Rejection could be all for the BEST!

mk_treesI haven’t really written about rejection in a while. It’s one of those Uni-versal themes that needs to be written about time and time again. Why?

‘Cuz it pretty much happens every single day in our lives. We are either experiencing rejection from someone else OR we are rejecting ourselves.

Hear me when I say: REJECTION is mostly a myth.

Why is this? Well… if you’ve been reading TDL for a while, you know that there is only ONE THING we can control and that is… the MEANING that we give the events of our life. EXACTLY.

So that means, when it comes to “rejection” we get to label it. We get to call it what it is. We get to make it mean what we want it to mean because we ARE the co-creators of our reality.

This doesn’t mean that is doesn’t suck when you don’t get what you want. It also doesn’t mean that breaking up, or not getting the person, job or opportunity you REALLY desired doesn’t hurt. I’m not asking you to become a non-human. However, what I am suggesting is that you CAN decide what it means.

Many times when people experience rejection they make it mean something about themselves. They’ll say, “I’m not good enough,” “something’s wrong with me,” “If I were different then they would like me,” etc., etc., etc…

THAT is where we get to make a new choice. We can’t change the way we feel immediately, but we CAN decide what experiencing rejection MEANS. And as a result we can change the direction of our lives for the better.

I’ve been rejected PLENTY! And for a long time I made it mean that there was something wrong with ME. That I’m not good enough. That I’ll NEVER find LOVE or success or any of the things I wanted. And then I got wise. I realized I had this power of meaning in my life and so I started to use it. And I stopped taking other people’s decisions personally and my life began to change. I stopped living for THEM and started living for ME. It was awesome.

The reality is that not everyone is going to like you. And not getting with someone that you REALLY want to get with is actually GRACE in action. I PROMISE you that over time, you will see what I’m talking about. One year, five years, ten years down the line you’ll see the decisions and actions made by those you didn’t sync with and be GRATEFUL that things turned out the way that they did! I PROMISE!

So, in your life – have you been “rejected” lately? And if so, what did you make that mean about yourself? I know it hurts and it will for a while – this too will pass. But what did you make the rejection MEAN about yourself? Did you make it mean something negative about you? Or did you just take it as GRACE and move on?

As always, the action happens in the comments below. Leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!




Mastin Kipp is the founder and CEO of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • Dee

    Mastin….you rock, this is just what I needed to hear. I have been rejected a-plenty. I never thought I’d be the kind of person that didn’t take rejection personally, but I have to say, after reading TDL for over half a year now, this has helped me to see things differently and give things in life that I used to allow to hurt me, I now have more empowered meaning. Through this I have made other subtle shifts and I couldn’t be happier with the progress and changes to my life. I wish this for everyone else too, but accept that not everyone wants to work on themselves. You really deserve every accolade that comes your way. Stay heart centred ūüôā

  • Donna Scro

    Thank you!!! ¬†I have just been rejected in a really horrible way. ¬†Everything is going great, better than ever and out of nowhere the guy skips town for a week saying he needs an “inner retreat” ¬†and space to figure out his fears from the past, etc. ¬†He refuses to tell me where he is going and for 10 days I don’t have any answers other than he loves me. I had a feeling that he went off to Paris to see a ex girlfriend, that apparently really wasn’t much of an ex. ¬†On Valentine’s Day I got an hour long video wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day and telling me how much he loves me and wants me in his life, but realizes he is in love with the other woman. ¬†Yes, he went off to Paris to validate his love for this other woman. ¬†Well after a lot of deceit ¬†and big fat loss in my bank account, the story is not being rejected but finally free from this very unstable man. ¬†Yes, it sucks and now the work begins on myself, but this blog was exactly what I needed today. ¬†Thank you!!!! ¬†I pick myself up today and stop telling myself that it was because I wasn’t good enough, but that all of this was really an incredible gift to let go and move on.¬†

  • charlie

    Mastin this is so strange that this message comes through today when I’m feeling all down and sorry for myself. I learned late last night that the person I really want to be with is getting back together with his ex. This cuts like a thousand knives but there is nothing I can do to prevent him from going back. I’m trying to accept it and in my head try to find positive things to keep me going. Although this is not the first time I’m being rejected it doesn’t hurt any less. I am at a place in my life where I am afraid of never finding someone but I want to thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. This I read over and over and I believe that someday things will turn around for me!

    Thank you

    • Charlie,

      I just read your post and felt compelled to comment.¬† I’ve been rejected too.¬† I’ve been on the “receiving end” of most of the end of my relationships.¬† I was the break-up-ee, if you will.¬† But I totally agree with Mastin!¬† The person you want to be with getting back with his ex IS BEST FOR YOU!!¬† He’s NOT the one for you!¬† At least not now, and quite possibly never.¬† I know it’s hard to see right now, in the moment, while you’re hurting.¬† I’ve certainly been there!¬† My advice is to take some down time to yourself… pamper yourself in whatever ways feel good — lay on the couch and watch movies, take a nice bath, whatever.¬† Then get out there!¬† Meet new people!¬† Go out with your friends.¬† Do the stuff YOU find fun!¬† The more fun and full your life is, the less you’ll miss that guy who you think you want now.¬† Believe me, you’re WAYYYY better off without him!!!¬† The right guy for you will WANT to be with you and not even THINK about passing you by for someone else!¬†

      But first: Love yourself!¬† ūüôā¬† Then the love will come to you!¬†

      Best of love to you!¬† ūüôā


      • anton252

        I know feel the need to comment!!! ¬†Thank you both for this as just today, an ex who I allowed to treat me poorly is not with another woman (there were many) and I of course, he blamed me for everything, which…for almost 2 years, really took a hit on my self worth. ¬†It does get better with time, and every now and then….when I start feeling like I’ll never find someone for me, or I’ll always be that “broken” girl….a thread like this pops into my life. ¬†Thank you!!

  • I couldn’t agree more!¬† Rejection is REALLY a good thing!¬† A WONDERFUL thing!¬† It’s the Universe doing what’s in our best interest, when we’re trying to get in the way.¬†

    I’ve also been rejected a lot.¬† I asked out 3 different guys in high school (that immediately spring to mind right now) and all turned me down.¬† Know this:¬† I was a VERY quiet, introverted person then (and still am to some extent), so that was HUGE for me to put myself out there.¬† But what I know now is those guys weren’t right for me.¬† AT ALL!¬†¬†

    I was also in a relationship in my mid-20s with a guy, for just a couple of months, and one day he told me he’d call me when he got back into town from visiting family… and then he just never called.¬† How’s that for rejection?¬† But you want to know something interesting about that story?¬† I distinctly recall having doubts about him and whether I should be with him, even when things were “good.”¬† I remember one day driving in my car, obsessing over him, and putting it out to the Universe that if I WASN’T supposed to be with him, to do something so that I’m not.¬† Take it out of my hands.¬† And you know, it wasn’t too long after that plea that I got my answer.¬† Of course I was still hurt at the time… it sucks to have someone you like simply ignore you and not return calls out of the blue.¬† But then it sunk in that that was my answer.¬†

    There’s so many more stories like that of rejection… the topic truly is universal.¬†

    But I believe rejection is a gift!¬† It’s the Universe telling you, THAT is NOT for you.¬† Trust in the Universe!¬† ūüôā¬†


  • Pgalicia3

    Hi Mastin, wow, this is really hard to do. Ignoring rejection and shifting the thought
    To accepting that it is happening for your own good. It does hurt while it’s happening
    But I love this new inner wisdom you are presenting to us.
    I will try to remember this next time rejection comes
    Around, because as you stated, it does happen
    Quite often to humans, and having the right mindset about it
    Will help heal the hearts pain. Thank you for your gift of writing!

  • BeeGee

    Last week my ex wanted to have coffee and talk, at first I considered saying no because she lied about what she was doing and when she could have coffee.   I saw that she had not changed, and was still playing the same old games she always played but I decided to see her and tell her goodbye for good, no more of her for the rest of my life, I finally let got and it was the best feeling I have had about this in a long time.  I felt myself grow and mature as I told her goodbye and said have a good life!   Thanks Mastin for reminding me I am the one that chooses what to do with my life and loosing her was the greatest blessing to receive. 

  • abbie

    Mastin thankyou, you truly rock! I have been reading TDL for a whole now, occasionally flitting out a little when I get a bit busy…. And whenever I do fade away for a few days its always a post like this one that makes me realise I need to not fade away!!
    I am a genuinely very positive person, yet it came as quite a surprise a few years ago when I realised (or rather someone, who clearly was an angel in in disguise, brought it to my attention after knowing me for a total of 3hrs) that despite so many positive and clear thoughts, the thing that always managed to cripple me into a mountain of tears every now and again was rejection. Not rejection of the obvious type either, the slightly more subtle moments where my feelings of hurt catch me by surprise.
    The last month I seem to be struggling with it more again, I think a few brave moments on my behalf have not gone quite as well as I’d hoped… Which although from the bottom of my heart I know are truly the right decisions for both of us, I still struggle to fight off those feelings of ‘why do they not want to be with me’.
    Reading your post tonight I am reminded that I need to do the work to truly believe that these decisions by others are the right ones, that my instinct is there and it is right…and that I am not being rejected by all these people, but that the inverse is trying to lead me in the right direction and I need to believe the right direction has the right people in its path…
    I am trying to not be so hurt, and not give those feelings of hurt so much power…
    If I could give you a great big hug of gratitude I would, thankyou for your kind and inspiring words!

  • Carol Beam

    Sorry to be brief, I’m typing from my bb.
    I wanted to comment… If you are fearing rejection, or if rejection provokes a reaction in you. Look within and discover where you are rejecting in your life. Is it love, others, yourself, God’s love? I’d suggest if you look deep enough you will find the answer and when you shed light on it anduncerstand where it really comes from, your issue with rejection will subside.

    Good luck – it’s worth the work!


  • Susan

    At 19 years old, I was pregnant & sent away to have the child & give him up for adoption. 38 years later my son found me & it was the happiest day of my life, but his wife was very jealous. She thought I was taking her place because he loved me so much. After 2 years of rejection after rejection by him & her I finally walked away because of the hurt, (not invited to his 40th birthday in Vegas, but his father was, then I was invited 2 months later to my granddaughters First Communion & then told I couldn’t come because his wife was right back to feeling like she did a year & 1/2 years earlier. Jealous…I live. 800 miles away & I’ve seen him 4 times. The part of my heart that I lost was finally back in my life & I thought I could heal. I deal with rejection daily and sometimes continually, my heart is broken. Something that was so Wonderful has become very sad. I pray that things will change in years to come & I pray for this. Only by faith am I able to continue on.

    • Susan,
      What a story!¬† Thanks for sharing.¬† As a child who’s parent left her, I can tell you it can take a WHILE for all those emotions to be worked through.¬† It’s AWESOME that your son found you!¬† The fact that HE sought YOU out speaks a lot!¬†¬†Now it sounds like you need to give him space, in my opinion.¬† He knows you’re there.¬† He¬†knows (I’m sure you’ve told him) that you love him¬†and only want the¬†best for him.¬† Let that sink in for a while.¬† And remember it might take a¬†while!¬†

      As for¬†his wife’s jealousy, I think in time that’ll subside too.¬† As long as you’re not over-stepping your¬†bounds, or trying to force yourself into¬†their life.¬† His wife, and your son too, will see that you just want a relationship that you missed out on for so many years.¬† Just don’t try to push it too much too quickly.¬†¬†My advice, for what it’s worth, from the child’s perspective.¬†


  • HS

    Wow, this TDL just hit home and the tears have been flowing like super storm Sandy.¬† Just last week I decided to go and try to reconnect with the woman I’ve been with for nearly 1.5 years.¬† The sharing, the intamacy, the everything was there and then one day she dropped the “It’s not you it’s me,” bomb on me.¬† Since then¬†we remained close and all and my heart still yearned for her.¬† So just last Sat I¬†sucked it up knocked at her door to appologize for everything that I did for us to be where we are today, wanted to see how she was doing, catch up and ask her to be my Valentine. (Maybe I should have brought flowers and the card with everything I wrote instead of empty hands.)
    I got asked the next day to respect the space she needs and to move on.¬† This was after she told me¬†she¬†no longer is in love with me.¬† Only months before she told me I was the one who taught her what unconditional love is, how I accept everything about an individual, always find the good, moments she will cherish and so on……So why does it hurt so bad?¬† The only woman I truely loved and felt got me.¬† The only woman I felt I could be me without a guard up and open up about everything.¬† The only person who has ever learned the dark secrets and fears about me.
    Rejection does hurt, and as she said maybe we were brought together for whatever reasons at the time we were together.  She was the first woman I dated post divorce too. 
    It is hard not to blame myself for everything that happened, because I know I was at fault for oh so many things during our relationship but nothing is perfect.  I thought I found the right person.
    I am a man that has the fear of not finding the right woman.¬† I am a man who thinks he isn’t good enough many of the times and has fears just like everyone else.¬† I am a man that¬† wears his heart on his sleeve, yet leaves it exposed way too often.¬† I am a man that puts others first before his needs and at the sametime doesn’t even know what his own needs are.¬† I am a man who needs to get over rejection and look at it as possibly a way of my ex-girlfriend giving me the chance to go and become the “Man I can.”¬† Thank you for the TDL and the inspiration to accept rejection as painful as it may be.¬† Thank you for the affirmations and I will not blame me.¬† “I am good enough.”
    Thank you,

    • Sandee

      HS –
      You are good enough. You are a good person, with feelings, wants, and desires.
      She was not good enough for you, and has released you from wasted years to come.
      Take it as a blessing, and use it to strengthen you for the right person in the future.
      Take care of yourself, and bounce back out there.

      • HS

        Thank you Sandee.

    • HS-
      Wow.¬† Are you MY ex-boyfriend?¬† The similarities b/t your story and mine (from my ex-bf’s perspective) are quite a lot.¬†

      First, let me assure you, you ARE good enough!  You will find a woman who loves you for you and feels lucky to get to be with you!  Until you find HER, keep looking! 

      Also, maybe I can be something of the voice of your ex-girlfriend, shedding some light.¬† As the ex-gf myself, I also told my boyfriend that I loved him…and then 2 weeks later, give or take, asked him to move out (he had moved into my house with me 2 years ago).¬† He was totally baffled and didn’t see it coming.¬† Sounds like you.¬† I was also his first gf after his divorce.¬† Uncanny, huh?¬†

      In my case, I felt my bf wanted me to be someone I’m not.¬† And likewise, I wanted him to be someone he’s not.¬† I thought he was “the one.”¬† He’s the first guy I’ve said, “I love you” to and felt comfortable saying it.¬† I never thought I’d feel as comfortable with¬†a guy as I did with him.¬† But there was also something missing.¬† An inkling in my heart that he’s THIS CLOSE to what I want, but *not quite it.*¬† I felt that way from our first or second date, but I chose to ignore that voice, since he was, after all, “so close” to what I wanted.¬† But in the end I couldn’t deny it any longer.¬† There are just certain things about him and about us that I don’t want for the rest of my life.¬† Maybe your ex felt similarly.¬† Sometimes it takes a while for things to not only rise to the surface, but to be so obvious that we get the courage to act.¬† There was so much good about my relationship with my ex, that I was afraid to throw the good away.¬† That’s why I let it go 2 years.¬† There were times in that 2 years that I felt like he COULD be the one.¬† That I COULD see myself marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him.¬† But those feelings never lasted.¬† In the back of my mind I had doubts.¬† And eventually those doubts outweighed the good stuff.¬†

      Now about a month after he moved out, I’m feeling great.¬† I know I did the right thing.¬† I can’t speak to how he’s doing, of course.¬† So I realize that may not be of much help to you.¬† But know this:¬† If she wanted to move on, then she’s not the right one for you.¬† Even if you don’t necessarily agree or see it yet.¬† You will.¬† When you actually meet “the one,” you’ll be¬†grateful your current ex-gf ended the relationship.¬†


      • HS

        Thank you Sarah. Like to get a cup of coffee…LOL… u made me smile and laugh I thank you.will follow up with you.:-)

        • I’d love that!¬† (the follow-up, not the coffee… though if we happened to live near one another (how weird would that be), I wouldn’t mind chatting more with you… I live in Indiana, btw, you?)¬†
          Glad I made you smile anyway… break-ups are tough, regardless of the circumstances.¬† But you’ll be feeling better before you know it.¬†

  • Tal

    I am definitely one to take rejection personally. It seems to be the automatic response for me to think that something is wrong with ME when I’m rejected about something. I know consciously that everything happens for a reason, and that eventually I will look back and see the good in what is happening, so I guess it is just a matter of changing the automatic, crappy response that pops up when rejection happens. But being reminded of this is good timing for me right now – thanks again!

  • Ixchelmc

    This comes at the perfect time. I heard about this site watching a previously recorded Super Soul Sunday. Yesterday my mother demonstrated predictable conditional love/rejection behavior. Since I was a child she has used love, acceptance, and approval as a weapon. I understand intellectually that she is trying to avoid pain, shame, and her own feeling of rejection. But it still hurts to be to be shut out and have affection and love withheld.

    That being, said this post validates and confirms my decision to acknowledge her limitations to love and to let her go. My constant efforts to do whatever it takes to keep her love and affection came at a great cost to me. Instead of trying to get her to love and accept me, letting her go frees me to mourn that I wanted and didn’t get from my parents. It allows me to start to heal instead of trying to make it better for – which after 44 yrs I realize I can’t. Evidence – I bought a house, moved her in, took her on a trip to Egypt, Rome, and Greece. Still I get no benefit of the doubt or consideration when I share my feelings. It makes me sad that I’ve spent so much time trying to earn and keep her love.

    By letting her go, I can free myself from an endless message that I’m not good enough and that I’m doing it wrong. Accepting her rejection and moving on will eventually allow me to give and receive love. It hurts today but it will feel a little better every day I know. Thank you for you for your willingness to share a message that was right on time.

    • I love your post.¬† Thank you for being so brave to share your story.¬†
      At least you SEE now, at 44 years old, that you can’t DO anything to change your mother.¬† She’ll be who and how she is.¬† It’s her choice to be that way and act as she does.¬† Just as it’s YOUR choice in regards to what YOU do.¬† You don’t have to be a slave to your mother, constantly striving to get her to love you, or at least show that she loves you.¬† I’ve been there.¬† Not to the extent as you, from what you wrote, but my mother is also very up and down.¬† I have memories all growing up of her “losing it” and crying and screaming at me.¬† As if it was my fault she felt bad.¬† I didn’t do anything!¬† I knew it then, but still internalized her emotions and reaction, since she directed it towards me.¬† It wasn’t until my 20s that I started doing what I wanted, regardless of how it would make her feel.¬† I also respond to her phone calls and texts when I want to, not at her whim (like I used to).¬† I no longer feel obligated.¬† I’m finally in a place of doing what I want to do b/c it’s out of LOVE, and not out of fear.¬† It sounds like you’re getting there yourself, if not already there.¬† ūüôā¬†

      I think it’s easy for us to expect so much from our parents.¬† But we have to remember they’re human too.¬† They have limits and faults and aren’t US.¬† I’m 35 now.¬† The same age my mother was when I was 12.¬† I think back, now, at all the things my mom did when I was a kid.¬† For the longest time I thought she should’ve “known better.”¬† She should’ve known how what she was doing would affect me, her child.¬† But now I realize she has her own ego and let it rule her and her actions.¬† She still does.¬† She’s not spiritually in tune.¬† So now I see it was her ego doing those things and acting that way.¬† It wasn’t her spirit.¬† Just as it’s not your mother’s love spirit acting the way she does towards you.¬†

      I commend you for letting her go.¬† It’s tough.¬† But it’s usually necessary.¬† ūüôā


  • Lunahart

    I just found out a job I was desperately(operative word there) hoping for was filled, and they didn’t even call me for an interview. ¬†I’m middle-aged, my husband is disabled, I have two kids at home, and unemployment runs out in five weeks, so things are getting scary. ¬†My interpretation was that I’m too old to compete for jobs when millions of college grads are going for them too.

    This was the reminder I needed that the jobs I’m applying for are not in line with my true purpose. ¬†I’m working with Marie Forleo’s material, and I’m going to submit a video for a scholarship to her bschool. ¬†

    I’m in the middle of the grandest opportunity I’ve ever been given to change my life, and I’m marching through lots of fear right now, spending time in meditation and chant in order to change the energy into something usable.

    Thanks for doing what you do!


  • Drew

    One of the BEST ever reminders that we ALL need… Thank you Buddy! Move from the personalization of it to the meaning of every circumstance. Just beautiful!
    TONS of Love Mastin! Talk soon,

  • Sandee

    I have been struggling with the meaning of rejection for over 2 years now.¬† When I was laid off from my job, things snowballed.¬†¬† I accepted 2 positions that were not right for me.¬† Now its hard for me to explain why/how I left those jobs without sabotaging the new job prospect.¬† It and the bad economy have brought my life to a standstill, and I don’t know how to move forward now.¬† Do I start my own business in another field?¬† Do I pursue the old field, which I had 23 years experience in?¬† I’m trusting that defining the meaning of rejection will help me move forward with confidence.¬† Thank you for the insight Mastin!!

    • Sandee,
      I felt compelled to respond to you b/c people’s journeys with jobs is really interesting to me.¬† I’m actually writing¬†a book right now (my 5th, but first non-fiction) about my own journey though all the jobs I’ve had in my life.¬† I think what people choose to do for work speaks a lot about them.¬†

      I completely believe you were laid off, and then left the following 2 jobs, for a reason.¬† There was someplace else for you to be.¬† You’ll get your next job when it’s the best time.¬† You’ll know what to do.¬†

      Is there something that’s interesting and appealing to you right now?¬† Even if it’s something totally different, or seemingly mundane?¬† If so, pursue it!¬† You never know where it’ll lead.¬†
      You mentioned starting your own business.¬† That’s exciting!¬†

      Trust your gut.¬† Trust your heart.¬† Follow it.¬† And know the Universe won’t lead you where you shouldn’t be.¬† ūüôā¬†

      Best of luck!  This is such an exciting time!! 


  • An absolutely relevant post at the right time! I’ve been dating for about¬†a month and half, and last time we met we experienced a stong, intimate, ¬†karmic love relationship. And then the communication stopped. I take it as a protective mechanism on one or both of our parts. As diffucult as it is to be vulnerable, when it is not reciprocated, it truly IS a blessing. We deserve uninhibited total love. And as long as we continue to give it, we will continue to recieve it. So even though I may feel slightly rejected, my aim is to not go back into my safe little shell. I’ll continue to radiate love, and maybe someday I will attract a person who is ready to give it back fully.

  • My father recently has not only rejected me, he has DUMPED me. He is 87 years old. I wrote a blog about it (Laugh, Surrender, and Dance in the Rain). I have been given the opportunity to love him anyway. Unconditionally. The only way I have been willing to do this is by firstly loving myself and not rejecting me. It is a choice, and I am continually choosing LOVE more than FEAR. I recently dropped a Valentine’s Gift in his mailbox, and called my mom the following day to make a lunch date. He answered the phone (Thinking I was someone else). I was so excited and said with love, “HI DAD!” His voice dropped and handed the phone to my mom. I created so much compassion for him, instead of my old usual, “What an A-hole.” It was such a WIN for me to BE BIG and remember who I really am; and in turn, remember who he really is: LOVE! I know the rejection has been God’s grace for me because my father is emotionally abusive. The minute I made the decision to surrender to God and see my dad’s innocence despite his narcissistic ways …BAM! I was dumped. I no longer heard the abuse. Why? Because I had stopped judging my father. Because I saw his light through his EGO. Because I learned my Earth School Lesson. The Universe, gracefully and in the right moment, took him out of my life. For now. One can see my progression with this in (Be your Love Song…while you are still here.) Now to keep on…choosing love, choosing love. It is a moment to moment choice. Even when my mom said, “He has not opened your gift.”
    The Daily Commenter,

    • Tanja Erickson

      Wow!!!!!!! Beautiful, Kathleen! Just so beautiful!!!!!!!!!!

    • Tamarawallop

      Seriously. !? That is a huge hurdle to get over (even with your long lean muscular legs -truth and metaphor ūüėČ ) I know emotional abuse and the rejection it constantly confronts it presents allll too well. The triumph is humongous every moment we choose to see and be LOVE even and especially in adverse situations as such. Peace and love. T

    • Jessie

      A lot to think about !!  Thank you for sharing your story, i have also been rejected by a family member and it torn me up for years. It is VERY freeing when you can see the innocence in people !!! XO

    • Amazing insight, Kathleen.¬† Thanks for sharing ūüôā

  • Rejection is God’s Grace…always.¬†
    The Daily Commenter,

    • lflpm

      I just read Kathleen’s article on building bridges instead of boundries. I have been having a horrible time getting over rejection by my wife of 38 years. She has hurt me in the past but I was always able to handle it through loving kindness. Trying to understand, forgive and love her and my family. I felt connected to a higher power when I acted like that. Then a year ago she hurt me and I just could not get over it. I started to think like a victim. Then started to doubt my belief in the principals of loving kindness. I have been feeling stupid for responding that way. I have not been able to sleep for over a year. I wake up at night sad, and hurt unable to go back to sleep. Reading her article tonight lit that fire again of self respect. I will try again to concentrate on building a bridge, and taking down the boundry. In that way I can respond with loving kindness. Thank You Kathleen.

      • WOW. Thank you so much. My middle name was, “VICTIM,” for years and I still can go there from time to time. There is a children’s novel called, “The Little Soul In The Sun,” by Donald Neale Walsch that has helped me see the innocence in all people- including myself. It has helped me forgive. Without this book, I am unsure if I could be a VICTOR instead. I want to thank you for helping me see something more than ever today. I have learned SOOOO MUCH, and I am bursting to get out there in the world and spread what I have come to know. I watch Super Soul Sunday ALL the time and I have information that needs to get out there. I frustrate myself quite often over it. My mentor continually reminds me that just one person is many. So, thank you. I see that today and I am grateful.¬†

        • lflpm

          I watch Super Soul Sunday too. That is how I found this site. Then this site led me to the words I needed to hear on your site. I am grateful for those words. Keep up the good work. You said that at times you can still go there (Victim). Now  you know people can hurt you. Yet you still try to help them. Now its YOUR choice to ignore the hurt and respond with love. Thats not being a victim. Thats being a tool for a higher power, LOVE.

          • COOOOL! I see how it works. The people that need to read my words…WILL! This is Trust. This is Surrender. THANK YOU! One thing…people CANNOT hurt us without our permission. When we KNOW that we are enough, we won’t buy into their rejection. Remember…”People can only give what they’ve got.” ¬†Seems like your wife did not have it to give. When we fully love ourselves and claim our birthright to freedom, our love spills out like Niagara Falls.Our concentration is in GIVING. ¬†My mentor is so close to her ex-husband. Just because she is not living and sleeping with him, does not meant she stopped loving him. She cooks for him. She goes to the movies with him. And, etc. If someone stops loving a person…THEY NEVER LOVED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. Why? Because they do not love themselves fully. When we are in the spirit of oneness, we may not like who people are being, and we still create a bridge and love them. Unconditionally. This is our earth school lesson. Loving unconditionally=freedom! We need to start with ourselves. Big love to you!!!

  • Kim

    I truly believe rejection is the Universe/God telling us that job/love interest/friend doesn’t work for where we’re at in our lives. ¬†Rejection can be seen as a positive in that the Universe/God is supporting us by directing us in our life path.

  • Lauren

    This is really resonating with me today. I’ve had plenty of perceived rejection in my life and some very overt rejection too. However, I’ve come to realize that I haven’t had much rejection lately and that is because I’ve not been putting myself out there in the world. When I did have rejection in my life I was really living and those around me “didn’t like it”. I am going to work on remembering that rejection can be a gift, it’s just telling me that I am living for me. I heard recently that only 10 people will cry at your funeral and 50% of those that attended won’t make it to the gravesite if it is raining. If that is the case…why would I care what people think when the 10 most important people in my life will be the only ones who cry. To me that’s quite liberating!

  • Jill

    Well, a friend just forwarded this blog to me because I just found out the man I am dating is now dating someone else. Just 2 weeks ago we were talking about our amazing future together so I’m feeling like such a sap. But oddly enough, seeing other people going through similar pain makes me feel so not alone right now. A friend said, ‘pick yourself up by the bootstrap sista’ but all I want to do is crawl up into a little ball. I will do my best to appreciate that i was truly in love, for a little while, when others in life never get to feel the way I did.

  • Valerie

    Rejection is a tough one and it’s¬†hard not to take it so personally, especially when you’re in the¬†depths of experiencing it. But I remember feeling rejection a couple of years ago and when it happened a voice inside me kept saying “this is a gift, this is a gift,” so I just kept listening and taking that in. It doesn’t mean the process wasn’t painful, because it was, but it¬†has turned out to be¬†TRULY a gift that I’m grateful for.

  • Stephanie

    I so appreciate the topic of this blog today.¬† I’ve been struggling to accept a break-up for the past few months.¬†¬†For me to even come close to acceptance, I have to feel all the feelings first before I can start to see more clearly that it wasn’t about me.¬† I love the reframing of things not working out the way you hoped to be GRACE in action.¬† That the Uni-verse is working for my benefit even when it doesn’t “feel” that way.¬† Thanks as always for the helping and healing reminder.

  • In the past I’ve taking it hard and let pain fill me.¬† More recently I’ve learned to be more philosophical about rejection and KNOW that everything happens for a reason even if it doesn’t make sense in the right here and now.¬† There is always new beginning in rejection because it is an ending and a blessing in disguise.
    Brightest blessings.

  • Mig

    Thank you for this post Mastin. I had been living through some rejection recently and it cleared for me just yesterday. The rejection didn’t actually go away, my relationship with it changed.

    I have been out of work for a long, long time. I was fired from a job I didn’t like. The job was killing me. I asked why can’t I be like the people out running or having breakfast at Denny’s in the morning? Why aren’t I living a life? Instead I’m on my way to this awful job. I didn’t enjoy the work. I let the universe know and viola!, I was no longer employed. It really is just that easy.

    I have sent out hundreds of resumes for jobs in my field since then. Not enthusiastically but dutifully. A year and a half goes by with zero feedback. What am i doing wrong? Why don’t they like me? I was good at what I did. I wasn’t listening though. The universe was whispering “you don’t belong there anymore.”

    About three weeks ago my focus shifted. Not a huge intentional shift but a view or feeling that has been growing clear over years I think. I began to visualize or live part of each day with the job I want. Not the specific job as in what I will be doing or what other people might think about it but how I want work to make me feel. What kind of schedule do I want? How creative can I be? Can I work from home? Can I provide work for anyone else? I have no idea what this job will be, I only know I love it.

    The dreaming/visualizing every day isn’t just about work though. It extends to money, relationships, home, even a dog. I live part of each day with those dreams and I express my gratitude every day for that time. As the gratitude has been growing people have begun to show up in my life again. New friends, old friends, family I haven’t seen in forever. ¬†And where I was getting no response from resume submittals, I began to hear back.

    Every response so far has been a rejection of sorts. “You’re qualifications aren’t right at this time.” “That job is not going to be filled.” I had an interview set up with one company who called the next day to cancel, they went with someone else. But I am getting a response! I’m still hearing “you don’t belong there anymore” but I’m getting rejected!

    Two days ago I was pretty down after the latest rejection letter but I woke up this morning happy as can be because I know I’m headed somewhere else. I am moving away from work that was killing me and stepping toward something positive. Great things are about to happen. Nothing physically has changed. The meaning of the rejection and my feelings about time away from work changed. I was going to say rejection has become wonderful for me but your calling it grace is perfect.

  • PRIS

    Thank you for this blog… and it was of course, very timely. After dating a¬†plethora of men in my life who were, well… not great guys…. I met one that was. I wasn’t even attracted to him at first, but the more of a chance I gave him, the more I liked him. We continued to see each other for a few months, I met his family, hung out with his friends… things became intimate… and then he realized he wasn’t over this ex of 4 years (they had just broken up a few months ago.. messy break-up and he hasn’t spoken to her since as she moved out of state). After a long talk, we decided that being friends right now was probably the best thing. He told me that if he was going to get into something serious with me that he wanted to be there in the relationship 100%… and right now he isn’t because he still thinks about his ex and what could have been. This happened between us just 3 weeks ago and I have been struggling with the rejection. I have good days and bad… I know I must keep reminding myself that IT IS NOT ME! This situation has nothing to do with me. Though that can be comforting at times, other times I start to think “why am I not good enough to help him get over this other girl”… so this post came at a great time. I NEED to let go and let the Universe take control of my love life…. whether I am supposed to be with him in the end or someone else… Good things will come. Thank you Mastin!!¬†¬†

  • morgan

    I am heart broken.¬† Two weeks ago I found out the man I have been seeing for the past six months and working with for the past eight years has a four month old daughter with another woman.¬† He found out in October and kept it a secret until he told me a couple of weeks ago,,,for those months he was seeing me and¬†stringing me along while pursuing a relationship with the mother.¬† He told me they are hanging out to see if they get along-because of the baby-but the odds are not good that it will not work and he will call me after he sees how it shakes out in six months or so.¬† I cannot get any of this out of my head-I don’t even want to get up in the morning-I thought we were meant to be together.

  • Eric

    Mastin, This truly hits right at home and on my heavy heart today. I have built stories around, so called rejection from my wife over the years. Even though the rejections were more of a not right now. This directly has always effected my actual issue of expressing myself, which I have been working on. And being faced with the challenges of being rejected, I have recently taken on a new career where I am rejected all day. I have become empowered to over come this rejection and do not take it personally, even in my relationship. My wife and I have been working on our personal issues for some time now, but she just told me last night that she can not continue as we have and that she needs and wants to separate. Rejection, yes. Hurt, definitely. This is not what I want, but understand how everything has effected her. Purhaps I started my work too late, but I believe that we can, at some point, after some time apart, we will work it out. After 10 years, it just feels so far from me to see us apart. I am hopeful and today not have the feeling of rejection. Thank you.

  • Gmiriam70

    Mastin, thank you for posting about rejection. It hits home with a lot of the comments and rejection stories….I too have one that just happened on Feb. 16..I had a most wonderful Valentine’s. I’m 42 and my boyfriend 41..its been the best relationship for both of us in a long time ..I truly felt cherished and loved by this man and the feeling was mutual on his side too..we took good care of eachother. I hadnt been feeling quite myself lately and i never thought I could get pregnant…but it happened and when I broke the news to my love, he said he could no longer be with me anymore after this. I’m shocked, heartbrokthis en but still belive that this rejection has a purpose in my life


  • Emma Russell

    I saw a testimony of Nadezhda Vyacheslav on how she got that guy to love her as she did him.Though i don’t know her, i believed her cos she said Mutton Osun a spell caster help her seen it happen.I didn’t believe her cos she used a spell i believed her cos she made mention of a mutual spell caster i know of that is mutton Osun. I have also see a lot of testimony about his work on the the internet on blog pages and so on.I literally took a lip of faith to contact him and it turn out that it paid off.In my own case i didn’t ask that him to make anyone fall in love with me or ask that my cheating wife comes back.This time i was at fault i messed up.Will really like to say it was an honest mistake or a few hours or days of weakness but then i will be insulting my wife and the love i feel for her.I was in full control of what i was doing i had the choice not to cheat but i still did. She didn’t find out by herself i told hoping if i told her how sorry i am and how much i still love and want to be with her despite my betray she will forgive completely.It was the biggest mistake of my life maybe i should not have told her, i guess she would have still found out if she didn’t catch me then i bet the other lady would have told her what was going on to destroy what me and my wife had.It was obvious my betray really hurt her i could she it in her eye and i was really sorry.That is why i wasn’t so surprise when she asked that we go our separate ways.There and then i realized that i was following the part that ruined my life and my family.I literally lead four month of my life in misery.I have never felt like i needed her like i had felt begging was not an option nothing was an option cos she was gone.It was right about that time Mutton Osun came into the picture or when i asked that he help me get my wife to love as she did before.I was able to provide the items he asked that i get for the spell and send then down to him.Like Nadezhda Vyacheslav said “the spell does become effective at once that ” she was right also cos just after i did what Mutton Osun asked me to do with what he sent me, it took 7 days before anything happened i even thought for a minute that i had met a fake spell caster but in the end i am happy with my wife again.We going to be renewing our vows on the 20th of September. I was on the edge of become a walking dead a woman with nothing to live for thank my star Mutton Osun helped.I will also leave his contact for those who thing he can help them { [email protected] }