May the Cupid Force be with you

I am going to commit the ‘single girl’ cardinal sin this coming Valentine’s Day.

I will not consume a single piece of chocolate.

Yes, people. May the Cupid Force be with me because I’ll be on Day 18 of my 21 Day cleanse. Chocolate, as you may guessed, is a huge no-no on my list.

There will be no sweets to fill the love and sugar void in my tummy, no popcorn to shovel while watching ‘Sleepless in Seattle’, not even a single (Hershey) kiss. I am abiding by the rules this Valentine’s Day and as I do so would like to write a few new ones of my own, so listen up:

Rule #1: Life isn’t happening to you – it is taking it’s cue from you.

Life is full of fascinating twists and turns, bumps and rides, stardust and fire. There is a whole unabridged version of your world out there waiting to happen once you pick up the pen and author your own life. When you exude sadness the Mr. Darcy’s of the first half of ‘Pride and Prejudice’ fill our lives. Somber, forlorn and dark. Once you pop the umbrella to the storm clouds over your head and see that each moment is a blessing, you’ll start to remember how light a smile feels on your face. You’ll experience gratitude for the small joys. That quarter you find on the ground when you realize you need change for the meter, the person who offers you a spare poo-bag when your dog decides to squat smack in the middle of a busy sidewalk, that passerby who takes the time to look up from their phone and smile. Move past the speed bumps and realize that each hiccup lends a useful lesson to turn you into a fuller version of yourself. Remember to smile and find the humor in everything. Your ability to smile will encourage another and the trickle effect will take place leaving an endless shimmering stream of sparkling smiles-and it all stems from little ol’ you.

Rule #2: My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.

This is a fabulous quote from Abraham Hicks that everyone should have tattooed on their body-or at least written on their bathroom mirror as a daily reminder. We are trained from a young age to think that happiness comes from external sources-significant others, gifts, jobs – when in actuality, we’ve held the key to our happiness all along. We are in control of our own lives.

The problem is, it’s not always easy. It’s important to understand want we want isn’t always what we need. I should know. I’ve been in love with the same man for over two years now. I never learned how to fully let him go and then he came back into my life. For a flash I thought my heart could finally rest, but as quickly as he came back – poof – he was gone. Instead of having my normal agonizing reaction, I simply stopped and thought, ‘has he truly brought me happiness’? The answer was yes, in tiny, entremet servings. For the most part, he brought me pain because I kept waiting for us to be happy.

We all want happiness. We all deserve happiness. Why wait around for someone who is simply draining you of it? I was surviving on bread crumbs (for the sake of this article let’s say cookie crumbs). It was a total feast or famine mentality and I started getting voraciously hungry for happiness.

Then I remembered I could cook – really well. I started serving up my own plates of happiness and kicked my hankerings for him to the curb. I was no longer reliant on him. I learned how to feed myself, my heart, my soul.

Choose happiness, go live your life and remember that YOU can give yourself happiness every, single day and that there is someone out there who wants nothing more than to see you happy. Anyone else can go out with the trash in the crumpled cookie wrappers.

Rule #3: Love Yourself

One of my best friends recommended that I write a huge, unapologetic list describing to a T who I want to pull into my life. She flat out asked me,

“What do you want from a relationship?”

In the past I could have rattled off an extensive list ranging from eye color to favorite basketball team and ability to drive stick shift (that majorly counts). After everything I’ve gone through, it was hard for me to think in such detail.  I took a thoughtful pause and heard a line from Melissa Etheridge’s song, “Company” sing to me-

“All I want is company,

send a reflection of myself to me.”

So I answered, “Someone like me.”

I’ve been single long enough to fall in love with myself.  I no longer need someone to complete me. I feel strong and happy in my own skin.  Of course,

everyone loves some company, but I’ve found it isn’t fully appreciated until you realized that your happiness depends on yourself as we discussed in rule #2.

Start to blend the first two rules. Remember how strong you are, even if you don’t realize it. How blessed you are, even if you can’t see it. How deeply loved you are, even if you can’t feel it. These things are always there-waiting, urging you to take them on. Be strong, be blessed, be love, give love, own your own love.

Rule #4: If you’re not on a cleanse, eat some freaking chocolate.

I mean, seriously. If I weren’t on a cleanse I’d be on Vosges Chocolates’ website right now ordering half the menu. Go ahead, indulge your senses!

Just remember that there is a time for fountains of chocolate and reckless love as there is a time to cleanse, release and shed old layers.

On this Valentine’s Day, I may not be stripping off any lingerie – but I will be peeling off layers of limiting beliefs. There will be no munching on chocolate hearts or sweet little indulgences; yet I will dunk my heart in the sweetest dip on the market – my own love. I’ll have no need to watch a sappy romance movie because I can step outside into the world that is my stage and direct it as I please. The cast of characters – life, love and happiness are all eagerly waiting for me and you. Saddle up your cherub, grab some sweets for the road and ride on!

Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂

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  • “Life isn’t happening to you – it is taking it’s cue from you.”

    Yess! 🙂 Let’s give it some lovin’ cues!

  • Lizzy

    I used to hate this time of the year. I felt alone, melancholic, and unloved. But you put smile on my face and made me realized how much stupidity I was putting on my mind. Thank you so much Kathryn 🙂

  • S’the

    Good one! You just gave me more motive to keep going the way i’ve been. Although i have someone in my life that i dearly love, i still depend on myself to be happy – am not saying he doesn’t make me happy, which is a bonus by the way. I’ve learned to depend on myself so that i have no one to blame if i’m not happy!! I love, i have loved and i will love!

    Happy Valentine’s day:)

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  • Chantalynn

    Rock on Kathryn! Thank you so much for all the reminders and insights…

    In great love,
    Chantalynn ; )

  • Thank you so much for this. We live this life and grow and know the things we “should” do, but it isn’t always easy. Loving ourselves is something we all, from a very young age, need to learn. Feeling good on this day, for the first time in a long time because of the things you spoke here.

  • Cathy

    Hi Everyone,
    Happy Valentine’s Day! Love yourself more today than any other day.

  • Sara

    I love this so much! Every year I’m single on v day I buy myself wonderful lingerie/bra/panties. I have a whole drawer filled with beautiful stuff that I put on for myself. And when I do have a valentine, he gets to reap the rewards of all the love I’ve given myself.

  • Stephanie

    I absolutely Love this! I printed it out and also fwd’d to many of my firneds – single and not single – everyone can benefit from these beautiful words. Happy ValentinesDay!

  • This is a beautiful post and even those of us in a loving relationship can use reminders about things like depending on ourselves for happiness (my husband does not exist to make me happy, that’s what I’m there for!) and loving ourselves so others can too.

  • Ginette

    Thank you so much for sharing this today!! I’m single but happy because I know I am loved and I love fully. I am blessed. Your blod made me smile =)


  • Jodee

    Big hugs to you Kathryn, from Jodee and the rest of the Goldsberry farm 🙂

  • On this Valentine’s Day, I may not be stripping off any lingerie – but I will be peeling off layers of limiting beliefs.
    Im right there with you sister

  • Great post. I love love love it. I think that what you say about happiness depending on ourselves resonated deeply with me. I think too many times in my life I have wanted to wait for someone to make me happy. However, it only made me resentful when they could not. Very affirming post!

  • Benita

    Dear Kathryn,
    Thank you. I’ve just emerged from a 5 year emotionally abusive relationship, where none of my needs were met, and I just kept on trying, going back for more punishment. Today, I’ve
    realised I no longer want him. Then, I read your article. Thank you very much. Luv, bb x

  • Nikki

    How did you know this is exactly what I needed to hear today?! Thank you! And Happy Valentines Day to you!

  • sherry

    wow. thank you, kathryn, this is awesome.

    i’m on a cleanse too, “what we want isn’t always what we need” goes for food, too…! yes, i want cookies and candy and cake but they’ve brought me more pain than pleasure in terms of my health.

    so, i’m loving myself by serving up big plates of healthful, whole foods!
    happy valentine’s day!

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  • Elesha

    I love this’s soo true we have to learn to love ourself and make us happy and not be dependent on a man or woman to make us happy…It’s head at times though I’ll admit that..but I’m a work in progress every single day loving me and appreciating some me :-)…I’m not on a cleanse and I am single to..wasn’t planning on having any chocolate but because you said eat some freaking chocolate I guess I will have some 🙂
    Much luv

  • Corrie

    What made you decide to cleanse?

  • Eric

    Beautiful words from a beautiful woman. Thank you.

  • Jillian

    It’s so hard For a man to be in love with a servant, a woman that “works” for his love. He needs you but doesn’t want you.

  • Well said Kathryn,

    This is a GREAT article.. I love to read your messages and love your classes on Yogaglo.

    Have you read The Missing Piece Meetst the Big “O” by Shel Silverstein? or his other book called THE Missing Piece …. Great children’s books that apply so well to this article and life.. We don’t need anyone to make us feel complete. The big “O” gives the missing piece a lesson in life about being the missing piece and making you SELF complete.

    See you in June at Full Circle again…

    Have a blessed day.

    love and happiness from within,
    julie Schuette

  • Brian

    Happy Val Day Kathryn.
    I suppose to a woman, chocolate and men are both the same.
    The craving is always there, the Darker the more mysterious, then once consumed,
    melts away until you’ve had enough and don’t want to taste anymore for a while, wondering what all the fuss was about.
    Until the next time !!
    B R I A N. x

  • Mishelle

    This blog is the most inspiring and wonderful thing I have read in a very long time. Granted if I weren’t in the very same or should I say out of the very same relationship these words would have fallen on deaf ears so I truly believe it was meant for you to write this because as far as I am concerned it was written just for me so Thank You very much. I will read it every day.

  • Dillon

    I’ve been alone for two decades now and have never really felt unhappiness, or alone and maybe that is because my guru once said that only when you are happy and excited by your own life will you be able to welcome other people into it.

    Happy Valentines day

  • Kathryn, this is such a great article for singles and marrieds. No matter what your status in life you are responsible for your own happiness. I’m a big Abe fan as well :o) I hope you had a wonderful day yesterday and am sending you lots of yogini energy to complete your cleanse with ease. Love and hugs.

  • Christen

    Kathryn, you are such an amazing inspiration!!!!!!!!! we all experience love everyday,sure V-Day gives people an excuse to get mushy, but, showing you care should be daily- just like a yoga practice.thanks for all that you do for us yogis. NAMASTE

  • Annie

    Awe…thank you…that made me feel better…and it’s something I already know deep inside…God Bless!:~))

  • Leya

    Not only it is pathetic and badly written, self-centered “article”, but embarrassingly shallow thought through as well.

    • Amanda

      Well guess what – her happiness doesn’t depend on you, so “you’re off the hook”.

      • Anne

        didnt think it did, and?

  • Alex

    Wow, found another opportunity to go on and on about yourself.