Have you ever judged your partner for something only to discover that same thing you judged in them shows up in other relationships in your life? We can get stuck trying to change our partner or move from one relationship to another, until we realize all the patterns we judge in another are in us. Yes… even that one!
Everyone is a mirror showing us how we can love and embrace ourselves more fully. Once we see this, we can work with judgments more directly at the root, within ourselves.
As you may know, relationships can trigger old unconscious material within us, especially after the “honeymoon” of the relationship is over. We tend to unconsciously attract partners that mirror to us the parent (caregiver) we had the most challenges with growing up, in hopes that they will fulfill our unmet childhood needs.
If we are aware, we can consciously use these triggers as stepping-stones showing us the way back home to ourselves.
Anything we avoid, regret, judge or blame, in ourselves or others, will hold us back until it is fully welcomed and accepted inside of us. When we can deeply and intimately meet whatever is present with openness, we create the space for healing and transformation to unfold. What we open to lets go… effortlessly, on its own.
My invitation is:
When something comes up that is painful, actually drop the mental story about what is happening and feel into where this upset lives in your body.
Breathe directly into the sensation, allowing it to be here just as it is… You can imagine as if a small child were feeling this hurt and they were all alone. Be with this sensation as you would be with the small child; open, compassionate, curious and loving.
When the direct experience of the sensation is met and allowed to be, it illuminates and dissolves. As these disowned parts of ourselves are compassionately met by the fullness of who we truly are, we feel more integrated, whole and at peace. In this way we can more fully experience the love that is always present within us, around us, as us.
We no longer play out the same patterns in life and in our relationships. We will either stop attracting the same type of people or situations, or if we do, they simply won’t bother us. This is how we know it is complete within us.
If you notice you are still bothered, that’s ok, it’s not bad, it’s just feedback letting you know there is an opportunity for deeper allowing and acceptance.
As we love ourselves completely, we can’t help but fall in love with the entire world. This is the greatest embrace.
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Alyssa Nobriga is a renowned relationship coach who works with people through a mind-body-soul approach. She leads Wellness Retreats around the world, supporting people in living more open, authentic, loving, and fulfilling lives. To watch Alyssa working with clients check out her website or see her YouTube Channel.