Lust or Love??

“Love warms but lust burns!”

It’s been said that a relationship built on lust is like a mansion built on sand; it won’t stand! We often confuse love with lust because lust feels like love and actually is apart of love most often. If there is a physical attraction then that is lust, but sometimes we fail to let that lust mature into love because we act on the lust too fast.

Making love, contrary to popular belief has nothing to do with lust. Making love is bonding as friends through quality time and quality conversation. Having sex on the other hand is really fulfilling lust, not making love. Once a relationship matures to the point where love is the foundation then sex would be considered an expression of love. When you find real love you will realize that sex becomes a plus, not a priority. But when in lust, sex is the priority and love would be a plus and that is when relationships fail.

So remember lust can’t be apart of love, but make sure you have built on real love before you fulfill lust. Anything other than that would be a disaster waiting to happen. When you can be with that person and their company and conversation is all you need, that’s when you know it’s deeper than lust! On the other hand, when lust is your foundation you’ll find that the only time you feel good is when intimacy is involved.

How to know your relationship is built on lust instead of love:

– When you argue more than you laugh

– When sex is the only real quality time you have

– When sex is the answer to your problems

– When all you can think about is how good they look to you instead of how good they make you feel

The difference between love and lust is the difference between forever and right now.

Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

Life/Relationship Coach

  • Sarah

    Thank you for that! Love is much deeper than physical attraction. People are often blindsided by that physical attraction and chemistry they feel around or for the person and jump into intimacy way to fast. Then they have nothing in common except sex and no foundation like you said to build a loving relationship with. A relationship of lust is not a relationship.

  • Ivon

    Thank you for the brilliant thought! It’s just open my mind and give me a new understanding.

  • ohhh this is sooooo good!! and an eye opener to me!!

  • evelyn luna

    i think i love you lol omgosh this is an amazing piece thank you Tony for your clarity , to the point writing i admire it!!!!!!!

  • I really love this. This is always how I’ve felt about love/lust and relationships, but it’s hard to put into words. You did a fine job! Thank you.

  • Tony,
    This couldn’t be more true, I’m one of the lucky one’s to have found, fell and stayed in love and lust with my wife of 27+ years. We understood many years ago that it is so important to our relationship to remain in love while at the same time continue to romance and long for each other. Being parents adds to the challenge, but we always make and take time for lust and love. Thanks for what you do!

  • michal

    Ok this is so righ I can´t argue with that its almost like you are saving our lives with this websites newsletter and now I see where sometimes I was making mistakes and why my girlfriend was happy but me sometimes not thank you here are some answers I was really looking for.Love rocks the world.

  • ada

    I love the right up. Nice is all that I need

  • Charity

    Glad I stumbled upon this, sometimes you just need some reassurance that what u have is really real.

  • Kathi


  • Vanessa

    Wow! This was a good read. Straight to the point, plain and simple. Thanks Tony!

  • Daniela

    Yes and thank you:)

  • dapper

    Its a hard and painful pill to swallow, but a truthful one nonetheless. Thank you, i needed this medicine.

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  • Jessica Kalinga

    Great advice sir! Thank you 

  • Nae

    Great Advise , And That’s Basically What My Relationship Is Revolves In Is Sex . But My Boyfriend Also Mention That The Reason He Love To Have Sex Is Because Its Good . Is That A Answer To Why He Wants To Always Have Sex With Me Everytime He See Me . Please Answer