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Seriously, choose people who are open to love!

mk_treesI’m so excited to be speaking at Ignite! in London with my friends Gabby Bernstein, Robert Holden, Pam Grout, and many more amazing speakers.

Click here to rsvp for London.

Choose people who are open to love.

That’s right, I said it. Choose people who are open to love.

Sounds obvious, doesn’t it? Well I’ll be the first to admit that I have altered, changed, obsessed and thought about how to act around people I like so they won’t reject me. Another way of looking at this is: I stopped being ME to please someone else.

This is messed up in two ways:

1. I would abandon myself to make someone else happy (#fail).

2. The person I was pretending to be would be who the other person would like, not the real me (#fail).

So when we do this, and we all do, we let ourselves down and actually lie to the other person, too. So when we are finally our real selves, the other person is shocked to find out the truth.

The answer is simple, but not easy: be radically yourself. (Tweet-worthy!)

Don’t abandon yourself to please another. Open up, be a dork (yes, I am projecting), be a little crazy, be sweet, kind, generous and all those things you wish to have in someone else.

You see, many times we hold back these previous things because we think we will turn off or offend the other person… But the truth is, we should be open and ourselves and celebrate when people reject us. Because they AIN’T open to our love.

We want someone who is open, willing and excited to receive what we have to give. Just like they want someone who is excited, open and willing to receive what they have to give.

The bottom line: don’t close down, shut off or tone yourself down because you think the other person will reject you. If they aren’t attracted to who you really are, then good, time saved and you can move on. Lingering in a false identity to get the approval of someone else is the ultimate betrayal of your personal integrity. We do it because we love approval from other people. The only problem is that we are building our house on a bed of sand. It will tumble eventually and the truth will be exposed.

So today and every day forward, let’s have no fear to be ourselves. Let’s make a pact to be radically ourselves and let the chips fall where they may. The right person will stick, but only if you have the courage, clarity and self-love to let go of the wrong one.

Be you out loud today. I dare you.

As always, the action happens in the comments below, leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Lots of Love from Germany,

Mastin

P.S. Start 2014 off with heart! Join us in for our deep and powerful “Enter the Heart” evenings, full of Kundalini Yoga, Heart Therapy and a new opening to connecting to who you really are. Tickets will sell out, so don’t sit on it.

Click here to RSVP for our Paris event on Mar 11
Click here to RSVP for our San Francisco, CA event on Mar 26
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Click here to RSVP for our Vancouver, BC event on Apr 12
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P.P.S. I’m coming to Hamburg and London for Hay House Ignite! Get your tickets now!

Click here to RSVP for Hay House Ignite in Hamburg on Mar 8
Click here to RSVP for Hay House Ignite in London on Mar 9

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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you from the blog and leave the rest.

  • Vana

    I was sweet, sang to him on his birthday, I was kind, was a bit silly, I was myself. He told me he loved me. Turns out, he married someone else. I am hurt but managing. He broke the news to me via email saying I was too busy to find time. Truth is, he was too busy with someone else.

    • The Daily Love

      We’re sorry to hear that you are hurting, Vana. Continue to be your kind and silly self. Someone even better will treasure the wonderful person you are!!!
      -TDL Team

  • Katrine

    I promise that from now on I will always be my authentic self, some days my crazy authentic self, and some days my calm, quiet authentic self!

    • The Daily Love

      YES, Katrine! Love to hear this!!!!
      -TDL Team

  • A Duffy

    Thank you Mastin. I need to hear this.

    • The Daily Love

      Thank YOU, A Duffy, for reading!
      -TDL Team

  • http://www.telluselle.com/blog Alexandra Telluselle

    I used to do all that when I was in my 20′s and just started dating, but I soon understood the pattern so I stopped. I even have a “2nd date test”; which is that I come unshowered and wear no makeup to have the guy see the real me. Funny enough, it turns out that a lot of guys like the natural, *ha, ha*.

    But more importantly, I think we also should remember to check in with ourselves if we are open to love. Or if we are really being love ourselves so that we don’t attract people coming from a stressed or fearbased point, but to be our best selves so we can attract the same from another.

    Auf Wiedersehen,

    • Su

      I like your 2nd date test idea however I don’t think you need to be the worst version of yourself (unshowered / no make up) either. If you normally shower, shower for your date – it shows that you have respect for yourself and you have respect for him. It’s ok to make a bit of an effort for a date and still be the true authentic you – that comes from within your heart, what you say and how you act. Deciding not to shower still has to do with the exterior.

      • http://www.telluselle.com/blog Alexandra Telluselle

        I shower every day OBVIOUSLY regardless if I have a date or not. I was referring to “dollying up”. I think our exterior reflects our interior and vice versa and it’s all about being comfortable in your own skin. Most men love that… In fact it’s usually when I’m not dressed up/made up, I get approached and asked out.

    • The Daily Love

      Love the natural second date, Alexandra!! And great reminder to check back in with ourselves! Thank you!
      -TDL Team

  • Sandy

    I have always lost myself in relationships to be able to be in the other person’s life. From this point forward, I will never do that again. Thanks Mastin for writing about this so strongly.

    • The Daily Love

      Sandy, keep up the strength to stand firmly in who you are! Give others the opportunity to be a part of YOUR life and who YOU are!
      -TDL Team

  • Yasmin

    Perfect timing, much needed right now. Thanks Mastin

    • The Daily Love

      So glad that the message you needed found you, Yasmin!
      -TDL Team

  • wow, i like that it really wasn’t what I was expecting to hear today…super cool! <3

    • The Daily Love

      Fe, thank you for reading!
      -TDL Team

  • Tara

    This is truly what I needed today! I love the daily love!

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for reading! Glad you enjoyed, Tara!!!
      -TDL Team

  • Leslie

    You have simplified this point perfectly…I will share with my 19 year old, who does not like to hear this mumbo jumbo from her mom. However, she will probably take a peek at what someone else is sharing, especially if they’re a younger someone else.

    PS: please be open to what I have to say…Oprah kind of owns the “tweetable moments” things…to me, you don’t seem like the tweetable guy. Just food for thought. Thanks for being open-minded, I don’t want to offend in anyway.

    Great changes…it’s actually brought me back to reading Daily Love daily.
    All the best, you are truly one who is helping shape this world to be a better place for all.

    • The Daily Love

      Please do share, Leslie! Thank you for the support!
      -TDL Team

  • Carrie

    I got that so clearly at the love salon weekend in NYC last fall. My purpose is to stay connected to myself, so i can create safety for myself and others. It has been a mantra and a way to filter out people and situations over the past 6 mo!!! Aha moment! Thank you for being masterful!

    • The Daily Love

      Yes, Carrie!! We love it!! Thanks for sharing!
      -TDL Team

  • Yasmin

    This blog actually just prompted me to message two different people who had recently come into my experience. I knew they weren’t a healthy fit for me as a person, and yesterday I came down with the flu. My body’s way of also letting me know something was off, and draining my energy and vitality. So two loving, but firm messages sent, and clear intent to end those relationships articulated. I’m relieved for reinforcement of what I already knew to be right for me.

    • The Daily Love

      Way to go, Yasmin! Thanks for sharing!!
      -TDL Team

  • Monisha

    Thank you, dear Mastin, for your thoughts today. I have been agonizing for the past month for having expressed my anger to a man I’ve been dating for being kept waiting on our date for almost 45 mins without notice. He apologized and we we had a relatively nice dinner but I was petrified for having shown him how I truly felt. I think it turned him off as he’s pulling away and I haven’t seen him since. I know that the right man, open to receiving all of me, the good and the not so good, would still be here so thank you for reminding me to be myself.

    • The Daily Love

      Monisha, this is true!! The ones worth keeping around are the ones that love the good so much that they can look past the not so good. Sending LOVE!!
      -TDL Team

  • Lori

    Hi Mastin, regarding today’s passage. what if you have to your false self in order to survive. I am in a relationship that I cannot leave because I am 100% dependent on him financially. I have no family or friends, yes it is true no friends because all of them gave up on me a long time ago because I stayed in a dysfunctional relationship. I lost my job 4 years ago because of it as well. We are polar opposites and agree on nothing. I have tried many times to escape but always go back for lack of support from the universe.

    • The Daily Love

      Lori, have you tried reaching out to those that have seemingly abandoned you in the past? Perhaps they haven’t completely abandoned you, but they just needed space from what they believed to be unhealthy. Try reaching out and admitting to making the mistake of staying in that relationship. Wishing you the best and sending all our love!
      -TDL Team

  • http://www.jeanettesvensson.com/ Jeanette Svensson

    I am with you on this pact! Amen!

    • The Daily Love

      Awesome, Jeanette!!
      -TDL Team

  • P

    Great post – gave me chills! Any tips on how to center yourself when you catch yourself in a situation where you might be tempted to betray your true self? This is a nasty habit I would like to break and you are right – anytime I conform myself to please others, I always feel lousy – especially if they “fall for it”!!

    • The Daily Love

      P, probably just practicing being yourself will help in those situations. The more you are truly your authentic self, the easier it becomes to remain true to who you are!! Best luck in connecting to and fully expressing yourself!!!
      -TDL Team

  • allison

    I truly enjoyed this post! We have probably all heard to always be yourself, then how many times do we try and become what we think someone else wants us to be. That places alot of responsibility on another person to tell us our self worth. I decided to be myself no matter what this year and all my years to come. I sometimes fall in the trap of over thinking, am I being to nice, to concerned, to silly, then I remember, that’s who I am and I love the people in my life, so if I want to be nice, silly, or concerned, I should because that’s my true self and I love them. Stay true to yourself. Thanks Mastin.

    • The Daily Love

      Glad you enjoyed Allison :) Thanks for reading!! – TDL Team

  • Kaysee

    I would give you such a big huge hug for this post right now if you were right there. I really needed to hear this today, it brought a huge smile to my face.

    I have been doing a lot of work on myself this year after a bad relationship and some twists and turns and challenges in my life–with me trying to be someone else and abandon myself, so that the man I was in love with would love me. He never did, not even a little. I rejected myself in the process. This is the same for friends too, I tried hard to belong and help everyone else but me. My energy was scattered and my heart just kept breaking. I felt rejected in every direction I took, and I started to hate myself.

    When all of these illusions shattered, I found myself alone, faced with work to do on my inner self. What I found was that I was made of love, I was giving, caring, kind and gentle, and really there was nothing wrong with me, it was just that I wasn’t living in my own truth and I wasn’t loving myself; I was with the wrong people who made me feel bad about myself. I am able to embrace my faults more graciously when I love myself; when I am with the wrong people, I end up hating everything about me. I still feel lonely, the loneliness is difficult now–some days more than others, but I would rather be alone , than in bad company. I know the right people will come along when I fully love being me.

    • The Daily Love

      So beautiful Kaysee :) Thanks for reading and sharing!! – TDL Team

  • Beth Maxwell-Zioncheck

    Thank you for this today. You hit the nail on the head (as usual), or should I say you touched my heart (as usual). Good luck in Germany….and I have one more thing: WHEN are you coming to CHICAGO? Too cold? The summer and fall seasons are awesome!!!! Think about it! Love you and Daily Love!!!

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you, Beth, for reading!
      -TDL Team

  • Stacy

    Thank you, Mastin. Perfect message for today! I was told I was eccentric. Yes!

    • The Daily Love

      Thank YOU, Stacy!
      -TDL Team

  • Space cookie

    I am posting my usual comment, you have to “come in contact with other humans” for it to make a difference. I can be my authentic self alone out in the country 24/7 and it’s good to be me, but that doesn’t make a diff if no one is around to share with!
    I keep asking the same questions, here on this blog, and to the universe in general and looking deep in myself for the answers but I’m getting nothing.
    So let me ask it differently, how do we “cure” ourselves of the mammalian, human, innate need to connect, and seek physical love and affection? Why isn’t self love enough? How do we make it so?
    As for the actual meaning of this post, radical self authenticity is NOT one of my short comings! Grateful for that!

    • The Daily Love

      These are really great questions to ask yourself and the universe, Space cookie. Keep asking, and hopefully an answer will come, be it from within or without!!
      -TDL Team

  • Ikayak2

    IF you have the courage, clarity and self love to let go of the wrong one. This is huge! Because inherently we are here to love and connect and I have been with people who gave just enough to keep me in his life but never got all in. I still miss him and the void created when I had the courage and self love to say that it wasn’t what I ultimately desire. My hands are free and open for true love without restrictions or limitations. Mastin rocks!!!!!

    • The Daily Love

      We love your optimistic approach to the future even when it seems that you are struggling, Ikayak2! You will go far in life! Thank you for reading and commenting!
      -TDL Team

  • Marilyn

    I got out of a relationship with a guy I really liked because I could not be myself. He was older, and we had a lot of different likes and dislikes, and I felt I have to act different with him. Obviously I ended up breaking up with him, and seven months later I am trying to forget and get back to my old self. It is hard. But if you have to change for someone, it’s never going to last…..

    • The Daily Love

      It’s the truth, Marilyn! We think you made the best move by moving forward to a life where you could fully express and be who you truly are!!
      -TDL Team

  • Karina Lopez

    Preach, Mastin! This post is wise in its content and timeliness, at least for me. After a hurtful romantic entanglement (that twisted my personal integrity), I’m finding a lot of healing in exploring my own nature and being myself, with joy and without apology. I’ve become much more open, willing and excited to receive my own love, and that has been the greatest gift. A big thank you to you and the Daily Love community for being a part of that journey. Much love.

    • The Daily Love

      Keep exploring yourself and healing, Karina! Thank you for reading and sharing!!!
      -TDL Team

  • http://www.iLOVEliberation.com/ Drew Parales

    I LOVE this wisdom!! And it is so true… Its good to know that we don’t have to be afraid to be who we really are. Its so empowering and super inspiring. When we feel that we will be rejected, we are only setting ourselves up to reject our own selves, time and time again. Those days are over… as this learning process is in the works. A big red flag for myself is when I find myself having to be something im not when Im around or meet certain people. I realize this now, and I just tell the truth.. its liberating! Thank you M!
    Big Love, Drew

    • The Daily Love

      That’s right Drew!! So liberating!! Thanks for reading and contributing Drew :) – TDL Team

  • Rigo Ortiz

    Wow! I have been following Daily Love for a while now and this post has been the best I had read. Thank!!! and I agree with everything. You loose power by trying to please everybody. The only way we can make a difference in the world is with out unique self, they can laught, they que reject us but as you say, that keeps for the right people to come faster into our lifes.

    • The Daily Love

      Rigo, we’re so glad you enjoyed! Thanks for sharing!!
      -TDL Team

  • Erica

    I am so confused. The heart is blind, it does not always choose people who are open to love. But I am always my authentic self, and nothing to date has been successful for me (in my love–err, lack there of–life). I am unapologetically myself, but I am often times alone, spending time with just myself (which, I mean, I love my own company, duh) but I would like to share my life with someone who is interested me and I them. I don’t understand why this is such a struggle. I just want to love and be loved.

    • The Daily Love

      Erica, we’re sorry to hear about this struggle. Is it possible that you’re looking to the people who may not be open to love?
      -TDL Team

      • Erica

        Yes that is definitely possible, but I often don’t realize that until I am already hurt or it is too late. How can I tell if they are open to love or not? So many seem to be open, but end up not being open at all. I don’t think it’s deliberate deception, but what am I to do? Ask up front “Are you open to love?” That just doesn’t seem right or intuitive…

        I know I shouldn’t think “there must be something wrong with me,” but after a while of doing many different things and trying different approaches, the common denominator to each situation is me…I do not have low self esteem though, it’s all so contradictory. I know I am smart and kind and worthy, so what is the problem?

        I hope I’m articulating myself well enough. This blows.

  • starlagade

    I am :-)

    • The Daily Love

      You rock, Starlagade!
      -TDL Team

  • http://ancientsecretsforhealth.wordpress.com/ Ludmila Mori

    Mastin, excellent wise loving article you wrote, your words heal and motivate. I want to send to you BIG thanks for your courage and honesty sharing the video on heart therapy where you talk about community, it was trigger point for me, it was in my heart already and I heard it from you ! And this article about being yourself and allowing new people enter the life whose hearts are ready to accept love is touching and inspiration message to a new fresh start ! Light, Love To You !

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you, Ludmila! We’re so glad to hear that you enjoy Mastin’s work!!
      -TDL Team

  • Alexis

    One of your best! Love this! I have always struggled with this but I notice when I my true self, those people I’m trying to impress love me that much more!

    • The Daily Love

      Great to hear, Alexis! Thank you for reading and sharing!
      -TDL Team

  • Eyra

    Thank you for sharing this. I’ve come to a point in my life where i just want to live, be free, laugh and love. For 30 years I’ve struggled to understand who I am and why i do the things i do. Now I’m just going to be. I’m a quite person by nature but other times I’m quirky and loud. It’s always felt like i had a split personality or something but i know its okay. The people who love me will accept me just as i am. Because i accept myself. I am enough. Huge hug :)

    • The Daily Love

      To just be sounds like the best way to be, Eyra! Thanks for reading and sharing!!
      -TDL Team

  • Fidgi

    I feel like the feelings we harbor about what others think about us is the very core of how problems start before we can even realize that it is happening. This is an issue I find in every relationship I have. But I realize that it is up to me to constantly keep myself in check and express myself regardless of the box people put me in.

    • The Daily Love

      Fidgi, thank you for reading and sharing!
      -TDL Team

  • Joann

    Great nail on the head observation Mastin. This performance routine has been the problem of my lifetime, anything to be accepted. I can honestly say that hiding my authentic self has resulted in very few authentic friends. As I love myself more I will discover my voice, my creativity, my bliss. Thank you Mastin, by exposing the universaility of my internal pain, you make it more conquerable.

    • The Daily Love

      The performance is put on by so many people out there, so don’t be too hard on yourself. <3 Best of luck in conquering, Joann! Thank you for sharing!!
      -TDL Team

  • Liz Cole

    Wow! You are spot on. Yesterday I was in Hamburg end you were spot on as Well. You had me crying like a baby because all of a sudden I realized what i Did wrong and How it could be.

    Thank you so much.
    Big hug, Lisette k

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for reading, Liz!!
      -TDL Team

  • Sherri

    Wow….. Sitting here in tears after reading this. I just recently started a new relationship and have realized I am already not being me…. I feel it to the core. It didn’t start out that way. I was at first , then he changed and I followed. Bad move. Thanks Mastin . After much thought and reflection I am getting out of this. I deserve and want better for myself. I have compromised myself in too many ways . I hope I can find the courage to keep to this every day. Keep up the great work !
    Sherri

    • The Daily Love

      We love the commitment to no longer compromise the wonderful person that you truly are!!!! Thank you for sharing, Sherri!!
      -TDL Team

  • http://ancientsecretsforhealth.wordpress.com/ Ludmila Mori

    Sometimes we open our hearts to wrong people which sense our gentle nature, openness, sympathy, child like spirit and because in their hearts not yet lives love, these kind of wrong people try or do taking advantage of loving hearts by control and manipulation. And challenge here is to awake within the power, to become aware of it and make a better choices in life. Our happiness in relationships depends on the choices we make today. Today you may feel dependent and powerless, but also today you can start changing inside towards better life. And courage ( Mastin mentioned ) is power !

  • Miranda kate

    Wow that last line – that is where I am at in my marriage, trying to find the courage to stop being with the wrong one, to give me the opportunity with the right one!

    Such clarity.

  • Vana

    I am open to love. I just don’t meet men who are open to love. They are only open to sex, however. The last guy who liked me was open to love another woman. A month after exchanging photos and him saying I was special to him, HE GOT MARRIED!! He emailed me the news on his wedding night! I was floored!

  • Lisa

    Mastin, please do something in the Virgin Islands!!!