I will not consume a single piece of chocolate.
Yes, people. May the Cupid Force be with me because I’ll be on Day 18 of my 21 Day cleanse. Chocolate, as you may guessed, is a huge no-no on my list.
There will be no sweets to fill the love and sugar void in my tummy, no popcorn to shovel while watching ‘Sleepless in Seattle’, not even a single (Hershey) kiss. I am abiding by the rules this Valentine’s Day and as I do so would like to write a few new ones of my own, so listen up:
Rule #1: Life isn’t happening to you – it is taking it’s cue from you.
Life is full of fascinating twists and turns, bumps and rides, stardust and fire. There is a whole unabridged version of your world out there waiting to happen once you pick up the pen and author your own life. When you exude sadness the Mr. Darcy’s of the first half of ‘Pride and Prejudice’ fill our lives. Somber, forlorn and dark. Once you pop the umbrella to the storm clouds over your head and see that each moment is a blessing, you’ll start to remember how light a smile feels on your face. You’ll experience gratitude for the small joys. That quarter you find on the ground when you realize you need change for the meter, the person who offers you a spare poo-bag when your dog decides to squat smack in the middle of a busy sidewalk, that passerby who takes the time to look up from their phone and smile. Move past the speed bumps and realize that each hiccup lends a useful lesson to turn you into a fuller version of yourself. Remember to smile and find the humor in everything. Your ability to smile will encourage another and the trickle effect will take place leaving an endless shimmering stream of sparkling smiles-and it all stems from little ol’ you.
Rule #2: My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.
This is a fabulous quote from Abraham Hicks that everyone should have tattooed on their body-or at least written on their bathroom mirror as a daily reminder. We are trained from a young age to think that happiness comes from external sources-significant others, gifts, jobs – when in actuality, we’ve held the key to our happiness all along. We are in control of our own lives.
The problem is, it’s not always easy. It’s important to understand want we want isn’t always what we need. I should know. I’ve been in love with the same man for over two years now. I never learned how to fully let him go and then he came back into my life. For a flash I thought my heart could finally rest, but as quickly as he came back – poof – he was gone. Instead of having my normal agonizing reaction, I simply stopped and thought, ‘has he truly brought me happiness’? The answer was yes, in tiny, entremet servings. For the most part, he brought me pain because I kept waiting for us to be happy.
We all want happiness. We all deserve happiness. Why wait around for someone who is simply draining you of it? I was surviving on bread crumbs (for the sake of this article let’s say cookie crumbs). It was a total feast or famine mentality and I started getting voraciously hungry for happiness.
Then I remembered I could cook – really well. I started serving up my own plates of happiness and kicked my hankerings for him to the curb. I was no longer reliant on him. I learned how to feed myself, my heart, my soul.
Choose happiness, go live your life and remember that YOU can give yourself happiness every, single day and that there is someone out there who wants nothing more than to see you happy. Anyone else can go out with the trash in the crumpled cookie wrappers.
Rule #3: Love Yourself
One of my best friends recommended that I write a huge, unapologetic list describing to a T who I want to pull into my life. She flat out asked me,
“What do you want from a relationship?”
In the past I could have rattled off an extensive list ranging from eye color to favorite basketball team and ability to drive stick shift (that majorly counts). After everything I’ve gone through, it was hard for me to think in such detail. I took a thoughtful pause and heard a line from Melissa Etheridge’s song, “Company” sing to me-
“All I want is company,
send a reflection of myself to me.”
So I answered, “Someone like me.”
I’ve been single long enough to fall in love with myself. I no longer need someone to complete me. I feel strong and happy in my own skin. Of course,
everyone loves some company, but I’ve found it isn’t fully appreciated until you realized that your happiness depends on yourself as we discussed in rule #2.
Start to blend the first two rules. Remember how strong you are, even if you don’t realize it. How blessed you are, even if you can’t see it. How deeply loved you are, even if you can’t feel it. These things are always there-waiting, urging you to take them on. Be strong, be blessed, be love, give love, own your own love.
Rule #4: If you’re not on a cleanse, eat some freaking chocolate.
I mean, seriously. If I weren’t on a cleanse I’d be on Vosges Chocolates’ website right now ordering half the menu. Go ahead, indulge your senses!
Just remember that there is a time for fountains of chocolate and reckless love as there is a time to cleanse, release and shed old layers.
On this Valentine’s Day, I may not be stripping off any lingerie – but I will be peeling off layers of limiting beliefs. There will be no munching on chocolate hearts or sweet little indulgences; yet I will dunk my heart in the sweetest dip on the market – my own love. I’ll have no need to watch a sappy romance movie because I can step outside into the world that is my stage and direct it as I please. The cast of characters – life, love and happiness are all eagerly waiting for me and you. Saddle up your cherub, grab some sweets for the road and ride on!
Happy Valentine’s Day
Kathryn’s website is http://www.KathrynBudig.com
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