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Remember This When You Have No Choice But To Disappoint Someone

Drew ParalesHave you ever had that gut feeling to make a decision in your life that you KNEW was going to disappoint someone you Love, or make them sad? Have you ever had feelings of guilt over it? Let’s talk about a few things to remember if you ever find yourself in this spot. Lets get started!

There comes times in our lives when we just KNOW that we are going to have to disappoint people and let them down, ESPECIALLY when you know DEEP IN YOUR HEART that you are going to have to stand up for what you believe in, and to foresee a not so great future if you made a “quick” decision based on making someone else happy instead of making yourself happy?

I was having a talk with a great friend of mine who was just proposed marriage to by his partner. My friend knew, even though they were in Love, that it is just not thing to jump into. RIGHT NOW.

He talked for weeks about something he could feel brewing the air and he predicted a marriage proposal. My friend is just not ready to make that commitment. Even though he loves his partner and dreaded saying no, he knew that he just had to follow his heart.

As predicted, the question was popped, and my friend very reluctantly refused for now. But it was absolutely killing him inside to have to do this. He was sad, hurt, and racked with guilt that he had to hurt someone he loves so much. How can he remember that by being truthful, it will always be the right thing?

Well, this situation inspired me to bring this story to light and talk about how much we can heal when we find ourselves in saddening and guilty-ridden experiences like this one.

At times in your life, you are more than likely going to disappoint a few people along your path. It is hard to remember that the most important person you give to is YOU! There is NOTHING worse than letting yourself down, constantly disappointing yourself and giving up on your heart-felt beliefs to save the emotions of another.

Even when it means that there is a fear that the other person will abandon you in the process.

It is counterintuitive, but I’ve learned that it is never a good idea to abandon yourself to make another person happy or to please them. Because what that will ultimately mean is that you are going to abandon yourself and make less of the person you are and who you were meant to be.

Just because you are hurting for the moment, it doesn’t mean that you are not strong. Strength comes from the ability to stand up and know what you will and will not tolerate, give in to, or accept for less than what you truly deserve.

Real strength comes from the courage to lovingly, yet sometimes painfully tell your own truth and let the honesty embrace the experience. It takes trust in the Universe to remember that you are whole and not less for expressing an answer that someone doesn’t necessarily want to hear. Yet it needs to be said.

Is it possible that there is a lesson (not only for you) but for the other person you are in relationship with? Think about this…Can having long range vision to trust that a little “sting” now, saves you from days, weeks, months, even years of immense heartache and lingering pain later?

I believe that it is painful and uncomfortable now because you may not be used to putting yourself first!

You see, like road trips, journeys of the heart to our dreams are many times loaded with few pit stops and bumps. It also means that during these pit stops, we will need to fuel up! And just because we stop for a bit does not mean that we will never get to our destination. It just means the arrival will be more of a sweet celebration!

We just keep driving… Pay attention to the road, although it will be bumpy at times. Your dreams WILL appear on the horizon. Just don’t stay too long at those pit stops. Fuel up and remember that an empty tank doesn’t get filled when you abandon the gas station too soon! ;)

Being surprised at what our dreams hold is part of the thrill of getting there. And by far, it will outweigh those little stings, and temporary disappointments of the heart that we gotta face to grow, give to ourselves, and be full receivers of our abundance and dreams. If someone you Love walks away from you because you had the strength to be Loving enough to tell the truth, they may not be people to help support you to fulfill your dreams.

It takes some time to recover from letting someone down. But the longer we stay empty and away from ourselves, it will take a heck of a lot longer to reach our goals and dreams of happiness, true Love and abundance. Remember also that True Love weathers the storm. (Tweet-worthy!)

Sometimes being loving to others can be a little bitter at the start and sting sometimes. But if you trust, give your heart fully what you wished others could have, it sure can be sweeter in the end! When you are strong in your beliefs and energy, your future holds much abundance for you!

Have you ever had to disappoint someone you Love with decision you didn’t want to face? What would you do, if you were put in the position of letting someone down that you Love? How much trust could you put into the Universe and yourself to stand up for what you believe? Let me know in the comments below, and let’s discuss!

With All my Love,

Drew xo

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Andrew “Drew” Parales is the Creator and Mentor/Coach of “i LOVE Liberation” specializing in Personal Growth and Fitness! He is also a vocational rehab educator for students with disabilities in transition & employment, and the school site program events coordinator/trainer. Connect with Drew at: www.iLOVEliberation.com and on Facebook: iLOVELiberation and Twitter: @iLOVEliberation

  • JustMe

    Your words today resonate with me for I have just this weekend had to ‘let down’ the person that I love and what I have learned from the experience has been invaluable. I guess we never truly SEE all of a person when we are supplying them with what they want from us but saying ‘no’ can show us a whole new side.

    “Yes’ is always easy to support; ‘no’ while not easy to support perhaps, should at least be respected as an others right and dignity to their opinion, self determination and path.

    Thank you for this.

    • http://www.iLOVEliberation.com/ Drew Parales

      You are SO welcome! Happy that this was helpful for you!
      Thank you SO much for your comment and honest share of what you just went through this weekend.. It certainly is tough.. I feel you.. You’re correct in that we really tend to turn a blind eye when we are giving our all and everything we have to provide for the needs of another. I have always found that in time, we run dry, and figure out there is am emptiness forming within us.
      I also agree that opinions and feelings should be respected. Sometimes we have to set those boundaries up in the beginning.. And we also have to call up our strength to tell the truth. True love weathers that storm.. It’s good to keep that in mind! I am wishing you great healing and Love from here on out… Thank you so much for reading today!
      Big Love,
      Drew

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks so much for reading and sharing :) -TDL Team

  • Guest

    Hello Justme,
    You are SO welcome! Happy that this was helpful for you!
    Thank you SO much for your comment and honest share of what you just went through this weekend.. It certainly is tough.. I feel you.. You’re correct in that we really tend to turn a blind eye when we are giving our all and everything we have to provide for the needs of another. I have always found that in time, we run dry, and figure out there is am emptiness forming within us.
    I also agree that opinions and feelings should be respected. Sometimes we have to set those boundaries up in the beginning.. And we also have to call up our strength to tell the truth. True love weathers that storm.. It’s good to keep that in mind! I am wishing you great healing and Love from here on out… Thank you so much for reading today!
    Big Love,
    Drew

  • Kevin

    Drew,

    This articles rings true for me. I have been wanting to tell the person that i care about some truths that i know will cause more than a sting. I am not sure that I have enough trust in the universe just yet to stand up for what i want an believe. I am trying daily to get stronger and have the faith I need to get there, I know that in the end it will be better for both of us.

    It is the fear of the pain that prevents me from making someone else unhappy at the expense of making myself happy.

    • http://www.iLOVEliberation.com/ Drew Parales

      Hello Kevin!
      Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for being so honest… I know that you are in fear right now and the pain is something you are totally wanting to avoid. I recognize that. Remember, that the belief in your truth and the faith that you have in the Uni-verse will bring Love to the situation and the bravery and courage you need to tell your truth.
      You said it right that you cannot risk your happiness for the fear of making some else unhappy. It wont be your ego that will be saved, it will be your heart. Don’t abandon yourself. Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean that you have to be cruel. It is means be truthful and in the end both of you will walk away with a mutual respect for one another. Give it go when your ready. The Uni-verse is on your side!
      Keep in touch, let me know how things go!
      Lots of Love, Drew

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks so much for reading, Kevin! We’re so happy this resonated with you! -TDL Team

  • g

    Wow… I cannot express how much I needed to read this right now. How amazing is this life that what you truly need comes to you when you need it. Thank you for writing this and helping me have faith that I have made the right decision, and helping me have hope that the other person can get passed some truths I have had to reveal. I can only do what I can do. I know I have done the right thing by my self, and by him. Now I hope our new relationship will survive. And if it doesn’t, that’s ok too, because it was never meant to be & it’s better now than later if that’s the case….
    Thank you thank you. I cannot express how grateful I am to have read this tonight. Xxx

    • http://www.iLOVEliberation.com/ Drew Parales

      Hello G,
      I am so so happy that the article has helped shed some light on what you are going through… And you’re right, timing is everything! When you need something it shows up! :) Always always stay in your faith! You are staying true to yourself and that is the greatest way to liberation and freedom. Not to mention the mutual respect that will show in time. I believe that you have done right for the both of you! Absolutely better now than later because it will be harder to pick up the pieces. Trust in your truth is trust in the Uni-verse! Let me know how things go… Thank you SO MUCH for reading!
      Big Love, Drew

      • G

        Hi Drew,
        You asked me to let you know how things go,… well I have an update for you. When I posted originally I had just told a new man I had been seeing for a little while that my ex had (apparently unknowingly) given me an STD, the type that is common and highly contagious, has an awful social stigma, and is something that you have to live with once you contract it… (I’m sure you can guess…) obviously it was a pretty tough conversation but one I had to have with him before we became sexually intimate. He took some time and space to process it and came back to me last night (4 days later) and unfortunately doesn’t want to see me anymore. I know I did the right thing by my self, and by him (he had to know. I didn’t have a choice but he does) and I have to respect his decision (heck, I may have made the same one if roles were reversed…) but I am disappointed because I know that if it wasn’t for the fact that someone else forced this condition on me, we would have been in a very good place and things would be very differently. But how can I blame him for making a decision based on what is in front of him right now? I don’t, I’m just sad, because it also feels like I wasn’t enough, or we didn’t have enough of a relationship or a connection, for him to think it was worth investing some more time and seeing how it goes…
        One of the points in your blog is “true love weathers the storm”, and I read it 5 days ago thinking to myself “if it is meant to be it will be”. It isn’t meant to be, and it’s better to know now than later, and who knows, maybe that means something better will be coming along soon :) onwards & upwards I said to myself waking up this morning! It’s true what they say – people come in to your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. I just wish I wasn’t still paying for the last “reason” (lesson) from my ex ;)
        Thanks again for your incredible blog post & fateful timing, I am so appreciative xxxx

        • http://www.iLOVEliberation.com/ Drew Parales

          Hi again g!
          I cannot tell you how brave you are and how proud am I of you opening up here and sharing your honest truth with me… It is a great sign of your character. I was talking with a good friend JUST YESTERDAY and I said the same thing you did: Season, Reason, Lifetime… All kinds of issues come up with us a humans, and yes- we gotta deal with them as you have… I am very sorry to hear that your latest guy didnt want to stick around after you told him the news… But Im SO HAPPY that you looked at it like, “this is my truth, I never meant to deceive or hurt, you are free to choose”. He did, and so did you. There is something SO GREAT about that. If things had continued, I guess you know what the possible outcome would be, and more betrayal would have ensued… You did great for yourself and him g, I know it sucks, but I am super proud of you and you’ll see the rewards of your latest breakthrough coming flowing into you life soon! Keep up the good work in your personal growth. Never stop learning and never stop reaching for better for yourself!! You just reached a new level of respect or yourself!! Stay in touch!
          Lots of Love, Drew xo

  • Aurelio

    Thank you, Drew, for this beautiful message… I do believe that the greatest betrayal is to betray yourself… As the ancients put it, “To Thy Self Be True”… 4 years ago my ex-wife needed to tell me that we needed to separate… She had to build up the courage to do so, but she eventually did… That started the most painful period of my life… But it also was a rebirth for me… It was the best thing that happened for both of us, even though it was so painful…
    I am so grateful to my ex-wife for having the courage to ask for a separation and eventually a divorce… Our relationship now is better than ever and we can share about anything…
    Sometimes the heart needs to break to allow us to shed our old skin and grow into another…
    LOve,
    Aurelio.

    • http://www.iLOVEliberation.com/ Drew Parales

      Hi Aurelio!
      Thank you again for writing in! I am so happy to hear that you chose the perspective of seeing your separation as a gift and a chance for rebirth for you. What I like best is that you recognize the courage and the strength it took for your ex-wife to come to you and be in her truth… Painful, without a doubt. But a matter of respect, ABSOLUTELY! You are so on a path that makes your life a road worth walking, and to be able to to still share a friendship with her shows that Love does weather all the storms if we choose to see it that way. Like you I like to see our hearts like an onion, that we have to peel back the layers to reveal a whole fresh her way to Love to INVITE new love in. Thank you SO MUCH Aurelio for reading and sharing your experience with us. It was beautiful!
      Big Big Love, Drew

      • Aurelio

        Thanks, Drew, for your kind words… I really appreciate it!… :-)

        LOve,
        Aurelio.

        • http://www.iLOVEliberation.com/ Drew Parales

          Anytime my friend! I am inspired by such greatness in journey’s like yours!
          Lots of Love, Drew :)

  • Jasmine

    You are a lifesaver. I’ve been going back and forth about breaking up with my boyfriend for the past 6 months and somehow he talked me out of it the last time I tried. But my heart is saying something different and I have to be true to my heart. Thank you Drew for your words. They were much needed!

    • http://www.iLOVEliberation.com/ Drew Parales

      Hi Jasmine!
      Yes, please do follow your heart. The best way to do that is to be truthful first to yourself, then to your partner. It is very easy for some of us to talked out of following what we need to… But if you are honest with YOU first, and you approach him with nothing but Love and truth, of course yes- it will be painful for you both at first, but in the end, (as I always say) it will be worth having the little sting up front, but to be living out the life we dreamed and imagined for ourselves, no matter what that involves… Believe in yourself as I believe in you Jasmine! :)
      And you are very welcome.. I am so happy that the article is what you needed! Let me know how things go!
      Much much Love, Drew xo

  • Frances

    Hi Drew,
    As always you hit the nail on the head in your blog. I so love it when I come across what I need to see and hear. My daughter and I go up/down this rollercoaster because I have chosen sobriety and she hasn’t. I don’t push it on her, I have learned to let things just be. Recently her birthday passed and she expected me to go out of my way and do all the things I usually do on that day. I decided NO due to the fact there is no communication until SHE WANTS SOMETHING.
    I am tired of enabling her in one way or another, so I stood my ground as hard as it was, due to her birthday. I was like what because no word over months including the holidays, until once again WHAT, aren’t you going to? _____-
    It truly hurt but I’m not a doormat ANYMORE. I’m tired of the promises of payments her not going through on her words with visits ect.. So I will keep remembering your words along with other things I am doing…
    I love you Always,
    Frances

  • Indigenous_Woman

    Your words gave strength when it was much needed. Thank you! After many years of catering to husband, children and business, and taking care of everyone else, I ‘broke’. There was not one of them I could learn on. My husband and my children especially sucked me dry and I have finally started to put my needs and my beliefs first. It is a struggle at times because much of it is learned and repetitive behavior, and a hard cycle to break. Words such as you have shared help in those difficult moments.