being FREE. Nothing/No one is worth your happiness or peace. Life is way too short.

3 – Realize: They are reflecting something for you to see, a part of yourself that you need to own, an old wound that you get to heal and let go.

4 – Responsibility: Take the focus off of them, take responsibility and learn your lesson.  Embrace it. Graduate from the experience and move on.

5 – Release:  Accept the person exactly as they are. Perhaps that might mean you will need to let them go from your life or shift the dynamics of your relationship. Stop fighting what they are.

6 – Communicate: Either communicate with them directly if appropriate or simply bless them and let them go within your own heart. Since everything is energy and we are all interconnected, the good vibes that you send that person will affect them.

7 – Appreciate: Acknowledge your growth and learning. Focus on what you received, and the person you became as a result, rather than what was taken.

Remember:  When someone attacks you, they are in a lot of pain. And even though it is directed at you, it most often isn’t about you. It isn’t personal, even though it seems that way and they might even feel that way.

You can choose to fight fire with fire, but this only creates more devastation. When someone attacks you, they want to engage you in a fight. If you attack back, you are now caught up in a vicious cycle.

Even if you win the fight… no one really wins. Let go.  Focus on freedom and resolution.

It takes two people to fight. When you don’t engage the attack energy, soon your adversary will be left fighting with her/himself. Then the energy will dissipate.

If you drop to the level of your “attacker”, you perpetuate the cycle of endless negativity. Your “attacker” will try to use your energy to keep a war going. But if you don’t engage, then there is no resistance. They will have no fuel to keep fighting you with.

If someone gives you a gift, but you decline to accept it, to whom does the gift belong? It still belongs to the other person!

Rise above it. Disengage. Step to the side. Redirect. Live your freedom.

So, practice Love Fu. Then  “Peace” is no longer just a sweet T-shirt slogan. And Love is not just some nice mantra. But Love becomes a daily reality and the opportunity in action for you to live moment to moment.

Love,

Kute

Check out more of my work at http://www.kuteblackson.com/

  • bruno

    Thanks, Dude. That makes a lot of sense.

  • Sarah

    This is awesome advise! I love it!

  • Makes complete sense and mostly it is so good to be reminded. It can be easy to get caught up in that “need to be right” but oh how true and freeing it is when I have let it go. It truly has changed the dynamics of relationships I am in.

  • Kathi

    Thank you–I needed this!!! Beautiful.

  • seems to be apart of a continued conversation/experience I’ve been having! Amen

  • Nothing could be truer but to understand more deeply upon reflection! JJ

    Twitter
    @ jodijeannine

  • I REALLY like this one! I have some one in my life who I find very hard to get on with because they are so negative and argumentative. They are in my life for good so I can’t avoid them – this is really going to help me think about things in another light. I am going to Love-fu them to death 🙂

  • I definitely needed this today. My ex picked a fight yesterday and even though I knew he was doing so, I gave in and fought back. I should have let it go and not let the anger get to me. Thank you for the reminder!!

  • Mark

    Wow! Amazingly enough, I recently got out of a relationship with a woman that constantly belittled and berated me and without even realizing it I have taken each one of these steps to move on. Good to see my personal actions validated. 🙂

  • Vida

    So there is this woman at work who strives to to make me look like the bad guy! Just as I had finished complaining to a friend about the situation….I came across this article! I really appreciate it! My friends kept telling me to not take it personally but your method made it plain and simple. Your article helped me learn how to better deal with challenging people. Thanks again!!!

  • Angelique

    Thank you.

  • This is GREAT Kute! Knowledge is Power, xoxo

  • Ann Marie

    Grateful beyond measure for this. So helpful. A true gem.
    Namaste from a mama that is appreciative…. 🙂

  • neely

    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Laura

    I am at a cafe right now and, reading this here, is very difficult not to get teary eyed. I have the tendency to love every guy I get involved with fully. Not in a clingy way, but in a committed and giving way. I always get extremely depressed and lost and doubt myself when they fall apart since I always put a lot of effort and understanding into the relationship and I’ve had the misfortune of attracting selfish men into my life who will drop me with the most disregard the moment they need to make an effort. The last guy I was with, even though it was for a short time, I felt this incredible gut feeling that he was The One and he talked about doing things in the future with me on a Tuesday and broke it off with me on the Wednesday (by phone). I’ve been dumbfounded ever since trying to understand what went wrong and if I was the one who did something wrong. No matter how much my friends and mom tell me he’s psychologically unbalanced, no matter how much I know that his behaviours throughout our time together were completely and constantly contradictory, I find myself in shock and unable to let him go (even more so because of that damn gut feeling that I, I guess unfortunately, still he’s The One. I’ve had that same feeling when I fell in love at first sight and when I amazingly realised my uncle had died immediately).
    I will get home later today and I’ll write about this article on my notebook and I do believe writing about what happened is long past due and it has become a MUST thing to do, I believe.
    I thank you so much for exposing this process so clearly and into such a practical form.
    I’ve been looking for answers and understanding of it for the last 2 months now and, although I know I’ll drive myself crazy with this quest (if I haven’t gotten there already!), it is something I need to go through in order to find more about myself. I try to give it up sometimes and just push it under the carper and do the easy way, something I’ve always refused to do and, consequently, has given me MANY moments of complete turmoil bc apparently I just love picking my own head, but I guess I’ll just tone down my quest this time, still work on it, and let it go. As Mastin says, leave it to the Universe 🙂
    I think none of what I wrote made sense. My phine won’t let me go up to check what I wrote so I apologise if it comes out absolutely mad. Also, my English is terrible, I’m not American.
    But, concluding this, I’m extremely happy about all the points touched in this article and in this site. I found it through the forever shining Jenna Phillips and I’m so glad I found it. I found it 2 weeks late, and it’d have helped me A LOT if I found it 2 weeks earlier, but I guess I was supposed to go through what I went through with my own way of seeing things.
    Thank you and have a great day! 🙂

    • Michelle Lee

      He is the right one for right now because there is opportunity to grow and love more. But I’d lay odds that the growth potential is in love of self, not love of self-absorbed jerks.
      Your English is excellent.

    • Vanessa

      Laura,
      You found this article at the time you needed to, at the moment that spoke to you the loudest and delivered what you needed to hear…a lot of time in life we like to do what you just descibed as “pick our brains” and doubt our decisions and the way we feel about certain things, individuals and situaions in our lives. The moment you start learning to put that same effort in not more into building a relaionship with yourself instead of with others you will see an indredible shift in the way things work, it is not easy but then again nothing really is but i can guarantee you that it is incredibly rewarding to start seeing and feeling like YOURSELF is enough just as you are and that letting those people toss you aside and waste your energy is an actual favor bacause you deserve better so keep your chin up and spend some quality time alone with yourself…the real YOU not your ego and watch the world around change 😉

  • Justine

    WOW! thank you so much for that, I needed this today, set my mind on finding a solution and manifested this! Thank you. Peace, love, happiness. Xoxo

  • Daniela

    Thank you so much for this:) I need this so much right now because I feel so lost.

  • Incredible. I work with a bunch of idiots, but I guess, according to this I work with a bunch of gift givers. Truly working with some of these people is the biggest challenge I’ve had to face with regards to being able to stay true to the nature of “accepting and compassionate human being.” Reading this just reminds me, that we are all different, but all the same and we all deserve a little bit of patience. Slow down and appreciate the moment for what the moment REALLY is!

    Great piece!

  • sarah

    Well said!!! 🙂

  • Alex

    LOVE LOVE LOVE! So clearly stated. Thank you for the reminder.
    In gratitude,
    Alex

  • dawnw

    Oh yes! Thank you x

  • Tracy

    Let’s call him A… A is a wonderful person, when we are alone, but he becomes some one I don’t understand in front of others. When there is the slightest conflict, A gets nasty, he says horrible things, attacking me, to get a reaction from me. He tells me, how karma is going to kick my butt. I embrace it, telling him that I’m ready to receive what I deserve. I look for a positive in him and our relationship and send that to him… Problem is, I’m not sure if it’s a good or a bad thing because he says it makes him ‘love’ me more, but I on the other hand, like him less, because I don’t like the ‘ugly’ that he shows….

    • Laura

      So easy for me to say this to you (and hard for us to do it), but do yourself a favour and free yourself from this guy. He’s almost (if he hasn’t) crossed the line of emotional abuse. He’s already controlling you through his inconstant behaviour. I’ve been there and, boy, do I wish I had the strenght to leave him and know that I would not die without him, nor miss him as much as I thought I would and that life would still be there after him. I didn’t. And it got so bad that it took ke 1 year and antidepressants (and I’m against them! That’s how low I got) to rise again. Leave while you can. He definitely has absolutely NO consideration towards you. Anyone can be nice every now and them. You have to pay attention to the BAD behaviors. Like The Daily Love says “What you put up with, you end up with”. You’re letting him get away with bad behavior bc Mr. Unbalanced there doesn’t respond to love. You deserve better. Let the loser go. Let him realise what he had. Give him a shock. And go live your amazing life as the fabulous self you’re meant to be and be treated as.

      I’m awful at writing. I wish I could say this to you but it’s the internets and we must type!:D

      xxxx

      • Laura

        And he can’t be a wonderful person if he treats you bad. And if he’s nice inside the house and an idiot outside of it, he’s either bipolar, a facade, or lost. Not a keeper. But YOU are! 🙂

        xxxx

        • Vanessa

          Tracy,
          YOU just for being YOU deserve better, i dont personaly know you but if your partner does not care to respect you and treat you in the way that you know you deserve to be treated you need to let him go and go on to finding your own self and your own happiness…If you already finf yourself not “liking” him when mistreats you, what are you waiting for ??? What you wish for, the universe gives you….look deep inside yourself and ask yourself why you believe yourself deserving of this punishment. There you may find your answers….
          Wish you the best of luck !
          XXXX

  • Safiye

    Wow. Thank you so much.

  • heather

    so very true!