Pour On The Awesome Sauce In Your Relationship

 Email This Post

• Tweet
• Pin It

Do you know a couple, let’s call them Jack and Jill, who just seem so in love that every time you are around them, you find yourself wanting what they have? There is something about how Jack looks at Jill, or how Jill talks about Jack, that is just so intoxicating that you find yourself joining in the joy of their relationship. Most of us have experienced this relationship-awe. And then we will likely start to justify why we don’t and can’t have that level of love. Maybe you think you are married to the wrong person: “if I were married to Jack, then I would feel that in love.” Maybe you think that love like that will never happen to you because your parents were so messed up about love, or because you don’t look as hot as Jill. Maybe you think they must be faking it: “no one can be that happy.”

Well folks, I am here to tell you that there really is a Special Sauce to making a relationship delicious, and you, too, can chef it up. My friend and coaching colleague, Leslie, taught me the recipe last week, and now I’m going to share it with you.

We were sitting in Bryant Park on a beautiful August evening, and she was regaling me with stories about her boyfriend Ivan. She told me about how he is one of the world experts on certain areas of political theory, and how hard he works to keep his knowledge up-to-date, reading for 5-6 hours per day to stay on top of current thinking. She told me about how carefully Ivan is crafting his career path, and how his real dream is to write novels that will leave a legacy on the written word, like Tolkien. As she told me more and more about the wonderful aspirations and talents of her boyfriend, I inched closer and closer to the edge of my seat. I was transfixed, spellbound, watching the scene so lovingly illustrated before me. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “I want a relationship like THAT. Maybe I should date a novelist?”

And then I understood the Special Sauce. It wasn’t the novels. Leslie was Ivan’s biggest fan. She believed in him; she was proud of who he was and she was just as excited about his career path as he was. Think about this for a minute, folks. Can you say that about how you regard your partner?

I certainly couldn’t say that about my previous relationship. Yes, I thought what he was doing was great, but I didn’t relish and delight in it the way Leslie delighted in Ivan’s mission. In fact, I was so self-absorbed with my own career, that his career was more of an after-thought for me, reserved for conversations over dinners out and an occasional walk with the dog.

I told Leslie about my epiphany, and she smiled a patient smile my way. “That’s why I’ve never felt anxious about Love,” she said to me. “I knew there would always be men who would want to be this acknowledged and believed in. I’m not a saint, and I can even be selfish sometimes, but I’m absolutely vigilant in caring about my partner’s dreams.”  The key for Leslie, then, was to pick the one who was right for her, add the Special Sauce, and voila! A scrumptious dinner of lifelong love is served.

Do you believe in your partner’s dreams? Are they as dear to you as your own? What can you do to cook up your own Special Sauce in your relationship? Write a comment and share with us!

Love,

Samantha

P.S.- I lead a weekend workshop devoted to the Special Sauce in all areas of your dream life: the Life Coaching Crash Course. Register using promo code: Daily100 to save $100. I promise, these two days will change your life. (Locations include: NY, Boston, DC, California)

# # #

Dr. Samantha Sutton is a Senior Coach and Director of Courses and Seminars at The Handel Group™. Samantha designs and leads the Handel Group’s™ flagship workshop, the Life Coaching Crash Course. Samantha additionally coaches at universities, such as Stanford and MIT. Prior to becoming a coach, Samantha received a Ph.D. in Biological Engineering from MIT, and then moved from engineering yeast to engineering people’s lives.

 Email This Post