We all have some kind of ideal version of who we wanna be. We’re constantly wanting to experience something more, something bigger, something more profound outside of our human experience. We like to virtually live in the probable and thrive in the thought of what’s possible. This is absolutely beautiful (and I encourage everyone to think, live, and dream BIG) but there is a fine line between having huge aspirations and wishing we weren’t where we are in this exact moment. We like to rewind or fast forward, but just being perfectly in the current frame isn’t so easy.
“I’ll be happy WHEN I’m 2 sizes smaller.”
“I’ll feel better about myself as soon as someone wants to date me.”
“When I get my big break, I’ll finally be able to see that people respect me.”
“I’ll be loving life as soon as I’m on that hammock in Fiji.”
“I was so much happier when I was living in Spain.”
It’s all a big distraction from what’s happening in this exact moment, which is 1000% perfect – no matter what it is. When we ARE living outside of the Present Perfect, we’re wishing we were someone else, comparing our grassy lawn to our neighbor’s, and longing for that fleeting moment that is no longer. That’s straight up suffering.
Our Egos LOVVVE it when we do this.
Why? Because our Egos cannot thrive in the present moment. Our Egos survive on fear-based emotions that live only in the future and the whole “shoulda, coulda, woulda” yuckiness of the past.
On the flip side, if you have good feelings that are hanging out ONLY in the future, your Ego is telling you that you aren’t enough right now. Like, how can you possibly be happy before you get “THERE”?! And if you can’t feel good about the fact that something is now only a memory, you aren’t appreciating all that you learned from that experience.
Look… relationships end, people will always flow in and out of your life, nothing lasts forever, and everything is temporary. Change is inevitable. There’s no one else that you need to be to ensure this process. It just happens.
Every single second of every day you’re a newer version of you; newer than you were just a second ago, and everywhere you are is totally where you’re supposed to be. You ARE on your way. Who you were yesterday got you prepped for the person you are in this exact moment. Who you are now is setting you up for the next phase, called tomorrow.
“Who you were, who you are, and who you will become are three completely different people.” -Robert Tew
One of my clients is extremely devastated over a recent breakup. His biggest qualm is that he doesn’t know who he was in love with for so many months. In his own words, “I’m having a really hard time getting my heart out of the fantasy of who I thought she WAS and who she IS.”
My response? “You wanted her to be someone she was never capable of being for YOU. She is perfect in her own way. The woman you wanted her to be actually exists – just not within HER.” I didn’t entertain his pain and suffering by saying SHE messed up. I encouraged him to look at the possibility of being grateful for all he learned from dating her.
“How awesome is it to truly KNOW what’s non-negotiable in all relationships, moving forward? You grew because of her being in your life. You got to know yourself on a deeper level, and you will never be the same person again. Because of that, the relationship was a necessary part of your path in arriving at this very moment. And this moment is PERFECT, because you have a newer, fresher, and RADDER perspective that’ll guide you more clearly. That relationship won’t ever be undone, wiped out, or erased. It served you because you learned from it. Be grateful it’s over. Let it go. Move on.”
Today’s ceiling is tomorrow’s floor.
Keep climbing, keep moving forward, and keep being YOU in every single moment. There is nothing outside of you, or the Present Perfect, that will bring you the true essence of happiness. Choose happiness NOW and be thankful for everything that brought you forward. Every experience is a part of The Uni-verse’s perfect, grand master plan for the miraculous being that you already are.
Love all that is you,
Jenna Phillips is a Total Wellness Philosopher, Certified Holistic Lifestyle Coach, AFAA Certified Personal Trainer & the founder of her lifestyle brand I’m On A Mission. Follow her on Twitter and be inspired.