Loving yourself when you don’t want to!

February 2, 2013 by Mastin Kipp 38 Comments

I LOVE yoga. I just don’t do it enough.

It’s funny – I spend so much time promoting wellness that sometimes I don’t create the time to practice wellness. My practice (or lack thereof) recently of Hatha and Kundalini Yoga is a great example of this.

I am a HUGE believer in Hatha and Kundalini Yoga. I’ve been meaning to get back into the practices, but I haven’t done it yet.

But seeing as I am currently in Jamaica at the Caribbean Yoga Conference speaking about Purpose, I decided to drop into a class taught by my dear friend Tommy Rosen.

Tommy is an amazing yoga teacher. I Love this man.

He talked today about how important it is for self-Love to exist. And he talked about what self-Love looks like on the yoga mat. He said that self-Love does NOT look like beating yourself up for how inflexible you are or how much better someone else is than you.

This has been a constant for me in my yoga practice – comparison. So I’ve decided to drop it. During my set with Tommy overlooking the Caribbean, I just decided to Love my inflexible body and my tight back. I decided to Love my shaking arms as I held plank. I decided to Love the parts of myself that I usually don’t.

This is the same lesson as the lesson that I learned a couple of weeks ago from my Chinese Medicine doctor who challenged me to Love my belly fat.

So as I was on the mat and the inflexibility showed up, I brought the Love. And by the time the class was over, I actually had let go of a lot of resentment. I was also aware of how much self-hate I’ve been bringing to the yoga mat, as well as to my life.

If I am in this much self-hate around yoga, where else is it? This is a powerful question to ask.

It’s so funny how the same answer always applies: Love.

Wayne Dyer once said, “Whatever the question, Love is the answer; this applies to yourself as well.”

So, the self-Love journey continues. From my belly to the yoga mat, it’s popping up in another way.

What’s so cool about this realization is that bringing more of this self-Love also allows me to Love Jenna, the TDL Family, my parents and everyone else more, since I have more of the Love to give away.

Who knew such a simple statement from my friend Tommy could have such a profound impact?

What areas of your life need self-Love today?

As always, the action happens in the comments below. Leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love,

Mastin

###

Mastin Kipp is the founder and CEO of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

Join soulmates Mastin Kipp & Jenna Hall LIVE in Hollywood on Feb 9th for the first TDL LIVE event: The Love & Relationship Workshop! Livestream tickets are also available. Click here to grab your ticket before it sells out!

Pin It

http://villakalima.com/ Sunshine

Wow, you are speaking my words. Today I complained to myself that I am not practicing my Kundalini or my Hatha enough, and that is simply not ok because I am a yoga teacher! I also looked in the mirror and commented to myself on how many wrinkles are showing up under my eyes, and how will I ever find love with those? Then after receiving a message from Tommy on Facebook, I found out he is in the Caribbean teaching yoga in the sunshine and I was mad at myself for not knowing about this event and being there. Luckily, I did remember later that I am not my body, I am the divine light within who gives and receives love everyday from all the beautiful souls that surround me. I remembered that I love myself and the body that I live in. I remembered how much I have to be grateful for and how lucky I am! Then all the negative thoughts left me.
Andreamandy

I also have not practiced as much as I even wanted to this past week, but I have been so exhausted from looking out for everyone that I really needed to just take a break from everything (including working out, yoga) and just relax to actually gain some strength. Sometimes, self love comes not in working or working out but knowing when to take a break!
Peacechic

Self love is something that I am currently struggling with. So many changes over the past year for me including a divorce and change in living situation for my daughter and I. Heavy topics and I get caught up in the emotional grind. The biggest problem with that is I stop doing what would be the best for me at that time such as yoga and working out. Trying to learn to bring love to all do, starting with myself. If I cannot learn love myself how can I have empathy compassion and love for another. I know I need to bring that understanding first to allow love in.
- Lisa
  
  Divorce, even the best, is hard. I wish you much peace in the coming year while you settle into your new life
- Finnymas44
  
  I have found that since my divorce this year, after a 20 year marriage that i am now free and happier. Sometimes what we see as a tragedy now can be our biggest release. I now have discovered that i am ok without a man in my life and i love me!!
Lisamlasalle

It also allows you to accept love. I learned this during the past year when I had the opportunity to have dinner with my ex-husband whom I hadn’t seen in more than 20 years. Let’s just say I had nothing to be proud of regarding my conduct during our marriage and divorce. At one point, during dinner, it came up some of the bad decisions I had made and while my usual reaction would have been to get defensive, thanks to TDL and other work I have done, I just quietly said ” There is nothing more I can offer there except to own what I did — I did those things; I’m not proud of them, but they are true.” He smiled and said “I forgave you for that years ago”. I’m not sure I ever heard a more powerful sentence. After dinner, he called to thank me for meeting him and I said “Your welcome; it was nice to remember that someone once loved me that much” and he said “Someone still does”. Without self-love, I couldn’t have accepted his gift of love and forgiveness.
Beth

Wow!!!! great answer how to love yourself.
Rhea N Spina

Thanks again Mastin. You help me to feel that I am not alone on the self loving train.. I’m grateful for your honesty and love. Have a wonderful day friends!
Koos

I’m Glad you discovered this self hate Mastin.

For us readers this is so obvious that it sometimes hurts me reading it.

For instance your so called sugar addiction. May be you suffer a sugar allergy, but an addiction? How depreciating is this addiction statement over your body?

I’m glad you learn to love your weaker parts and i’m happy that I may read what it will bring you

Greetings and all the best from Holland (Europe)
Cathy

Oh boy, this is a tough one. I will take your words with me through the day and try to incorporate more self-love into may day. I have definitely been falling short. Thanks for calling me out on it.
With love,
Cathy
Altersewn

Loving my Self and Loving others is the only purpose I have in this existence. All other aspects are simply functions that allow me to be alive, to participate in daily events, and to ensure my Soul awareness. This body of mine is a guardian so to say, of my Spirit. Some people call it a temple or vessel, whatever the term used is accurate. All this expression (of Love, on your blog) is a fine example of what We are here to do.
Be in Love. The fact that we are needing to be reminded daily of the one true thing we are here to do reinforces that the current system of our society is in the throes of a major overhaul. Finally. Not everyone will get that we are returning to our Soul purpose in the same time or fashion as anyone else. Each persons path back to the Source is unique and necessary. Here is an analogy to clarify my point-Let’s say you are having a workshop in Los Angeles and people from all over the planet are coming to participate. Each person will take a different route and method of transport, and also the time of travel will vary as some will have a flawless journey and others will have delays or even postponements. Some will cancel their plans altogether and stay right where they are. Finally all the rest of the people will show up even though their journeys were all quite different.
Whatever route a person takes on their journey to reigniting their Soul purpose is literally to rediscover that is their sole purpose in this Life.

To Love and Be Loved.

Everything else is simply an aspect of the Physical Plane that we contend with and by having a forum here that you and TDL are so graciously maintaining, the journey Home is certainly a much more enjoyable one.

Cheers, Lance
Kprentice

Hi Mastin, sending you love. Thank you for sharing from your heart. I am trying to be patient with my very pregnant self. Though pregnancy isn’t a medical condition in my book, there is a slowing down that needs to happen. It’s a slowing down that doesn’t match societal expectations. I need to love my slow, imperfect self as I make my way like a turtle through my days…. Remembering its ok if I’m late or cannot finish all of the dishes. Even if someone else disagrees. Love,
Kelly
- Elizabeth
  
  Good for you! Love yourself during your pregnancy and it’ll be easier to love yourself and your baby afterwards too! You’ll need lots of love I understand the societal expectations and passed through them myself. Unfortunately I didn’t love myself and created lots of resentment towards those around me; their expectations didn’t match my needs but I overlooked my pregnant needs for the supposed “good of all,” only to build resentment and anger at the same time. Your comment stirred this within me, thank-you for leaving here, I haven’t though about it in years but I can feel that it’s still an issue for me. Good luck in your pregnancy and remember that loving yourself will make things so much easier for everybody
Gabby Danner

Thanks Mastin! Love this!
http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

My biggest wake up call is when I am in my LIVING LOVE class and someone takes responsibility for their “STUFF” and says out loud how they are caught up with… ME (Whether it be boredom, jealousy, judgement, and etc). This is what our class is about…exposing OUR EGO/MINDS in a safe environment. Class is about the opportunity to REALLY see how much we love ourselves. Just Sunday, Cinnamon, asked me to speak about some of my growth or wins per say. I really did not want to since I have dimmed my light for years in order for people to be more comfortable. So, I did. And, someone’s eyes glazed over. Cinnamon asked them what was going on for them and they said they were bored. I immediately bought in and judged them back. As I was asked why I bought in? I defended and said, Well…I do love myself, BUT…” Cinnamon stopped me right there and said, “YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF when you are buying into someone’s opinion and upsetting yourself. Do not fool yourself, Kathleen.” When we love ourselves we can listen to an opinion and take it or leave it without the self-rejection. It was such a great day for me, and the other girl and I felt closer than ever… after it was all done. The biggest lesson? I don’t have to dim my light, AND I can encourage others through my bright-light energy that they don’t have to either. As I was telling my stories, I did not look at the girl even once. I was not calling upon her true- self to rise. Why? Because of FEAR. I projected my fear onto her. I was thinking that she would not like my positive story since she has been creating depression (The misery loves company thing). I had overcorrected! The key in loving ourselves is to be as small as a mustard seed and as big as an Aspen Tress (something like that…LOL). Ahhh, the balance of it all. Today, I will just BE!
The Daily Commenter,
Kathleen
are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com
- lizilynx
  
  I’d never heard the expression “small as a mustard seed and Big as a Aspen tree,” so THANK YOU for including this within your share. Did you know that some biologists found a large GROVE of Aspen trees and, upon further scrutiny, found that EACH Aspen tree was connected to ALL of the other Aspen trees immediately surrounding it? These enormous trees in this enormous grove were all connected, literally, to one another, biologically-speaking….So your expression sounded to me, based on my share here, that in Loving ourselves, we are each ‘small as a mustard seed and large as an Aspen tree’ – as in as large as The Uni-verse… THANK YOU for your vulnerable share – in learning, you teach the rest of us! )
  - http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist
    
    Thanks Liz!!! No, I did not know that. Cinnamon had said the phrase to me last week and I loved it too! Be humble, yet BIG! Such a fine line as I have let my EGO take me to the “Misery Loves Company” place and then overcorrecting to , “I am shining my light and I don’t care if it blinds your eyes,” place. Such an unruly child the EGO is. The more practiced I become, the more subtle it is. So subtle that I would not recognize it without my mentor. Thank you for your share and I will read it to her…I wonder if she knew that. Big Love to you!
    - lizilynx
      
      Eckhart Tolle in “The Power of Now”(1997) clarifies and crystalizes for me the essence of ‘ego.’ His approach to recognizing it as a part of who we are finally helped me understand what the ego is and how to deal with it. (I took 4 university courses in psychology in the 70′s and at that time never grasped a clear definition of ‘ego,’ let alone what to do with mine!) His key points for me were (from pgs. 37-8.):
      -”Since ego is a derived sense of self, it needs to identify with external things. It needs to be both defended and fed constantly. The most common ego identifications have to do with possesssions,…relationships,…belief systems,…and other collective identifications.” (it’s a long list!) “None of these things is you.”
      -”As long as the egoic mind is running your life, you cannot truly be at ease; you cannot be at peace or fulfilled except for brief intervals when you [your ego] obtained what you wanted, when a craving [of the ego] has been fulfilled.”
      -”All of these things [the ego craves] you will have to relinquish sooner or later…You will know the truth of it for yourself…You will know it at the latest when you feel death approaching. Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to “die before you die” – and find that there is no death.”
      
      So, Kathleen, your recognition of the ego as an “unruly child” as well as how “subtle” it can be shows that you are a witness to it & ‘see’ it for what it is – a powerful practice! I’m cheering you on, imagining the moment when you feel that you can “shine your light” because you have come to a place where you recognize the AMAZING, POWERFUL being that you truly are, and through this Loving knowledge, your radiant Love shines through first within and for your self and then out to others.
      
      “You are here to enable the divine purpose of the universe to unfold. That is how important you are!” – Eckhart Tolle
      
      We cannot become ourselves by ourselves – we need the help of others to do this!
      
      Sending Love & Gratitude )
      - http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist
        
        WOW…I just realized you wrote about this 12 minutes ago, AND that was right about the time I logged in to my computer. Love it. Thank you Liz. Such a confirmation of what I know intellectually, and breathing into my heart’s knowing. As I read Echart Tolle’s words, I kept saying, “YES, YES, YES!” And, I loved your acknowledgement of not doing it by ourselves. It is very easy for me to become self-righteous without a teacher gently loving and helping me, help myself, in disciplining my “unruly” child. It can look like I am following Cinnamon, when in fact I feel like I am in India receiving Sadhanas (An Ego-transcending spiritual practice) in a little town of Arroyo Grande, Ca. Very few people understand me, and I know I am helping them, help themselves, in this crazy world that we live in just by changing… me. Their EGO may not like me from time to time, and yet their spirits are cheerleading me on (Especially my hubby…LOL). Seems like you are too! Thank you!
      - http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist
        
        Hi Liz…me again. So, I asked Cinnamon if she knew about the Aspen trees and she did not. She was really excited about your description. It just came to her and she relayed the analogy to me (as usual…right on schedule). XO
Gilda

I struggle with this all the time too…ACIM states that “love makes no comparisons”…and so I remind myself to look at myself through they eyes of God/Love and to see myself as “whole, perfect and complete”. Here is one of my favorite quotes as well:

”Everybody has a part of their body that she doesn’t like, but I’ve stopped complaining about mine because I don’t want to critique nature’s handiwork…My job is simply to allow the light to shine out of the masterpiece.” —Alfre Woodard
http://twitter.com/ChrissieBee1 Chrissie Bee

Why do I love you and getting your dailylove? Because you’re so honest about your imperfect self and that helps me accept my imperfect self … so thank you for that.
- clarke
  
  I was contemplating the same thing & was about to write as much but you beat me to it :]
  thanks! & THANK YOU, MASTIN! I’m completely Inspired by & in Love with todays TDL.
  xC
Info

You always read The right words when you are ready for it!
A few days ago during and After a Satori massage I had My biggest Self Love experience of My Life so far.
After Feeling that wonderful overwhelming Feeling of Self Love, Not only My Skin Problems got better but i am able now to love my Man much better..
So the next time im falling into the whole of selfhate again, im gonna remind myself that Selflove is Not only for your Self but also for The Once you Love.
What a Motivation!
Jerry

Who knew such a simple statment could make a such a impact? Hum let me think about this one?
Got it “The Universe” ! Had you in the right place,right time, right person and most of all “You” were surrendered to hear “All That The Universe” wanted to share with you!

Thank You For Doing The Work!
Thank You For Being Here Today For Thousands!
Thank You For Loving Yourself “First” so You Can Share That Love With Others!

Jerry B
Elizabeth

Thanks for sharing this. I’ve been really drawn to love lately and have been reading everything I can it’s the season– it certainly helps anyway!). I realized at the beginning of last week that I didn’t love my husband. I was angry, hateful, resentful, hurt, sad, jealous, and really anything but loving. Ive been so focused on everything that has hurt me. I’m not sure what it was but something dawned on me that what I need to do is focus on myself, and work on my own issues, which are plentiful. I’ve been “trying” the last few years but if Im honest not really… I keep falling back into those dark emotions that feel so safe. So I decided that I wanted to feel good… And For the first time Ive been making a real effort to love– even when Im still hurt. I’m trying to forgive and love but reading this today really brought it home that I won’t be successful until I can show these feelings towards myself. I’m grateful for the example you’ve given me and the love you always share! Thanks
Jbwolfe

I had this exact experience yesterday. I needed to run an errand, but I stopped to see how I really felt. I don’t usually do this. I just push through and get whatever needs to be done-done! Since I’ve been reading the daily love, daily, things have shifted. So… I realized I was tired, could do the errand another day. Stopped at a store on the way home and noticed that I was smiling so much more than normal! I also noticed that I felt so much compassion for the unsmiling faces if the people buying groceries, that I just kept smiling and sending love their way. All this came from me choosing self-care, instead of ignoring my needs and pushing through!! Great stuff!! Thanks for the daily reminder that how I treat myself is directly related to how I treat others. So helpful and powerful!!! Blessings to me and to all!!
Kathleen Frati

Love IS the answer! Enough said. Mwah! xoxo
pb

This is one I needed to hear. I will try to love my self more. This was a grand reminder. Thank you to everyone at TDL !
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=684603529 Jeanne Knepprath Majeski

Read about “Ahimsa” Mastin! Non-violence to self and others. Only look at your self in that mirror. Your body is the teacher. Everyday it is different. Live Namaste. Keep honoring that light in you.
tc

I used to beat myself up over my inflexibility over some of my body parts in yoga. I remember looking at this girl in yoga who was so hyper mobile in all her joints I just thought it was so unfair the way she moved into the poses. My yoga teacher got up & corrected the girl / person who was hyper extended in her joints, she needed to be taken out of her flexiblity so she did not collapse in her joints, & develop strength not more flexibility…as the asanas can be metaphoric to life, the yoga teacher later turned to the class , ‘just bcos someone is hyper-flexible, doesn’t mean they don’t have their own challenges in life – sometimes it’s worse bcos you have a hard time holding yourself back as their is nothing their to stop you – a lot if injuries have occurred due to this’.

When I have more love & understanding for other ppl, I feel less inclined to compare & compete as we are all pretty much equal, different stories but no real differences at the end of the day. All a part
of the same life energy. You can tell so much about the relationship you have with yourself through yoga & other similar modalities, and has helped me to reflect within. Thanks Mastin
Patricia0827

Thank you Mastin! Thanks for doing this blog an sharing yourself. I love you and you make a difference in my life with this gift. That is why practicing yoga is so powerful imagine if we practice everyday just how much will do for ourselves and the ones surrounding us.
http://www.facebook.com/heavensenthealing Julie ‘Meider’ Geigle

So real and authentic!! Love how you put yourself out there like that. I am a yoga fan as well and am excited to bring this concept into my exercise time – never thought about that before. Thanks for being you. ♥
http://www.facebook.com/tbow822 Tiffany Bowen

I just discovered you, Mastin, and TDL when watching “Super Soul Sunday”. I felt incredibly inspired and am now a regular reader. Your article is very inspiring, and self-Love is often something I forget about in the midst of my daily routine. I am way too hard on myself, and need to appreciate me more – flaws and all!

Thanks for a great post!
Becca C

I realized that i have more success when i exercise when i change my mindset from “i hate you! be gone, fat!” To, “i love you body for serving me thus far. I will love you back by exercising and eatin good things to nourish you.” Of course i slip up, and love chips and vegan ice cream, but i let it happen and try to not punish myself for it. Life is too short to diet.
Sustenance=nourishment, and vice versa. My food and body issues are not gone, but this article totally resonated with me. I just started to look inward in yoga. I am so judgmental of myself and others. Time to love me instead of hating myself and the world.
Brenda

Hi Mastin,

I loved this column as I, too, have been not loving my self (especially my belly) during yoga. When I read the title this morning, I could not bring myself to read it. Now that I have, thanks for the heads up. I need to do a better job of loving me in spite of me. I began following after SSS and you have made my days better. Thanks!!!!
derya

Wow, thank you for this!
Teaching yoga, I always am telling students to be present by acknowledging and accepting themselves as they are, not focusing on how flexible or strong they are or aren’t.
But I didn’t want to face the fact that I was avoiding doing this for myself. I was constantly berating myself for not being able to do the more challenging poses, not being able to concentrate enough in meditation, or not having the perfect “yoga body.”
When I read this article it felt like a semi hit me in the chest, my heart physically ached, because I realized how unkind I had been to myself. Love is the answer, but I was trying to project it out without having anything to give, no wonder it felt so draining. It is so simple yet so hard to do: I have to love and accept myself before I can truly invite others to do the same.
Thank you thank you for these words, and know that you have helped me make a shift towards real self-acceptance.
Lucienev

I really need to change or to love myself the way I am. I am a very quite person feel so embarrassing about it because someone come to talk I don’t know how to keep the conversation going all this make me upset with myself, is it possible to change ? Ps: English is not my speak language . Love , maria