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Reclaim your self-respect!

mk_treesWhat if it was your vulnerability rather than your “faux perfection” that inspired others?

One of the trends I see, first in myself and now in others – especially those of us who want to do the kind of work that I do – is that we are trying to be perfect. And there’s a part of us that knows that we are not perfect, we are perfectly imperfect human beings – and so when we try to be perfect, that part of us that knows that we’re not calls BS.

And when that part of us that calls BS speaks, we feel like a fraud. And when we feel like a fraud we tend to close down because we know on a deep level that we can’t really help people if we are being a fraud.

And so what happens? We can kill our own dreams by not taking action, because we are not truthfully representing whom we REALLY are.

But, the thing is, since NO ONE is perfect – they will FEEL the truth in your authentic sharing of not being perfect and THAT will inspire them FAR more than claiming any kind of spiritual perfection.

Who you naturally are is FAR more inspiring than who you pretend to be.

This is the fact. And what ELSE is cool is when we stop pretending to be someone and just start being ourselves, we are no longer BSing ourselves and so we actually take our power back, instead of giving it away by pretending to be perfect.

And as we start to respect ourselves more, we take more action and as we take more action grounded in self-respect, really cool things start to happen and a positive cycle of momentum is created.

This is what I mean when I say that your vulnerability is FAR more inspiring than your “faux perfection”. No one is perfect. And anyone who claims to be is trying to sell you something.

Human beings are moved by authentic emotional sharing, not stoic perfectionism.

For the next 30 days, instead of trying to look good, just share your experience. What you’re going through. Share your insecurities. Let down your wall and let your friends and family know the REAL you. And let anyone go who isn’t down with that.

So, where in your life are you trying to be perfect?

Where are you not telling the truth and BSing yourself?

Do you want to get your self-respect back?

Then TELL the truth!

As always, the action happens in the comments below. Leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love,

Mastin

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Mastin Kipp is the founder and CEO of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

    Excellent post!!  As long as I can remember I’ve felt that I needed to be perfect.  Or else people would leave me, not love me, hate me, etc.  So for the past 35 years I’ve worked on “being perfect.”  On the outside I probably do look like I have it all together.  I am a master at keeping my true feelings in check.  Master…or slave? 

    Sometimes I envy people who just “let it all out.”  People who go off when they’re upset.  People who don’t stand by and let someone walk all over them. People who tell it like it is.  I’ve never been that person.  And really, I’m not sure I ever will be…I don’t know that it’s in my nature.  But what I CAN change is speaking MY truth more.  And NOT be a doormat!  I am learning to do this little by little.  In my last relationship I DID succeed in speaking my truth more than I ever have in any previous relationship.  And it felt GOOD!

    Now I need to practice speaking my truth with my family.  You’d think your family would be where you ARE your most real self, but not the case for me.  That just means it’s an excellent place to put this into practice.  (positive thinking here…) 

    You’re right, though, Mastin.  I definitely respect, like, and admire people MORE when they are true to themselves and are authentic.  When they share their vulnerabilities, irritants, insecurities, etc.  I see that I relate to those people so much more than the people who put on a “happy face” all the time.  So why do I try to put on that “happy face?”  Why wouldn’t I BE like the people I admire most – the people who are honest, true, and just being who they are? 

    Fear, that’s why.  Even though I like the honest people most, I’m afraid people won’t like the real me.  But that has got to stop!  Thank you for this post.  It was just the reminder I needed! 

    Sarah
    http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/02/its-all-good.html 

    • Dominique_brdfrd

      I am a very private person. I had very tragic family situation when I was younger. I don’t feel like you have your past with everyone you come in contact with. I feel like individuals need to first prove they are worthy of being in your space. I try to find good in everyone.

    • Pagnia

      I like you already, Sarah Noel.  Thank you for sharing your self on here as I can really connect to how you feel about those who “let it all out” and speaking truth with family.  Thanks again.

  • Andreamandy

    Once again, the universe brought me what I needed for the day. I had recently, just after New Years, given up coffee and the only thing left to let go was smoking. And my girlfriend said to me that once I do that I am perfect. And it had created such a turmoil in me, because I kept thinking, I don’t want to be *perfect*, I am human and no one is perfect. But everything that we need to really let go will go in time, like you said earlier this week, change happens gradually and forcing it will just create chaos in your own world. One step at a time, with a healthy attitude and things will be all right. Thank you for all the great work.

  • CecilieSadolin

    Thank you for this post, cause these days I really need to hear that I’m as a person is ok in my imperfection. In August 2012 I stopped at my education as an Occupational Therapist to put my all into pursuing my dream to become a singer, and to enter the Music Conservatory. So far everything has turned out very well, and I will know in the middle of March if I got it. The thing is that it is so extreamly difficult to become one of the chosen, one have to be top qualified in eight different areas and you only have one shot. I have made huge sacrifices this year to follow my dream which has included financial stress, loneliness, no plan b, only a dream and a vision, a lot of structure, discipline and determination.  
    So right now I’m just waiting, a place between being anxious and very exited at the same time. Everyday I am scared that I will stay in this place forever, I’m lonely and so much in need for people to cheer me up. But I isolate myself a bit also because most of my friends really don’t get me in these days, I feel like I’m invisible to the world. Scared….

    • Aniaram

      You matter CecilieSadolin. Your dreams matter. Your sacrifices matter. I applaud you for your discipline and determination. Stay in Grattitude and Love.the Uni-verse sees you.

      Sending my thoughts and love your way.

      • CecilieSadolin

        Thank you so much Aniaram, that truly made my afternoon:) I really needed that. Love to you.

    • Cmarie

      I totally understand where you are coming from, CecilieSadolin.  I quit my job to pursue independent work as a yoga instructor and I have been in a standstill lately- frozen in fear of taking the leap.  I have also isolated myself a bit from my more ‘conventional’ friends and family because I am afraid of the judgement.  I find myself lonely as well as a result of it.  We have to put ourselves out there and disregard the possibility for judgement.  Human interaction is essential for growth and certain conversations, meetings, and interactions can result in the necessary steps we need to move forward! I can totally empathize with you, though.  We can help each other :)  Stay strong and follow your vision, you are not alone.

      • CecilieSadolin

        Hi Cmarie. 

        Thank you so much for your share and support, it surely looks like we are in a similar situation. :) I know that my fear lies in the fear of judgement from other people, that’s why I find myself hiding right now. I have experienced a lot of horrible judgements from my closest relatives in my life, and I can see also that I have chosen friends who has been more or less the same. It’s very strange to be in the middle of a transition from something old and not providing, changing that pattern and moving into a new direction. I have lost a lot of friends, basically cause I didn’t really felt loved in their aura. Also I think because I have needed space to get to know myself, and not being in other people all the time.  I really hope that I can maintain a belief in some sort of way that I am worth of loving, cause deep down I still doubt it. But I think every little step counts. If I look back three years from now, I have grown exponentially.  

        I really wish you a lot of strenght and pride, cause you have been able to truly listen to you heart:) That’s fantastic, good for you. :) All the best Cecilie
           

      • CecilieSadolin

        And again, I completely agree with you in taking risks and putting ourselves out there and learn how to disregard the judgement. It is so important to live our truth, but I aknowledge that I come from a past where I have been judged a lot in a negative way, that’s why I am supersensitive/scared when it comes to speaking my truth. I will pray for pride in myself :)

    • cynthia

      keep it up, you are following your dreams. god bless you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000392107784 Anita Richards

    Amen!
    Someone told me last week not to talk about my past because people will judge me ~ my answer to that was “if they judge me they have no place in my life” and “there is strength and power in the truth”.
    I own my truth and speak it.
    Thank you ~ brightest blessings.

  • Emily

    I love this one! Esp “Human beings are moved by authentic emotional sharing, not stoic perfectionism.” Beautifully written and deeply inspiring.

  • Annie

    Mastin! The reason we all love your blog so much (and the reason I go on about it to everyone I know) is because you wear your flaws on your sleeve. It’s true that this is what makes you such an inspiration, but (doh!) I’d never thought about trying to apply this to myself!
    Thanks for another wonderful post.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100005060892358 Eveline Almeida

    Beautifully said. And also I realized that every time I was faking, people could notice. What I found out it was even worse: I was only faking to myself. But then I noticed something awesome: They really loved me for what I was and not for what I was faking to be. So, after feeling stupid for a while, I realized that I already had the support to be myself all of the time. Well, not totally, I still had (and I’m still learning) to accept myself.

  • Kathleen Chelquist

    My mentor writes, “Steel has to be melted down before it can be made strong. Respect the tempering process.” I have been on a melting cycle for quite sometime now since “THE MASTER APPEARED” (Cinnamon Lofton). I, the student, was ready. All my blogs are about my PERFECT experiences going through my fears and choosing love. One may want to look at it as NOT PERFECT (just like my lazy eye), but my question to anyone is this, “What is perfect?” It is in “TRYING” to be perfect (based on our OWN models of what is perfect), where we mess ourselves up. Kind of like, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” It is in saying, “YES” to it all and knowing that there is not ONE THING in our life that doesn’t show up perfectly, right on schedule, to teach us an Earth School Lesson. When I change my programming (or story) on what I think is perfect (Whether it be long blonde hair, smooth skin, aligned eyes, thin long legs, a six-pack stomach, and etc.), I create a happiness. God did not make trash. This is our lesson. To love the seemingly unloving things about what we THINK are imperfect. After all, our thoughts are the illusion. Focus on LOVE (vulnerability) which IS PERFECT!!!!

  • http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

    My mentor writes, “Steel has to be melted down before it can be made strong. Respect the tempering process.” I have been on a melting cycle for quite sometime now since “THE MASTER APPEARED” (Cinnamon Lofton). I, the student, was ready. All my blogs are about my PERFECT experiences going through my fears and choosing love. One may want to look at it as NOT PERFECT (just like my lazy eye), but my question to anyone is this, “What is perfect?” It is in “TRYING” to be perfect (based on our OWN models of what is perfect), where we mess ourselves up. Kind of like, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” It is in saying, “YES” to it all and knowing that there is not ONE THING in our life that doesn’t show up perfectly, right on schedule, to teach us an Earth School Lesson. When I change my programming (or story) on what I think is perfect (Whether it be long blonde hair, smooth skin, aligned eyes, thin long legs, a six-pack stomach, and etc.), I create a happiness. God did not make trash. This is our lesson. To love the seemingly unloving things about what we THINK are imperfect. After all, our thoughts are the illusion. Focus on LOVE (vulnerability) which IS PERFECT!!!!THe Daily Commenter,
    Kathleen
    are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ 

  • Vineet

    WOW mastin.. super post.. im lovin it!! :)

  • Nichole A Franco

    Thank you!!! It’s just what I needed:)

  • Bdavis107

    atoms are what make us matter

  • Cecelia

    Great post :)  But what happens when you feel beyond imperfect and just plain stupid for all the mistakes that you’ve made!? I mean I know I’m a smart, caring, person who really really wants to do the right thing in this world and help as much as I can, but somehow I end up making mistakes that I feel no one else would make. 
    I look back to last year and I see a cascade of missed opportunities because I was too scared to take the  next step or wasn’t strong enough to stand on my own two feet. The sad thing is that I was really trying to be the opposite of that! In the back of my head I wanted to be free of fear, act with love and kindness, make the right choice. I was reading TDL daily and agreed with every single post, felt inspired, as if everything was going the right way and I was becoming better at this whole life thing. Then one morning this year I wake up to the realization of how much better I could have done things and how  I am under a ton of stress, financially, emotionally because of the choices I made. So what do you do then?? Has anyone gone through this? Probably not, because I feel like I am the only person in the world who would go through something like this lol But if there is someone out there who feels beyond help sometimes, I would love love to hear how you move past that feeling? Because I really want to move on, I don’t want to give up half way in the race!  It felt really good to write this and get it off my chest, but I would truly appreciate some words of wisdom right now…Lots of love  :)

    • http://www.shashenjewels.com/ Eilish Bouchier

      Cecelia 
      My lovely. Everyone goes through this. The first step is awareness which it sounds like you have now and then there’s a choice to do it differently next time. It’s small, small daily acts that add up to bigger things. Small acts of courage can become larger ones but like all things it’s a muscle we have to develop. 

      I berate myself for exactly what you are giving yourself a hard time for but I also trust there were other lessons to be learned by not taking the opportunities or saying the wrong thing or not doing anything. 
      As an old boyfriend used to say ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ He would always add and it made me smile every time ‘ then again we weren’t on that job’

      I teach Kundalini yoga and there’s a wonderful meditation to do for fearlessness and openness which opens you to opportunities, to seeing them and having the courage to take the first steps towards them. It will require a commitment from you of 11 minutes every day for at least 40 days (to break a habit) 90 days (to make one) and 120 ( to embed it in your psyche). It is very powerful and will shift things for you but as I say it will require work from you too. The best way to start things happening externally is to do the work internally and Kundalini yoga does that very quickly and very powerfully. I will post it on my blog today for you http://www.eilishbouchier.com 

      Over to you and be kind to yourself and trust you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now and as they say we can’t change the past. The only place you can start from is here. Big kiss and a smile and do let me know how you go.

      x Eilish

  • Elaine Kliner

    It’s so ironic, that living from your truth, being completely vulnerable, is the strongest position to take. It’s as if the only way to be invulnerable is to be 100% vulnerable! When I started doing this, I started to feel clean again.

  • http://christinamasterman.wordpress.com/ Christina Masterman

    Thank you for your article Mastin.  We are singing on the same hymn sheet today, as I have published an article on precisely the same subject!    The wonderful thing is that whilst once I would have been surprised at this synchronicity,  it is steadily becoming a normal occurrence.   Great news indeed.  How beautiful is that?   I am honoured that we are singing from the same hymn sheet.  Big dreams start with small steps and  better small steps are infinitely better than no steps.  Showing up is the key that unlocks the door to self-respect.  Here is my version of the song of the universe today.  Namaste.  

    christinamasterman.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/let-go-let-flo…return-to-eden/ 

  • Sonia

    Mastin, I enjoy reading your blog everyday. You have great insights and advices that resonate with me and my way of thinking and feeling! Thanks for sharing! 
    Sonia

  • Quinnsimone

    I read once that the Universe sends messages through imperfect people so that we will actually be able to hear and understand the message instead of the human tendency to idolize the messenger and in our enthusiasm for the individual we actually forget what the message was.

    If I think back on the people I have admired and learned from, well, most have been far from perfection! 

     And I presume that if I have the privilege of helping someone, they won’t hold my mistakes against me, but will be able to benefit from whatever I have to offer.

    Keep the good stuff coming, Mastin.  We are not requiring you to be perfect! 

  • Aoife O’Leary

    I love this post! Thank you Mastin!

  • Martissa

    But what if the true me isn’t good enough?

  • Jenny22_a

    When people talk about their faults and failures it makes them seem real, not plastic and distant. I can’t identify with perfect people. Who wants to be around someone who pretends to be perfect all the time. I like people that I can share our failures and mess-ups with so we can laugh and learn from each other. If you realize that life is about failing and learning from those failures,( you wont always get it right the first time) then you are ok with not being perfect and you try more things in life.

  • http://www.shashenjewels.com/ Eilishbouchier

    Mastin love this. I design and produce a range of gemstone jewellery that is based on this exact concept. The Japanese call it wabi sabi. Leonard Koren has written a book about it. “Wabi-sabi is a beauty of things imperfect, impermanent and incomplete. It is a beauty of things immodest and humble. It is a beauty of things unconventional.”  Just like we are. It took me years to embrace my dark and light. I now get to choose the light – joy, happiness, love. We must accept and love those parts of ourselves we’d like to pretend aren’t there. My jewels are beautiful and spiritual and all about connecting people with their divine source. The stones are organic and often have inclusions that I feel enhance their beauty rather than detract from it, like the scar we’d rather not have or the too large ears or those thoughts we make wrong. It’s these things that make us unique and imperfectly perfectly. Thank you great post x eilish