The holiday season is full of blessings and wonderful traditions. Holiday parties, Secret Santas, extended time with loved ones and lots of opportunities to eat chocolate. But it can also be a very triggering time of year, especially for those who find themselves alone under the mistletoe.
As chestnuts roast on an open fire and Jack Frost nips at your nose, you may be acutely aware that there is no one to curl up by the fire with and the only thing nipping at you is your judgment about being without a “plus one.” Instead of being caught up in the holiday spirit, being single during this time of year may be leaving you wishing that you could fast forward to January 2nd when all the holiday hoopla is over.
But why should the holidays be any less enjoyable just because you happen to not be in a relationship? My encouragement to you is to not let your romantic status rob you of partaking in the JOY of the season!
It’s natural to feel alone and perhaps a little self-conscious amongst couples canoodling over eggnog, but you can opt out of becoming obsessed or overly focused on it. Maybe it’s the story of Noah’s Ark that we hear as children that begins the conditioning that it is somewhat “better” to be part of a couple. But it is simply not true. Your dating or marital status does not determine your worthiness. If you find yourself becoming a Single Scrooge, you are creating a story in your mind that something is wrong with your singleness. But it’s just a story! It’s not true. There is nothing wrong with you at all! It’s time to write a new script full of gratitude for your Christmas, present and future.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have – bring your awareness to what you do have. Friends, family, a job, your health, freedom to see whomever and do whatever you please, the ability to be of service and so on. If you keep focusing on what you lack, guess what? You get more lack! Enjoy the people that you do have in your life right now and make plans to see them more often. Often friends make better dates anyway! And trust me, a lot of the people who are coupled up are looking at you with envy. The Christmas tree is always greener on the other side of the fence.
If you are getting annoyed by family members incessantly asking about your dating life and giving you reminders that you are not getting any younger, take a deep breath and forgive them. The fact that people keep asking you about your love life is partially because they are picking up on your vibe of wanting to check out of singlehood. Imagine if you showed up this Christmas completely happy, content and confident in your life as a single, independent person! That would silence the interrogation. You can also respectfully (and without sounding defensive or cranky) say that you are quite content being single and you’ll be sure to let them know when there is a change of status in your love life. Most of all, I encourage you to let their questioning roll off your back – what’s the point of letting it bother you so much? Plus, families know the questions that push our buttons; however, what is usually underneath what seems like triggering interrogation is simply love and concern. Try to see past the annoyance.
This holiday season, give yourself the gift of acceptance; accepting who you are and where you are in your journey through life. Fall in love with the way your life is now. Focus on everything and everyone in your life who you do love. You are more likely to get what’s on your Christmas list if you can truly be a good partner to yourself. And who knows… you may meet someone under the mistletoe when you least expect it.
p.s. And if you are intentional about not spending the next holiday season alone, then I’d love for you to join me in Mexico for a retreat to call in the partner of your dreams and fall madly in love with your love life. Details here.
Christine Hassler is an author, speaker, life coach and spiritual counselor dedicated to helping people answer the questions who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? You can check out her website here.