We like to blame them for not loving us the way we want to be loved, or for not making us enough of a priority, or for being too stubborn and on and on.
Then we start giving names to the way we interpret others actions. So instead of saying: “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you let me figure it out on my own,” or “The way I really feel loved is when you (fill in the blank)”. When we are lacking, we say: “You’re a jerk”, or assume that they don’t love us.
So instead of expressing how we feel, we blame, judge and then convict the other person of being guilty. Then we project our verdict onto them and wonder why they react negatively and then use that negative reaction as further proof that our verdict was in fact, correct.
Instead of blaming and judging, if we can open up, become vulnerable and EXPRESS our feelings and needs, we give the other person an opportunity to course correct and with this new information.
And, if over time we are expressing our needs and feelings and they aren’t being seen, have the courage to pick up our things and leave. That’s the Master’s path – vulnerability and courage.
It might seem scary, but showing emotion and expressing your needs is how you build intimacy. And having high standards and the courage to maintain them is how you make sure that only the best kind of relationships remains in your life.
It’s the mark of a Master to no longer blame the other person, but instead to see the other person as a mirror of his or her own life. It’s the mark of a Master to share his or her feelings, rather than blaming someone else for not meeting the needs that were never expressed in the first place. It’s the mark of a Master who is strong enough to walk away from a broken and unfulfilled kind of love if his or her needs and emotions aren’t being seen. It’s the mark of a Master to be able to also meet the needs of their partner.
When you see the current relationships of your life as not a victim, but as a mirror of your own life, you can begin to take empowered action.
So, you say you want love, yes?
Then whatcha gonna do today? Blame them? Or express yourself and set loving boundaries?
Do you want to keep going round in the dramatic circle of blame or do you want to step into the loving flow of vulnerable expression?
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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.
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