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Self-Acceptance Before Self-Improvement

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When you’re a coach who digs energy healing and spirituality, you end up with a lot of friends who are coaches and dig energy healing and spirituality.

You have a lot of conversations about these topics.

You read a lot of books.

You see healers.

You pray, meditate and work with coaches.

At a certain point you realize, you ARE the person you’ve been working so hard to be.

(by the way – you don’t have to be a coach to do this work or have this realization)

Relief ensues. Joy even.

And you start living the life of your dreams. That doesn’t necessarily mean everything is perfect, you’re ballin’ out like Kimye or that you’ve achieved enlightenment.

It just means you’re happy with what you’ve got, when you’ve got it, and you’ve learned to enjoy the process. Maybe even relish in it.

Easy right?

OH HELL NO!!!

What I just summed up took me 11 MOTHER-FREAKING YEARS.

So today, I’d like to share a little short cut with you that might save you some time. Or maybe it won’t – but here’s what I find:

All the reading of blogs and books, listening to speakers, seeking healing, coaching and personal development – it all works. A lot of it is actually redundant. But there are many messages we need to hear over and over until they finally land because of the way it was said, the source or the timing.

Here’s to the possibility that any of those things are aligned for you today.

SELF ACCEPTANCE HAS TO COME BEFORE SELF IMPROVEMENT (if you wish for the improvement to last). (Tweet-worthy!)

Here’s what I shared in my Soul Movement Facebook group today:

SELF ACCEPTANCE BEFORE SELF IMPROVEMENT.

Happy Monday my dear women.

I think I’m still decompressing after the #ishineyoushine challenge last week, I have a feeling it’s not just me.

Something I’ve mentioned a few times in here and several times in conversation lately is how I fully believe that self-acceptance has to come before self-improvement. To be more specific, I mean long-lasting-life-changing self-improvement.

A lot of the things we do and read to better ourselves – diets, exercise programs, books, courses, etc – they all work, but only for a time.

We end up repeating patterns and getting the same lessons over and over and louder and louder until finally we fully surrender and say OK! I get it!!

And part of why this happens is because we approach self-improvement from a place of “there’s something wrong with me” or ” I need to fix….about myself.”

So this morning I just want to remind you that you’re exactly where you need to be, surrounded by EVERYTHING that you need and even if you don’t feel like you are…you ARE perfect.

How do you feel about that?

Here’s how they felt:

“I went through a phase where I started thinking “I am broken”, “I am unfixable”. Luckily, I met some people that are shining lights, not at all in favor of that way of thinking.
I began to say “I love you”, to every part of myself, with full appreciation.
The “I am broken” has disappeared, and now I can be who I am. That is freedom.”

“I feel that this is a huge, and very important mind-shift, and it is one mantra I repeat to myself daily. When I feel frazzled, burnt out, fear sets in, doubt–when I feel confused about what my next steps are and question whether or not I will ever “do it.” Do that big thing that will catapult me into the next big thing, etc.–I remind myself-that I’m already “doing it.” I’m just in this phase of doing it:)
I am perfect.”

“Liz, I believe your statement is so true . This really resonates with me. In many ways I tried to “fix” my seemingly broken self only to find that I applied a band-aid covering to something that needed to be exposed to heal. I was able to do some really amazing things and discover new strengths and surprise myself but I tried that approach so many times, only to feel like I ultimately failed becausei couldn’t sustain it and I didn’t ask myself “why do I really want to change this part of myself?” It is a really important question that needs an honest answer. And I had a hard time saying to myself or believing that if I didn’t make a particular change or sustain it that I would still be lovable, beautiful, worthy, enough… Insert your own word here. Thankfully, this lesson gives us many opportunities to learn and accept who we are.”

So how do you start accepting yourself just the way you are, today?

1. Prayers and mantras are enormously helpful. Here’s a list I compiled at the end of 2013, be sure to read the comments as many people added to the list.

2. Embrace this statement “You are exactly where you need to be, surrounded by everything you need.”

If you don’t feel that way or can’t see it, grab your journal, light a candle, put on some relaxing music (if you’re on Spotify, check out this Spiritual Jams playlist) and do some free writing on the idea.

Take stock of your life, look for the proof that you are exactly where you need to be, surrounded by everything you need.

It’s not always easy to admit we need to get through the funk to get to the good stuff, but it’s true.

Or maybe you’re in the throes of some reallllyyy good times. Thank the Universe (or whatever you believe in) and ask for more.

3. Quit being so damn hard on yourself and acknowledge that you are doing your very best. Sometimes our best looks really shitty. Let the judgement pass through you. Own it. Accept yourself anyway. (And find a mantra from my list to reinforce this truth)

4. Move more. Preferably in ways your body enjoys. Motion creates emotion. Movement with the intention of self-care, pleasure, joy, and fun is a magical outlet for creativity and connection to self.

This is why I’m developing the Wild Soul Movement. Movement integrates the body, mind and soul. Burning fat and calories is just a bonus.

A client of mine is a comedy writer. A few weeks ago I gave her the practice of breaking up her writing to go for walks. On our next call she shared that it was really improving her creative flow and now she considered it part of the creative process, not even a break anymore.

Amen.

5. Let the feelings flow.

Everyone is different but we all have feelings. The more we allow ourselves to feel them, the faster they can actually pass through.

Did you know emotions only last 90 seconds? After that it’s us choosing to keep them going. Insane.

I posted this on Instagram today:

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Feel free to give it a try.

I could write an entire book on this- but this is a simple start.

I’d love to support you in the comments so let me know which tip feels the best and easiest for you to try immediately.

You’ve got this, woman.

It is safe for you to accept yourself in spite of anything in your life that indicates otherwise.

 

 

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Liz DiAlto is a women’s body & soul coach, speaker and writer. She is the founder of The Soul Movement Salon, a thriving Facebook community where women come together to have transparent conversations about all things body, mind and soul. Liz’s work focuses around integrating the physical body, energetic body and the soul to create a lifestyle filled with passion, joy, love, ease and connection.

You can follow her daily musings into the #wildsoul on Instagram and Facebook and check out her videos on YouTube. And if you’re a woman in LA, you can sweat with her on the beach in Santa Monica every Tues, Thurs and Saturday – details here.

  • Krystn

    Thank you! These were exactly the right words at the right time. Growth and change feel great but can seem insurmountable. The info about the lessons that keep showing up and then finally sink in is precisely what I’m feeling this weekend. A lot of AHAs surrounded by a feeling of–I knew that I just didn’t want to acknowledge that I knew that. This posting is great support!