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Speak Your Truth!

Telling the truth isn’t always easy, but I believe that it’s the foundation of meaningful connection, closeness in relationships and genuine fulfillment in so many areas of our lives. Somewhere along the way, many of us have learned to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves out of fear that people will not love us if we tell them what’s really going on. While this approach may have served us in certain situations or up until a certain point, as we go deeper into our own spiritual journey and as we strive for a reality that reflects our highest potential, it’s ultimately the truth that will set us free.

Before I go any further, I should clarify that the word “truth” is subjective and in this context, I am referring to your truth. In order to speak your truth and share it with another, it’s first important that you’re able to be honest with yourself. Whether it’s an upset, a crush, an idea or an apology that needs to be expressed, the first step along the path to authentic communication is identifying what’s true for YOU. This part of the process is crucial and can often be challenging for a number of reasons. The truth can be scary sometimes because it can reveal to us that we need to take action in a direction that’s uncertain, such as walking away from a relationship that isn’t fulfilling or a job that’s not in alignment with our purpose. The same applies to expressing our true feelings for another and giving voice to our creative yearnings, both of which require us to put ourselves out there, to be open and vulnerable. Similarly, when we are communicating something that is not inherently positive, such as a disappointment or a point of contention with a friend, colleague or loved one, there are a few challenges that arise as well.

The first, especially for those of us on the Path who believe in taking responsibility for our perceptions, is to objectively determine if our grievance is well founded and see where it ‘s really coming from. Perhaps there’s an opportunity for us to own up to our part in a conflict, to put our egos aside and swallow some pride. We all know how difficult that can be! On the other hand, we may feel genuinely hurt by something or we may want to establish a boundary or standard in a particular relationship without necessarily blaming the other person and putting them on the defensive. In either case, being open and honest is the key to maintaining a clear space in our relationships and the way to do this is by being authentic in our communication and expressing from a place of love and a desire for harmony.

One of my favorite metaphors on this subject is the idea of the “elephant in the room” which represents the obvious truth that is not being addressed among a pair or group of individuals. I always picture two people wanting to be close and intimate being separated by a giant elephant! Whether it’s obvious or not, there is no question that the unspoken truths that we carry around and bury deep down live in the space between us. There is a distinct energy that comes from repressed upsets and emotions, as well as unexpressed love and creativity that creates a wall between us and others.

Beyond this, what we do not authentically explore within ourselves can have a negative impact on our own state of balance and our health. Harboring unacknowledged frustration, anger and resentment and not dealing with them appropriately can be toxic to our bodies and can be the beginnings of disease. I’m not suggesting that we go around unleashing the fury and breathing fire on other people. That said, it ‘s important to give ourselves space to vent and give voice to our darker emotions in healthy ways, such as journaling or communicating with someone who can hear us out but who is not involved in the situation.

As cliché as it may sound, I also can’t help but point out that life is short and tomorrow is never guaranteed. We may have the chance to express something today, but we never know if we’re going to get a next time. So let us not pass up the chance RIGHT NOW to make things right with those we love, to be honest with the people in our lives, to say “I love you”, to sing our song, to tell our story, to share our ideas and to speak our TRUTH!

Let’s be honest with each other. Is there something that you’ve been keeping to yourself that you know you need to express but don’t know how? Or better yet, is there something within you that you’re dying to express but haven’t because you’re afraid of how it will be received?

If you feel up to it, leave a comment below and let us support each other in opening up and expressing our truth.

Thanks for reading!

Much love,

Chris

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Chris Assaad is a rad singer/songwriter and TDL Reader. Listen to and download his new EP “Into The Light” for FREE here. Check out his website here.

  • Carolyn

    Chris, I always love reading your blogs! And this one spoke to me so deeply. I just took a conflict management course and found out so many things about myself, the first being that dealing with conflict really, really frightens me. I’m an avoider or a peace-maker in conflict situations. But I also found out that avoiding conflict means that you are also suppressing what is important to yourself. All these years, I’ve been shortchanging myself by saying it doesn’t matter or I can live with that instead of expressing my true feelings. And of course, now that my eyes are opened, I have to begin the journey of honouring myself and speaking the truth. So scarey but another opportunity to deepen myself and my relationships with others.

  • Phil Garcia

    Chris, as always an awesome Blog. The elephant in the room metaphor, is an excellent way in which we could perhaps address hidden conflicts. I will use your wisdom in my next relationship. I just ended one, which still baffles me. I was authentic and genuine and told all my secrets, including insecurities that I own. 
    Not sure what was meant “ establish a boundary or standard “, regardless, self love is essential to truth telling. Truth telling as “Mastin Kipp” eludes to will lead to passion and intimacy. 
    Wishing you continued success..
    Felipe.

    • http://twitter.com/ChrisAssaad Chris Assaad

       Thanks Phil. It’s never fun when a relationship doesn’t work out but I trust that there was some great lessons in there for you and your partner and that something even better will be coming your way. Setting a boundary or standard does actually relate to self-love in that when we love ourselves and are clear about what we want, what we deserve, etc. we need to hold to those standards when others don’t. Perhaps this is relevant to your recent experience which may have revealed to you certain things which are non- negotiable for you and which you will need to stick to going forward. Make sense?

      • Phil Garcia

        Thank you for your reply Chis. I know your in great demand. Your response was of great help to answer my questions about non negotiable standards. As Dr. Pat Allen states so clearly, Never tolerate anything, it will make you sick. Either Negotiate, or reject. 
        It completely makes sense. Thank You again.
        Best regards Phil.

  • Labliss20

    beautifully said

  • annon

    Love it.  I recently did this – told a “friend” that she wasn’ t being a good friend and that I could no longer let myself  be hurt by her lack of supportive and loving behaviour.  It was scary and sad and difficult, and the absolute right thing to do.

  • Dd

    I had a conversation with a friend about not feeling supported and that her not keeping to her word was really upsetting me. She didn’t like hearing it, and it made things quite confrontational between us, as she didn’t agree. But even though she said she didn’t agree, ever since, she’s been constantly in my life, keeping to her words, and going out of her way to be there for me. I’m immensely grateful :)

  • PMW

    I think another really important thing to emphasize here is that we have to speak our truth without expectation of how it will be received…we have to totally let go of the outcome.  Today I sent a letter to a person I’ve been estranged from for several months that I care about very much.  I have wanted to send it for a long time, but only recently got to the place where I knew I wouldn’t fall apart if a reply didn’t come.  I sent it from my heart and feel good just knowing the message is out there; I am not attached to how it will be “heard” or interpreted by the recipient…

    Thank you for this great blog!

  • Cinnamonrose Girl

    thank you. I had to file an Order of Protection against my boyfriend of 7 years – not first incident and it has occured to others in his past/family (x wife, daughters, mother) and when I learned I could get him sent to anger mgmt, I went ahead and filed charges too. The relentless interference from his family was so difficult – I felt bullied by their calls to dissuade me, and texts – even his x-wife who had 3 OPs kept calling and then said her daughter (aged 22) was crying and I had to drop charges because the daughter was going thru a “vulnerable time” – which may be true but I am scared in my own home and as I said to her: I did not tell or involve your daughter and it is not on me but her dad.
    Its been tough tho to speak the truth, there is strong pressure of all sorts and in the end, he will be better if he gets classes and admits a problem.
    since I did not tell my family (they would be asking why I still see him) I really needed this post. I keep telling them – I am doing this from love to help him be better able to handle stress, have better relationships. all they see is the “arrested” and “guilty” issues.
    And its true, I feel sad, but not angry. Someone has to say enough. Clearly his family won’t.
    I wish I could get them to help him instead of attacking me for my truth. Thanks for listening. 

  • Kearinspol

    yeah… i have a concern with someone that is close to me. i need to voice it , but i’m afraid of the potential hurt/explosion.